Page 11

Fern

The red dye hadn’t made as much difference to my hair as I’d hoped. But bleaching it in the bathroom of a diner would have been ridiculous. And I’d gotten enough weird looks as it was. I pulled the hood of my cardigan back over my head and scuttled back out of the diner and into my car. Hopefully, the cameras in there wouldn’t pick up the change. It had been a few hours, and I’d gunned it as fast as I dared the whole time. Another hour and I’d be at a good stopping point to abandon the car according to the map I’d pulled up on my phone.

Once I got there, the snow began again. I’d hoped I could outrun it. I needed to move fast. To keep warm, if nothing else. I wrapped my large scarf around my neck and hoped that the completely inadequate coat I was wearing would somehow help. I dropped the car keys into the open window and wondered if I should leave a note. To let Kiy know I was ok and not to come looking for me.

No. I’d come this far trying not to be tracked. The time for leaving notes was long gone. A man leant against his car talking into his phone. Had I seen him at the diner? No, I was being paranoid. I didn’t recognise him. The stress was getting to me.

I waited until the man was facing away from me and headed for the mountain trail. It led all the way up north. I knew little about the north other than it was a wilderness now. Full of monsters with nowhere else to go. That didn’t scare me as much as the thought of Kiy getting dragged into my mess any more than he already had been.

My hand instinctively reached for my phone, and I pulled out the chunky burner I’d bought. I’d dropped mine out of the car window the moment I left town. The trail map seemed pretty easy to follow. Just don’t wander off the path. I tucked the phone away and picked up speed. Once I felt a bit more confident, I’d switch it off to save the battery. But for now, I left it on. A safety blanket.

I wondered if Kiy knew I was gone by now. I wondered if Luke knew. Would he try to hunt me down? Or would he accept that I wasn’t going to be a problem and leave me alone? I had no way of knowing, and I hated that. I knew the uncertainty would eat away at me for a long time. All I could hope was that he would leave Kiy alone.

As I walked, my thoughts kept flitting back to him. To the feel of his fingers inside me. The intense connection I felt with him. The lazy kissing that felt like bliss as his warm body pressed against mine. Snow drifted down harder now, but the thoughts of him kept me warm.

My core heated as I let my mind wander to all the things we might have done together. I wasn’t sure if letting myself daydream was a good idea. Maybe it would be easier on myself if I pushed him out of my head. Never thought of him again. But I just didn’t think I could do that. As painful as it was to never see him again, I couldn’t remove what he meant to me, and I didn’t want to. I could only hope that I would find comfort in the thoughts of him. Of building a delusion in my head, of us reuniting and being together again.

I had to keep moving, but the friction of my tight jeans as I walked quickly in combination with my filthy thoughts was causing a distraction. These were the wrong pants for this escape for so many reasons, and this was just making it worse. But I didn’t stop. If anything, I pressed my legs together more as I walked, tensing my thighs occasionally. It wasn’t enough to bring me to an orgasm. I was just teasing myself relentlessly. It was ridiculous, but the distraction stopped me from thinking too much about what I was doing.

When my legs were aching, and the dark drew in, I finally stopped walking. I moved slightly off the trail to a patch of grass and pulled out the small one person tent I’d optimistically bought years ago and then never used. I’d never even tested it. Luckily, I figured it out quickly and crawled inside. I stayed dressed and even kept my coat on, wrapping a blanket around me.

My mind instantly drifted back to Kiy. The feel of him touching me. How right it had been. How hot. Once again, I warred with myself. The same argument that I suspected I’d be having a lot. Should I try to forget him? No, I couldn’t.

I reached down and touched myself. Reasoning that at least it would keep me warm. I remembered how hot it had felt to have him watching me. See him getting hard for me. To feel his fingers inside me. It didn’t take long to come, so I kept going. After a few orgasms, I still wasn’t sated. But I was tired.

I curled up as best as I could and finally let my mind do what it had wanted to all along. Imagine what a future with me and Kiy together could have been like. It made my chest ache, but I wanted to at least experience it in my head, even if I could never have it in real life.