Page 56 of Pinch

Gavin

It’s okay, Princess, I’ve been known to break a toilet in my day.

Haddy

I don’t break toilets! My bowel movements are as normal as anybody’s!

Gavin

I don’t know how I feel about you checking out other people’s BMs. Have you ever been kicked off a flight because of excessive bodily functions?

Haddy

Goodnight, Gavin.

Gavin

Favorite TV show as a kid… I’ll go first, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. I thought living in a suite looked so cool.

Haddy

Did you ever live in one?

Gavin

Yep—when I was in ATL, I had my own penthouse suite.

Haddy

Fancy. Was it everything you dreamed it would be?

Gavin

Pretty much. But I like living in a house with my best friend, two beautiful smart women, and a couple of dogs. Hell, that sounds like a show right there.

Haddy

Sometimes it is

Gavin

What was yours?

Haddy

Hannah Montana

Gavin

That show was funny as shit. Dolly Parton was on it once.

Haddy

A lot of people were on it. I liked how she could be a pop star and a regular kid at the same time.

Gavin

Kind of like you—a princess and a scientist. What got you interested in pageants? You said your mom isn’t a fan.