Page 4 of Pretty Fly for a Vampire Guy

Chapter

Four

OWEN

T he Creelin University dining hall is fascinating.

All of the food is monster-themed or literally tailored for monsters.

When your clientele are different species, it stands to reason that you need various food groups.

I plate a serving of chicken monster-sala over rice—Indian representation for the win!

Next, I push my tray over and pass by the giant flanks of bloody steak and chicken and grimace.

I’m no fan of raw meat, but I’m sure the werewolves love it.

Incubi require sexual energy, so it would be highly entertaining if some sexual partners sat near the cafeteria lines to allow public intimacy for feeding.

I snicker at the absurd thought as I fill up a cup of Ghosta Cola.

Then I imagine a certain sexy vampire in the cafeteria with me, taking off his clothes. The man is a snack after all.

I shake my head as I make it to a far corner with my meal.

No thinking of my sexy lab partner . Water polo clearly does his body good, and sure, I’ve beaten off to the sight of his tight abs more than once since I first saw him at a game last semester.

But so what? His athletic body is all the more reason to not make a move .

He’s such an airhead he probably floats up and glides away with his vampire powers. We have nothing in common, and clearly I need to carry us this semester in Monster Anatomy.

I take a spoonful of chicken monster-sala and gaze around. Werewolves, mummies, gorgons, and golems are all paired up with various humans. They’re all canoodling, eating meals, and nearly recreating that scene from Lady and the Tramp with pasta. I turn back around and frown, facing the window.

It’s early in the semester, but almost everyone is paired up. Optimistic me thought I’d meet a monster by now who understands my nerdy ass. At least I have friends who seem to tolerate me. And through them, I get to hang out with monsters, too.

Before I can get too deep in my thoughts, a name pops up on my phone. I frown—I might as well get this over with. I swipe, and my mom’s face appears on the screen. She has dark hair, ochre skin, and she peers closely into the camera.

“Beta, how are you?”

“Hi, Mom,” I reply, trying to give a sincere smile.

“First you leave for that terrifying creepy school, then you don’t talk to us for a week?”

I frown. “It’s not a creepy school, it’s Creelin U.”

“But I was so afraid that one of those monsters ate you or something.”

I huff and look around, confirming that no one is in earshot. Then again, vampires have super senses. “Mom, that’s super offensive to monsters,” I say in a hushed tone.

“You’re afraid of offending monsters but not scared of offending your own parents.

” She moves the camera, and I spy Dad gazing at a newspaper.

He has glasses on his nose, and he resembles a balding version of me, or rather, I resemble a curly-haired version of him, a trait I got from Mom. “Can you believe your son? ”

Dad bristles in response, and I try not to roll my eyes on camera. I love my folks, but they’re so overbearing, they make me seem normal in comparison. I may have inherited Mom’s perpetual nervousness.

“Are you eating enough?” Mom’s face covers the phone again. “You look so skinny.”

“I’m actually eating lunch right now.” I hold up a spoon in a desperate attempt to calm Mom down. “Chicken masala, actually.” Mom doesn’t need to know it’s actually monster-sala.

She peers at my food through the screen, and I can almost feel her judgment over the dish. “Anyway, how are you doing? We worry about you, Owen.”

“I know, Mom.” I sip my drink. “But I’m all right.”

“It’s not too late to transfer to a proper human school to do pre-med.”

I sigh. “I can get plenty of pre-med credits here.”

Mom’s gaze widens and she grimaces. “Who is that behind you?!”

I turn around and notice a lagoon monster, gills and all, holding a tray. The dude points to the salt shaker next to me, and I hand it to him.

“Thanks,” the dude murmurs.

“Some guy wanted salt,” I say.

“There are so many monsters there!” Mom seems genuinely distressed, looking wildly all around her room. We keep having these conversations over and over again. “Are you not fearful for your life?”

I grit my teeth. “No, Mom. They’re just people who look different. We look different, too, to a lot of folks.”

She purses her lips; she doesn’t look convinced. “As long as you graduate in one piece and go to a respectable med school, that’s all we care about.”

“So I’ve heard,” I mutter. Mom might have a heart attack if she finds out I want to practice medicine for monsters. I love her, but I thought by now she’d be cool with me going to the infamous Creepin U.

“Beta, you know we just want you to be safe and thrive at school.”

“I know.” My shoulders deflate. “How is Auntie?”

Mom scoffs, then perks up; she loves talking trash about her sister, and I’ve managed to pivot the conversation for now.

Admittedly, I haven’t accomplished what I wanted when I transferred here in the fall of my junior year. But it’s a new year, a new semester—maybe all my monster academia dreams will come true this winter.

I knock on the door, and Professor Robinson looks up. “Come in!”

I take the seat across from her at her desk.

There are posters on the walls of her office detailing the skeletal anatomy of mermaids and ogres.

I half-expected cauldrons and other occult paraphernalia, but this just resembles a small science-lover’s room.

The professor is wearing a salmon-colored blouse while I’m in my puffy black winter coat.

I seem to have caught her in the middle of highlighting some notes.

I put down my backpack and nod. Since it’s only the second week of the year, I know her office hours are wide open.

“Hi, Professor.”

“Please, it’s Octavia.” She waves me away, and I chuckle. I half-expected her to be in her kraken form, but no, she has hands, not tentacles at the moment.

“Right.” I push my glasses up and take out a notebook. “I wanted to pick your brain about the assignment of the semester.”

“Of course. Have a seat. Monster Anatomy 101, right? Front row?”

I smile. “That’s me. Owen Bhat.”

“What do you got for me, Owen?” She swivels in her chair and closes her notebook.

I lean forward. “I wanted to know how hands-on we can be for the midterm project.”

“An early starter.” She winks and bites on her highlighter. “I like that. What were you considering, Owen?”

“Well, I was going to compare dryad branches to the human nervous system.”

Her expression turns quizzical. “I don’t recall having a dryad in class. Is your lab partner a tree spirit?”

My smile vanishes. “No ma’am, he’s a…vampire.”

“Perfect!” She leans forward and puts her hands together on her desk.

“Owen, this class is about an exchange in anatomies. A lot of shifters ignore their human side. Even before the Halloween Wave shaped our world, human beings had so much to learn in the body. The skeletal system…lymph nodes…” She rolls her wrist in the air.

“The list goes on and on, and I want your lab partner to explore that.”

My face falls. “So, you want us to…exchange anatomy?”

“Exactly. Do research, interview each other, and get to know other species.” She grins. “Did you know that vampires gain pseudo-flight with their skin and bones?”

Shifting in my seat, I push up my glasses. “I have read about it, but…”

“And what about the enzymes in their saliva to make feeding painless? Have you heard about that?”

“Not yet, no.”

“There ya go!” She points at me. “There’s so much to learn. And we need future generations of anatomy experts for healthcare.”

I stare down at my empty notebook, a lump in my throat. Octavia is the first person I’ve come across who explicitly wants me to learn about monsters, which makes sense since she’s the professor. A part of me is thrilled, but another part of me is dreading growing closer to Clay.

“Go on, Owen. Take some time to link up with your vampire lab partner. You can teach him about his human side, and he can show you what vampires can really do.”

I nod and pack my things. “Thanks, Pro…Octavia.”

“Best of luck!” she sings, and I walk out of her office.

Passing a group of chatting Aztec mummies in the hallway, I frown, knowing I have to text that frustratingly hot himbo vampire.

The library is my place of solitude. Besides the gorgon dude who works at the front desk, I get to study in peace.

Multiple books are splayed about before me on the massive wooden table.

Each tome details the most up-to-date information on vampire anthropology.

I’ve done plenty of research on the internet, but, admittedly, I was distracted by their pretty faces and fangs.

The blame belongs to infuriatingly sexy Clay and his tight abs.

But maybe he can help us both out. I’ve jotted down several bites—ha ha—of information from these books that can assist us. I’ve also snapshotted various charts and graphs. When I’m in my academic zone, I can absorb a ton of details.

However, Octavia thinks I should be more hands-on, and now I have to agree. The enzymes in vampire saliva sound fascinating. I’m sure no one wants to hear me wax poetic about fang shapes, but this research is for my grade. Our grade—Clay needs to jump in on this.

I whip out my phone.

Me

Are you free tonight?

I continue reading one of the books in front of me. Apparently, vampire bones are light when they need to be, lending to their gliding capabilities— this is astounding.

When my screen lights up, I take a gander at my phone again.

Clay

I could be.

Me

You and I have stuff to do. Mutually beneficial stuff.

Clay

Tonight? What did you want to do?

Me

Need to get my hands on a monster, specifically a vampire.

I would love to assess your body.

And what a vampire mouth is capable of.

Clay

Oh? I’m not NOT consenting. You don’t mind if people see us?

Me

Well, ideally we’d be alone in your room, so privacy isn’t an issue. Is that a good plan?

Clay

My body is so ready.

Well, that settles that! I finish closing all my books and wave at the gorgon boy at the front desk. I hike my backpack on and stride away. Tonight is going to be a great night for knowledge and academia.