Page 36 of Only for Tonight (Only For #1)

twenty-nine

Ariella

T he phone rings beside my computer and I look down to see it’s Zoey. “Hello,” I answer and lean back in the chair.

“Hello, neighbor.” She laughs. “Whatcha doing?”

“I’m right now answering an email.” I look at the screen with the cursor that has been blinking for the last thirty minutes because I was too busy looking out the window and thinking about the shit my life has become to even come up with a response. “Why? What are you doing?”

“Well, the babysitter just arrived and Nash has given me orders that I am to get out of the house and do something for me today.” She sighs. “Can you take off the rest of the day?” she asks. “I’m in the mood to go shopping and a little birdie told me you might need maternity clothes.”

“And who is this birdie?” I try not to laugh, and it’s the first time in over a week that I’ve smiled.

“Your mother called my mother, and the rest is history,” she sings. “So what do you say, you think you can swing taking the rest of the afternoon off for some retail therapy?”

“You know what?” I look at the top corner and see that it’s just after noon. “Why don’t we go have lunch and then go shopping?”

“Yesss,” she cheers, “that’s what I like to hear. Do you want to pick me up or do you want me to pick you up?”

“I don’t have a car,” I admit to her. “Shit, I should get myself a car. I lived in New York and having a car was dumb because of parking, and everything was just easier to get to with the subway.”

“Just tell Jaxon and he’ll set it up,” she says.

“Um,” I start to say, “that…” My voice suddenly cracks and I stop talking.

“Oh no, I know what um is,” she snaps. “Don’t say another word. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, save it all.”

“Okay,” I reply and get up from my chair and head to the kitchen, where Jaxon is mixing himself a protein shake. He went for a run on the beach earlier. “Hey, Zoey is going to come and get me and we’re going to go shopping.”

“Oh.” He looks over at me and my eyes go down his body to his gym shorts, his T-shirt molding his whole body.

“Yeah, I don’t have a car and I didn’t even think about that.” I put my hands on the counter that separates us. “I should probably look at getting something now that I’m here.”

“You can take the SUV, and I’ll call my guy and get you something.” He immediately takes care of it.

“You don’t have to do that,” I counter and he looks over at me, leaning against the counter and sipping his drink. “You have enough going on.”

“I’ll take care of it, Ariella,” he reassures me, and I just nod to him, not sure what else to say. I don’t know what to do; I don’t know what to say. It’s fucking killing me inside to be this close to him, yet be so far away from him.

“I’m going to go and change, even though nothing fits me and I’ll have to wear yoga pants.”

“Take my card,” he suggests when I start to walk away and I look over my shoulder at him, “it’s in my wallet.”

“I don’t need your card,” I tell him at the same time I want to yell out, “I just need you. I just want you. I need you and only you and not your stupid-ass fucking card.” I want to yell through the rooftops, but I stop myself.

“Okay.” I can feel his eyes on me as I walk up the stairs toward our bedroom.

It’s been two days since he admitted to me that his ex-girlfriend tampered with his condoms. Two fucking days of living with him and him barely saying a fucking word to me.

Two fucking days of silently begging him to talk to me.

Silently begging him to stop blaming himself.

Silently watching him drown even more under the guilt.

“Before I leave,” I say not sure why I’m even saying this now, but knowing that if I don’t say something, I’m literally going to go out of my mind, “if you want a get-out-of-jail card, you can have it.” He looks at me confused.

“If this is too much for you or you’re having seconds thoughts, I won’t hold it against you.

” I swallow down the bile that feels like it’s coming up my throat.

His face looks even more ravished than it did before I said anything.

“I don’t ever want to be without you or the baby,” he says and all I do is nod at him.

I can’t say a word because it’s all stuck in my throat.

I walk upstairs to change, hearing his voice softly in my head telling me that he doesn’t want to be without me or the baby, but nothing else.

He didn’t come to me, he didn’t tell me he loves me.

Nothing. Just those words. I slip on a black long-sleeved bodysuit before grabbing a pair of gray sweatpants that are tight on the ankle and have a big elastic band, so the small baby bump is barely visible.

I slip on my sneakers and then make my way to the bathroom where I brush out my hair.

I walk back downstairs and hear him on the phone.

“I want something safe,” he states, “definitely an SUV. I don’t want her bending to put the baby in the car seat. ”

My phone buzzes and I look down to see Zoey is outside.

“She’s here.” I point to the door and he just nods his head at me, and I stand here not sure if I should go and kiss him goodbye or not.

“Okay.” He moves the phone away from his face. “Text me later to let me know what time you’ll be home. I have a game tonight.”

I nod, wanting to go and kiss him but then stopping myself when he turns away and continues the conversation.

I walk out of the house and see Zoey there in her car, waving at me.

I smile and blink away the tears, pulling open the door.

“Hey.” I try to sound happy, but instead a sob comes out of me.

I bury my face in my hands as the tears just pour out of me.

“Oh shit,” she says, “do I have to go in there?” She turns in her seat toward me and all I can do is shake my head. “Fuck.” She pulls away from the house and looks over at me.

“I’m fine,” I assure her, looking around for a Kleenex. I open the glove box and it’s empty, then I open the middle console and see it’s also empty. “How do you have a baby and you don’t have any napkins?”

“Because I have a baby,” she retorts, “I’m cleaning up all kinds of shit all the time.

You know how fast I run out of those things.

Besides, when I have the baby in the car, I have a diaper bag that holds all that stuff.

But since I’m without the baby, the bag is not with me.

Therefore—” I laugh and she extends her arm to me.

“If you want to, wipe it on my shirt. I’m okay with that also. I’m used to it at this point.”

“I think I’ll be good. Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.” I use the palm of my hand to dry my cheeks. “It’s just…” I start, not sure what to say actually as she pulls into the parking lot of a restaurant that isn’t far from Jaxon’s.

“Do you want to have this conversation in there or in here?” she asks me and I just look at her.

“I don’t know.” My bottom lip is quivering. “It’s a fucking disaster,” I say and she reaches over and hugs me, making me cry even more.

“It’s going to be okay,” she whispers, as she rubs my back and I want to tell her nothing will ever be okay because that is how it feels. “I promise.”

“I don’t know about that,” I finally admit to her as she lets me go. “I think we broke up two days ago.”

She gasps in shock at me just saying the words.

“You think you broke up two days ago,” she repeats the dreaded words I just said, and I have to open the door because I think I’m going to be sick.

“Okay, change of plans. We need to get you on a couch and—” She pulls out of the parking lot and starts to connect her call.

“Hey,” the voice fills the car.

“Gabriella, I’m two minutes away from your house and I have Ariella with me,” she states. “We’re coming over.”

“I’m walking to the door as we speak,” she replies. “Come in when you get here.”

“Get tissues,” she suggests, looking at me and smiling, “and maybe a garbage can.”

“Get tissues,” she repeats. “Why the fuck do we need tissues?” she hisses and then stops. “I have a bat and I know people.”

“Okay there, Tonya Harding, we’re pulling in now,” she says. I look at the house and see Gabriella standing outside with her long hair blowing in the wind. She comes down her steps and toward my side of the car and pulls it open. “What did he do?” she asks me and I just shake my head.

“They broke up,” Zoey shares and I shake my head even more.

“I don’t know if we did,” I backpedal. “It’s just?—”

“Okay, let’s get you inside,” Gabriella urges, putting her arm around my shoulders, “and get you a cozy blanket and some tissues.”

We walk inside with me in the middle of the two of them. “I’ll give you a tour after.” She heads straight to the family room. “Do you want something to drink?”

“She’s pregnant,” Zoey shares, “we’re not making her drink.”

“Jesus, Zoey,” Gabriella retorts. “I mean water, juice, maybe some tea?” She shakes her head.

“I could go for some water,” I tell her and she nods her head, then looks at Zoey, who just nods her head.

We walk over to the couch and I kick off my sneakers before curling my feet under me and looking at the two of them sharing a look.

“It’s fine,” I assure them, patting my hand on my stomach.

“It’ll be fine. It’s all these hormones.

” I put my hand on my stomach, something I’ve been doing more and more these days.

Zoey walks over and comes to sit next to me, putting her head on my shoulder while Gabriella comes back in with two bottles of water. “Okay, so what’s going on?”

“I don’t even know what to say,” I start and tell them the whole story about what Tiffany did, which gets shocked gasps from both of them.

Gabriella blinks her eyes two times before she turns her head to the side. “I’m sorry, she did what?”

While Zoey just says, “Oh. My. God.”

“It is what it is,” I say, grabbing a tissue and dabbing my eyes.

“Am I pissed about it? Yes. Like, what the fuck, dude, how could someone do that to someone else? She was going to trap him with a child,” I say the words.

“With a child for the rest of his life.” The thought makes me so mad that someone would do that to him.

“Well, he ended up trapping you with a child instead,” Zoey mumbles.

“That is not the same thing at all. He didn’t know he was trapping me,” I defend him, and she nods her head, agreeing with me.

“But then he’s telling me all this and then he says”—I stop and take a second before I say the words—“I’m so sorry, Ariella.

I never wanted this.” I look at both their faces to see if maybe I’m overreacting to the words but they both grimace.

“I mean, I think he meant he’s sorry that he got you swept up into this disaster of a predicament,” Gabriella tries to explain. “I don’t think he meant he never wanted this.”

“I know he never wanted this,” I repeat.

“I mean, I wasn’t exactly planning on having a kid this way.

I thought I would, I don’t know, be dating the guy beforehand and then, you know, get married and have kids.

” I take a sip of the water. “It is what it is and I got pregnant, but I thought we dealt with it. Hearing him say the words ‘I never wanted this.’ It just?—”

“I don’t think he meant it like that,” Zoey comforts softly. “Did you talk to him about it?”

“No,” I almost shout, “what am I going to say? Okay, well, I’m here now and what does that mean for us?”

“Um, yeah,” Gabriella says to me and I whip my head to look at her, “why wouldn’t you ask him that?”

“He asked you to move in with him. I think he sort of likes you a bit, don’t you think?” Zoey now puts in.

“He asked me to move in with him because I’m having his baby, not because he was pining over me.” I look at both of them, who try not to laugh at that.

“Okay, well, regardless of why he asked you to move in, you’re there now ,” Zoey clarifies, “and I think you need to talk to him, Ariella. It’s going to make you run through all these things in your head and then you will push him away.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want me there,” I admit to them what has been on my mind for the last two days since he told me.

“Maybe this is all too much for him and now having me there. Like, really having me there, with all my fucking boxes around and in his face, is a reality he doesn’t really want now, especially with all of this. ”

“But what about you?” Zoey asks. “What do you want? Do you want to work it out with him? Do you want to stay with him after all this? Do you want to be with him or, better yet, can you be with him knowing all of this?”

I swallow down. “I was pissed about the whole condom thing. But I was pissed for him. That someone would do that to him because he doesn’t deserve it.

I mean, no one deserves it, but he definitely doesn’t deserve it.

But I was over it a couple of seconds after and, to be honest, I really care about him.

I’ve always cared about him. I’m just afraid he feels even more stuck with me because of all of this.

” I put my hand to my stomach. “Like, now is he going to stay with me because he feels guilty, or is he going to stay with me because he wants to stay with me?”

“I’m going to be the one who says it,” Gabriella declares. “You need to man up and stop beating around the bush. You need to come out and ask him point-blank if this is what he wants.”

“But—” I start to say. “But what if it isn’t?” I say, my voice trailing off, not wanting to say the words but what if it isn’t what he wants.

“But then again, what if it is?” Zoey looks at me. “What if he’s as scared as you are?”

I look down at my hands and then make the decision.

“I’m going to have to man up and be a big girl,” I admit to them.

“I’m going to have to talk to him.” I look at both of them as they nod.

“Even though just thinking about it makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out.” They both laugh.

“I want to go on the record and say this really fucking sucks. It sucks monkey balls, that is how much it sucks.” They laugh harder.

“But it needs to happen for me, for him, and especially for the baby.” I shake my head. “I don’t want to.”

“But you need to,” Zoey pushes.

“But I need to,” I repeat. “I fucking need to,” I huff out. “Well, this has been a fun day.” I glare at them. “Now I need to go home and basically ask him if he wants me and try not to be broken-hearted if he tells me he doesn’t want me.”

“You live by the sword; you die by the sword,” Zoey declares and I just shake my head. “Get it? The sword is his penis.”

I roll my eyes. “Thanks for making that clear.” I laugh while making myself believe that it’ll be all okay.