Page 38 of Only for Tonight (Only For #1)

thirty-one

Ariella

I turn the shower off and get out, wrapping my hair in a white towel before snatching the white plush robe I was wearing this morning.

A robe I found on Jaxon’s side of the closet a couple of days ago and have been wrapping myself in to feel closer to him.

My body is aching, probably from unpacking the boxes when I came home.

I was so pissed when I saw boxes missing that I figured that if he wanted me out, he would have to man up and tell me and then pack my stuff up.

I did it pissed off the whole time, which didn’t really calm me down, which is probably not good for the baby.

Walking over to my side of the sink, I look down at my phone and see my order has arrived.

Unwrapping my hair from the towel, I brush it out and spray on my leave-in conditioner before I walk down the steps, avoiding going to the living room, instead going straight for the door.

Opening it up, I see my order sitting there, right in front of the door.

Grabbing the brown bag by the handles, I make my way back into the kitchen, putting the bag on the counter before going to the fridge and grabbing the carton of milk and then a fork.

I pull out the stool and then take a second to ponder eating this here or going to eat it in bed.

I look up at the ceiling as I think about him walking out on me.

“I might not even be sleeping in the bed tonight,” I remind myself as I open the bag and take out the first see-through container on top.

Placing the red velvet with cream cheese frosting Bundt cake on the counter, I reach in and pull out the cranberry white chocolate chip one.

The next one I pull out is lemon blueberry and the last one is the carrot cake.

I line them up, side by side, before sitting on the stool.

“I can’t believe he just fucking left me.

” I shake my head as I open all the containers and then fork the first cake and take a bite of it.

“What a fucking idiot.” I take another bite of the second cake, then reach for the carton of milk and unscrew the top to bring it to my lips.

I’m taking a sip of it when I hear the front door swing open and then quickly shut before I hear my name being yelled, “Ariella!” I look to the side, waiting for him to come through, but instead I hear the squeak of his sneakers run up the steps.

“Ari!” he calls my name again and then I hear him tear back down the steps.

“Ariella!” he shouts my name again and heads to my office before he finally finds me.

“Oh my God,” he pants, his face ashen white as he pants and places his hands on the counter in front of him on the side. “I thought you left.” He looks at me and then toward the row of cakes. “Having a little sweet treat, I see.” He smiles and then hangs his head.

“It’s called eating one’s feelings,” I snap at him, putting the carton of milk down. “What are you doing back so soon?”

“I want to continue our conversation,” he says and I roll my eyes.

“No,” I reply and then see the look on his face.

“Ari,” he says my name in a whisper.

“I’m not having this conversation with you if you are going to just walk out again.” My voice rises. “Or else I’m the one leaving this time,” I threaten him.

“I’m not going to walk out again,” he assures me in a whisper, and I push away from the counter and get on my feet.

“Fine.” I fold my arms over my chest. “Let’s get this over with, then, shall we?” The two bites of cake I just had are swooshing in my stomach.

“I don’t want to get this over with,” he mumbles, and I shake my head.

“I’m so scared, Ariella.” He runs his hands through his hair and his voice is broken, his shoulders hang down in defeat and I want to go to him, but we need to hash this out first. Maybe his voice is broken because he doesn’t know how to end this.

“Jaxon,” I say his name as he looks up at me and I see the tears in his eyes.

“You don’t have to do this,” I say, giving him the easy way out, even though I know I’m hurting myself more.

“It’s going to be okay. I promise.” I swallow down the lump that has started off small and now feels like a golf ball in the middle of my throat.

“I won’t use our baby as a pawn. You don’t have to be scared. I won’t ever keep the baby from you.”

“That is not what I’m scared of,” he refutes and I roll my eyes.

“I am going to try and get it all out, and I’m going to ask that you don’t interrupt me because I feel like I’m going to forget something, and then it’ll be too late.” He turns to the side and starts to walk back and forth, pacing.

“Fine,” I agree, “and then after, will I have the chance to do the same?” He nods his head at me; even if he tells me this is over, I don’t think I can tell him how I feel about him. But then again, he deserves to know, regardless of how he feels.

“I was so scared you would hate me,” he starts and I’m about to take a step forward when he holds up his hand.

“I felt so guilty for what happened, you have no idea, it literally ate at me. Then after that, the fear crept into my head and took over. The fear that you would leave me. The fear that I wouldn’t have you or the baby, the fear that this whole thing that we have would be over and I would be shattered to my core because of it. ”

“It’s not your fault,” I quickly say, even though I know I’m not supposed to say anything, and he gives me a look. “I just want you to know that I don’t blame you. You can proceed.”

“Thank you.” He nods his head. “I like having you with me.” I smile and then look down at my feet.

“No, scratch that. I love having you with me. I love waking up with you and I most definitely love going to bed with you.” I can’t help but giggle at that.

“I don’t want you to feel like you’re forced to be here just because we’re having a baby. ”

“I don’t want you to feel like you’re forced to be here just because we’re having a baby?” I repeat back, interrupting him again. “Whatever.” I raise my hands. “I know, I get to talk after.”

“Before I found out about what she did, I was going to tell you how I felt about you,” he explains and my chest pounds, “but then I didn’t want you to think I was only saying it because of what happened.”

“So you say nothing instead,” I hiss at him.

“You say things like ‘I can’t do this’ and ‘I never wanted this.’” The tears just roll down my cheeks.

“You say things that make me think you want out of this.” My voice goes higher.

“You say and do things that make me second-guess everything.” I can’t stop talking, but I do when he takes a step toward me.

The anguish on his face makes me speechless.

“I want to build a life with you,” he continues, ignoring what I just said.

“I want to take our time, but I also don’t want you to think I don’t want to be with you, because I very much do.

You mean everything to me,” he practically pants as his chest rises and falls.

“The baby means everything to me. The two of you mean everything to me.” His voice cracks.

“I love you, Ariella.” I can’t help the tears that escape my eyes and roll down my cheeks.

“I wanted to tell you I loved you this morning, but then I was so scared you were going to end it with me. I just didn’t want to hear it, so I ran away. ”

“What?” I shake my head. “I’m here, aren’t I?

” I ask him and he stands here looking so fucking handsome and beautiful he takes my breath away.

“I didn’t get on a plane and go home. Which I don’t have anymore, by the way, because I sent everything here,” I snap at him.

“I’m still here in the same city as you.

Living in the same house with you. Sharing the same bed as you.

I’m still fucking here. This morning all I wanted was you to talk to me, and I thought you didn’t want me here. ”

“How could you think that?” he asks me.

“What was I supposed to think?” I shout at him. “You weren’t even talking to me and you left me when we needed to have a conversation. I am just as scared as you are, Jaxon, but if we can’t talk to each other…”

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he says, rushing to me and taking me in his arms. His mouth crashes down on mine, his tongue sliding into my mouth. My hands roam up his arms and around his neck, kissing him with all the passion and need I’ve waited for, for over a fucking week.

“I didn’t get to say what I wanted to say.” I let him go but his arms don’t move from around me as he kisses my cheek and then he moves the kisses down to my neck and then up to my ear. “I can’t focus when you do that.”

“I can’t help it. I haven’t touched you in over a week.” He sucks in my earlobe, making me shiver.

“But I haven’t said what I need to say,” I moan out as he moves, kissing down to my neck and down the middle of my chest. “You can’t not talk to me, Jaxon.”

“I know,” he admits, “I promise to never shut down again.” He grabs my face in his hands.

“The next time you do that—” I start to say and he shakes his head.

“There won’t be a next time. I can’t do it. I won’t do it. Not being able to talk to you was too much. I thought I was going to come out of my skin. I hated it.”

“Good, I want to be here with you,” I tell him.

“I want us to grow together.” I smile and then look down.

“I’ll be growing a little bit more than you but—” I look up.

“I love you too, you stupid-ass jerkface,” I declare, making him laugh.

“But I have to ask,” I say and look down at my hands, “why did you get rid of my stuff?”

He looks at me like he’s confused. “What stuff?”

“My boxes.” I mention my boxes. “You got rid of my stuff.”

“I didn’t get rid of your stuff,” he snaps at me. “I put everything away in the bedroom downstairs. I put some stuff in the linen closet in the bedroom upstairs.” He shakes his head. “Did you think I got rid of your stuff?”

“Well, I couldn’t find it,” I say, “so how was I supposed to know? I thought you were getting rid of my stuff.”

“I couldn’t stand the thought of you leaving me, so I unpacked and shoved it around the house,” he says and I laugh.

“We really needed to have a talk,” I say. “I unpacked the rest of the boxes to spite you.” I laugh. “I figured if you wanted me out, you’d have to put me out.”

“I don’t want you out,” he tells me. “Not now, not ever.” He kisses me. “Also,” he adds, his hand going to the sash around my waist, “no more me going to games without you.”

“I work and you come home late. I’d rather be at home and sleep and then wake up with you than be at a game and then have to go to bed as soon as we get home.”

“Fine,” he caves, “but no excuses on the weekend games.”

“Fine, I’ll give you that.” He looks at me and his hand pulls the sash and it opens right down the middle. “You’re naked under here.”

“I took a shower when you left,” I tell him and his hand pushes the robe over my shoulders and it falls to my feet.

“I love you,” he murmurs softly, kissing my jaw before he gets down on his knees in front of me.

“Hi,” he says to my stomach, “I know it’s been a while since you heard my voice.

” I look down at him talking to my stomach.

My hips are in his hands as he rubs his nose across the little bump before kissing it.

“I promise you things are going to be okay,” he assures me, looking up at me.

My hand goes into his hair to the back of his head.

“You promise me?” I look down at him holding up my hand sticking out my pinky.

He chuckles and puts out his own pinky, wrapping it with mine, as he nods. “No doubt about it,” he vows. “Absolutely”—I glare at him—“nothing else, just absolutely.” He smiles at me. “I missed you so much.” He lets go of my pinky to wrap his arms around my waist. “It’s been torture.”

“Well, you did it to yourself,” I scold him as he looks up at me.

“This could have all been avoided.” He moves his head a little, the kiss going lower on my stomach.

“All you had to do was—” I stop talking when he stands up and wraps one hand around my waist and the other grabbing my ass.

“Was talk to me.” My own arms wrap around his neck as he bends to kiss me.

His tongue slides into my mouth. “I have to taste you,” he says between kisses, his hand moving from my ass to my hips and then up to cup my tits.

“Then taste me,” I invite breathlessly as he bends to take one nipple in his mouth and then moves to the other.

“Haven’t fucked you in over a week.”

“Nine days,” I specify, moving my hands under his shirt, “but it’s not like I’m counting.”

“Bed or couch?” he asks me and I look over at the couch.

“Which one can you do me the hardest on?” I ask him and he buries his face in my neck and pulls me up off my feet.

“I fuck you better when you’re spread wide for me,” he answers, walking up the steps, “so bed it is.”

“So the bed it is, I guess,” I moan out as he places me in the middle of the bed and rips off his T-shirt.

“I hope you didn’t have any plans for the day”—he tosses the T-shirt to the side—“because I’ve got some holes to fill.

” I get up on my elbows, watching him take off his shorts.

“The only question is, which hole do I fill first?” I don’t have a chance to answer him because he gets on the bed and my mouth falls on his cock at the same time his fingers slide into me.