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SOUNDTRACK: The Waves by Claire Wyndham and UNSECRET

~ brIDGET ~

I lay on my bed in the near-dark, the only light in the room from the crack under the bathroom door. I stared at the ceiling and just breathed.

Sam lay next to me, one arm and one leg thrown over my body, his chin on my shoulder, his breath fluttering in my hair.

Neither of us spoke because he asked me why I was crying and I was trying to find words.

“I think it’s because… I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you. I never wanted anyone unless it was a risk—but I don’t want risk with you, Sam. The problem is… you can’t love without it. That’s what’s been burning me up for the past few days. When all of that happened I realized I’d been risking more than getting hurt, or kidnapped or anything like that. I was risking my heart with you. No one else ever got me like that. You’re the only one I’ve ever felt good about feeling safe with, and you’re the least safe person I’ve ever met.”

His sigh was heavy and his arm tightened around me. “Except, I’m the most safe because I actually love you,” he graveled. I loved that feeling of the vibration of his chest against my arm .

I nodded, still staring at the ceiling. “I mean, I know that. But living it… it’s fucking terrifying.”

“Trust me, I get it.”

And he did. I knew that. I’d known that. I’d panicked when things got bad—and doubted myself. Because if Jeremy and Gerald were right about anything it was that my judgment in the past had been for shit.

It took me twenty-four hours to see that was a vote in Sam’s favor, because he was everything that I’d ever fought before.

People outside looking in couldn’t see that. But I could.

He was so different.

It still scared me. I’d been sitting here for two days trying to figure out how to test him without losing myself, and I couldn’t.

I should have known I wouldn’t have to.

“Thank you,” I breathed.

“For what?” he seemed genuinely confused.

“For showing up even when… when I made it hard.”

With a groan, he pushed up onto his elbows, drawing his arm back so he could lean on it, which gave me a spark of panic. But he didn’t move away, just stared down at me, his beautiful eyes intense.

“I know I’m not going to get everything right—I mean, I’ve already proved that, right?” he said softly.

“We both have.”

He nodded. “But you are safe with me, Bridget. You will always be safe with me.”

I took a deep breath. He’d told me about my father calling him, and that had fucked with my head—I still kept coming back to it. But in a way it proved he was telling the truth. He’d known that would upset me and he still did it. Because he was proving that he meant what he said about telling me everything.

And I knew that meant I had to put my big-girl pants on and do the same.

“I’m still scared,” I whispered.

Sam went still. “Scared of me?” He said it calmly, his voice that deep gravel I loved so much. But there was a singing crack on the edge of those words. Sam’s fear .

I shook my head. “Scared that… I’m too much. That those other women, or maybe women like them… that they give you something I can’t.”

His eyes narrowed and he stared at me. “Other women—wait, you mean my clients?”

I nodded. “I’ve been so jealous, Sam. Every time you talked about them. Every time you had to go back through what you used to do with them. All that talk about building trust and pushing boundaries, and helping them feel safe… I just realized you could do this with anyone. And they’ll love you, Sam. I know they will. Because you’re amazing. I don’t have that. I’m not… I’m too much for—”

He cupped my cheek and kissed me, long, and deep and slow, his fingers curling into my hair like he was afraid I would pull away.

I’d forgotten what I was saying by the time he was done, but he hadn’t. His eyes blazed as he stared down at me. “You’re not too much, babe. You’re perfect. For me.”

When I frowned because that was easy to say now, he growled and crawled over me, rolling on top of me and pinning me to the bed, both hands in my hair and forcing me to meet his angry eyes.

“You’re the only one I want. Don’t let them in your head. Promise me—if you get mad, you get mad because I did it wrong and you have to show me. But the rest of the world? Don’t let those fuckers come between us. You hear me? We’re going to figure this out.”

I had to say it because I was still scared. “Who’s we? You and my dad?”

His lips thinned. “No, babe. You and me. You’re my ride or die, and I’m yours, remember? We can’t let any of these other things get in the way.”

“Will you talk to my dad again?”

“Not if you don’t want me to.”

I must have looked wary and he shook his head. “What I mean is… I’m not going back to see him, or reaching out to him without you in it. If he finds these numbers we’ll switch phones again. I can’t stop him trying to reach me. I can deny him, though. I’m not engaging with him again unless you ask me to. If you ever decide you want to talk to him, I’ll check in with him first, make sure it’s safe. And I’ll go with you. And if he so much as looks at you wrong, I’ll feed his face to his ass. You have my word.”

I shivered. I wanted to cover my face, but he wouldn’t let me.

“Tell me,” he insisted. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“The other women? Will you ever—”

“Bridge, do you care about the other men you’ve been with?”

I snorted. “Not in the slightest.”

“Me either.”

He said it. Just like that. And looked at me like all he needed was the next question. But I didn’t have one. I was done. For better or worse… I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him down, sinking into his warm embrace like I’d finally come home.