Page 18 of Palm South University: Season 2
MY STOMACH ROLLS AS I STEP OUTof my car and pop open my bright pink umbrella. It’s one of those dreary days in Florida — the very few we have — where it’s below sixty degrees and rainy. It rarely happens, but when it does, it seems to take a toll on all of us. We’re usually bathed in sunlight and donning flip flops, so rain boots and big coats don’t sit well with us.
The rain seems absolutely fitting for how I feel, though, so I revel in it. It takes so much effort to smile or even just exist around my sisters right now, knowing how different my reality is from theirs. When I’m alone, I finally get to think, to feel. So, on the way here, I let myself cry — just a little — enough to let a little of the pressure out.
Xavier Rojas’ club makes me feel sick every time I step foot in it, and today is no exception. My feet splash in the puddles as I make my way toward the back entrance. There are a few hours until the club opens, so it should just be me and Xavier and a few of his guards, but that doesn’t make me feel any more at ease. Hands shaking, I pull my coat tighter around my small frame.
The first time I met Xavier, I had tears streaming down my face, snot running from my nose, and a thousand dollars clutched in my hands.
I had danced for money.
And it had broken me.
I can still remember the men staring at me, their hands touching me when the bouncers weren’t looking, their degrading remarks, their dirty money — it’s all seared into my memory. It was almost a numbing experience, being on the stage. I don’t quite remember taking off my clothes, but I can still feel the cold bar grinding against my bare skin. Rock bottom is an understatement when it comes to describing that night. When I handed Xavier that first payment, I knew I couldn’t stomach it again.
So, I found another way.
I sold clothes, shoes, and electronics to give him the second payment. For some reason, Xavier seemed to take pity on me. He agreed to let me pay it over time, but it always feels like his patience is thin, his timeline relative. As I give my name to the outside guard and he quietly ushers me inside the bleak building, I fist the money in my purse, hoping it’ll be enough to buy me more time.
Over break, I saved every penny of Christmas money and thought of small ways to get cash out of my parents. I’m disappointed with myself, but remembering how it felt that night in the club slowly made lying easier until it almost became second nature. I’ll do whatever I have to do to never be in that position again, and once this money is paid, I’m wiping my slate clean for good. Hayden and Kya have ruined pole dancing for me. I never went back to Kitty Heels and I never plan to touch another pole or another line of coke for as long as I live.
“Ashlei, baby,” Xavier greets, standing long enough to wrap me in a hug and kiss both of my cheeks. He’s a short man, all muscles, clean-shaved face and short curly hair. His hugs always engulf me in a scent of cigarettes, ink, and sweat. “Nice to see you again. Come, sit.”
He motions to one of the chairs facing his desk before taking a seat himself, leaning back and crossing his hands over his stomach. I sit lightly, back straight, ass on the edge of the seat. I don’t plan to be here long. It’s always pleasantries with Xavier, but I’ve heard of his darker side. I know Kya has seen it up close.
I never plan to.
“What do you have for me today, sweetheart?”
I shiver at his term of endearment, reaching into my purse for the cash I brought. It’s folded neatly and wrapped in a rubber band. I slide it toward him, folding my clammy hands in my lap as he counts it out.
He sighs, just barely, almost low enough for me to question whether I heard it or not. Lifting his dark eyes to mine, he offers an apologetic smile.
“Ashlei, this isn’t enough.”
“It’s two-thousand dollars,” I croak, my throat dry.It has to be enough.
“You owed me thirty-thousand. You’ve only paid five, and this makes seven. You know it isn’t enough.”
“Please,” I beg, my voice low. My eyes water, and I hate myself for being so weak. “I’m doing all that I can.”
“No!” He screams the word, pounding his fist on the desk and I jump. My heartrate spikes as I wait for his next move. His dark irises are smaller now, his face red, but he pauses, steadying his breathing and unclenching his fist. “No, you’re not.” He levels his eyes and I know he’s referring to dancing. Swallowing, I shake my head.
“I can’t.”
“You might not have a choice.”
“There has to be another way.”
Xavier watches me carefully. “I can’t keep bending the rules for you, kid. If you were anyone else, I would have already killed that pretty girlfriend of yours while you watched.”
I gulp. I’ve tried so hard to keep Bo out of this, not even telling her why Kya showed up at our sorority house at the end of last semester. She’s too pure to be sucked into my black hole.
“I don’t like giving you more time, Ashlei, because it sets a precedent. Other people who owe me are looking at you wondering what it is that makes you so special.” His pudgy fingers pinch the bridge of his nose. “However, I don’t really give two shits what any of those fuckers think about my business, and as it stands, I think we can make a deal.”
My chest is still tight.
He leans back again, tapping the tips of his pointer fingers together as he thinks. “It’s safe to assume you’ll be going on Spring Break with your sisters, am I right?”
“If I can afford it,” I whisper, still focusing on keeping the tears from falling down my cheeks. My stomach is in knots, my eyes tired. It still doesn’t feel like reality. This can’t be my life.