Page 29 of Queen of Ever (Curse of Fate and Fae #2)

Chapter 29

Tarian

W e’d ventured above ground to work magic. The rebels had been resistant to the idea, but when I pointed out that trying to waken a kind of magic that we didn’t know much about with tonnes of rock and earth above us, ready to fall in, was not the safest idea, they’d relented. They’d still sent protection with us, though, which was a confused gesture. Who were they protecting and from what? Imogen from me? The both of us from the kingdoms that we were part of?

The fae they sent with us seemed just as confused about this as I was, content enough to mill about near the entrance to the lesser court when I asked them to give us some space. All except Cassian, who seemed set on clinging to us like a bad smell. He stood leaning against a nearby tree, arms folded, glowering. But despite his presence, it was calm and cool here on the bank of the Sunder where a cluster of willows stood weeping into the water.

‘So, how do I start?’ Imogen asked. She was sitting cross-legged before me on a patch of mossy ground, dappled sunlight flitting over her. ‘You’re not going to tell me to meditate, are you?’ she continued, wrinkling her nose.

‘Is that what they had you do in the Summer Palace?’

‘Yes. It did not help.’

‘I think the problem you’ve been having is in the approach. Most elemental affinities are about controlling the element. You have to focus outwards, on the thing you’re trying to bend, like the water in this river. But if your magic really is creation, then you’re not working with what’s already around you. Your focus is internal as you build something from scratch. Does that make sense?’

‘Sort of,’ she said, staring at the river. ‘So with the ice, I wasn’t freezing the water in the air—’

‘—you were creating it from nothing,’ I finished for her. ‘It comes from you.’

‘But why do I keep creating ice? Do you think I can create other things too?’

‘I guess it’s what your rage felt like most. Your emotions will have a lot to do with how your magic manifests, and I suspect there will be a lot more finesse to it than there is with mine. I destroy things. There’s only one result, and it’s tied to my most destructive emotions. But yours will probably work a little different.’

‘Different how?’

‘Are you able to feel your magic, to connect with it even if you can’t make it do what you want?’

‘Yes, I think so. It’s a sort of… hum that wasn’t there before.’

‘Okay, let’s try something. Close your eyes.’

‘I thought you said you weren’t going to make me meditate.’

‘I’m not. I just want you to find that hum. Hone in on it and let it rise.’

She huffed a sigh, blowing a lock of hair out of her face, and closed her eyes. I studied her face while we sat in silence, the smooth lines of it, the way her eyelashes sat against her cheeks, the shape and colour of her mouth, pink and full and soft.

‘I can feel you staring at me,’ she said, eyes still closed.

‘I can’t help it. You’re beautiful.’

She failed to smother a smile. It creased her mouth, her eyes, making her even more beautiful. ‘You’re distracting me. Cassian is beautiful, stare at him.’

I snorted, shooting a glance at the figure of Ethan’s suspicious brother, who was still watching us like he had no concept of privacy. Surely, he could find something else to look at.

After a few more moments, Imogen seemed to settle, relaxing. ‘Okay,’ she said, ‘I’ve got it.’ Her eyes shot open when I took her hand. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Keep your eyes closed,’ I said. ‘Stay with your magic.’ She shut her eyes again, inhaled a deep breath and blew it out slowly. I turned her palm up. Lightly, I ran my fingertips over her skin, tracing the lines of her palms, the many branches and creases of someone who often clenched her hands. Stroked the valleys between her fingers. ‘Once you can feel the way it rises and bends with your feelings, you can begin to see how it responds to you. It’s almost like leading it.’ I danced my fingers up her arm, caressed the hollow at the bend of her elbow. Smiled when I caught sight of the first flash of colour. ‘Look.’

Imogen opened her eyes and gasped as she looked around. We were surrounded by bubbles, hundreds of them drifting through the air, gleaming with streaks of rainbow where the light caught them. ‘Did I make those?’

‘Did you realise you were doing it?’

‘I could kind of feel something sort of… becoming around me in little bursts. If that makes sense.’ Some of the light dimmed in her face. ‘But bubbles aren’t going to help us.’

‘They’re a start. Try again, but this time see if you can focus more on what that sense of becoming is shaped like, see if you can visualise what it is you’re moulding the magic into before it appears.’

‘Should I close my eyes again?’

‘For now. Just to help you focus.’

She shut her eyes, and this time I leaned in, caressed her cheek, ran a thumb over her lips. ‘There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you,’ I murmured. ‘I hated myself when you were taken and I still hadn’t been brave enough to say it.’

‘Then tell me.’

‘I’m in love with you.’

Her eyes fluttered open again, and this smile she didn’t try to smother. It was so bright she rivalled the glory of the sun. ‘You are?’

‘Madly.’

Around her, seedlings were creeping from the ground, stretching towards her, budding and flowering. First one, then another and another, an array of different colours blooming in the mossy ground around her, like she was the centre of a kaleidoscope.

‘I think you already know I’m in love with you too,’ she said.

‘I know nothing of the sort. Tell me in lots of detail about how in love with me you are.’

Her eyes caught on something above me, and she raised her eyebrows. ‘Apparently enough to create butterflies.’

I looked up to see that some of the bubbles were changing, contracting in and reshaping until they were a flutter of pearlescent wings. One of them floated down towards us and Imogen reached out a hand. It landed in her upturned palm, wings quivering. It seemed not quite substantial, almost crystalline in appearance, like it was still part bubble. ‘See if you can make it solid.’

She chewed her lip, frowning at her creation as she seemed to try to feel her way around the intention. I kept quiet, letting her focus. Finally, a deep blue began to sift through the creature’s wings, and the rest of the colours followed suit, edging the wings in coal black, spotting them with white, until it looked as much a real butterfly as any I’d ever seen. With a flicker of its wings, it flew away again and we watched it drift over towards Cassian, whose expression had become less scowling and more surprised.

‘Have I… created life?’ Imogen asked, face suddenly troubled.

‘That, I don’t know. The only one I’ve ever heard of having creation magic was Oberon, so I don’t know much about how it works. It might genuinely be a butterfly you just created. It might just be magic given form that will fall apart in a few hours. You’ll have to experiment with your limits. How are you feeling?’

‘A little woozy to be honest.’

‘It’ll take some getting used to. You’ll strengthen your abilities with use, like strengthening muscle, but it always drains your energy.’

She brushed her hand through the flowers that had sprouted around her, stopping to rub a petal between her fingers. ‘Do you think I’m going to be able to figure out how to access it myself, or am I always going to need you standing by, ready to touch me when I need to use it?’

I laughed. ‘I don’t see any problems with option number two.’

‘Unless we’re in the middle of a war.’

Some of the humour and buoyancy drained out of the moment. ‘The touching was just to help you get a feel for it. You’ll likely find it easier now,’ I said more soberly. ‘But there’s no reason for us to test that in a battle.’

‘You know that’s not true,’ she replied. ‘Neither Solas nor Moriana is going to leave me alone if I have the right to challenge them for their throne. Whether we help the rebels or not, this is going to come to some sort of fight.’

Those words sat heavily on my shoulders, and regret for my part in it all clogged my throat. I brushed the backs of my fingers along her jaw, drawing her eyes back to me. Her expression was serious, tense, as her gaze held mine, and I was gripped by a desperate need to hide her, to closet her away in the furthest reaches of some far-flung place where no one would find her, where no one could hurt her. ‘I should have let you run,’ I said, voice cracking.

‘Solas already knew what I was. He still would have come for me if you had.’ She touched my hand, holding it against her cheek. ‘I’m glad you didn’t,’ she soothed.

I scanned her face, the softness in her eyes, the smile around their edges, and wondered how she could look at me with so much warmth when I had put her in so much danger. Wondered how I could deserve her. Decided not to dwell on that question in case it tempted some force into investigating the answer and realising the mistake.

Cassian was suddenly looming over us, and I realised I hadn’t even heard his approach, I’d been too engrossed in her. Dangerous, that. I had to be on my guard.

‘Looks like our time is almost up,’ he said as I climbed to my feet and helped Imogen up. ‘Marietta has had word that the Unseelie Queen signed on the amendment after you took off, and they’re hunting out our location. We’ll be under attack before long.’ He gave me a long, hard look. ‘So I don’t know where that leaves you.’

Where did that leave me? I was more than ready to turn traitor, but fighting a losing battle was less appealing. I glanced at Imogen, saw how pale she’d turned. But there was a determined set to her jaw, her eyes resolute. And I swallowed a frustrated sigh. I just wanted her to be safe. It was hard to keep her safe when she was determined to hitch her wagon to theirs.

‘How are you preparing?’ she asked Cassian.

‘That’s what they’re trying to decide. I’m going down to the queen now. Are you coming with me?’

Imogen met my eyes.

‘I go where you go,’ I reminded her, knowing there was no way I could get her to leave this fight now.

‘Yes,’ she said firmly, turning back to Cassian. ‘I’m coming. I want to help.’

We joined Sylara and a collection of her inner circle in a wide, open chamber that looked like it had begun as a natural cave, with sections possessing the smooth, channelled face of rock honed by water and time. Other sections bore clear tool marks where the original cave had been widened and new tunnels and entrances added. There were members of her court milling around everywhere, talking quietly to in groups that weren’t part of the collective standing around a large central table, but weren’t quite excluded from it either. Not exactly a private space for a strategy meeting.

Sylara must have caught the scepticism in the way I surveyed the setting, because she addressed me when we joined her. ‘There is no hierarchy here,’ she said. ‘Everyone in this court is here because they choose to be. We all take the same risks, so we are all entitled to the same information and a share in finding solutions. All of our decision making is conducted in open forums so anyone who wants to contribute can do so.’

‘Sounds cumbersome,’ I said.

‘We deem it a worthwhile sacrifice to trade efficiency for equality,’ she replied evenly.

‘Equality will only serve to ensure you’re all equally dead if you have no clear chain of command when your opponents arrive. How do you make decisions quickly?’

‘Tarian!’ Imogen hissed.

‘No, it’s alright. It’s a valid question,’ Sylara responded. ‘My position has been given to me through a selection process everyone had a say in. When time is of the essence, I can make decisions on behalf of my people. Those gathered around the table have distinguished themselves through service to our cause, so they are who I rely on most for advice and who are trusted to hold me accountable.’

I surveyed the motley collection of lesser fae and half breeds around the table, unconvinced. Apparently, Ethan was of this esteemed number, locked in some kind of silent stand off with his brother where both seemed resolute on pretending the other didn’t exist. And I was here too. It seemed a system with a huge potential for leaks if she let outsiders into the discussions about battle strategy.

‘We’ve known this was coming,’ Sylara said, speaking now to the table at large. The voices in the wider room fell silent as her audience listened in. ‘We knew we could only delay the inevitable by sending our people into Oberon’s Keep. Many died to buy us this time.’

A few withering looks were directed my way, which I ignored. If they didn’t want death, they should never have joined a rebellion.

‘Our strategy prior to this moment was to run and hide in the event of a confrontation with the High Fae, but it’s a strategy that needs revising. I’ve invited Imogen here today because she deserves the right to know what a difference she could make.’

Immediately, I was on edge, tensing up, my hand going to the small of Imogen’s back. Wary of what they were going to ask of her.

‘I’m not convinced our strategy is going to change just because she’s here,’ Cassian said, leaning on the table as he spoke.

‘But it changes everything. She has the right to challenge for the throne. She’s the most dangerous weapon we’ve ever had in opposition to the high courts.’ This was Princess Marietta speaking, asserting herself boldly for someone so young. I wondered how Solas would react when he realised his own sister had been conspiring against him. I hoped I was there to find out.

‘But our cause isn’t hers,’ a winged male retorted. ‘Having that right doesn’t mean she’ll use it. She’s not one of us. Our fate doesn’t concern her.’

‘Of course it concerns her. She isn’t like a lot of the other High Fae. She empathises with the lessers and the changelings,’ Marietta said.

‘But that’s not all, is it?’ Ethan jumped in to reply, eyes narrowed on the Seelie princess, his voice tinted with anger. ‘You don’t just want her to empathise. You knew about the creation magic, that’s why you brought her here. You actually want her to do it. You want her to challenge Solas and Moriana despite the fact that she is untrained.’

A beat of silence followed this accusation.

‘Over my dead body,’ I said, tone blunt. I’d asked her before what she wanted, had been relieved to hear her say she didn’t want that because there was no way in hell I would have let her do it.

The lesser fae around the table turned to me, and Marietta at least had the decency to look a little sheepish about the fact that they’d dragged Imogen into their rebellion to be a sacrificial lamb.

‘With all due respect,’ Sylara said slowly, seeming like she was picking her words very carefully, ‘if Imogen were to step into her power and claim her right to both thrones, she could save thousands of lives.’

I smiled grimly. ‘There is no fucking way you are going to be laying the responsibility for your rebellion at her feet.’

‘And if we lose her, we lose our advantage,’ one of the others—a siren, by the looks of it, covered in luminous blue scales—piped in, setting the conversation in motion again. ‘Maybe it’d be better to wait until she’s better trained in the use of her magic. Perhaps it would be better to hide her until then.’

‘Even if it means sacrificing who knows how many lives?’ Cassian countered. ‘Hiding her means hiding this rebellion until she’s ready. The only way to do that is to make the High Fae think they’ve annihilated us.’

‘We are talking about pitting her against both the Seelie and Unseelie monarchs. Both are formidable opponents. If she does that and fails, she’ll die and then we’ll have lost anyway. At least if we wait, she could have—’

‘Can you all just shut up for a minute?’ I snapped, because I was watching Imogen, and she was looking drawn and pale, her bottom lip bloodied where she’d been chewing it, staring intently at a spot on the table. So I didn’t care about how shocked or insulted they were as they complied with the request. I took her hand and she flashed her eyes up to me. ‘What are you thinking?’ I asked.

Her gaze flickered around the circle, at the expectant faces all turned towards her, raising her up as a solution to a problem that had been centuries in the making. Her focus found Ethan, switched to Marietta, and I could almost hear her thoughts ticking over. ‘This isn’t your fight,’ I reminded her, squeezing her hand. ‘You don’t have to get involved.’

‘But how can I walk away?’ she said quietly, gaze meeting mine again. ‘If doing nothing means people die…’ She trailed off and my heart sank, a moment before I was gripped by a fierce, caustic anger. How could she be so careless with her life to even consider their idea? How could they ask it of her?

‘No,’ I said firmly. ‘It’s not happening.’

‘Without Imogen’s challenge, we have to fight as our force against theirs,’ Sylara pushed, as though facts and logic were somehow going to convince me that building their entire defensive strategy around sacrificing Imogen’s life was a good idea. ‘They surpass us in numbers and magic. There’s a reason no lesser fae rebellion has ever survived beyond the moment the courts decided to crush it. If she stakes her claim, she could stop the entire conflict before it even starts.’

‘She’d never survive it,’ Ethan said. ‘Sacrificing her is pointless.’

‘Don’t underestimate her, Etheren,’ Sylara said. ‘She’s stronger than you give her credit for.’

I was already drawing away from the table. ‘We’re not listening to this. The answer is no. Come on, Imogen.’

She drew her hand out of mine, something simmering in the set of her shoulders. ‘Give us a minute,’ she said to Sylara, before turning to follow me out of that cave full of opportunists. When we’d rounded a bend in the tunnel that had led us there, she stopped.

‘What the hell. Tarian?’ she demanded, arms folded. ‘I thought we’re supposed to be working together. You completely steamrolled me.’

‘Because we aren’t considering what they’re asking. We can fight with them, but challenging either Moriana or Solas for the throne is out of the question.’

‘You’re saying we, but you’re trying to make the decision on your own. It’s my decision to make.’

‘It’s not up for discussion.’

‘Where do you get off thinking you can dictate my choices for me?’

‘I’m not dictating your choices. I’ve agreed to stay here and help them. We can fight together, and we’ll do it with magic and strategy and using the terrain and we won’t need to rely on the right of challenge to do it.’

‘But if I could prevent these fae from dying—’

‘Don’t ask me to stand by and let them use you as their martyr,’ I snapped, temper finally shattering. ‘Do you know what a challenge for the throne means? You’re locked in. Encased in a shell of magic. Just you and whoever you’ve engaged. I’d have to stand there and helplessly watch you get slaughtered before my eyes without being able to do anything about it.’

‘Why are you so sure I’d lose?’ she asked, glaring up at me, mouth drawn tight. Angry.

‘Because I know who you’re up against. I know what they can do. I know what she can do. If you think for a second I will let them serve you up to Moriana, you don’t know me very well. I will drag you out of here kicking and screaming and we can leave them all to suffer their fate instead. I don’t care if you hate me for it. At least you’ll be alive.’

She didn’t speak for a long moment, caught tight in this standoff with me, all heat and tension and resentment. Then she loosed a breath. ‘You’re afraid.’

‘I’m fucking terrified.’ I took a hold of her face in both my hands, held her jaw as I scanned her gaze, all too easily conjuring what it would be like having to stand by, powerless, as Moriana made her suffer. Knowing how much more she would make her suffer just knowing I was watching. ‘Maybe that’s what the prophecy really means. That you’ll lead me to my downfall by making me watch you die. That I’d take down the Unseelie throne with me. Because I don’t know what the real limits of my magic are. But if you died, I’m sure I’d find out, and who knows what would fall around me. Don’t make me lose you.’

There was so much misery in her eyes as she stared back at me. I could see the conflict of it, the weighing up of the unknown costs of a battle against the cost of my suffering. I didn’t waver, letting her bear the weight of it, because I needed her to make the choice to refuse Sylara’s plan.

‘Please, Imogen,’ I said, softer now. ‘I’ll get on my knees and beg you if that’s what it takes. We’ll win this another way.’

Finally, she swallowed. Nodded. ‘Alright. I won’t do it.’

Leaning my forehead against hers, I released a sigh of relief. ‘Thank you.’

‘That doesn’t mean we aren’t going to talk about the way you tried to make that decision for me, though.’

‘That’s fine. Be angry with me. Dress me down for being a prick. Just stay alive.’

I softened as she did, relief that she’d agreed loosening the strangle of fear and anger until I could breathe again. She drew back but took my hand, entwining her fingers through mine.

‘I want to fight with them,’ she said, speaking each word clearly, like she wanted to be sure there were no misunderstandings.

‘Okay.’

‘No, I want to fight with them myself . Alongside them. I don’t want you trying to stash me away in some safe place when the conflict starts. If I could potentially end this whole thing on my own and I’m choosing not to, then the least I want is to say that I didn’t abandon them to die so I can live.’

I scanned her face, reading her resolve. ‘Only if you promise not to leave my side.’

‘Alright,’ she agreed.

‘And they don’t push you to do extreme things with your magic. You’ve only just started to learn to use it. I know they think you’re the solution to all their problems, but they don’t get to put you in unnecessary danger.’

‘Tarian, we’re talking about a battle. It’ll all be unnecessary danger.’

‘And you’re not a trained fighter,’ I shot back. ‘You shouldn’t be in a battle in the first place. So you’ll not be treated like some kind of weapon.’ She squeezed my hand, reminding me that we were on the same side even as she glowered at me. I blew out a breath. ‘Sorry. I don’t like this.’

‘I know you don’t. But they’re scared too, okay? Just remember that. They have people they want to protect too.’ She offered me a half smile, though there was too much worry in it to be entirely convincing. ‘So the deal is, you don’t yell at Queen Sylara and I’ll tell them I won’t challenge Moriana or Solas for the throne.’

I tried to focus on the relief that she wouldn’t be guilted into invoking a challenge. At least the other dangers I could be there to protect her from. ‘Deal.’

‘Then let’s go back and plan a battle.’

We returned to the cavern with our hands still linked, and the topic of Imogen’s challenging anyone wasn’t invoked again.