Page 64 of Reckless

“How long have we been friends now? How many hours have we spent locked away in rooms talking about our lives because we’re struggling to think of song lyrics? If whatever you share with me is something you don’t want anyone else to know, then I will respect that.”

“Yeah, I know you will.” The built-up rage ebbed and rolled away, leaving me spent. “I’m sorry.” I dove in before I could give myself a chance to rethink it. “The woman in the photographs with me in New Hope was Kelly Cavendish.”

He inhaled sharply. “The girl from the song?”

“From two songs now, yes.”

“Oh god,” he moaned, rubbing his eyes with his thumbs. “That latest song was about her too?” His eyes popped open wide. “We pushed you to release it. I had no idea. None of us did. I had everyone on my back wanting to make things right again, and since there was such a scandal with the mystery woman, I thought it seemed right. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I went along with it.”

“Oh god, so it was Kelly Cavendish. What happened?”

“It was just like old times, only we were better and older. I honestly thought this time it could last. I wanted her to come with me, wanted her to be with me, to go through this adventure.” I ground my teeth together.

“What went wrong?”

I shrugged. “I didn’t have anything to offer her in the end. So I came back alone.”

“And you don’t have any other family…”

I shook my head. “Nope. There’s one person I’m biologically related to in the world. Before she…Mom wanted to tell me who my dad is.”

“Oh wow. And is that someone you might consider ever looking up?”

“No way. I didn’t even take his name. The messed up thing was that she even offered it. I’ve spent my whole life telling her that I don’t want to know him. Can you imagine finding him now? He’d undoubtedly want to get his hands on whatever he could. That is one subject I will never change my mind on.”

“You still have us,” Andy offered. “We’re your family now. Even when you don’t like us very much.”

“It’s never that I don’t like you, I don’t want you guys to think that.” I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. “I just don’t like myself very much at the moment. I’m sorry you all had to suffer because of it.”

This conversation had tugged my head out of my ass a little bit, and I could now see that my actions really had affected other people, especially my band. If I continued to push everyone away, I’d end up with nothing and no one. I didn’t want that.

“Gage, we just want to help, that’s all.”

“I’ll try and let you.” I smiled thinly. “I’ve never been very good at that. But it’s nice to know that there’s someone who won’t give up on me.”

“Are you going to come back to the hotel? We could do some songwriting or just chill out and watch a movie.”

The oblivion of a random bar and the abyss of alcohol wanted to grab me, but I needed at the very least to try to get my shit together for the band. Booze would always be there, parties were always happening.

Who knew, maybe I would even feel better come tomorrow.

“Sounds good, Andy. Thank you. It all sounds good.”

At least I had the band and wouldn’t be by myself—all I really wanted anyway.

Which was what I’d continue telling myself until I forgot who those two songs were about.