Page 88 of Quinton's Quest

“Leo—”

I shrugged. “I tried to move on. The scheduler ensured that, for the first month after, that the nurse and I were never working the same shift. Eventually, though, that couldn’t go on. She tried to apologize. I rebuffed her.”

“That’s understandable.”

“You would’ve forgiven her.” I might not know everything about Quinton, but I understood how he dealt with people.

“If she’d been responsible for my mother and her inattention might’ve caused Mama’s death? I think you give me too much credit.” Again, he pressed his lips to my shoulder. “Being human means fallibility. Means we’re going to fuck up. It’s how we learn from that mistake that defines how we make amends.”

“The family tonight? Aside from the shock? The woman’s husband shook my hand. Said he appreciated I’d tried and that post-operative complications were unpredictable. Who does that? Accepts things as presented?”

“They have kids, right? Maybe he realized being angry wasn’t going to get him through the next day. Hell, next week or next month.”

“There are stages of grief.” This I’d paid attention to in my studies.

“But they’re never linear. Sometimes anger comes later on. Sometimes you start with bargaining. Hell, some people never make it to acceptance—it’s just an open wound for the rest of their lives.”

“God, I hope not.” I winced. “I moved to acceptance far sooner over the end of my marriage than I should have.”Why are you bringing this up now?“I held onto anger as long as I could, thenjust skipped bargaining and depression and moved straight to acceptance. Although divorce isn’t the same as death.” I sighed. “My parents are dead, but I didn’t grieve them. They died when they rejected my relationship with Gideon.”

“I’m sorry for that. Not the grieving part. No, for the rejection. I’ve never known that. Despite being an only child, I never had anything but love from my parents.”

“Despite?”

“Mama wants grandbabies. Swears she’ll retire when I give them to her.”

“That’s a shit ton of pressure.” I swallowed. “You should have kids because you want them—not because someone else wants you to have them. Gideon and me? We wanted kids right from the start. We waited until I was out of school and on my way to becoming a surgeon. He had some seniority by then at his job and was able to take the year of paternity leave to stay home with the kids. I was so damn jealous—and also focused. Somehow, everything worked out. Until it didn’t.” I winced. “And you don’t need to hear any of this.”

“I’ll listen to whatever you have to say. Sometimes you just need to vent. Sometimes you need a sounding board. And sometimes I have to speak my mind.”

Despite myself, I chuckled. “And this time?”

Yet another kiss to my shoulder. “Whatever you want.”

I stilled. Then, yet again, swallowed hard. “You don’t know what you’re offering.”

“I’m a big boy, Leo. I’m well-aware what I’m offering. If I didn’t give a shit, then I wouldn’t be here. If I wasn’t willing to take the brunt of…whatever this is…then I wouldn’t have brought food, gotten you in the shower, and forced you into bed.”

“So you could spoon me.”

He chuckled. “I happen to like being the big spoon.”

“You’ll always have to fight me for it—there’s more protector in me than you realize.”

“Uh, I totally realize. And acknowledge. But you’ve got to realize I have your number.”

“That should concern me.”

“And yet it doesn’t.” True amusement in his voice.

How does he do it? I’m not better…but I’m not hurting as much. I want to rail and scream…and also to take the comfort he’s offering and sink into it.Slowly, I scooted back.

“What—” He held still as my ass touched his flaccid cock. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” I wiggled said ass.Is he going to reject me? Tell me it’s inappropriate? Make me beg?Because I was not above begging. Like, at all.

“Shouldn’t we be in reverse positions?”

“Not if you’re going to fuck me.” I grasped his hand and clutched it tight.Please don’t sayno.“I mean, if that’s okay.”