Page 28

Chapter 28

Romance and hearts and feelings

Cooper

I spent two days with Hunter and Hailey, and it was exhausting.

Hunter was right: Hailey went nonstop. I had to leave for workouts and a couple of team meetings, and when I got back to their condo, Hailey would launch herself at me like a rocket. I’d suspect Hunter had been keeping her calm till then, but he always looked wiped out.

Then Faith got home, and Hailey only wanted her mom. Which was totally as it should be. I finally went back to my place. It was my home, and where I spent my off-ice time. I liked being at my place.

It was quiet. I should have been happy, after Hailey time, but it was too quiet.

Callie was right. Neither of us were interested in a relationship based on romantic feelings. Sure, we’d grown close. Shared things, gotten to know each other. Too well. When you added sex to that—things did get confusing. Knowing she was feeling something… I couldn’t lead her on. Maybe my ego was too big. I wasn’t used to someone telling me no. That would be why I was so unsettled, still dwelling on this.

Fuck that. I’d been told no in the past and it had hurt. But it had been a long time, and I’d never let myself get in a situation again where hearing no was going to devastate me. I didn’t want to tell Callie I was finished with her, so I should be happy she took the initiative, but this was totally messing with my head.

Fortunately, rookie camp started and I had that to keep me busy and wear me out. Guys were returning to Toronto and I needed to check in with them, see if they were ready mentally and physically for the upcoming season. After the way the last one ended, we’d done what Coach said and kept that feeling, that horrible failure feeling, and we were using it to drive us forward this season. As captain, I had to lead. Take blame for that loss and propel us into something better. And the only thing better was the Cup.

I was in good shape, as were most of the team. If you wanted to play at this level, you couldn’t slack off all summer and hope to keep up in training camp. But those first practices were brutal, and I added some extra cardio and weights, just to make sure I was at my peak. There were younger guys coming up all the time, and I was turning thirty this year. That was old in hockey years. Someday I wouldn’t be the best, but I made sure that day was as far in the future as possible.

I hung out with my teammates. Did a photo shoot for a sponsor. And at the end of every day came home to my quiet condo and thought about Callie. It was…not me.

Callie had changed me. I finally had to admit what that meant. Those damned feelings she’d talked about.

When I couldn’t take it anymore and we had a day off practice, I asked Hunter to go for a run.

We stretched, then started a slow pace to get to the waterfront pathway. It was early in the morning, and most of the few people around were doing the same as we were.

I set a fast but steady pace. Hunter trained with Faith when he could and made use of our team facility, so he was still fit. Once we were warmed up and getting into a groove, he spoke.

“What’s up, Coop?”

If I’d just wanted the exercise, we could have run on treadmills at the practice facility. Not a lot of privacy though. I’d asked to run outside for a reason.

“It’s Callie.”

“Huh,” he grunted. “I thought there was no Callie anymore.”

There wasn’t supposed to be. Anyone else, I’d been able to say goodbye and it was over. “Yeah, well my brain hasn’t gotten the message.”

This was when he could start saying he’d told me, whatever. But since he was a nicer guy than I was, he didn’t. “What’s your brain doing, then?”

I shook my head. “It keeps thinking about her. I want to tell her stuff.” I might as well say it. “I miss her.”

We ran without talking for a few hundred meters. We passed a woman running with a stroller, baby inside, and two men who tried to speed up to match us when we went by them, but they fell back.

“So you want to see her again.”

“Apparently.”

Hunter turned his head. “This means you have feelings for her.”

“Fuck. I know. But why?”

Hunter laughed. “Why do you have feelings?”

“I’m not a robot. Of course I have feelings. Just not these feelings. Why can’t I forget her? If someone doesn’t want me, someone else will. So why can’t I just let her go? What has she done to me?”

Hunter didn’t speak and I turned to see why. He was frowning, sweat showing on his T-shirt.

“What?”

He shrugged. I turned forward again.

“She got to you, Cooper. She got under that top layer you show most people.”

“I didn’t want her to.” Hell if I wanted anyone there.

“I know. But she’s not like anyone you’ve known before.”

That was true, but I didn’t think that really explained anything. “So, this is just because she’s different? Will it go away?”

“No, it’s like…is she impressed that you’re a hockey player? Or make a lot of money?”

Callie, who didn’t care about any kind of sportsball and had come up with conversational tricks to distract people from that. The woman who’d been adamant about paying her way and not being obligated to me. “Nope.”

Then his meaning hit me. “You’re saying the only reason women like me is because of my money and reputation?” That hurt. I looked good. I was well educated, could talk about a wide range of subjects, and I dressed better than most of the people I met. I had more than money and fame.

“Not all women. But some. Others just think you’re good-looking.”

This was not doing my ego any good.

Hunter continued. “Callie doesn’t care about that, or that you can charm people.”

“Obviously I didn’t charm her.”

“But that’s good.”

“How?”

Hunter stopped, so I slowed and turned to face him.

“I think she got to know the real Cooper, the one hidden below the charm. She liked him. And it scared her, and it scares you.”

I felt something gripping my chest, and it wasn’t a shortage of breath.

“You’ve got strong feelings for her. Now you have to decide if you’re going to do something about it or ignore them and keep on the way you have been. If you can still be happy that way now.”

I lifted my shirt to wipe sweat off my forehead. I heard a gasp and saw the wide eyes of a pair of women runners coming the other way. I dropped the shirt and nodded at Hunter to keep running. He rolled his eyes but got back on our pace.

When we were a good distance away from anyone else, I said, “I want to ignore these feelings. But I’ve been trying to get over her and it’s not working.”

He grinned. “Then I guess you need to do something about it.”

I let that thought settle in my brain. That meant naming this feeling, and getting involved with Callie, who could rip up my world if I let her in. But it also meant that I’d have someone, someone like Faith was for Hunter. Only my someone. Someone to be with when I wasn’t on for fans or the media. Someone who would ignore my bullshit and see the real me. And who might just like it enough to stay.

But Callie was spooked. She’d already decided not to risk anything when she realized she had picked up these feelings.

To be fair, I hadn’t let her know that I had skin in the game. I’d been spooked as well. Would that be enough to convince her to risk it? I didn’t know the odds on that. But hell, seeing her again would—just the thought of it was warming me up inside, where I’d been feeling cold. And empty.

So far, I’d succeeded in almost every goal I’d set. I’d made it in the NHL. I’d accumulated a lot of money. I’d been a success my family couldn’t ignore, winning any competition they thought we were in.

I could do this. I just had to figure out a plan.

I turned to the guy beside me. He owed me when it came to romance and hearts and feelings; he and Faith had struggled back in school, and I’d played a part in getting them to at least speak to each other.

“Okay, Hunter. How am I going to get my girl?”

* * *

Callie

“Do you need to rent clubs?” Leonie asked as I passed her desk. “And you’re staying for the meal, correct?”

Right, the tournament. I would need clubs, since I didn’t have the ones Cooper had brought to Briarwood for me. I’d done my best to shove anything related to Cooper and golf to the back of my mind. The stupid golf tournament was this weekend though, so I wasn’t exactly successful.

“Yes, I will need clubs, and I am staying for the meal.” Otherwise, the time with Cooper would be just a useless heartache.

Leonie nodded and beckoned me closer. I frowned, but leaned over her desk.

“I asked around and I think I know what the problem with Benson is.”

I’d almost forgotten Benson, having bigger things to worry about. “Okay, what is it?”

“Apparently, there’s been talk among the partners lately that they need to be more diverse. If you look at the photos on the website, they’re almost all white men. They need women and POC.”

They should also diversify based on sexual preferences and abilities, but those wouldn’t immediately show up on the partner page. “Benson thinks I’ll get partner because I’m a woman?”

“Unless he can show that you’re not very good.”

“But there are other women associates.”

Leonie smiled, a smug expression on her face. “None doing as good work as you. Tax is a difficult specialty.”

“Thank you for letting me know.” And when I got back to myself, I could deal with Benson. Once I wasn’t hung up on Cooper.

I worked longer hours, trying to maintain my usual volume of work and because time without work was time where memories haunted me. But when I slept I had no control over the dreams I had. Dreams that made facing reality every morning that much harder. It had to stop.

It was a relief when tournament day arrived. Maybe this would finally give me a chance to end the stupid thoughts. Benson was waiting with a checklist by the doors of the bus the firm had hired to take us to Briarwood. He narrowed his eyes when I showed up. I was wearing the same skort and shirt I’d worn the first time I’d been to Briarwood. They looked newish, but not brand-new, like I had them in my closet ready for an event like this. They were perfect for Briarwood. I had the same dress to change into for dinner.

“Did you manage to get some golf lessons in?” he asked.

“Yes.” I wasn’t going to engage with him any more than necessary.

“I hope you don’t hold us up on the greens.”

I smiled, showing teeth. “I hope so too.”

He would have liked to keep needling me, but more people appeared and I was free to board.

The vehicle was nothing like the city transit buses I was familiar with. This one had tinted windows and individual seats. There weren’t twenty people wedged in the aisles, and no one in the back was playing music through their headphones loud enough to be heard by the driver. People looked at each other and spoke.

I sat down beside Eva, a woman from family law who I knew slightly. “Do you mind if I join you?”

“Not at all. You look nice.”

“Thank you.”

If I’d been left on my own to dress, I’d have looked like some of the others on the bus, whose clothes were too new, or too old, too fancy or too plain. Things I wouldn’t have noticed BC—Before Cooper. I didn’t have the best sense of style or color, but some of those pants? Hurt my eyes.

I didn’t have to worry whether I fit in or looked good. And I wasn’t worried about breaking an unwritten rule. If Benson wanted to keep glaring at me, he was welcome, but he wasn’t going to find anything to complain about. He might have thought today was the day he’d torpedo my partner chances, but he was wrong.

Everyone was punctual, and there wasn’t a lot of traffic on a Saturday morning so we made good time. We soon were turning into the drive of the club. Eva sucked in her breath when she first saw the gleaming white split-rail fences surrounding lush green grass. It was impressive. Beautiful. And for once, I was at ease in that kind of place. Her eyes widened, and she swallowed. I’d probably looked the same the first time I came with Cooper.

I had to stop thinking about Cooper.

“Have you been here before?” She shook her head. “I’ve been a few times, so let me know if you have questions.”

Her brows went up, but she didn’t tell me I was a liar or ask for details to prove it.

We’d been sitting in the back of the bus, so we were among the last people to exit. Our group gathered in a rough circle as everyone stepped away from the vehicle, waiting to be instructed what to do next. I saw two of the partners walking this way, ready to get us organized and out on the greens. That should be it, right? Or did they do a speech or something first?

I took a long, calming breath and then almost choked when I saw Cooper across the parking lot. Seeing him in person hit me like someone whacked a golf club into my stomach. He was behind Mr. Anderson and Mr. Chan who had stopped to talk to us.

I didn’t hear the initial greeting from Mr. Anderson to the group. I hadn’t seen Cooper for almost three weeks, and I drank in the sight of him. He was taller than anyone else, and I swear the stupid sun was making a halo around him. He was wearing golf pants I could remember—I remembered too much about him—and a blue shirt that was obviously the perfect shade. His bright blue eyes under his hat were looking right at me. For a moment, everyone else faded away.

I blinked. Cooper was looking at me, and so were his teammates who I hadn’t even noticed at first. I forced my gaze to move on from Cooper and recognized Seb Hunter and Ducky and JJ. They were a little flushed and sweaty, so they’d probably just finished a round.

Cooper knew this was the day of our tournament. He didn’t even like golfing that much. So why be here, why now? I wiped my sweaty palms on my skirt. At least if they were done, he wouldn’t be around for the rest of the day and I might be able to breathe again.

People around me began to recognize Cooper and his buddies. Heads turned his way, and even Mr. Anderson stopped speaking to look. Cooper smiled at me, and my knees wanted to fold.

“Hey, Callie! You ready to knock ’em dead out there?” His voice carried to our whole group.

Those heads swiveled back toward me. I fought to stay still, not throw myself at him. I had to swallow before I could speak. “I didn’t expect to see you here.” Or really, ever again.

“Did I forget to tell you we were playing a round?”

Oh yeah, he’d forgotten that all right. He’d also forgotten that we weren’t friends anymore. He didn’t have to tell me things, and I was better off not knowing what he was doing.

He crossed to stand in front of me and held out a bag of clubs. The ones I’d used when he brought me here. “You left your clubs in the Bentley. Watch out for that spot on the fourth green. Hunts got caught up there, like you did last time.”

I felt the eyes of everyone in our group on me. “Okay. I will.”

What else was I supposed to say? That the last time was four weeks ago? That despite what he was implying, I wasn’t part of this place? That we weren’t a couple? That I was confused and gut hurt and so glad to see him and totally lost?

He looked around, as if he’d just noticed that this whole group of people were watching us. “Sorry to interrupt. I’ll get the highlights later.”

The four of them wandered into the clubhouse. Everyone stared at me.

I’d spent my whole time at this law firm, at school, trying not to do anything wrong. My focus had been on not making any mistakes. I’d hoped if I never messed up, then I’d succeed. Cooper didn’t do that. He didn’t fade into the background. He worked and trained to make things happen, putting himself forward as someone who succeeded, not just someone who didn’t fail. And he was doing that for me now.

How was I supposed to get over him?

Mr. Chan noticed me, for the first time in months. Not because I’d done something wrong or right. But because, thanks to Cooper, I looked like someone who mattered. Someone who knew successful people and came to fancy clubs and played golf with them.

“I didn’t know you golfed, Callie.”

Heaven forbid he thought I was good and then found out how bad I was. “I don’t, not really. I’ve only played a handful of times.”

He put a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll do us proud out there.” He smiled.

He saw me as an asset, more than just a brain with taxes. He was noticing me as partner material.

And that was thanks to Cooper. How was I supposed to repay him for that?