Page 3 of Praising Haru

A private message request pops up in the bottom right-hand corner of the screen from a user called NotThatHaru. I accept it.

NotThatHaru

NotThatHaru: Feel free to tell me to piss off, but if you want to talk, my PMs are open.

Kyle: I don’t so much want to talk as vent.

NotThatHaru: Yeah, I got that vibe from your post.

Can you relate?

NotThatHaru: My parents drive me nuts sometimes, so yeah, on that level. But I’ve known I was adopted since I was old enough to understand.

Wow.

NotThatHaru: Korean kid with white parents. It was never something they were going to be able to keep from me.

I wish I’d known. I’m not angry, exactly, but I thought I knew who I was, and now I don’t.

NotThatHaru doesn’t reply, but there’s still a green dot next to their name, so they must still be online. Do they regret messaging me, or are they giving me space to vent? I’ll assume the latter. Why not? The worst they can do is block me.

My parents aren’t my parents. I mean, I guess they are. They raised me for twenty-eight years, and I know they love me. But fuck, I wish they’d told me. I shouldn’t have found out this way.

Your post said your dad is sick. I’m sorry.

He needs a kidney transplant. I offered without hesitation. Why wouldn’t I be a match? We’re father and son. Except we’re not. And as a further kick in the teeth, I’m not a match.

I hope they find a match soon.

Yeah, me too. You must think I’m a selfish arsehole. Sitting here complaining about being adopted when my dad is in the hospital on dialysis.

I don’t. You’re trying to process your dad being ill and finding out you’re adopted. Figuring out how you feel isn’t selfish.

Ranting at a stranger on the Internet is better than ranting at my parents.

Yes. Use me as a sounding board if you want to.

Thank you.

The kindness of a stranger is overwhelming. I take a few moments to compose myself before messaging them again.

Why didn’t they tell me? I don’t know how you tell your kid that you love them, but they’re not biologically yours, but surely, they could have found a way?

It’s not a question anyone can answer except my parents, and now isn’t the right time to demand explanations.

Why did it have to be a secret? They must have realised I’d find out eventually. They’ve been lying to me my whole fucking life. Would they have told me at all if Dad hadn’t got ill? Don’t answer that.

I couldn’t if I wanted to.

Mum keeps texting me and asking if I’ve got any questions, but I don’t know what to say to her or what to ask. What did you ask your parents when they told you?

I was a little kid, so I don’t remember having any questions at the time. As I got older, I asked if they knew anything about my birth parents.

Will asking about my birth parents upset them? Should I even want to know? Are my birth parents still out there somewhere? Why did they give me up? I’ve built my whole life on being Kyle Scott. On being their son. It’s like the walls of my world have suddenly been torn down, and I have no clue who I am anymore.

After a pause, three bouncing dots appear. I wait impatiently for Haru to respond. The bouncing dots disappear and then reappear a couple of times before a message comes through.

Kyle Scott?