Page 49 of Playing for Keeps

I was aware that more time with Ethan wasn’t what my messed-up head needed right now.

But it wasn’t Ethan’s fault I was attracted to him. I shouldn’t punish him for it. I’d already done that once before, hadn’t I? I’d destroyed our friendship because I couldn’t cope with my feelings for him.

Dulling Ethan’s sunshiny happiness because I didn’t have enough self-control to cope with my attraction seemed selfish and wrong.

I dumped my gear in my car then headed over to Ethan’s car.

“Sorry, Theo’s shit is everywhere,” he said, scrambling to clear crap off the front seat.

“Sure, it’s all Theo’s fault. Because you’ve always been such a neat freak.”

Ethan huffed out a laugh and started the engine. “So, what did Coach want to talk to you about?”

I fiddled with my seatbelt. “Just wanted to encourage me to take more risks.”

Ethan’s forehead furrowed. “He doesn’t think you take enough risks?”

“Nah. Apparently they’ve done some stats and it’s a flaw in my game.”

“You’re playing phenomenally this season. I can’t believe he’s criticizing you.” Ethan’s voice was indignant, and it made me smile.

I shrugged. “He’s just trying to make me the best I can be.”

“You’re going to make the New Zealand training squad for sure. They’d be mad not to select you.”

“We’ll see.” I tried not to show how excited the concept made me, the idea of finally getting the chance to represent my country. Pulling on a black jersey with a silver fern on it, running out onto the field…yeah, I’d been dreaming about that since I was Theo’s age.

Ethan gave me a look that let me know exactly how much he believed my nonchalant tone. Which was fair enough, he’d known me all those years I’d spent dreaming of rugby glory.

“What about you?” I asked. “You got any rugby goals? You want to be the starting halfback at some point?”

Ethan snorted. “I don’t want to imagine Alfie’s reaction if I got the nod ahead of him. Nah, I’m content where I am. I’m actually starting to think about life after rugby.”

“You are?”

“Yeah. I reckon I might train as a science teacher.”

I struggled to hide my surprise. As kids we’d both wanted to be professional rugby players. And our backup choices had been the usual kid stuff—astronauts, firemen, cops. I’d never heard Ethan mention teaching.

“Well, you definitely have the pre-requisite for enjoying blowing shit up,” I teased.

Ethan smiled, but as he turned into the driving range carpark, I could see the uncertain look on his face. Shit. I’d forgotten how, growing up, Ethan had sometimes struggled with his confidence. He usually hid it under his jokey outer layer, but I’d caught glimpses of his insecurities. It had always seemed crazy to me, because Ethan was amazing. He could achieve anything he set his mind to.

But then, Ethan didn’t have the same parents I had. He hadn’t exactly been bathed in supportive praise throughout his life.

“You’d make a great teacher.” I pumped as much sincerity as I could into the statement.

Ethan switched off the engine and shot me a look. “You think?”

“Definitely.”

“You’re the one who had the nickname Professor growing up.”

“That’s because you were too nice to call me a know-it-all. Anyway, I can totally see your students loving you.”

It was impossible for me to imagine anyone not loving Ethan.

We climbed out of his car, and he grabbed his golf clubs from the back. “My family’s not like yours,” he said. “No one’s ever gone to university before.”