Page 30 of Pregnant By the Playboy

“Oh, no. Where did your ear go, Evie? The dinosaur took it! Maybe you should be scared of dinosaurs after all.”

The dinosaur opens his mouth and returns her earlobe.

“Wow, isn’t that nice of him. He returned your ear. Let me sew it on.” I mime stitching her ear together with one hand. “Uncle Vince is a hero, isn’t he? He stitched your ear back on like a very competent surgeon.”

The doorbell rings. Cedric said he might stop by today, so I head to the door. Sure enough, it’s my brother.

“Hey, Evie.” He shakes her little foot.

“Sing ‘I’m a Little Teapot.’ She likes it.”

Cedric raises his eyebrows but dutifully starts singing as he takes off his shoes. Since when did my brother do what I ask?

“Man, you have a terrible voice,” I say. “Look, you’re making her cry!”

It’s true, Evie is wailing. So it’s not just my singing that upsets her today. Good to know.

The results of this experiment, however, may not be reproducible. Who knows what she’ll like tomorrow.

To cheer Evie up, the dinosaur decides it’s the perfect time to bite her little toes. She giggles in delight.

“You’re so good with her.” Cedric sounds a little deflated. “Do you want to be a dad?”

It’s a good thing I wasn’t drinking anything because I would have spit it all over him.

Actually, I’m going to be a dad later this year.

It’s hard to keep that to myself, but Marissa made me promise not to tell anyone yet.

“Maybe, one day,” I say nonchalantly. “Right now, I’m too busy having fun and jetting around the world.”

“You really haven’t done much traveling lately.”

“I went to New York City.”

“That was a while ago. And you seem to be in bed by three in the morning these days. No partying until the sun rises.”

“Getting old, you know.” I don’t particularly like being questioned about my life, so I turn the tables. “Do you want to be a father?”

Evie takes this opportunity to touch my face. Her hand is a little slobbery, but I’ve gotten used to slobbery baby hands and it doesn’t bother me. She’s definitely gotten grabbier in the last few weeks, though.

Cedric still seems to be pondering my question.

“No,” he says at last.

I’m tempted to say that he’ll change his mind one day, but that’s stupid. Not everyone wants the same things in life.

“I wasn’t sure,” Cedric said, “and I thought maybe Evie would help me figure it out. And she’s fun and all...” He lightly covers her ears. “In small doses. I see what Courtney and Julian have to do for her and think, ‘God, no.’”

“Fair enough.” I swallow the rest of my words, about how I want to be part of a child’s everyday life. Not gonna lie, I think I’ll cry the first time my child calls me “dada.”

That condom failing was the best thing that happened to me in a long time.

But Marissa Chan—yes, I know her last name!—just wants me as her baby’s father. For now. I’m still hoping I can change her mind and we’ll have a happy family life together.

Evie sticks her little fingers in my mouth, and I nibble them.

“Oh, no! Where did your fingers go? Should I stitch them back on?”