Page 21

Chapter 21

It’s better than Po

Jayna

Something was pounding in my head. My mouth was desert dry, and my eyes felt like they’d been rubbing against sandpaper. I’d either just picked up the king of all flu bugs, or I’d abused myself last night. What had I done? A little voice in the back of my head said I didn’t want to know. But I had to. I couldn’t stay… Where was I?

I was in a bed, but not my own. The sheets felt different, and the smell was definitely not my room. I cracked my eyes open, relieved that there were window coverings, so only streaks of light lanced my dry eyes. A guy’s room. Hockey guy. Inferno, or Blaze— Braydon .

Everything flooded back and I shut my eyes against the memories. My knee. No more hockey. The bar, Superfan, Braydon. Braydon talking about his plan for the summer to distract me. He had a good idea, one that a Jayna who wasn’t hungover and facing the loss of her career could help him with. Instead, I’d cried all over him.

I groaned and rolled over. Full credit to Braydon. He hadn’t told me everything would be fine, or what I should do. He’d just let me soak his T-shirt for… I didn’t even know how long. Pretty sure I’d cried myself to sleep, because I had no memories of anything after.

What time was it? I’d left my phone somewhere, but it must have a shitload of messages and texts. Ignoring everyone last night had not been my brightest idea, but I’d needed the break. Time now to face the music.

I opened my eyes again and shoved up into a slouch against the headboard. There was a water bottle on the table beside the bed, and some painkillers. Braydon—he’d done that last night too. My phone was there, on the charger, and a note scribbled on the back of a receipt.

Had to go. I messaged your boss—said you hadn’t been feeling well and I wasn’t sure if you’d be in. Hope that was okay. Call me if you need anything.

Was it okay? It was interfering in something that wasn’t his problem, but it meant I had a buffer before I had to face the world again. I checked the time on my phone, ignoring all the notifications.

I swallowed the pills and washed them down with water. Emptying the bottle emphasized how dry I was. I also needed the bathroom. I managed to stand, and found my jeans and sweater folded on the dresser. Had Braydon taken those off, leaving me in my T-shirt and underwear, or had I forgotten doing it myself? Not like he hadn’t seen it all before. I pulled on the clothes and found the bathroom.

I grabbed my phone, still ignoring the messages, and opened the Lyft app. Then I heard the door open downstairs and someone come in.

I stepped into the hall. “Braydon?”

“Luke.”

“It’s Jayna.”

“I know.” His tone was curt. Someone wasn’t happy I was around.

“I’ll get out of your way.”

I started down the stairs, and heard him sigh. “You don’t have to. Want something to eat?”

Did I? My stomach was surprisingly settled, no upchucking— Then I remembered puking in the driveway. Shit. I had to clean that up before I left.

“Sure.” Food would give me another reason to postpone dealing with reality. Mr. Grouchypants had offered so maybe he wasn’t as put out as he sounded.

Mr. GP was in the kitchen, throwing things into a frying pan. His hair was damp and he was wearing Inferno sweats. Probably showered at the arena after practice. He looked up when I made it to the kitchen, mouth frowning. “Anything you don’t eat?”

“Liver.” I slumped onto a stool.

Luke checked me over. “No liver in this. You going to live?”

“Killer hangover.”

He turned back to the frying pan. “Yeah, that happens when you drink too much. Probably better not to do that very often.”

I rolled my eyes. Like he hadn’t done the same. “Great advice.”

“This is breakfast in a pan. Bacon, sausage, onion, potato, eggs and cheese.”

My nose twitched. “It smells great.”

“I made Braydon go to practice. He wanted to stay.”

Oh. That was a nice thought, but Luke didn’t sound happy. “I didn’t ask him to stay, and I’m glad he went. You sure you don’t want me to leave?”

“I promised I’d take care of you.”

And didn’t he sound happy about that? Right. He’d probably found the mess I’d left. “I, um, need to clean up something in your driveway, and then I can bail.”

“The driveway is fine.”

“I upchucked. When I was getting out of Braydon’s truck last night.”

“It’s taken care of.” He cracked eggs into the pan with a little more force than necessary. Had he been stuck on cleanup duty?

“I didn’t plan on coming back here. And I don’t want to mess things up for you or Braydon.”

Luke gave the pan a stir. “But you’re here. And Braydon missed his morning run and was ready to flip off practice, and he never does that.”

“I didn’t ask him to. I just…I got some bad news yesterday and ended up a little drunk. He came and got me. I didn’t ask.”

Luke turned off the burner and leaned his ass on the counter. His arms were crossed and he frowned at me. “I know you’re fake dating to help Braydon because of that video. And that’s great. But Braydon has been focused on nothing but hockey ever since I’ve known him. He’s worked hard to get here, and he never gets distracted. He doesn’t date, he doesn’t stay out late, he never skips his workouts or practices, even the optional ones. He’s like the perfect hockey player.”

I nodded.

“But now that he’s with you, he’s messing up his routine, risking this dream he’s had forever. I don’t want you to ruin things for him.”

I dropped my head in my hands. Bad enough that I was losing hockey—I didn’t need to mess things up for my fake boyfriend too. Especially when he was so damned nice. “I hear you. I don’t want him to risk anything for me.”

I drew in a breath and lifted my head. Might as well tell Luke—it’d be good practice for telling other people I gave a shit about.

“Saw the doctor yesterday. My knee isn’t going to recover enough. I won’t be able to play again.”

Luke’s arms dropped. “Damn.”

“I know.”

He huffed and then turned to grab some dishes. “You told Braydon?” he asked, setting a plateful of delicious-smelling, hashy breakfast in front of me. He passed a fork.

“Yeah. It’s why I was wasted last night. Sorry. I won’t do it again.” I took a bite and moaned. “That’s incredible.”

He let a small smile escape. “Thanks. Good for hangovers. Braydon thought you might like it.” He scooped a mound on another plate and sat across from me. “Do you, I don’t know, want to talk or something?”

I shook my head, mouth full.

“Thank god.”

* * *

I made some decisions in the back of a Lyft on the way to my place. Once there, I threw the clothes I was wearing in the laundry and changed into comfortable sweats. With a filled water bottle to rehydrate, I sat down to go through the backlog of things I’d ignored yesterday.

First priority was calling Kira. I told her exactly what the doctors had said and apologized for missing work today. She seemed to think that was a reasonable excuse. I promised to catch up with what I could from home and asked her to keep the news quiet for a few days while I worked things out. Then I dug into emails, social media, all the things that helped me pay rent.

Megan arrived home from work—she and Faith taught skating and coached hockey at a nearby rink to support their hockey habit. She rushed to my room.

“Temps! Are you okay? When you didn’t answer messages I got worried.”

“Sorry.” I was apologizing a lot today.

“Braydon said you were with him, so at least I knew you were safe. How’d things go with the doctors?”

I shrugged, doing my best to act casual. Not like I’d had devastating news. “They have to redo a couple of tests, so still waiting.”

I didn’t want to be a distraction for my teammates when they were preparing for the biggest game of their season. I could give the bad news later, when it wouldn’t affect their chances.

Megan put her hand on her chest. “Thank god. I was worried the news had been bad when I didn’t hear from you.”

“It was frustrating. I wanted to put it all behind me, so I spent some time with Braydon.”

“You were working?”

I almost denied it but managed to keep my mouth closed. Last night hadn’t been work. I’d answered the call from Braydon, not the ones from my friends and teammates. He’d come to get me from the bar because he’d worried about me. I hadn’t even posted on social media about that.

Spending time with Braydon wasn’t work. He was…a friend. With whom I’d had sex, and great orgasms. He was closer to a real boyfriend than I’d had in who knew how long. If he’d just been a regular guy, someone I’d started dating because I liked him, not as part of my job, I’d want to pursue this thing between us.

But he was a hockey player, and I didn’t want to be defined by my partner. And right now I was a mess. I still had to deal with losing my hockey career. I’d have to find something else to do to support myself. My job with the Bonfire was earmarked for a player on the team, to boost their hockey earnings to a living wage. I didn’t even know if the Blaze would let me work for them once I was no longer part of the Bonfire.

Braydon was also heading into his first NHL playoffs. I couldn’t mess with that. He didn’t need the distraction, and I didn’t want to get any more attached to him. We had no future, so the sooner we were done, the better.

* * *

Braydon

Practice had been difficult. Being up late, not having my run—I’d been slow, brain not reacting any better than my body. Coach had kept me after the others, so as I sat in my cubby, still in my compression gear at the end of practice, I was almost the only one here.

I checked for something from Jayna. Nothing. Luke messaged that she’d had breakfast and left in a Lyft. She’d been feeling the pain of her hangover, he said, but otherwise she was fine. I didn’t want to bother her. Sometimes if you got bad news, you just wanted space to deal with it. She’d gone alone to a bar after hearing from her doctors instead of calling friends, and then spent the night with me, so apparently she’d wanted that.

There was a message though, from Faith Devereaux. She invited Jayna and me for dinner so that she and I could get to know each other.

I didn’t want to get to know Frank Devereaux, and if Faith invited him, I’d turn this down. The man had been an asshole when he got my mom pregnant, and he’d been an asshole when I met him a week ago. Faith, though, I’d like to get to know. Unless she had more of her father in her than I’d seen so far. I sure as hell hoped I didn’t.

If Jayna needed space, I didn’t want to pressure her. But she knew her teammate, and I didn’t. As well, Jayna was invited to this dinner. And if she didn’t come with me, we’d need to agree on why.

Faith invited us for dinner. Will she invite her father?

There was no immediate response, so I stripped down and showered. I didn’t get the ping I was looking for till I was almost home.

Not a chance. Do you want to go if he’s not invited?

I think so.

Okay. See you there.

She didn’t want to see me tonight. Tomorrow night was a game, this dinner the next night, which meant I wouldn’t see her for a couple of days.

Should I have stayed this morning? Was she upset that I hadn’t? I’d wanted to, but after talking to Luke I had to go. He was right. I knew that.

Time to watch some video, on the off chance I’d get to play tomorrow. Not be distracted by someone who was only dating me for her job.

* * *

Faith and her husband lived in a condo downtown, not far from the arena. I got there before Jayna did, so I was alone to face Faith’s husband Sebastien when he answered the door. Their daughter Hailey was hanging on to her father’s legs, peering at me with suspicion. Kinda like her dad.

“Mitch, come in.” He picked up his daughter, who never moved her gaze from me. “This is Hailey. Hailey, this is Braydon—you okay if she calls you that?”

“Sure.” I wasn’t going to ask her to call me uncle.

The toddler pointed a hand at me. “Don,” she stated firmly.

“Braydon,” her dad repeated.

She reached from his arms to poke a finger at my chest. “Don.”

Hunter ran a hand through her hair. Blonde. “I hope you’re also good with Don. It could be worse.”

I gave a polite smile and shrugged off my jacket. I hung it on a coat rack by the door. Then I followed them into the main room of the condo, a living area with glass doors to a balcony. The kitchen was separated from the living room by a table and chairs, currently set for four adults and a child. No place setting for Frank, and Hailey’s presence would keep the conversation topics light.

Faith came out of the hallway, wearing casual clothes, hair slightly damp. “Hello, Braydon. Have a seat.”

I chose a chair, Faith and Hunter and Hailey sitting on the couch.

“Thanks for coming. After the way Dad behaved, I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d turned us down.”

My shoulders relaxed. I hadn’t been sure Faith wouldn’t try to excuse her—our—father. “I wouldn’t have come if I thought he’d be here. Jayna said you wouldn’t invite him.”

Faith shook her head. “He’s my dad, but—” Her cheeks flushed. “Sorry, he’s yours too.”

“No.”

Her eyebrows raised.

“Technically he is, but the man who adopted me when I was three, and who’s raised me, he’s my father as far as I’m concerned.”

Hailey climbed off the couch and stared at me from across the coffee table.

I eyed her warily. “It’s okay for us to talk?”

Hunter reached under the table and pulled out a basket of toys. Hockey figurines. Hailey dumped the basket on the table and started moving the players around.

He grinned at her. “Yeah, she won’t pay any attention unless you use the word G-r-a-p-p-a.”

I put the letters together. “Really?”

“She’s going through a stage. Makes up her own names for people.”

Was that normal? Hell if I knew. “Well, Frank technically is related to me, but he hasn’t done anything that makes me want to know him.”

Faith nodded. “That’s fair. But do you want to know us?”

“Maybe? I’m not sure how this works. And if it’s supposed to be kept secret, should we not?”

Hunter wrapped an arm around his wife. Her head dropped to his shoulder. “Dad won’t let it out, because a child with someone else would be the last straw for my mom. I’m not going to tell anyone because I don’t want to hurt her.” She raised her eyebrows.

I held up my hands to indicate I wouldn’t do that.

“I’m friends with Tempo and she’s my teammate. Hanging out with her boyfriend won’t be weird. We do look alike, but if no one has figured it out yet, I don’t think us spending time together is going to give them ideas. I’d like to get to know my brother. I thought I was an only child.”

“Me too.” I was curious about her, and we had things in common, so maybe this would work.

A knock interrupted us. Hailey looked up and ran for the door. Hunter pushed to his feet and followed her.

Faith smiled. “I’d like to have more family, at least more who aren’t assholes. Even if no one else knows. I hope that means you.”

“Po!” Hailey called from the doorway.

“Hailey monster!” Jayna answered.

Faith gave me a knowing look, and I realized I’d smiled when I heard Jayna’s voice. “Come on in. Your boyfriend is already here,” she called out.

“Don!” Hailey agreed.

“Do I have a new boyfriend now?” Jayna teased as she entered the room. She held Hailey in her arms. Her eyes met mine, and that smile was still on my face.

Faith shook her head at her daughter. “I invited the old one. What are you up to, Hailey?”

Hailey pointed at me. “Don.”

“Don?”

I shrugged. “That’s what she picked up from Braydon.”

Jayna laughed. “It’s better than Po.”

“Where’d she get Po?”

“Tempo.” Jayna sat in the other free chair. Hailey wiggled down and went back to her hockey figures.

Jayna looked mostly okay. She was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved Bonfire T-shirt. Her curls were smoothed out and she was wearing makeup. But looking closely, I saw the rigidity in her posture, the smile that was a little forced.

There was a ding from the oven. Hunter looked over to the kitchen. “Food’s ready. What does everyone want to drink?”

* * *

It was a good evening. Good food, good company, good talk. We avoided the topic of hockey to focus on getting to know each other. Faith and I monopolized the conversation. I was curious about what we had in common, in spite of growing up in separate countries. We both hated math when we were in school and liked tennis better than golf. She talked about college, and how she and Hunter got back together when they both played there.

Jayna and I sat beside each other. It wasn’t hard to act like we were together. I liked touching her—even just my arm resting over the back of her chair. That might cause trouble in future, but right now, while I was distracted talking to Faith, I acted like a boyfriend without thinking. Jayna didn’t move away or glare at me or pinch my leg under the table. It was like, for this meal, we were really dating.

After Hailey went to bed, we could have more mature conversation.

“I had issues—real trust issues—because of my dad.” Faith nudged her husband, who returned after putting Hailey to bed. “I thought Seb had cheated, which was a hard no. And he was on the hockey team, so a lot of girls were interested in him. That triggered all my fears.”

Hunter tugged her tight. “I wasn’t interested in any of them.”

Faith snorted. “When I got to school you had a girlfriend.”

“You wouldn’t talk to me for a year.”

“You worked it out?” I asked. Obviously, they had, but…

Faith nodded. “I was behaving like my mother, and I refused to do that. I could either give up on ever having a partner, and lose that whole part of my life, or I could trust Seb.”

He nodded. “And you talked to someone.”

I cocked my head. “Like, a therapist?”

Faith sighed. “I wanted to do it on my own, but for my sake, and Seb’s, I had to work out the shit my parents had done to my brain.”

They certainly looked solid together now. “Your parents aren’t happy?”

Faith twisted her lips. “I don’t really know. What they have together isn’t healthy, but they won’t change. Dad cheats, Mom looks for evidence, they have a big fight, and start all over again. I tried to get her to leave but she wouldn’t consider it.”

Seb rubbed his hand over her arm. Faith relaxed into his hold. “How about your parents—are they good?”

I didn’t have to think about that answer. “Yeah. Dad married Mom when I was about three, so I don’t remember when he wasn’t with us. They don’t have a lot of money, and they worked second jobs to support my hockey. But they were still happy.”

Faith smiled. “That’s great. You know what a good relationship looks like.”

Hailey appeared in the doorway. Hunter sighed. “Knew that was too good to be true.”

Faith got up. “I’ll try this time.”

“Po?” Hailey asked.

Jayna stood up. “Sure, I’ll come along.”

I heard them go, but Faith’s comment was still reverberating in my head. My parents were happy, and I did know what a good relationship was like.

I’d just never tried for one. Succeeding in hockey had been my focus. It was my dream, but also I wanted to repay Mom and Dad for the sacrifices they’d made. To do that I needed money, the kind I would earn in the NHL. For them, and for the project I had dreamed up to make sure other kids didn’t have to struggle as hard.

For years I hadn’t allowed other distractions. But now…I was playing on an NHL team. Maybe it was time to open myself up to the possibility of a relationship. I’d made plans with my parents for wherever my hockey future took me, but I hadn’t considered what happened to my personal life when I made it. I was close enough now that maybe it was time I did.

Jayna and Faith returned to the living room. Jayna’s eyes met mine, and something warm curled in my chest. I wanted this. Someone to be close to. Sharing more than just a bed. Someone who was willing to love a hockey player.

The warmth fled because Jayna was not that someone.