Page 49

SOUNDTRACK: Fearless Pt. II by Lost Sky

~ SAM ~

When I popped Bridget’s back door, I waited, wincing, for the security alarms to shriek. When they didn’t, I breathed a little easier, but not much.

The house was almost dark. No lights on anywhere, but there was a flickering glow coming from the living room and the scent of popcorn.

My stomach rumbled and I shook my head. What an irony it would be if I’d successfully snuck all the way to her house, only to be betrayed by a hungry stomach because I didn’t stop to eat the cold pizza.

I slipped inside the house and took long seconds to close the door and latch it so there’d be no chance of an errant neighbor seeing the cracked door and wondering if there was an intruder.

Then I snuck silently down the short hallway that passed her kitchen and intersected with the wider, main hallway that fed from the living room to the bedrooms.

My instincts had been right, that flickering light was coming from the living room. The television was on, sound low. When I made it to the main hallway I paused, listening. But I couldn’t hear anything except the television .

Then I stepped out, holding my breath.

Four steps. Three. Two.

The hallway opened into the living room and I stood just feet from where she lay on the couch hugging a pillow and…

Wearing my hoodie.

Holy shit. I almost wept with relief.

She was wearing one of the hoodies I’d left here on a previous trip. I’d forgotten about it. But I recognized the frayed spot on the edge of the hood where I’d once tumbled on cement and scraped a hole in the layer the string passed through.

For a moment I took in the sight of her. My heart ached.

She was laying here in the dark, staring at the television, wearing my hoodie. That had to be a good sign, right?

But now, how to let her know I was here without freaking her out completely?

Adrenaline flooded my system when she started talking.

“I’m holding my phone with the emergency call button right under my thumb. They don’t even have to answer the call. It will ping Jeremy as soon as I dial it and he’ll be here in like five minutes. Maybe less. I think he’s posted guys around the neighborhood,” she said quietly. “If you leave, I won’t call him. But next time you show up I’m calling without warning you.”

Her voice was flat, quiet, toneless.

“Bridget—”

“I’m not playing games, Sam.”

I cleared my throat. “Neither am I.”

Her head finally turned and she pulled the hood back so I could see her face. Her eyes reflected the cool light from the television screen. There were sparkling smears on her cheeks. She’d been crying. Her eyes were clear now, though.

I lifted my hands so she could see them—see that they were empty—and took one step forward into the dim light of the room.

“You don’t have to say anything. I won’t touch you. But I need you to listen. If you don’t want to talk when I’m done I’ll leave and I’ll never come back. You have my word.”

“Your word is worth squat.”

“That’s… not true. But I understand why you feel that way. I just… please, Bridget. Let me talk. I won’t come any closer. ”

She was sitting up on the other end of the couch now. She’d drawn her feet up and had her back to the couch arm. I had no doubt she could leap from that position faster than I could get to her, but it didn’t matter. I wouldn’t scare her that way.

She stared at me warily, but didn’t say anything and didn’t move. So, with a final pleading prayer, I started talking.

“I need you to know that I’d never make a choice to hurt you. Ever. You’re the One for me, Bridget. Forever.”

Her expression didn’t change, but her eyes narrowed. I plowed on.

“The first time I saw you—in that gym when you didn’t even know I was there—I knew . I knew you were it. I should have walked away before we’d even met. I knew that too. And I also knew I wouldn’t. I don’t know where you stand on this stuff, but I know God makes people for each other. And he made me for you, Bridget.”

She didn’t react at all.

Damn.

“When you showed up at the church after I’d agreed to hunt you, I thought you were a trap. I thought you were onto me and were baiting me. I was terrified. But once we started talking… well, I was gone. The problem was, you knew me as two different men. I hated myself for that, because even though I hadn’t planned it, I was lying to you.

“And then you liked me too— me , Sam—and I thought you were a gift from God. Like, how was that possible?” I swallowed hard. “But you chose Cain.”

We’d talked about it since and I knew her logic during that whole time was way off, but still. Regardless of how she justified it, her instinct had been that Cain was the one for her. And Cain was now the smaller part of me.

“When I proposed, I made it about the Court case because deep down I wasn’t sure you wanted me, Bridge. I’m… I’m still not, sometimes. That’s the truth. Sometimes I wonder if you only want Cain. And the real me is just the bonus that comes along with that.”

She didn’t move. Didn’t even blink.

Shit, was I right?

But in the end it didn’t matter. Not really. I took a deep breath .

“But I see it all more clearly now. It doesn’t matter what part of me you love—or loved—because I love all of you. And tonight I realized something important: If loving you means fighting for you so you can believe in me, I’m going to do it.”

Her eyes got very wary then.

I shook my head. “Not that kind of fighting, I promise.”

But she was tenser now. Shit.

“I’m here, Bridget. I told you the truth about how I felt, and why I was close. I lied about nothing when it came to you and us and… well, wanting you. When you disappeared I panicked. I talked to your dad because I thought he might help me find you. But I shouldn’t have. I see that now.

“The worst part is, when you called me, I was a coward and didn’t tell you because I was afraid I’d lose you. It was the wrong choice. I regret it. If I’d known that day what I know now, I would never have gone. I know that’s easy to say, but it’s true.”

She wasn’t giving me anything. Her eyes were guarded. Her posture stiff.

My heart thumped so hard I felt it in my skin.

“You’re right about your dad,” I blurted. “He’s a manipulative, self-serving control freak. I suspect being sick has only made him less patient and more willing to toy with people to prove to himself that he’s got control over something. But in the end, that’s not the important part. What’s important is what you need now.”

I stopped and took a slow breath because I had no clue how she would feel about this.

“We both know I’m going to lose this trial,” I said bluntly. Her lips tightened. “My lawyers have been talking strategies about delaying the process for as long as possible ever since that fucking doctor testified. They’re talking about how to get sentencing held off and… and today they brought me a plea agreement that they say I should sign.”

She had already been alert, frozen in place. But now she stopped breathing.

“Breathe, babe.” The words came out instinctively and her eyes widened a hair. But she did it and a tiny corner of my heart swelled with hope, until her eyes narrowed like I’d tricked her.

Shit. “Bridget, I don’t want to go back to prison. You know that. But if you’re afraid of me—like, truly afraid. If you believe that I’m just one more manipulative, violent bastard… if my being free is going to convince you that you now have two predators to watch out for… Well, I want you to know, I won’t do that to you. I’ve been fighting this case tooth and nail because you’re my wife. I want to be with you. But if me being out and loose is going to convince you that life is too scary to be worth it, I’ll take the plea agreement. I’ll have ten years, probably get parole in five or six. And by then… by then I’ll pray you’ve found some freedom and don’t feel afraid of me anymore.”

I swallowed, reached back into my back pocket for that roll of papers and pulled it out. “This is it,” I said, showing it to her, and I took one small step closer.

Bridget flinched and my heart broke. But she didn’t dial the phone.

Very slowly, I dropped down, squatting, putting myself below her level so I wasn’t looming over her anymore. “Bridget, I will never intentionally hurt you. Ever. But I know you well enough to know that means… that means I can’t push myself on you, either. They all do that,” I said quietly. “I see it, Bridge. I see it. I see you. I won’t force you to deal with me if you don’t want to. If you need me gone so you can feel safe, I’ll sign that, and I’ll be gone.”

I took a deep breath. She blinked a couple times like maybe she was teary, but her expression didn’t change.

“That’s… I needed to say that so you know. But if you want me to leave right now, I will. And I won’t come back. Just know that whether I’m out or not, in my mind, you’re my wife. I’ll always love you. I’ll always want to hear from you. I’ll always want you . But I will never force myself on you.

“You’re my One, Bridget. I don’t get everything right. And yeah, I have to fight that monster inside me every fucking day. But I swear, I was fighting for you . And I’m never going to apologize for that. I will keep doing that for the rest of my life.”

I blew out my breath and looked at her. Her eyes were locked on mine and welling with tears, but she didn’t move or say anything, and she was still drawn slightly back, trying to put more space between us.

I waited, but she didn’t say anything. And she didn’t move.

That was her answer .

My heart sank. The best I could hope for was that she’d think about it and maybe talk to me later.

“I’m going to put my hand back in my pocket, but it’s to get a new burner phone out. I don’t know if you blocked me, or just haven’t had it on, but I learned tonight that my number’s been compromised, so that means yours has too…” I slowly dropped one hand, dug into the pocket and pulled out the phone and charging cord. “The only number programmed into it is my new one, okay? If you don’t want it, just… get rid of it I guess.”

Tucking the papers under my arm, I carefully placed the phone and cord at the end of the couch, then stood up, both hands still up so she could see them.

“Thank you for listening to me. If you ever want to talk, just call.” Then, fisting those papers so hard they crinkled under my hand, I turned and walked out. My chest was tight and my heart pumping.

I wanted to fucking cry because she’d never relaxed or even spoken. But I knew how messed up she had to be feeling right now and I promised her I wouldn’t push, so what choice did I have?

I walked normally back down the hallway to that intersection, then turned down the narrow space past her kitchen to the back door.

My hand was on the knob when I heard her voice.

“My dad,” she breathed.

I stopped dead, then looked over my shoulder.

She was standing in the main hallway, staring at me. Her arms were folded and the sleeves of my hoodie were so long on her they dangled down past her hands.

She took one step towards me then stopped, tears trickling over her lashes. “How? How would you fight if you were in prison? You can’t. You want me to be there to help you because you’ll be stuck and my father’s got some hold on you—”

“No, babe,” I breathed and my own sight was starting to blur. “I have brothers who’ll watch out for me in there. I only ever wanted you.”

Her jaw went tight and her chin rose. “Then sign it.”

I blinked, adrenaline flooding my system. “I—”

“Did you mean it, Sam? Mean it about not wanting me to be scared? ”

“Yes,” I whispered. “I did.”

“Then sign. The fucking. Papers.”

Hands shaking, I lifted up the roll of papers and unfurled them. Started flipping slowly through, looking for that signing space. “Do you have a pen?”

At least my voice sounded calm. She disappeared down the hallway and I let my head drop. Fuck. Fuck.

Love her and give yourself up for her, like Christ gave Himself for the church.

…I’m not capable of that. So, the question is, Sam, are you?

When she returned and held the pen out, her hands were shaking took. I took it from her like it was a viper, but I knew what I had to do. Laying the paper flat on the wall and holding it with my free hand, I signed the fucking things.

Twice.

I was going back to prison. Holy shit. God help me.

“Give them to me,” she croaked.

I started to hand them to her, then hesitated. “I think I have to give them to my lawyers.”

“I’ll do it. Give them to me. I’m not letting you walk out of here just to burn them, or whatever.”

I glared. “I wasn’t going to—fuck, Bridget.”

Frustrated, and sad, and feeling hollow, I rolled them back up and handed them to her.

Her eyes widened when I held them out. She reached for them slowly, then took them and looked at them, reading my signature.

“You really—”

“I told you. I’d rather be in there and know you’re still alive out here, than have you convinced you have to get someone to off you because you can’t handle the fear anymore.”

I dropped my chin, my head spinning. I was going back to fucking prison. I was going back to fucking prison.

“I have to go,” I breathed. I needed to call Monk and get the guys together. I needed help. I didn’t know how soon I’d have to show up, but it had to be within days of those papers being filed. If not hours.

“I love you, Bridget,” I said hoarsely. “I love you. Just know that. I have to go.” I reached for that doorknob again, and for the second time, her voice stopped me .

“Sam.”

It took a moment to brace, to turn and face her again.

Her eyes welled and her chin trembled. “You’d really leave? Just go back to prison… for me?”

I swallowed back the lump in my throat. “I told you, babe. I love you. I need you to stay alive. If this is what it takes… I’ll do anything—”

She gave a strangled little noise in her throat, then turned, her face twisting. At first I thought she’d attack me, but she grabbed those papers and tore them, swearing and sobbing the whole time, bending over to get leverage because there were a lot of sheets and she couldn’t rip them easily—then she started throwing the pieces and kicking them, and crying the whole time.

“I don’t want you in prison!”

I blinked. “But—”

“I never wanted you in prison—I said that!”

“I know, but—”

She gave a primal scream and threw the rest of the papers to the floor, then launched herself down that little hall and into my chest so hard I rocked back, my shoulders thumping against the door.

But she was here. In my arms. Sobbing. Clinging like a child.

She was here.