Page 34 of Perfectly Matched: Harbor Falls Romance Collection

Sometime later, Mary stirred in Nash’s arms. She wanted to linger. She wanted the taste of his skin to stay on her tongue, the scent of his body to permeate her nose forever. She inhaled, deeply, an attempt to brand everything about him permanently in her head, on her heart.

“Don’t move,”

he whispered. “Please.”

She stayed put. Her cheek rested on his chest. His arms wrapped around her shoulders. His mouth pressed against her forehead. Move? How could she move? She was in a place she could only dream she would one day be. She was going nowhere.

“Thank you,”

he finally said, softly.

Mary arched a brow and did what she said she wouldn’t do. Rising up on an elbow, she looked Nash in the face.

“Thank you?”

He exhaled.

“Honey, I didn’t mean that like it sounded.”

She smiled a little.

“Tell me what’s on your mind, Nash. I can see something in your eyes.”

“I’m just… Happy right now. Content. I needed this, Mary. Not only the sex, or to be with you, but time away focusing on anything but music.”

Mary laughed a little, then jokingly said.

“So in other words, thanks for the distraction?”

He grinned and leaned in to kiss her lips.

“Not exactly but in so many ways, yes. You know I enjoyed every minute of us together.”

He breathed the words and kissed her again.

“I wish it were more.”

Then Nash lay back, unfurled his arms from her body, and stared at the ceiling. Suddenly Mary wasn’t worried about the distraction comment, but more concerned about the troubled look on his face. After a few moments, he said.

“I wanted this, you know, the music career. I’d worked for it for years, playing dumps and dives, writing songs for other artists hoping to get noticed, opening for other acts, biding my time until it was my turn to land on top. I wanted it. All of it.”

He looked at her.

“And you know what? I got it. All of the climbing to the top, working 24/7, I loved it. It was me. I couldn’t wait to get up every day and write more songs and just damn sing in front of a crowd. But it’s all different now.”

Mary kept silent for a moment, then asked.

“How? What changed, Nash? How is it different and why is it eating at you like this?”

He shook his head.

“It’s complicated. It’s damned hard work, Mary. And not without sacrifice.”

She stayed propped up on one elbow and studied his face.

“I’m sure it’s hard work, Nash. I bet the sacrifice is great. But like you said, it’s what you wanted, right? What you worked hard for? And the benefits far outweigh the sacrifice, I imagine.”

He thought about that.

“Yes. Of course. In some ways.”

“Then it’s worth it?”

“Most of the time. Not all.”

She waited a moment to respond.

“So, tell me about the times it’s not worth it.”

Nash shifted onto his side and trailed his fingertips over her shoulder, down her arm.

“There’s where I’m conflicted,”

he told her.

“I understand the hard work and the sacrifice. I know in order to get ahead I have to put in the time. I get all of that. But month after month and suddenly I feel like a zombie on stage. City after city. State after state. I’m a damn puppet and Rick is pulling the strings. Sometimes it feels like those strings are wound so tight I’m gonna pop. The pace is nearly impossible, and yeah, I can handle it, but… Well, sometimes I understand why artists turn to abusing alcohol or drugs to get a break.”

Mary watched his face as he spoke. He tensed up just talking about it; she could see the hardened tendons in his neck, the ridges across his brow.

“Not that I’m contemplating either,” he added.

She shook her head.

“No, I didn’t think that, Nash. There’s something you’re not saying though.”

He exhaled hard. Mary watched his chest heave up and then fall.

“Yeah. Relationships. They suck when you’re on the road. I’ve already lost… Well, I’ve had several losses this year while I’ve been focused on music. A couple I couldn’t control, and another I probably could, but I blame that one on the job too.”

Mary understood now, sort of.

“So, you lost someone you cared about.”

Alicia Corbett, she was betting, a country music blogger who also burst on the scene this past year. Everyone knew about their rocky relationship and how it ended—publicly and on her blog. But that was almost year ago, and Mary didn’t want to bring that up today.

“It sucks and I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.”

“And you think it’s always going to be like that?”

“Hell, I don’t know.”

Nash pulled up into a sitting position.

“I just don’t know. I can’t seem to find the motivation I once had, Mary. I don’t make decisions. I just show up. I feel like I’ve lost a little bit of myself. I feel…guilty.”

Guilty.

“I don’t understand, Nash. Why would you feel guilty?”

He responded by closing his eyes and glancing away. Intrigued by those actions, Mary tread lightly, but said.

“Nash, if you are feeling guilty about something, then you need to tell the people or person involved. Talk about it. That’s about the only way to resolve it in your own head.”

He nodded but stared at the wall.

“Maybe so. Maybe.”

Mary let the words and thoughts settle around them for a few minutes, then she asked.

“Who drives you, Nash. What drives you? The label? Someone else? Are you in control of any of this?”

He looked her way and then shook his head.

“Hell, Mary, I’m not in control of anything. The label calls the shots. My manager makes it happen. I just follow along like a beagle puppy, eager to please and do my tricks.”

He lowered his gaze and stared at the sheets.

“That’s a big issue.”

It pained her to hear those words and she wasn’t quite sure how to respond. Then it hit her. “Nash,”

she began softly.

“the real issue here is that other people are running your life. That sucks. They ran it so much that you lost someone you cared about in the process. It’s difficult to be passionate about something when you have no control over how that passion plays out.”

He met her gaze. “Exactly.”

“Then tell them. Negotiate some control. Heck, Nash, you are the commodity, you should have some say.”

“It just doesn’t work that way, Mary. Maybe I’ll have more leverage after the CMA, if I win, that is.”

Suddenly, the safe little world that she had built for herself—introverted and boring but secure and happy—didn’t seem so bad. She had never considered that someone like Nash could have problems he had little control over. How small her life was, and how huge his was in comparison. The one thing Mary had always prided herself on was that she was in control, and it didn’t matter if others didn’t understand. She made her own decisions.

Nash swung his legs over the side of the bed.

“Look. Forget what I just said, Mary. It’s not important. It’s not anything for you to worry about.”

Had he just dismissed her?

She wasn’t about to let this go. She might not have any more time with him, but she had this moment. Scooting up behind him, Mary wrapped her legs around his waist and locked her arms around his chest from behind. Nuzzling her mouth in the crook of his neck, she said softly.

“It is important, Nash. And I think I get it more than you know.”

He grasped her forearms and kept her arms secure around him.

“Maybe you do. I don’t know. I hate like hell to think about leaving you here in Harbor Falls, Mary, but the fact of the matter is, I have a manager who is going to kick my ass when I get back because I haven’t been in communication with him today. I have a two-week vacation coming up with my mama in Louisiana, and she’ll kick my ass if I change those plans. After that, we’re off for another two months in Australia.”

He pulled her arms away and twisted back, pushing her slightly onto the bed.

“Everything in my life is scheduled. I have no down time to get to know you. As much as I want to stay here in this cabin and make love to you one more time, I can’t. You deserve more than that. I know you’re not the one-night stand kind of girl—you’re exactly the kind of woman I want in my life. I just wish to hell I had the time to devote to you, but I don’t.”

Mary pulled her legs back and sat on her knees. Taking Nash’s face into her hands, she said.

“Nash, look. We can call. Write. Email. Text…”

Then she glanced off, pulled her gaze away from his face, and thought about what she’d just said.

“Wait, no….”

He grasped her chin and turned her back to face him. “Mary?”

She took a deep breath. This had to be said.

“Nash. Music is your life. Go do it. It’s what you were born to do. It sounds like you have things to figure out and I won’t stand in the way of that. I’m not part of that picture. That two weeks at home with your family? Sounds like you need that. Use it to figure out some things, and then go be the star you were meant to be and get that passion back. If you can’t do it for you, do it for me.”

She got up off the bed then and started rummaging through the clothes on the floor.

“It’s okay. I understand,”

she added.

“Will you wait for me?”

Those words panged her heart and settled like an uneasy lump in her gut. How could she wait for him? Make a promise like that? How could she say yes, and then leave him like Alicia Corbett did? Did she want that kind of limelight? No. The last thing she wanted was her relationship out in the world for public consumption. She wasn’t built like that. Nash Rhodes was not going to settle down in Harbor Falls. And she wasn’t ready to step outside her comfort zone to meet him halfway.

“Will you? When I get back from Australia, will you see me?”

Not turning around or responding, she reached for her panties and stepped into them.

“Mary?”

Nash stood and grasped her arm.

“Mary? Answer me, please.”

She had to say it. Now or never. This was a happily-ever-after that was never meant to be. He was her celebrity crush that should never have happened. Two very different lives simply collided for a very short time. It was nothing more than that.

She straightened up.

“It was a great afternoon, Nash. One I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. I loved being with you and I have no regrets. I hope you don’t either.”

“What are you saying?”

She met his gaze head on.

“Nash live your life. Do your music. I’m sorry I can’t be a part of it.”

The look on his face was akin to panic.

“But a moment ago you started to say we could call, text….”

Shaking her head, she stopped him with a hand to his chest.

“No. I was wrong. We can’t do those things because—”

She looked away. Nash grasped her hand.

“Because why, Mary? Look at me. Tell me.”

Slowly, she dragged her gaze back to his.

“Because I’m engaged, Nash. I never should have been here in the first place. I shouldn’t have gone anywhere with you today. I shouldn’t have made love with you. I’m getting married in two weeks.”

Nash dropped her hand. Mary turned away and got dressed.

****

“You told him what?”

Mary stood with Suzie on her front porch and watched the big bus with Nash’s name written across the side pull out of the lane from Sweet Hart Inn. Nash had called his driver before they left the cabin so they could get the bus—and Nash—back to the lodge to prep for the concert. To their left, Brad started the Harley and drove it behind the house toward the garage. Mary watched as the bus traveled up Lake Road until it was out of sight, and then she let out a long, frustrated sigh.

“I told him I was engaged.”

She looked at her friend.

Suzie blinked; the rest of her face frozen. Then she said, “And why?”

“Because it was an out.”

“An out?”

Mary nodded.

“I needed to let him go. He was stressing over the music thing and the potential relationship thing and I just gave him an out. I told him to go do music and live his life. I took myself out of the equation.”

Suzie grasped both of Mary’s biceps and turned her.

“Are you crazy? The two of you are a perfect match. Do you realize how he looks at you? That is a man in love.”

“He’s exhausted and confused. He needs time. He doesn’t need me to complicate things.”

“And instead of giving him time, you completely cut yourself out of the picture.”

Mary internalized that for a moment.

“I suppose I did. My head is a jumble.”

Suzie sighed.

“Mary Lou Pickets, are you really going to marry Barry Phillips? Do you really love him? Because I think you’re using him as an excuse. Please tell me now, Mary that these past few days haven’t been for naught.”

She started to tear up.

“Oh Suzie. I don’t know what I am going to do, or what I want anymore.”

At that moment, Mary felt herself coming unglued a little bit. She’d held it together while getting dressed at the cabin. She’d managed not to cry while they rode the bike back to Suzie’s by keeping her eyes closed and not looking into the handlebar mirror. She’d sucked it all up like a big girl as she’d watched Nash walk away from the bike and toward the bus.

But now? Now she felt she was ready to crumble.

“Oh Suzie.”

She faltered a little and steadied herself with a hand on the arm of a rocking chair.

“What the hell am I going to do?”

Suzie wasn’t going to let her sit. She grasped her forearm and pulled her to a standing position.

“Oh no you don’t,”

she said.

“You’re not going to have a meltdown here on my porch. There are better places for that.”

“But Suzie…”

“No. Listen to me.”

She took her elbow and led her into the house and through the kitchen.

“Just sit there at the bar for a minute. Okay? Don’t move.”

Mary had no plans to move. She was too exhausted. Mentally and physically.

Suzie skittered off to her master suite. While she waited, Mary replayed the afternoon scenario in her head—then she cut it off and tried to focus only on the yellow daisy on the sugar bowl sitting on Suzie’s kitchen island.

“There. We’re ready. Well, almost.”

Suzie went to her wine refrigerator and took out a bottle of red wine, uncorked it, selected a wine glass from the cabinet, and poured.

“Now we’re ready,”

she said.

“Mary, come.”

Like an obedient little girl, Mary followed Suzie into her bedroom and into a gigantic master bath, where a garden tub of bubbles waited.

“Oh, Suzie…”

“Oh yes, Mary. It’s all yours for as long as you want. I’ll give Brad the heads up not to come in until you are finished. Take your time.”

Suzie set the glass of wine on the edge of the tub, and then looked at Mary.

“I have only one condition.”

“And that is?”

“No thinking. About anything. Just be and let your mind empty. Just enjoy, unwind. Relax.”

Mary was not about to argue.

Suzie turned to leave the room, and then glanced back, looking at her watch.

“Of course, the concert starts at eight, so perhaps you shouldn’t soak longer than hour, considering…”

Mary shook her head.

“Oh, I’m not going, Suzie.”

Suzie squared herself.

“Like hell you’re not. We have front row seats. You’re going with me. Brad is working and I’m not going alone.”

“But…”

“But nothing. Clear that head of yours for an hour, then be ready by six. I have a dress waiting for you up on your bed. Don’t dally. I’m leaving early.”

Then Suzie left and she was alone. All she wanted to do was cry, but there was the wine, and the bubbles, and the steaming bath. Stripping off her clothes, she eased into the tub, mentally attempting to shred her mind of all her stupid uncertainties and insecurities, as well.

Then she cried.

****

“What the hell, Nash. Are you an idiot?”

Stepping out of his shower, Nash pulled a towel around his waist and grabbed another to dry his hair. He blocked Rick out and went about his business of getting ready for the concert.

“So, where were you?”

What he did this afternoon was of no concern to Rick or anyone else. He’d be damned if he’d cheapen it by kissing and telling.

“None of your damn business.”

Things around here needed to change, and they might as well start now.

“Goddammit, Nash. You can’t just disappear on me like that.”

Nash stopped towel drying his hair and looked at Rick.

“First of all, who in the hell gave you the authority to come in here while I’m showering, and second, can you back off until I get my clothes on? Goddammit, Rick. You’re taking this too far.”

He turned and stepped into the bedroom quarters of the bus, dismissing Rick.

But Rick didn’t budge.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

Nash whirled back.

“And I don’t have to. Get out, Rick. Get the fuck off my bus. Now.”

“You’re out of control. What the hell is wrong with you lately?”

Nash stood with his back to Rick and gripped the towel in his hand. It was all he could do to hold his anger. He wanted to lash out and cut Rick off at the knees. He held tight, turned slowly, and looked him square in the eyes.

“I’m telling you now to back off. I’m not in the mood. And for once, I am in control. Now go.”

“Where were you?”

“Like I said, none of your damn business.”

“Everything you do is my business, Nash.”

He shook his head.

“No. Not anymore.”

“What the hell, Nash? The label is not going to—”

Nash stepped forward.

“The label has nothing to do with this day, this benefit concert. Technically, I’m on vacation. I’m doing this pro bono and so is the band, and I’m paying the crew. Technically, Rick, I’m off your frickin’ clock.”

“Were you off the clock this morning?”

Rick pulled out his phone and swiped a few screens away, then handed the phone to Nash.

“When this picture was taken?”

Nash looked to the phone and saw the picture of him kissing Mary. Dammit. He was hoping it was just a fan.

“Where did you get that,” he asked.

Rick shrugged.

“Social media, where else? The fan tagged your page. It’s been shared thousands of times. Pretty much gone viral. Who is the woman? Everyone has questions.”

Nash pursed his lips.

“Well they can just wait for answers because I’m not giving them any.”

“Come on, Nash. We have to respond.”

“No, we don’t.”

Glaring, he said.

“Get out, Rick. One more time, anything I did today is none of your business, nor it is anyone’s business on social media. Ignore it. That’s an order. Now, I have a concert to get to and I need you off my bus.”

For the first time that evening, Rick was silent, then turned and walked off.

Nash knew it wasn’t the end of it. He didn’t care. Slamming the door to his bedroom, he locked it and grabbed his guitar. He needed a moment. He needed his music.

He needed Mary.