Page 29

Chapter 29

Cooper’s glitter

Callie

Cooper had sparkled glitter on me and everyone wanted some of it. I’d expected to take my turns on the course, making polite conversation as necessary. Instead, people wanted my opinion on their swing, or club choice, or other things I had no knowledge of. I insisted I didn’t know much, but they watched and tried to emulate me. Well, until it became obvious I really didn’t know how to golf well. But they still wanted to talk to me

No, they wanted to talk to the woman who knew #57, Cooper. I was only popular by proxy. I was sure they hoped that somehow they’d be part of Cooper’s exalted orbit if they were part of mine. I didn’t have an orbit, but they wanted to be part of it anyway.

The partners were playing with important clients, while we lowly non-partners were grouped together. But when we finished the last hole, Mr. Chan came over to ask how I’d done.

“Maybe Cooper is better teaching hockey,” he joked.

Obviously Cooper would be better at anything hockey related, but I knew enough to just smile and nod. I swear, the more I tried to downplay the Cooper thing, the more people wanted to be in on it. I was tempted to say we’d broken up, but it was hard to break up when we hadn’t been dating. Cooper had given a very different impression this morning. That hadn’t been by accident.

Mr. Anderson stopped by the table to thank me for the heads-up about the fourth green, even though I hadn’t been the one to mention it.

“We’ve been overlooking your potential, Calliope. I’ll ask my assistant to set up a meeting to discuss your future. I think you can be an asset to the firm.”

That was…promising. But it didn’t thrill me the way I’d expected.

I just wanted to get away from it all. I needed to think, and that wasn’t going to happen with all these people trying to grab some of Cooper’s glitter. It was kind of sweet to see how much it chafed Benson’s ass though.

* * *

Cooper

Can we talk?

I needed an ally, someone else who might be willing to take a risk for me, and for the possibility of Callie and me. Someone with access to Callie anytime. If he’d talk to me, and I could convince him it would be good for Callie, maybe Darcy would help.

About?

Callie.

Why?

What was I willing to share?

Because I miss her.

It was the truth, and if Darcy was going to help me, I had to open up to him.

The country club had been a good start. Her job was important. I’d wanted Callie to see that professionally I was an asset, not a liability. Now she needed to know that she wasn’t alone when it came to these uncomfortable emotions.

She didn’t answer texts, calls or emails. She didn’t do social media, so I couldn’t get to her that way either. I knew where she worked, and where she lived. With my position on the Blaze I knew I’d be allowed into Anderson, Krys and Chan. But she might be with a client, or I’d be interrupting her work, and possibly have an audience while I spilled my guts.

I’d already gotten into her condo building, so I could do that again…but it didn’t feel right. That was her space. Using my reputation to force access she didn’t want to give wouldn’t help.

Okay.

I could almost taste the hesitation in his response.

Since Darcy was working evenings this week, and I didn’t want to wait, we met just after the Top Shelf opened in the afternoon. I’d finished training camp for the day, and this was a window of time before he started his shift. Also, since fans were discouraged from bothering players here, it was an opportunity to meet in public with reasonable privacy.

I was waiting inside at the bar when Darcy arrived. He looked around with wide eyes. I waved him over. “What would you like? I’ve got a tab.”

“Um, just a Coke.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah, I get into less trouble at work if I’m sober.”

Right, he wasn’t drinking alcohol before his job. I asked for some sparkling water, needing my own wits sharp. Once we had our drinks, I led the way over to a table in the back where the team usually met after games. The place was empty, but I didn’t want to be overheard.

Darcy sat on a chair and looked around. It was a big bar, two stories, with golden woodwork and brass trim. At his hour, there was little noise other than music playing in the background. Most of the staff were either busy behind the large bar or setting up tables on the second floor.

“Never been here before?”

He shook his head. “I’ve heard about it. It’s nice.”

A silence fell. The clock was ticking, and I didn’t ask Darcy to meet me to talk about the bar. Time to lay it on the line. “Callie tells you everything, right?”

He nodded.

“After the wedding, she told me we’d met the terms of our agreement. But since she was developing feelings, she wanted to stop seeing me.”

He nodded slowly. “She’s hurting. She doesn’t let many people get close. You know about what it was like for her, growing up?”

“She grew up in foster care.”

Darcy nodded. “That’s where we met, when she was about ten. That’s when they gave up on her mother. No one sticks around for her. Except me. So, I’m sorry if you miss her, but I’m not going to help you see her again.”

“I’m going to stick around too.”

Darcy raised his brows.

“I don’t date. I have what I thought were ironclad reasons, so it took me a little time to figure this out after Callie cut me off. But she’s not the only one with feelings, and I didn’t welcome them either.”

“So why are we here?”

“Because being without her hurts. I’m not sleeping well and I’m losing focus. Every time my phone buzzes, I hope it’s her. I want to know how that damned golf tournament went and if I helped or not. I want to see that little crease she gets between her eyebrows when she’s thinking and rub it away with my finger. I want to take her apart in my bed and see her, without her guard up, looking happy and relaxed. I want to hear her growl when I ask her something before she’s had coffee. I want…I want a lot, and I want it all with her.”

Darcy’s jaw had dropped while I spoke, and now he closed his mouth and swallowed. “Really?”

“Really. If I had to choose between her and the Cup…well, I only get to keep the Cup for a day. I want her for all the days.”

A smile crossed Darcy’s face. Finally, a glimmer of hope and I could breathe easier. These were things Callie should hear first, but she wasn’t listening.

“Wow. That’s…incredible.” He stared at me, spinning the glass on the table. “What do you want me to do?”

“I wondered…” Darcy raised an eyebrow. “Could you take her someplace? Someplace public, so she’s not threatened, but where I have a chance to meet you so I can make my case.”

He took a swallow of his drink, then ran his finger up and down the side of the glass. “Without telling her in advance.”

“She won’t come otherwise.”

Darcy’s hands were now on his lap. He stared at the table. I wanted to push, convince him he should do this. But he had to decide this was worth doing on his own. If he said no, I would find some other way. Maybe the office after all?

“I think I can do that. But I need time to consider everything first. If this goes sideways, I’m risking the most important relationship in my life.”

“You can blame it all on me if it goes wrong. You have my number. If you decide you will, just let me know when and where. Preferably when I’m not playing.” Preseason games were coming up, and as captain, it would look bad if I skipped a game. That I was even considering it told how twisted up I was.

Darcy nodded. “I think— I think I can do it.” He met my gaze. “But only because I believe this is good for her.”

“I’m glad she has you, someone to look after her. To be on her side. I want to be that too.”

“Don’t hurt her.”

I flinched. “I’d like to make sure she’s never hurt again.”

He bit his lip. “Okay, I’ll let you know. But I gotta get to work now.”

“Thank you for talking to me. And if you decide to help me, I owe you. Anything.”

Darcy met my gaze. “No, you won’t owe me. If I do it, it’s for her.”

* * *

Callie

I was off my game. I was definitely off, or I’d have noticed Darcy was up to something. And I wouldn’t have been thinking in sports analogies. When I entered the restaurant where I was supposed to meet him for dinner, I was completely blindsided to see Cooper sitting in the booth across from him.

I could have turned around and walked out. I could also have stomped over and told them off. What I did was drink in the sight of Cooper for long seconds. I missed him. I’d thought these feelings would diminish. I thought they had started to diminish, but one glimpse of him and my insides caved. And then began to spread warmth as I soaked in his body, his face, and mostly, his eyes. They were shadowed, as if he’d been having difficult nights as well since I’d last seen him. But they were blazing, focused on me.

This wasn’t good. Not for my recovery, not for my mental health.

Darcy stood up and walked toward me. I switched my focus to him.

“I don’t blame you if you’re angry with me. Cooper talked to me and convinced me that he had something you needed to hear. I think you should listen to him, but if you really don’t want to, we’ll walk away.”

I heard something like a growl from where Cooper was sitting, but I concentrated on Darcy’s words. Now that I was over the first shock, and had soaked up some Cooper, I was angry. It had been my decision, my choice, to end what was going on between us. Cooper was pushing my friend. Pushing me through my friend.

Rubbing up against that was the trust I had in Darcy. He wouldn’t have set this up if Cooper was playing some kind of game. Darcy might admire Cooper as a hockey player, but he would put me first, wouldn’t he?

Mixed in with the anger and doubts, I was curious about what Cooper was up to. I’d refused to read or listen to his messages, since only a Cooper blackout would get me over these feelings. Part of me wanted to spend any additional minutes with him that I could. That part of me was dangerous. But that part also fed on dreams that had no basis in reality. It would be better to hear what he had to say, and deal with it, rather than imagining things that the dangerous part of me wanted to twist into hope.

I did my best to look like I was in control and not an emotional mess. I hated being vulnerable like this, which was why I’d put an end to this thing with Cooper as soon as I realized feelings were happening.

“I’ll listen,” I told Darcy. “But you stay.” Nothing too painful was going to happen with Darcy here.

Darcy returned to his seat. They’d been here long enough that they each had been served a drink. Cooper started to slide over, but I sat beside Darcy. It was harder than it should have been to meet Cooper’s gaze again.

Cooper relaxed, which made me nervous. I had to calm down, use my brain. Not everything was a zero-sum game. The fact that Cooper thought this was good for him didn’t mean it was bad for me. I reined in my racing thoughts the best I could and waited for him to speak.

“It’s good to see you again, Callie. I appreciate you listening.”

I nodded. It was easier to keep a nod from revealing anything than it was with words.

His glance went to Darcy, and then to the cup of coffee in front of him. He finally looked at me again.

“You wanted to end this, between me and you, because we’d promised no feelings. I understand. But you’re not the only one who came down with feelings, so I think we should open the discussion again.”

I blinked. It took a moment for those words to process. I wasn’t the only one who came down with feelings?

Oh. I took another look at Cooper. I’d already noticed that he looked tired, with shadows under the blue eyes and lines bracketing his mouth. But now I let myself see the warmth in his expression, the softness around that mouth. I wasn’t an expert on reading faces, but the best I could figure, he was telling the truth. I was more than an arrangement, more than benefits. He wanted…to do something with feelings. Something where we both had feelings. Dating, relationship, romantic involvement.

Oh, hell no.

The panic crept up my body, paralyzing my throat, making it impossible to do more than pull in air and keep myself upright. I didn’t want a relationship. I didn’t want to weave someone’s life into mine. I wanted to be in control of my life, not defenseless when they pulled away. I wasn’t giving up my security, my safety, for the chance to have it all blown up when someone else changed the rules or the end game again and left me behind.

Images of my mother, my foster families, the boys who’d promised everything in high school flooded my brain. It felt like the entire world had been frozen with my panic.

Both Darcy and Cooper were watching me, waiting for a response. My control must have been holding, since neither of them were reacting, arguing to change my mind. I drew in a long breath. I fought back the panic and thought past my knee-jerk reaction.

I was not being attacked. I didn’t need to fight. But I also didn’t need to agree. Cooper might have had an epiphany but that was not my problem.

I held up my hand and tested my voice. “Give me a minute.” They exchanged glances and waited.

I knew Cooper. Not well enough to have seen this coming, but I did know a lot about him. He was determined and worked hard for what he wanted. The reason he had his position in the hockey world was because of that. I couldn’t leave him an opening, or he’d keep pushing. He hadn’t let anyone in since he was in high school and I didn’t want to hurt him. But I needed to make sure he knew this wasn’t happening. Ever.

A tendril of anger unfurled in my chest. He thought he just had to say he was up for dating or whatever and I’d agree? Until he wanted to move on again? I hadn’t done a lot of relationships, but I was pretty sure breaking up got harder the longer the relationship went on. I’d suffered enough. I wanted it over. I wanted to be me again.

The anger let me speak and let my brain control what I said. “I appreciate that you told me that, Cooper. But you misunderstood.”

His face lost expression. His lips tightened.

“I didn’t want to stop our arrangement because only I had feelings. It was because feelings were involved at all. I don’t want that.”

I prepared to leave, but his hand shot out, holding my arm. I felt the jolt run through my body as his skin touched mine.

“Why?”

I vibrated with the need to get out of there. I already felt the urge to cry working its way through my nervous system. And I couldn’t, not now. “I need something I can count on. Something that lasts. Not feelings. Not promises.”

He took his hand back. I wanted to feel it again so desperately I almost grabbed for it, so I knew I was doing the right thing.

“Something you can count on.”

I stood, more quickly than gracefully. “Yes.”

“Like your career. Your bank account. Your place.”

I was surprised he caught on so quickly. “Exactly. Relationships don’t last. Feelings can’t be held to a contract. I’m fine on my own, so I don’t need to gamble. Goodbye, Cooper.”

And damn it, my voice trembled as I said that. But I turned and walked away, as quickly as I could without looking like I was running.