Page 25 of Perfectly Matched: Harbor Falls Romance Collection

Thankful for the busy day, Shelley sat on the edge of her bed some hours later and blew out a heavy sigh. For a variety of reasons, she’d fought tears all day. The children were beautiful and funny, so full of life. She mourned the fact that Cliff would never see them grow up and become young women.

So grateful that her parents were forgiving and loving people, she’d choked back tears more than once just looking at them, watching them enjoy her children. When her father came close to tearing up himself, she’d almost lost it, but held on. And Suzie—her compassionate sister Suzie who loved her unconditionally and should probably hate her—was always there with open, loving arms. She owed her so much and didn’t deserve the kindness her sister had shown her.

There truly was nothing better than family. At least her family. Of course, Harbor Falls had built a tradition on family, which was why coming home was both hard, and wonderful, all at once.

Shelley wondered what Matt was doing today with his family.

He had filtered in and out of her thoughts most of the day but by dinnertime, she had mastered pushing him out of her head.

Well, not really. She’d only told herself that. Pretending was a skill she had acquired over the past few years.

Now, in the quiet of the evening, the cacophony of Christmas laid to rest and her children tucked into bed, her mind longed to still itself—to empty of the chaos of the holidays and her homecoming and finally relax.

But when her mind did turn off, he was there.

Matt was in her head. She could taste him on her lips. Feel him in the palms of her hands.

He was tucked firmly in her heart.

Twisting toward the bed pillows, she tugged at the quilt and slipped between the cool sheets. The pillowcase was crisp and sweet smelling, and she wanted to bury herself in the comfort. Just twenty-four hours earlier, she’d lain on her same side, looking into a rolling fire, with Matt spooning her back. Now, she lay alone, looking into the small night lamp on her bedside table, and finally, the tears flowed.

She wasn’t sure if they were tears of joy, loss, or relief. Perhaps they were simply a manifest of the release she needed to allow herself.

A soft, quick knock sounded on her door and without waiting for a response, Suzie slipped inside.

“Suzie?”

Shelley pushed up on an elbow and knew Suzie could see her tear-stained face. No use to hide it now.

Her big sister approached, and Shelley sat fully up. Suzie sat and embraced her, circling her close. Shelley continued to cry.

“Did Matt hurt you?”

Suzie asked.

“I mean, not physically. Matt isn’t that kind. But with words?”

She shook her head.

“No, of course not.”

“Was he angry?”

“Not too much. Some.”

“Hm.”

Suzie stroked her hair and Shelley kept her face buried on her sister’s shoulder.

After a moment, she whispered.

“We made love, Suzie. Um, maybe I should say we had sex. I don’t think there was any love.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re sure?”

Shelley glanced up.

“I’m pretty sure I know about having sex.”

“No, I mean, are you sure there was no love in it?”

She couldn’t reply to that out loud, but internally, she knew. Yes, there was love in it, at least from her perspective. She’d never stopped loving Matt. Not really.

He obviously didn’t feel the same.

Pulling back, Suzie cupped Shelley’s face in her hands and tilted it to look straight into her eyes.

“Give yourself time. Give him time. Shelley, he’s been miserable for years. Hard to turn misery off on a dime.”

“No, Suzie.”

Shelley blinked away tears and shook her head.

“It’s too late. I told him to forget me and move on. There is too much hurt. Frankly, I’m not worth it. I’m the last person he needs. I’m so screwed up.”

Suzie pursed her lips.

“You are not screwed up. You are emotional. You are confused. You gave into sex when maybe you should have waited but you’re not screwed up. And dammit, you are worthy.”

“Suzie…”

“I don’t want to hear any more about that. You hear me? Stop beating yourself up.”

She stood.

“Now, get some sleep. Tomorrow, we play. Shopping first, and then going to pig out on all those leftovers. Then we get to work. Next week is full and I’m relying on your help. Got it? So get yourself a good night’s sleep.”

Was this her sister’s way of keeping her busy so she wouldn’t think about Matt? Confused a little at her sister’s turn, she said.

“Sure, Suzie. It’s just....”

Suzie headed for the door, talking over her shoulder.

“I mean it, Shell. You don’t have time to pine away about Matt so snap out of it. We’ve got work to do.”

That was it.

Suzie paused for a second, and then left the room, closing the door behind her. Sighing, Shelley flicked off the bedside light and fell back onto the pillows.

“Snap out of it. Sure. I’ll just do that.”

Dark blanketed her and she was surprised to realize that her tears were gone, and she didn’t feel like crying any more. That was good. At once, her door opened again, a triangle of light pushing through while Suzie poked her head inside the room.

“One question,” she said.

“Okay.”

“Was it good?”

No hesitation.

“It was wonderful.”

“Then that’s all I need to know.” Click.

The door closed and the dark was back. Thank God.

****

Matt could have spent the night with his mother, sisters, and the kids, but opted to head back up the mountain. According to the road crews, the mountain road was passable, but he still had to be cautious. He took his time, letting his mind drift a little about the past twenty-four hours or so, even though he had to pay close attention to his driving.

He’d become comfortable with his self-pity. That was a fact. The comfort lay in the fact that it was safe. He shook his head at the thought. What had he become? He’d been a bit of a risk-taker in his youth and now it seemed that a woman had turned him into a man who lived in a safety net.

Not that safety wasn’t a bad thing. Hell, he was a cop. He was supposed to be all about safety—keeping the town’s residents safe, making sure drivers followed the rules, teaching street safety to kids at the elementary school.

Naw, that wasn’t what he was talking about. He was living the safe life. Not putting himself out there anymore with women to keep himself safe emotionally. And yeah, he was wallowing in his self-pity and pining after a woman who had set him free—not just last night, but years ago.

Shelley had set him free and instead of dealing with it and trying to move forward, he’d stuck himself somewhere at the crossroads of pity and longing—longing for something, or someone, he was never going to have again.

No more.

His mother was right. He deserved to be happy.

His resolve remained high the last few miles to this cabin but once inside the doors of his home, he was immediately taken with the lingering scent of Shelley and the remnants of their night spent together in front of the fire—blankets scattered, ottoman pushed back, the clothes of his she wore in a heap by the sofa.

Empty. The place where he’d carved out his safe existence suddenly felt empty without her—even after one night.

He rounded the furniture and sat on the ottoman, staring at the place where they had made love. His heart raced, recalling how he’d felt. How she felt in his arms. How perfectly happy he had been with her for that one, beautiful, night.

Propping his elbows on his knees, he raked his fingers through his hair, his head hanging. Dammit. He loved her still. How was he going to do this? Do what he told his mother?

How as he going to figure out how to live without her, while still loving her with all his heart?