Page 25

Lucy’s heart pounded painfully in her chest and her eyes burned because she knew Dax was suffering, too. She could tell it had been too much for him, that he had become too used to one truth—hating Jack—to accept another now and forget his anger.

She swallowed and rose from her chair, shaking. “I’d better go after him,” she whispered. “Thank you very much for the invitation… Well, no, it wasn’t an invitation. Thank you anyway.” She raised her hand and saw the tears in Anna’s eyes, the resigned expression on Jack’s face, and her heart broke a little more.

“It will get better,” she murmured and squeezed Anna’s shoulder. “Really. He just needs to…process it. He has a bigger heart than he is willing to admit.” She looked apologetically at Dax’s sister and Jack before hurrying after Dax.

“She’s not just his PR consultant, is she? She’s his girlfriend,” she heard Anna say.

And with Jack’s “Yep,” the door slammed shut.

Girlfriend .

The word haunted her as she hurried down the stairs, and she shook her head. She wasn’t his girlfriend. She was…something, but not that.

She pushed open the gate to the street and was surprised to see Dax leaning against his car, waiting for her.

“You’re still here,” she said in surprise and hurried toward him.

“I couldn’t just leave you here, could I?” he answered tersely. He shifted his gaze and gritted his teeth, his face was a poster for summer vacation in hell.

“Dax…”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

She swallowed, wrung her hands, and nodded. Then she hugged him tightly. She did it because he looked like he needed a hug, and because she needed a hug herself.

She wrapped her arms around him, stroked the back of his head, felt him swallow, and buried her nose in the crook of his neck.

She said nothing, afraid there was nothing she could say. So she just held him tight, stroked his neck soothingly, and breathed in unison with him. Then, after what seemed like an eternity, he pulled away, took a deep breath, and nodded.

“Let’s go,” he murmured and got into the car.

The silence between them in the small interior was pregnant with suppressed feelings.

Anger. Hurt. Restlessness. It didn’t matter that Dax wasn’t directing all these emotions at her, she felt them and they settled heavily around her heart.

Her mouth was dry and every word she wanted to say died on her tongue. So she just squeezed Dax’s hand whenever he had to change gears. Kissed him on the cheek when they stopped at a traffic light. Silently, she reassured him.

When they stopped in front of her apartment less than half an hour later, she knew he wasn’t coming upstairs before he opened his mouth.

“I think I want to be alone today if that’s okay,” he said softly, staring stubbornly out the windshield.

“Sure,” she replied hoarsely. “I understand.”

However, she couldn’t bring herself to get out, to leave him alone. Not now, not when he looked like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, threatening to crush him. She wanted him to feel better. No, she needed to know he would feel better soon.

It was more important than her next breath. More important than her own heavy heart. More important than…anything.

She sat there, cleared her throat, and rummaged around in her purse with shaking hands before finding what she was searching for. A small package, the size of her hand.

“I know you hate presents, but…well, I couldn’t get you nothing.” Uncertain, she ran her hand through her loose hair and inhaled deeply. “It’s silly and you don’t have to accept it. I just thought…well, see for yourself.”

Genuine surprise crossed his face as he took it. “You bought me a present.”

Her cheeks caught fire. “Just a small one. Normal people like getting presents.” The right corner of his mouth twitched. It was barely noticeable. She saw it, anyway, and, for a moment, she felt so light that she was afraid her head was about to smack the roof.

He took the package, tore off the paper…and then stared at the object in his hand with his mouth slightly open.

It was a small glass ball with a four-leaf clover sealed inside. She had written hard work on it in tiny little letters with a fine-point Sharpie.

“Because you don’t believe in luck, but you do believe in hard work,” she whispered nervously. “I thought it was time to replace your lucky charm. The bad memories of your father and Jack…with the hard work you’ve done over the last few years.” For a few endless seconds, Dax didn’t react. He stared at the clover and didn’t move.

But then…then a smile spread across his face. A smile that she felt deep in her stomach and heart.

He raised his eyes and gazed at her face. “God, I love you, Lucy.”

She blinked and opened her mouth, not understanding.

“What?” She must have misheard.

“Shit, did I just say that out loud?” He seemed as shocked as she felt.

“Yes!” she snapped.

“Oh.”

“Oh?” Her eyes widened in disbelief, her heart pounding in her throat. “I don’t want an oh , I want you to take back what you said!”

He grimaced. “I can’t. It’s the truth.”

“ What? ” No. Just no! They were having a fling, they weren’t in love, they weren’t, they weren’t…

“Lucy,” Dax said gently, cupping her face in his hands, “we’re in a relationship.”

“What? No.”

“Yes.”

“Where did you get that crap from?”

“From Matt. From me.”

“You told Matt about us?” She opened her mouth in disbelief.

“He guessed it—and Lucy, he’s right, okay? I thought my body was in love with you, but…” He scratched his neck uncomfortably. “Shit, I’m more like completely in love with you. I’m pretty certain I’m in love with you, although I have no comparison, but…yeah, I think this is what love feels like.”

Her eyes widened in horror.

“Yep, that’s how you want the other person to react to your declaration of love,” he murmured, shrugging helplessly. “Oh, well, what am I going to do?”

“Stop saying things like that! We’ve been sleeping together for three weeks. You can’t love me yet.”

He sighed heavily. “God, I really don’t have the nerves to argue today, but fine: I think I was in love with you before I slept with you. You know, you’re…a challenge. And funny. And you care about the people you love. It’s never boring with you and…yes, that’s how it is. I like everything about you. Even the fact that you get angry too quickly. And kick in your sleep at night. And can be a pain in the ass.”

“I don’t kick in my sleep, I jog in my dreams. And…and…” She was at a loss for words. Her eyes burned, her heart burned, and a feeling between panic and bliss spread through her. A feeling she didn’t know what to do with. “No,” she whispered. “I can’t become dependent on you.”

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Dependent? You won’t become dependent on me.”

Her throat tightened and the first tear welled up in her eye. “But I already am.”

That was the cold, hard fact that the evening had shown her. She would have given up everything just to make him happy. She suffered when he suffered. She was angry with Jack because Dax was angry with Jack. She couldn’t bear the thought of seeing him that way.

“Shit,” she whispered and buried her face in her hands.

It was ridiculous. She should have realized it much earlier. It wasn’t merely her emotions that were dependent on Dax, her whole life was! And it had been going on longer than a few weeks.

“Dax, I’m already dependent on you,” she repeated quietly. “Dependent on you behaving so I can keep my job. Dependent on you wanting to keep your secret and me having to make a fool of myself so you can have your way. For the last year, I’ve been dependent on whether you had a good day or wanted to annoy me.” The lump in her throat grew and no matter how many times she swallowed, she couldn’t get rid of it. “And in the last few weeks, you’ve made me dependent on your smile and laughter. On your body, your warmth, your looks, and your kisses. On you being okay—because I suffer when you’re not!” She laughed dryly. “I swore that would never happen.”

“Lucy, you’re losing it,” Dax said forcefully, wiping the tears from her cheeks with his thumb and peering directly into her eyes. “That’s not dependency. That’s being in love. I know what I’m talking about, I have the same problem.”

She pursed her lips and shook her head. “Dependency, being in love, they’re one and the same, Dax.”

“No, they’re not,” he said. “All that crap…that I did on purpose to make you angry, and that you were at the mercy of my moods, I’m sorry, okay? I can’t express how much, but it’s in the past! And if keeping things secret bothers you…” He swallowed and took a deep breath. “Then tomorrow I’ll go see Leslie and tell her that Jack is my brother.”

“No,” she whispered, new tears replacing the old ones. “I don’t want that, Dax! Because that means you’re dependent on me. You shouldn’t base your decisions on me! I shouldn’t base mine on you…”

“Not based on, but factoring in!” he said louder. “I googled relationship , Lucy, because I had no idea what the word truly meant. It means looking for solutions together. That you have your own life, but the other person naturally…”

“No,” she interrupted him, panic raging in her chest and confusing her thoughts. He had to stop talking. She didn’t want to hear it. “No, no, no!” She unbuckled her seatbelt and opened the door. She needed distance.

Love. Being in love. What did Dax know about these words? And what did she know about them? Absolutely nothing.

“Lucy!” Dax grabbed her wrist and looked at her almost pleadingly. “This evening was shitty—yet if you leave now, this will be the worst. So, please, can’t we talk about it? It’s not the end of the world that I want to be with you!”

“Not the end of the world. But too much,” she replied softly. And then she pulled her hand away from him, slammed the door, and ran to her apartment.

She wouldn’t end up like her father. It wasn’t too late.

Then why did her heart feel like it was already breaking?