Page 13

Chapter 13

Jasper

E ven when Jasper had stopped getting out of bed, had stopped paying attention to the rising and setting of the sun, he could mark the passage of time when, every night, Caleb crawled into bed. He’d shift into the center of the mattress and wrap his strong arm around Jasper’s middle. His breath would tickle as he buried his nose against Jasper’s skin.

It was nice not to be alone, to have someone hold him just because they wanted to. Jasper couldn’t imagine ever wanting to find the end of Caleb, that point where he’d be ready for him to leave. Of course, the reason he had this much time with Caleb to start was that there was going to be an end.

That night, Caleb didn’t come to bed. When it got late, Jasper whined into the pillow, but Caleb didn’t come. Too unwell to rouse, Jasper didn’t get up, hardly opened his eyes.

It wasn’t until morning, when the sunlight fell over the empty half of the bed, that Jasper registered Caleb wasn’t there.

For a second, he worried this had all been too much. He was a stranger. He’d poisoned himself, wound up on Caleb’s couch, and then demanded his care and attention for days while he got worse and worse. Of course Caleb wouldn’t want to be there —what was more startling was that he’d left instead of kicking Jasper out.

Through one shaking breath, then another, Jasper allowed himself to feel miserable. But that was only because he was predisposed to it. When he chewed his lip, he realized that there wasn’t one time, not one, that Caleb had been anything but kind to him. Jasper could’ve puked in his boots, stolen every thick and warm blanket in the whole place for himself, and told Caleb he had no taste in hot chocolate—a blatant lie, of course—and he still didn’t think Caleb would abandon him. He’d be a grump, sure, but nothing about Caleb seemed like the kind of man who’d leave Jasper in a lurch.

Mustering what was left of his strength, Jasper pulled himself out of bed. Every part of him felt heavy. He ached from not moving, and his blood pumped too slow. It was hard to get enough air with each breath.

But he saw the note on the table and shuffled over to it. Once he read it, he bit his lip. Jasper had never been a big fan of “monsters.” There was not a single justifiable reason for Caleb to go hunting one down.

The sign off was—was sweet. Was it meant for Jasper? Caleb hadn’t had any other visitors in the week Jasper had been there, so maybe. Love—hell, what a far-off dream that’d become.

Whatever Caleb meant, it didn’t really matter when he said he was going after a monster with too little confidence about whether or not he’d come back.

Clumsily, Jasper shoved his legs into his jeans one at a time, stuffed his feet into socks and then into his new boots. As an afterthought, he grabbed one of Caleb’s coats and shrugged it on. It draped heavy on Jasper’s shoulders, warm and safe. It was still morning, dewy and cold, and Jasper was already freezing.

“Caleb,” he shouted when he got outside. A few birds twittered and flew off, but there was no other response. “Caleb!”

He took a few steps, not knowing where he was headed. He wasn’t a hiker and wasn’t familiar with Poisonwood, but—as much as he sometimes felt it—he wasn’t useless, either.

Jasper closed his eyes, focusing on Caleb’s scent. He was all chocolate and beard oil and smoke. Sweet and good and—and everything Jasper wanted. If nothing else, Jasper was a predator, and he could hunt down his preferred prey—burly men with kind eyes and rough hands.

On will alone, he forced one foot after another until he was in a dark part of the forest. Caleb had to be okay, or Jasper was never going to find his way back.

Well, what did that matter? If Caleb wasn’t coming with him, there was no point in going back to his cabin to wait out the last beats of his faltering heart.

When he found Caleb, the first thing he saw was simply an enormous brown mountain of fur.

It took him a moment to realize it wasn’t one bear, but two, one collapsed on top of the other. From there, all he saw was Caleb. His brown bear, atop what had to have been the monster he’d written about.

“Caleb!” Jasper rushed to him. He grunted as he pulled him over. Caleb rolled off the creature and onto the forest floor. His eyes fluttered open for a second, at first huge and dark, but then, starting with those eyes and rippling through his whole body, Caleb shifted into his human form in the space of a few heartbeats; no longer than it took him to hit the ground. Jasper scrambled after him, but his eyes were once again closed.

There, down his bare chest, were enormous claw marks that ripped long red gashes into Caleb’s tan skin. Blood matted his chest hair down, and he didn’t rouse.

Jasper pressed his hand to the wounds, like he could knit them back together. Caleb groaned. He was breathing. How hardy were shifters? Fuck.

“Caleb? Are you...” Of course he wasn’t okay! He was torn to shreds, and they were stuck out here in the middle of nowhere with a dead monster. Why the actual fucking fuck had Caleb gone after a monster? “What can I do?”

That seemed to rouse something in Caleb. His eyes twitched and fluttered open. “Eat it.”

“What?” Jasper blinked. Caleb was hardly the first person to snap those words at him, but Jasper didn’t think he meant it in the regular incubus way.

“The heart,” Caleb rasped. “You’ve gotta eat the heart.”

Jasper grimaced. He looked at the creature he’d pulled Caleb off of. It was an enormous bear. In fact, it looked a lot like Caleb had when he’d been shifted, but larger, and with a heavy scowl and jagged razor-sharp teeth.

He knew it was a hunter thing, to eat the heart of your first kill, but it’d always kind of freaked him out. There were demons who bought into that kind of practice. Hell, he could just see Malcolm licking blood off his pale fingertips to impress Elrith.

“I—I can’t do that, Caleb. We need to get you home. I need—” He looked over Caleb’s body. Naked and enormous, it’d be a task just to get him in clothes. Jasper couldn’t very well carry him back to the cabin.

But Caleb’s hand lashed out startlingly fast. He gripped Jasper’s arm and pulled himself up, his eyes wide and manic. “I know what you are.”

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Jasper stared until his eyes felt dry and tight. He could fold in on himself, shrink until there was nothing left. Caleb was staring too intently. His grip was too tight. Jasper’s slow heart ached.

But Caleb pulled him in. His thumb brushed Jasper’s arm in a firm, soothing stroke. “It’s okay. You have to eat the heart. It’ll fix—everything.”

Biting both lips between his teeth so they pressed into a thin line, Jasper stared at the monster of a bear. Its throat was torn in a gaping, gory half-moon. “But?—”

“It’s okay,” Caleb promised.

“I don’t want to die,” Jasper whispered. He needed Caleb to know that—needed to excuse that he was even considering doing what Caleb asked.

“You won’t.”

“You’ll come home?” With his hand already bloody, he touched Caleb’s neck. His pulse beat steadily under Jasper’s palm.

Caleb’s smile trembled, but he inclined his head in a short nod.

“Okay. Okay.”

Jasper could do this. If it meant he might not lose his sweet, crazy bear, he’d try. And Caleb had promised to come home with him. With his hands already slick with blood, what did it matter if Jasper got messier?

He backed away. The taste of his tongue soured, so he glanced at his bear. Again, Caleb nodded encouragingly.

Jasper wished he could turn away, hide, but there was nowhere to go. He couldn’t just reach blunt, human fingers into a monster’s chest and rip out his heart. This was demon business, and Caleb would see all of it.

He ducked his head as he let that side of him out. Small, black horns curled out from the backs of his temples, framing his light hair. His eyes shone red. His canines sharpened. Claws grew from his nail beds.

He thought to shrug out of Caleb’s jacket, but it was too late—Caleb’s blood was already on it. If they got through this, he’d front the dry-cleaning bill.

Jasper knelt on the other side of the monster. Briefly, he caught Caleb’s eye and looked away at once. He could do this; he just couldn’t watch Caleb see it all.

“It’s okay,” Caleb repeated.

It very much wasn’t, but if this was the thing that Jasper had to do to get Caleb home, if there were even a chance that it’d help, he would try.

Digging a heart out of a bear’s ribcage was pretty much the worst thing he’d done in his life. Inside, the monster’s chest was still warm. Wet.

Jasper lifted the enormous organ to his parted lips. Thank god for sharp demon teeth that tore shredded muscle. He chewed and swallowed, bite after bite, as quickly as he could.

He could feel Caleb watching, but he couldn’t stand to look at him. Not while he looked like this. Not while he was eating a creature’s raw heart.

When he was done, his hands were slick and bloody. He wiped them off on his jeans, but his fingers were stained. It dried thick around his claws, and Jasper’s lips trembled. He was full, and he was horrified.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, hanging his head, unsure if he was speaking to Caleb or to the monster or to the whole damn world.

On unsteady legs, he rose. But things were easier once he’d freed his demon side. He rolled his shoulders back, a small measure of his strength returning just because he was now something with horns and claws and scary teeth.

“Let’s get you home,” Jasper said. He passed Caleb his jeans and boots. With claws, he wasn’t much use helping him put them on, but he held out Caleb’s coat too. “If you lean on me, do you think you can walk?”

For the first time since the whole bloody mess had started, he looked up at Caleb and found the man staring at him dreamily. Or possibly staring through him. He must have lost a lot of blood to the bear, damn him. But also, there was the chance his memories of this would be hazy. After all, most people wouldn’t be smiling that soft, pleased smile after watching someone eat a raw heart.

Maybe they could make it.