Page 9

Fern

When Kiy gently rolled me over and tucked me into bed, I barely registered it.

“Got to go and work, sweetheart. Rest for me.” I nodded and fell back asleep before I even heard the door close. I don’t know how long I slept. But I woke up feeling refreshed. I felt the cold space next to me in the bed like a sting. I wished Kiy was there. All I wanted was to wrap my body around him and snuggle. It wasn’t just the bed that was empty, I felt like a part of me was missing. As though some corner of my heart had left with him.

I turned over and my eyes latched onto a ring on the side table. My whole body went icy. It was Luke’s ring. It hadn’t been here this morning, I was certain of it. He’d been here when I was out for breakfast. He must have been watching the house and waited until I left to put it there. I’d been so caught up in Kiy I hadn’t seen it when we got back. I knew deep in my bones it was a warning. A little reminder that he could get to me at any time. I wasn’t safe here. I would never be safe here.

Panic settled in like an unwelcome old friend. He would have seen me with Kiy. I knew that he’d put the pieces together and figure out who he was. If he’d hung around and seen us arrive back, he might even realize that there was something between us. My chest tightened so much I could barely breathe. I gasped down air and wished I could somehow grab my heart and stop it from thundering.

A close inspection confirmed it was definitely his. The one he’d said he’d give to me one day when he was ready to make me an important promise. At the time, I thought it was sweet. Heartwarming. Now I realized he’d meant something else entirely. Another example of his playing with me. He’d been playing with me the whole time. Double layers to every word he said.

I rushed to the toilet just in time to vomit into the bowl. My throat burned, and I gasped for breath. I couldn’t stay here. He would always be in the background. Lurking. Watching. Threatening. Even if I kept my mouth shut, would I be safe? Would he blackmail me into doing more for him? Taking the blame for even more? Would he hurt Kiy? The thought of that was the one that was the most unacceptable to me.

My mind spun around and around until I nearly felt physically dizzy from it. As I stood my legs shook and I almost slipped back down onto the tiled floor. But I made it up and ran into my bedroom. I had a large hiking backpack, and I stuffed it with clothes and the few belongings I had that I felt like I couldn’t do without. Gifts from friends. One photograph of my parents that I kept despite everything.

I allowed myself one look around my apartment. The place that had been safe and cozy and now had been ruined by Luke. Then I swallowed down my emotions and forced myself to leave. Everything after this point had to be calculated. Calm.

First stop was the bank. I withdrew a large chunk of cash. Pretty much everything I had in savings. I knew if I used my card, I’d be traced. I had to be invisible.

Carrying around a load of money added another element of anxiety to what I was doing. I thought I was going to suffocate as I climbed into my car. The air felt too thick and my throat too tight. I needed it to get some distance from the town quickly. But it was also easy to track someone travelling by car. There were cameras everywhere.

There was only one option. I would have to dump my car and hike through the mountains. I’d dye my hair. Ditch everything about my identity and emerge somewhere else as a new person.

Part of my brain screamed that it was ridiculous to run away. A small part that I stamped down on. Running away had worked with my parents. Why couldn’t it work now? I could probably make it up to the border in a couple of days. It was wild up there now. But I’d be free.

My mind briefly flashed back to Kiy. The large monster that brought up feelings in me I’d never had before. Who I’d thought could maybe mean something to me. I wouldn’t drag him down with me. I couldn’t subject someone else to the trouble I was in. He had a job. Friends. A life. I wasn’t worth the drama.

Still, the thought of disappointing him made my heart ache like nothing else ever had. His face when he realized what I’d done. That I’d skipped out on bail. Screwed his boss out of money. Would he hate me? Could he ever forgive me for that? Would he see it as just another loss of the business he worked for, or would he see me as someone who’d betrayed him personally? It didn’t really matter. If he was safe from Luke and his gang, then that was all that mattered. I could live with him hating me. Maybe.

My resolve hardened as I drove out of town. I wasn’t sure exactly where I was going. I could check maps later. Make plans when I stopped to rest. For now, I just had to get going before anyone realized I was gone.

I looked at the clock. It was still early afternoon. Kiy would be working for hours yet. I knew deep down in my heart that he would follow me. I had to become impossible to find. Light snowfall began to drift down around me. It was pretty. I loved looking out the window on snowy days. Staying warm while white coated everything. But now, it just made me drive faster. I couldn’t afford to get snowed in. Not now. I pushed the car as hard as I dared, my eyes darting to the mountains in the distance. To my escape. As I drove the empty corner of my heart seemed to grow bigger and bigger.