Page 27

Lucy believed she simply needed some distance to see things more clearly. However, she was wrong. Her thinking, her world, was one big blur that made her sick to her stomach every night. She thought she would be happy not to see Dax for a few days, but the opposite happened.

The fact that he didn’t show up for practice, depriving her of the opportunity to see his face…drove her crazy.

She was suffering but still went to work! Couldn’t he do the same?

To make matters worse, Leslie asked her what was wrong with him and she was forced to lie and say he had an upset stomach or something equally ridiculous. Matt asked if she was okay and she only gave him a grim look, while the rest of the team wanted to know if she had allergies or why her eyes looked so puffy. Overall, she was glad when she returned to her apartment at the end of the week—only to find her sister settled into her favorite chair.

“Honestly, you need to buy some new furniture, Lucy,” Maddie said, greeting her.

“Honestly, I need to take away your spare key,” she responded angrily. “Why are you here?”

“Matt said you weren’t feeling well and suggested I come over.”

“So suddenly you’re listening to Matt, or what?” Annoyed, she took off her shoes and tossed her own key onto the counter.

“No, I definitely won’t make a habit of that. But he said he got a request from Dax… That made me suspicious. Because if Dax is contacting me through Matt even though he doesn’t know me, it must be something important. And now that I see your grim expression and terrible posture, I’m glad I’m here.”

Groaning, Lucy walked to the fridge and grabbed a beer. “There’s no reason for that, Maddie! I’m fine… I’m… Everything is…” She cleared her throat. “I’m fine! Dax and I simply ended our fling. So what?” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “It happens to me all the time.”

Maddie narrowed her eyes. “Matt told me that you two were in a relationship, but neither of you realized it.”

She snorted and flipped her sister the bird. “Bullshit.”

“Well, I believe him. You’ve never been in a relationship and you don’t know what one is like.”

She gritted her teeth. “You sound like Dax.”

“Dax who…loves you?” she asked softly.

Automatically, new tears welled up in her eyes. “How do you know he said that?” she asked, perplexed.

Her sister sighed heavily and rose. “It’s the only thing I could think of that would make you panic enough to end the relationship immediately.”

Lucy bit her lower lip, clutched the beer bottle in her hand tighter…and nodded. “He seemed so serious when he said the words. Like he honestly meant them.”

“Oh, Lucy…” Maddie pulled her into a tight embrace. “Of course he meant them. You’re incredible.”

“But I can’t be in a relationship!”

“Why not?”

“Because I…because I don’t know how. But I do know how it will end! How bad it can be…” The tears tumbled down her cheeks and dripped from her chin.

“Lucy.” Maddie stroked her back gently. “I understand, okay? You’re afraid of becoming so dependent on someone that you won’t be able to function if you lose them. Because of Dad, right?”

Lucy swallowed and nodded.

“Okay. But…do you love Dax?”

She nodded again, because if she didn’t love him, there was no other good explanation for her various heart attacks.

“And you lost him, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“Good?” She laughed dryly.

Her sister pushed her away by the shoulders and gave a shallow smile. “Yes, good. Because you’re still functioning! You have food in the house, your kitchen counter is clean, you pay your own bills, and you go to work. It broke your heart but not you. Because you’re not Dad.”

Lucy swallowed. “But what if it gets worse? I’m still functioning now, but if I marry Dax and love him forever…what then?”

“Then you will have had the time of your life with someone you love. Do you know how much that’s worth? How many people search for that every day? I know, because those people come to me looking for it every day. You have that opportunity. You’re in love. You have a man who is there for you and who would put your well-being above hockey—Matt’s words, not mine. So don’t screw this up. You owe it to me and everyone else who’s still looking for that person to try.”

“I don’t know if I’m brave enough,” she whispered, wiping her damp cheeks with her hands.

“Of course you’re brave enough!” Maddie replied angrily. “God, put your shoes back on. We’re leaving.”

Lucy blinked in surprise. “What? Where?”

“To the source of your malady,” Maddie said harshly, pressing Lucy’s shoes into her arms.

An hour later, when they opened the door to the house they had grown up in, they were greeted by the familiar smell of dust, old upholstery, and lavender that had become the norm over the last few years. Maddie didn’t bother to knock, so her father, who was standing in the kitchen next to a pot of pasta, appeared justifiably surprised when his daughters streamed into the room.

One was confused—that was Lucy—the other had pursed lips and an angry glint in her eyes—Maddie.

“My goodness, what are you doing here?” he asked. “Did we set a time? Do we…”

“Dad, you’ve caused damage,” Maddie began harshly, her arms crossed in front of her body. “It’s okay that you’ve given up on love, that you want to remain alone and only live half your life. But it’s not okay that Lucy wants to do the same because of you.”

Surprised, their father glanced from one daughter to the next. “I don’t understand. What is she talking about, Lucy?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered.

“Oh yes, you do!” Maddie snapped. “You’re angry at Dad—rightly so! You let him influence your life—wrongly so. So, what the hell, Lucy, ask him what you want to ask. Tell him what you need to say. I do it every day and he hasn’t had a heart attack yet.”

Her father frowned. “Lucy? What’s wrong?”

Lucy stuffed her hands into her skirt pockets, sniffed, and inhaled shakily. Maddie was right. It didn’t help to handle her father with kid gloves. And she needed to ask him.

“Dad… Would you undo it, if you could? Your time with Mom?” she asked in a thin voice. “Because you would feel better today? Would you have…found someone else? If you’d known she was going to die too soon?”

“What?” His eyes widened. “No, Lucy. Never. You can’t just replace people.”

“But…”

“No,” he repeated. “Lucy. For God’s sake. We meet so few people who are just right for us, who make us feel more than we ever thought possible. When we stumble upon that person, someone we miss even when they’re sitting in the next room, who makes us feel safe even when we’re hanging off a cliff…then we should hold onto them. Because who knows if we’ll ever meet someone like them again?”

“But…if we meet someone like that, how can we not…” She stopped because she couldn’t say the words. They were too brutal.

“…end up like you,” Maddie replied tersely. “So, Dad, that’s what she’s afraid of. That she’ll get involved with a terrific man and then not be able to live without him.”

“Oh dear.” His old face suddenly seemed even more sunken as he dropped into one of the kitchen chairs. “Lucy, you can’t generalize like that. Every relationship is different. Every person is different. And you…you’re not me.” He swallowed but looked up straight into her eyes. “I understand you’re scared. I was scared too about getting involved with someone. Someone you can’t control, who you just have to trust. But it’s worth it, even though, looking at me, it doesn’t seem that way.” He cleared his throat and clasped his hands together so tightly his knuckles turned white. “Your mother gave me so much. I never laughed as much with anyone as I did with her. I never had as much confidence with anyone. I spent the happiest years of my life with her. Not to mention, she gave me you, didn’t she?” He smiled shakily up at them. “You wonderful girls who are so much smarter and stronger than I am. Thank God.” He pressed his lips together briefly. “So how could I regret a second of the past decades just because I’m suffering now? It’s okay that I do. It only seems fair to me, in return for all the happiness I’ve experienced. You don’t have to feel bad about it. I would never want you to suffer, just like your mother wouldn’t have wanted you to. So, Lucy, no, I don’t regret anything. I wouldn’t change anything. And I’ve always been proud of the brave girls I’ve raised. Who aren’t afraid to chase their dreams.”

Lucy’s eyes burned mercilessly and she hastily swiped away a tear that had snuck out of the corner of her eye. Was that her? Brave and strong? She hadn’t felt like that, the last few days.

“He’s right,” Maddie murmured. She smiled at her, took her hand, and squeezed it. “You were always the bravest one of us all. You threw yourself into a male domain. You duel with 250-pound men every day…”

Lucy hiccupped and smiled. “I don’t duel with them.”

“Matt told me otherwise,” her sister said firmly. “Either way…you’re not Dad. Besides, you’re missing out if you let Dax go.”

“Wait, Dax?” Her father frowned. “That awful hockey player?”

“He’s not awful anymore, Dad,” Maddie said patiently. “You’re no longer up to date.”

Her father replied, but Lucy had stopped listening. In her mind, she repeated her father’s words. That he wouldn’t change anything. That those were the happiest years of his life. That she was stronger. Hadn’t she spent the last ten years of her life proving exactly that? That she was damn strong and wouldn’t be intimidated? Not by her teachers, not by stupid hockey players, and especially not by her own damn feelings?

“Shit,” she cursed softly and pressed her hands to her forehead. What had she done?

God, how could she have been such a scaredy-cat? She hurried out of the kitchen, down the hall, and outside as Maddie and her father continued to argue. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. Maddie was right, her father was right, and Dax was right. She had to make it up to him!

“Hello?”

“Leslie,” Lucy said, relieved. “I need to talk to you. Do you happen to have a free appointment tomorrow? First thing in the morning.”

“Um, of course,” her boss replied, surprised. “What is it about?”

“I need to talk to you…about some important paperwork,” she mumbled, taking a deep breath. “Okay?”

“All right. But, Lucy…”

“More tomorrow,” she said and hung up to make another call.

“Hello?”

“Jack. This is Lucy,” she said, out of breath from excitement.

“Lucy,” he said, surprised.

“Yeah, hey.”

“You know Dax is pretty upset about you.”

“Yeah, I know, but…”

“He’s so messed up he even let me into his apartment.”

“Really?” she blurted out. “That’s…great. You guys should make up.”

“ You should make up. You should…”

“I know, Jack!” she interrupted impatiently. “Why do you think I’m calling? You have to do me a favor. Can you please make sure Dax shows up for practice tomorrow?”

“Why?”

“Just do it. Please, okay? I’ll call Matt too, so he’ll make sure he comes.”

“Fine,” Jack replied stiffly. “But, Lucy…don’t you dare break his heart again.”

Her eyes burned and she violently shook her head. “I don’t plan to.”