Page 41 of Oz (Finding Home #1)

Chapter

Eighteen

I went looking for my courage and common sense

Oz

I march quickly up the steps towards the house and then in through the main door. I just need to get my breath back and think because my mind is fucking whirling, but at that point I hear Niall call my name.

“Absolutely not at the moment,” I mutter, and spotting the door to the coat cupboard in the hall, I whisk in and shut the door. A second later I hear scratching and a deep whine that’s familiar.

I huff and open the door a crack. “Get in here,” I hiss at Chewwy, who is looking at me in a slightly accusing manner. “How did you get out of the kitchen?” I ask the dog, grabbing his collar and tugging him into the cupboard.

He obviously doesn’t answer. Instead, he plonks himself next to me and licks my hand.

I look down at him and stroke his ears. He looks anxious, as if he knows I’m unhappy, and I pet him until he relaxes.

For a second peace descends and then I jump out of my skin when I hear a thump and a snort of laughter.

“What the fuck?” I breathe, peering into the darkness.

“Oz, is that you?”

“Yes. Ivo ?”

“In the flesh,” comes his wry retort. There’s movement near me, then a click, and light floods the cupboard revealing the dishevelled figures of Henry and Ivo.

Ivo’s shirt is open and his mouth swollen, while Henry’s trousers are unbuttoned and his hair is standing straight up like he’s stuck his finger in a socket.

“What the fuck?” I mutter. “In the coat cupboard ? You’ve got a bedroom upstairs.”

They exchange sheepish looks and start buttoning and zipping up. “We’ve got fond memories of this cupboard,” Henry says. “It’s sort of a tradition.”

I shake my head. “Don’t traditions centre around events like Christmas?”

Henry grins. “It’s the same thing. I’m just letting Ivo come in my chimney instead of Father Christmas.”

“ Henry ,” Ivo groans and shakes his head. “That’s so lame.”

Henry shrugs, looking unrepentant. Then his gaze sharpens. “What are you doing in here with Chewwy?”

I fidget slightly. “I just needed a quiet space for a second.” I pause. “And Niall was going to lecture me.”

“Why?” He looks searchingly at me. “Is it anything to do with your disappearing act tonight?”

I shrug. “Maybe.” I dart a look at him. “I just got things turned around in my head. It’s my fault.”

“I doubt it,” Ivo says. “I saw Olivia talking to you earlier.”

“What the fuck?” Henry explodes and we shush him quickly. “I mean what the fuck ?” he whispers furiously. “What did she say to you?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does,” he says implacably, and I can tell that he and Silas are brothers at this moment.

“She mentioned how unsuited we are and how much damage I could do to him with the local gentry.”

“Like Silas spends any fucking time with the local gentry,” he scoffs. “He’s too bloody busy and he spent enough time with half of them at school.” His gaze softens. “You do know it’s total bollocks, don’t you? Other people’s opinions have never mattered to Silas.”

“I know that,” I start to say, but then we hear the click of heels and Olivia’s cut-glass tones coming up the steps.

“Shush!” I say frantically. “She’ll find us.”

Ivo reaches up and cuts the light out just as we hear Silas call “Mother” very loudly.

“Ooh, that’s Silas’s pissed-off voice,” Henry says gleefully. “Budge up, Ivo. I can’t hear properly.”

“Did you mean to put your hand there?” Ivo says calmly, and Henry snorts.

“Sort of. Are you complaining?”

“No. By all means go ahead.”

“Shush!” I say again and stroke Chewwy when he shifts about.

“What is it, Silas?” Olivia says. Her voice sounds clear, so she’s right by our door and there’s no chance of escape. I groan under my breath and slump against the wall.

“I’d like a word with you.”

“Must you do it now? They’ll be serving supper any minute.”

“Yes, it won’t wait. What did you say to Oz?”

“Oh, Oz, Oz, Oz. I think I’d like to go an hour without hearing his name being mentioned.”

“Try not upsetting him then,” Silas says with an edge to his voice.

“Upsetting him . What about me, Silas? What about your mother’s feelings?”

“Hmm, let me think. No, I still don’t care.”

“Yes,” Henry whispers. “I told you. Epic.”

“That’s a disgraceful thing to say, Silas. And to your own mother.”

“Stop it.” His voice is weary and harsh, and I feel my slight smile fade off my face. “I can’t find him, and I want to know what you said.”

There’s a pause before she gives a long-suffering sigh. “Very well. I’m obviously not going to be allowed to have supper before we do this. I simply pointed out to him that he’s not good enough for you. A fact which should be blindingly obvious to him and to you.”

“You did what ?” Silas’s voice is low and so cold now that I shiver.

She obviously senses it because her laugh sounds nervous. “Darling, be reasonable. He’s a boy from a council estate and a single-parent family. Look at all those tattoos on him. And the nail varnish and eye makeup. It makes me shudder.”

“I’m appalled at you.” His voice is cold and still.

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic. Have your fun with him but then pack him back where he came from and select someone respectable. Maybe a woman next time.”

“It doesn’t work like that, Mother. I wish you’d understand.”

“I understand that you’re na?ve in a lot of ways. That boy is using you. He’s seen the money and–”

She stops as he laughs. “ What bloody money? There is none. Father left so much debt I could suffocate myself with the paperwork. But you knew that and did nothing. The only person who has, is him. He’s done everything in his power to help me and he’s the only one. You’ve done nothing.”

“You cannot be serious about this man. I forbid it. Think of your position.”

I curl my fingers into fists. This is awful. A warm hand squeezes mine and in the faint light coming through the side of the door Henry looks at me. He smiles. “Wait,” he whispers.

Silas’s voice is solemn. “I’ve done everything you’ve ever asked of me.

I’ve always done my duty for you and everyone else.

And now I want something of my own . Someone of my own.

I want to pick my partner, not because of money and status but because I love them with all my heart.

” I inhale sharply as his voice goes quiet.

“I love Oz. I love him so very much. He’s clever and kind.

He sees me and he loves me, and he will always protect me the way I do him.

I won’t tolerate anyone speaking to him the way you just did.

We’re a team and I couldn’t be happier with him. ”

I feel a rush of happiness run through me that’s so strong it nearly knocks me to my knees.

“But you could do better.” Her voice is sharp and querulous.

I tense but his voice comes clear now. “No, I couldn’t.

” There’s a simple truth and honesty in his voice that brings tears to my eyes.

“I can never do better than him because he’s everything I have ever wanted.

He’s quick and funny and loyal, and this man who could have anyone actually waits up for me at night for the simple reason that he wants to see me .

He listens when I talk because it’s me. Not the Earl of Ashworth.

Just me. He makes me think, makes me laugh, makes me want to be a better man because his opinion is the only one that matters. ”

“But what will people think, Silas?” I tense because this is all my fears in one sentence. “He’s so low class and brash.”

Unbelievably he laughs. “Who the fuck cares about everyone’s opinions?

I certainly don’t. Not when I have him. I don’t care where he comes from, Mother.

I only care that in him I’ve found my home, my safety, and my ease.

” He pauses. “Do you know how many people want to live out here? You should think hard because you weren’t one of them.

Oz loves it here the way I do, like it’s in his bones, and if I have my way we’ll grow old here together and die with the salt on our lips and sand in our hair. ”

“I don’t understand.”

He sounds sad. “I’m sorry for that because you’ve missed out on loving with your heart rather than with a copy of their CV and Debretts in your hand.

Don’t you see it doesn’t matter to me? Yes, Oz may have a different background to us, but I’ve been to his home and I’ve met his mother and I’ve got to tell you that I was jealous. ”

“Of what?” The incredulity is loud in her voice.

“Of the love and care they give each other. The fierceness, the devotion. I want that, and I want to give it to him because he’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met in my life. So, if you feel that you can’t be civil to him and can’t be kind then please don’t come here anymore.”

“You’d throw your family out for him. Shame on you.”

“ He’s my family and I would do a lot more for him.”

There’s a short silence and her voice when she speaks is cold and my heart aches for him. “As you wish, Silas. You’ve made your bed. Don’t come whining to me when things go wrong.”

“Why would I do that, Mother? I’ve never been able to do it before.”

There’s a sharp intake of breath and then the sound of her heels clicking away. I hear a low sigh and then a soft curse before Silas’s footsteps stride away.

Henry straightens up as if he’s going to open the door, but I put my hand out to stop him.

“Don’t. I wasn’t meant to hear that.”

“But you did. Don’t you want to acknowledge what he said?”

I shake my head. “He’ll tell me anyway,” I say serenely with the sudden surety that’s come to me.

Ivo looks at me and nods. “It’s good that you heard that, Oz.”

“Why?”

He smiles. “Because I think you needed to know that he would stick up for you.”

“Not at the cost of his mother.”

Henry snorts and Ivo makes a moue of distaste. “She’s not worth being sorry over and Silas knows it. She can’t see how you fit and balance each other and she probably never will.”

“Do we fit?”