Page 56 of Quinton's Quest

Guilt gnawed away at me. “I can afford to pay you spousal support. It wouldn’t be much—”

“Leo.” Soft and beseeching.

I desisted.

“I’m not asking you for money. I’ll continue to squirrel away a bit every month for a rainy day fund.”

“In case he leaves you. Or you leave him.”

Pain flashed in Gideon’s eyes. “He insisted I keep my grandparents’ house. I’ve rented it out to a family down on their luck. I mean, they’re hardly paying anything. I would’ve offered it for free, but Archer pointed out that pride was a thing. But yes, if I need to move back there, I always can.” He gestured toward the adjacent property. “It would kill me to live right next door. But I’d do it. To protect the kids, Leo, I’d do anything.”

“You won’t have to. I mean, I see the way Archer looks at you. If that isn’t love, then I don’t know what is. He’s a good man, Gideon. I did my homework before I agreed to his request I see you. Clearly he was going to be close to our children if hisrelationship with you continued—I needed to be certain he was a reliable person. Now, I could only discover so much. Through our conversations, though, it became abundantly obvious just how damn much he loved you.” I shifted. “But that’s not what I’m saying. If things don’t work out, I’ll take care of you. I’m not going to let you suffer.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“But I do.” Even as I wondered about my sanity. “You’ll always be my first love. Yes, I stopped trusting you. For good reasons, I believe.”

He inclined his head. Not agreement…but not disagreement.

“I’d never see you go homeless. Or suffer. That wouldn’t just be cruel—it would hurt our children in a way I’ve sworn never to put them through again.”

The smile he offered was small. But there nonetheless.

“You’ll meet someone, Leo. A guy like you isn’t meant to be alone. You’ll meet someone, and you’ll fall in love, and you’ll forget all about this silly promise. And that’s okay.” He added that quickly. “You were meant to be with someone.”

“You believed you weren’t.”

Slowly, he nodded. “I felt like I didn’t deserve happiness.”

My lungs seized. I was the reason for that. I had made him question his worth in the world. That shame would always be on me. “And now?” I pushed the words out past a tight throat.

“Things are better.” He offered a smile. “Yes, Archer’s part of that. You are as well. You let me back in.” He blinked several times. “I have my kids back. I will always be grateful to you for that. I needed time to figure my shit out—”

“I was wrong.”

He shook his head. “Maybe for the length of time, but not the reason. You did what you thought was best. You’ve always had our children’s best interests at heart. That’s damn powerful, Leo.”

“But I didn’t haveyourbest interests at heart.” I’d thrown him away when he’d needed me most.

“You were under a tremendous amount of pressure, and letting me go—well, forcing me out—was the easiest solution. Look, I’m not going to spend my life angry at you. Resentful of you. You did what you had to do. I’d like to think, if the shoe had been on the other foot, that I would’ve handled things differently. The truth is, I don’t know. Hopefully, I’ll never find out.”

Does he mean he’s worried I’ll become a drug addict? An unfit parent?I used to be able to read his mind—this new Gideon wasn’t accessible to me in that way—and maybe that wasn’t a bad thing. “Where do we go from here?”

His eyes softened. “You continue to trust that Archer and I will take care of the kids. You find a way to move on with your life—”

“I’ve moved on.”Defensive much?“I don’t need a man in my life. Not if I don’t want one.”

“That’s fair, Leo. You were always such a great husband.”

Until the end.But Gideon wouldn’t say that—not in his nature.

“I can’t say whether you’d be happier sharing your life with someone. When I stack up my time with you, my time alone, and now my time with Archer? My happiest times have been with someone.”

“Because when you were alone, you were truly alone. You didn’t even have the kids.”

Slowly, he nodded. “That’s true. I can point out I had a rescue dog who depended on me, but that only goes so far. Yes, I’m happier with the kids in my life. I always will be.”

“So maybe that’s enough for me.”