Page 54

54

WYNN

I video called Willow as soon as we parked the vehicles and got up to the penthouse. Cas and Ryuji had taken Lucia to Giulio and Makarov for now, but I couldn’t focus on anything other than Ciel’s hand.

Leona, Obi, and I helped him to the kitchen. The two of them went to gather our medical supplies while Ciel sat next to me, grimacing. Blood stained his shirt. Sweat beaded on his forehead.

I should have been paying attention.

“Little brother.” Willow answered the call with a smile on her face. Her clinic filled the background, but it looked empty. “What catastrophe are you dealing with now?”

I opened my mouth, then gulped, and closed it. The explanation wouldn’t come.

“Oh, no,” she said. “What’s happened?”

“I’m fine, Willow,” Ciel called. I twisted the phone without answering so she could see the stabilized knife still protruding from his hand. The bandages were close to being soaked through. His throat worked, and it took him multiple tries to speak. “Got stabbed. No big deal.”

Yes, big deal.

“Bring me closer,” she said. I followed her instructions as she directed me to show her all angles of the injury. “Who else is available?”

“Leona and Obi are getting our supplies,” I told her, voice hoarse. Ciel watched me carefully, softly, and it felt like those blue eyes were peeling back the skin from my bones with how they cut me to the core.

He should be livid with me. Why wasn’t he angry ?

“Here,” Leona said, walking back into the kitchen with our massive first aid kit in her arms. Obi followed behind her with the rest of our supply of bandages and gauze. “Hey, Willow.”

“Hey, Leona. List off your supplies for me.”

As Obi went through the first aid kit, I showed her everything through the phone. “Do we have what we need to handle it here?”

Willow’s lips pressed together as she stood to rifle through a cabinet. “Zoya, grab me some paper and a pen.” Zoya handed it to her and then waved through the call. Willow started writing. “You have enough for the best-case scenario. I’m going to make you a list of extra supplies you’ll need to get afterward.”

“I will retrieve them immediately,” Obi said. He placed a hand on Ciel’s shoulder. “You’ll be fine.”

“Let’s just get this thing out of me,” Ciel grunted.

“Pain meds?” I asked Leona. The bead of sweat on his forehead dripped down his temple. He was in pain, despite how much he was trying to hide it.

“Whatever you have in that kit, give him,” Willow instructed. “He’s going to need something so we can pull out the knife and stitch up the wound.”

Leona handed him a set of pills, and Ciel swallowed them without complaint. “Should we wait for them to kick in?”

“Just do it,” Ciel commanded. “Pull it out and get going. If I pass out, I pass out.”

Willow sighed. “Okay. Wynn, give the phone to Leona.” I passed it over. “Now, you two go wash your hands. Really good, with lots of soap.” Obi and I did as she asked, not touching anything else. “Wynn, you’re going to pull out the knife, while Obi keeps Ciel’s hand steady. Keep his hand above his heart to help with the blood. Then, Obi, you’re going to press bandages over the wound immediately. Keep pressure, but not too hard.”

Ciel held his hand out to me. His jaw clenched. “Do it, Wynn.”

I gingerly held his hand, looking to Willow on the screen.

“Gentle,” she encouraged. “He should really be in surgery for this.”

“No surgery,” Ciel with the shake of his head.

“If it’s damaged the bone, you might not have a choice, Ciel,” Willow responded. “Wynn, as steady as you can.” I grabbed the knife’s hilt and moved cautiously. “Don’t damage any of the surrounding tissue. Pull it straight out. Tell me what you feel.”

I took a deep breath, allowing myself to sink into my training to calm my nerves. I did exactly as she instructed, pulling the blade out the same way it went in. I might not be a doctor, but I knew what it felt like to stab someone and hit bone. I sighed as I realized this was clean.

The knife slipped out, and Obi rushed to cover the wound with bandages, keeping Ciel’s hand raised.

“It’s out,” I said. “It didn’t feel like it scraped bone.”

Ciel gritted his teeth. “God- fucking- damnit. Fuck. Shit.”

Every one of his groans was another pound of guilt that sat on my shoulders.

Willow squinted. “Leona, can you help me see it? Without an x-ray or CT, it’s hard to know.”

Leona moved the phone closer while Obi lifted the bandage. I watched Ciel as his breath hissed through his teeth and he squeezed his eyes shut.

This was my mistake. He was in pain because of me.

“Wynn, show me the knife.”

I held it in front of the camera.

“It’s not as big as I thought it was,” Willow said. “That’s good at least. The placement of the wound looks like it might have slipped through his bones, but still, we have no way of truly knowing if there are any bone fragments in there or what the damage is without imaging. Let’s stitch it up.”

Obi followed her instructions to clean the wound with the antiseptic iodine we had in the kit and closed it. He was the best at stitching out of all of us, so his sutures were tight and small. After he was done on both sides of Ciel’s hand, he followed Willow’s instructions to wrap the wound in bandages.

“That’s the best we can do for now unless you either take him to a hospital or you bring him to me,” she said, leaning back in her chair.

“No hospitals,” Ciel said. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back to sink into his chair. “We left my blood at the park where we cornered Lucia. I’m going to be in the system.”

Willow held up the list she made earlier. “You need to get some antibiotics, as well. If you can’t find them, I’ll have one of our guys bring them up.”

Obi exhaled heavily. “We will get them, but if we need to make a trip to Philadelphia, we will. Keep a careful eye on it, Ciel. Wynn, I’m putting you in charge of pain management, antibiotics, and bandage changes. He cannot do it by himself. Make sure it stays clean.”

“I will.”

“Don’t hesitate, understood?” Willow added. “If there’s any sign of infection or instability in the hand, bring him right to me. And take the full course of antibiotics.”

“We will.” I locked eyes with Leona. Her mouth pressed together in a thin line, and I knew Ciel’s pain was hurting her just as much as it was hurting me.

“Last thing. Ciel, you should know you might have permanent nerve damage. We just have to wait and see while it heals. Keep your hand and your fingers stable.”

Ciel nodded. “I understand.”

My heart sank. Permanent nerve damage. I knew exactly what that would mean for him. If he couldn’t do his work, if he couldn’t type, he’d be devastated.

“Any questions?” Willow asked.

Ciel shook his head. “I just want to lie down.”

“I’ll help you to your room,” Leona said, supporting his arm. He leaned against her.

“Wynn,” Willow said. “Let me talk to you alone for a moment.”

Obi nodded, cleaning up the supplies and blood drips on the floor. “Go.”

I took my phone to my room and shut the door. “What is it?”

“He’s going to be okay.” She looked me in the eye. “Slow your breathing.”

I did as she said, suddenly aware of how close I was to a panic attack. I hadn’t had one in years. “I know. I just…”

“You care about him,” she said softly.

“Of course, I do.” I sat on the edge of my bed. “It’s my fault. I wasn’t paying attention, so he pushed me out of the way and got stabbed. We were taking out Max’s hacker.”

“That’s good you got him.”

“Her. Lucia Greco. We only found her because of the information Fallon gave to Ciel.”

She nodded. “I’ll tell Fallon.”

“Thanks,” I murmured as I rubbed the back of my neck. My sister was the only other person I could trust, besides Leona and my brothers. The words started spilling, the explanation I couldn’t give her earlier. “I don’t know how I’m going to make it up to him if he can’t work. I should never have let my guard down.”

Her mouth pulled into a sad smile. “He’s not mad at you, so don’t be mad at yourself, okay?”

I nodded half-heartedly.

“Let him rest, and then go talk to him,” she urged. “He clearly cares about you, too.”

I scoffed. “How do you know that?”

“He watched you the entire time.”

I blinked. Did he? He was just in pain. It didn’t mean anything more than that. Did I want it to mean more than that?

My head spun. “I don’t…”

She held up her free hand. “Just talk to him. You’ve got a good group there.” She smiled. “I’m jealous sometimes.”

I huffed a breath. “It’s still you and me, Willow. Always.”

After everything we’d been through, we were each other’s rocks. I had just found a few more rocks to rely on. But one day, Willow would find hers. If she opened her eyes, she’d see Colin right in front of her.

“I know,” she said, sitting straight. Back to business. “Don’t worry.”

“Thanks, Willow. I mean it.”

“Text me updates.”

We said our goodbyes, and I flopped back on my bed, covering my eyes with my forearm. She was right. I did need to talk to him. I just needed to work up the courage to face him first.

An hour later, I peeked my head into Ciel’s room. He laid on his bed on top of the comforter, head lolled to the side, eyes closed. Sleeping. I’d come back later.

I moved to shut the door when his voice stopped me. “Wynn.”

“How are you?” I slipped inside the room, shutting the door behind me.

He sat up and swung his legs to the side. Leona had helped him change his shirt and put on a fresh one, but he still had on the same pants as before.

“Okay. How about you?”

I pulled a chair from his desk to sit in front of him. “I’m perfectly fine. It’s not me you need to worry about.”

“Are you sure?”

I looked up at him. His hair had curled around his ears, some of it pressed to his temple where his head had rested in his leep. I opened my mouth to say something, twice, before I sighed, and hung my head in my hands.

“I’m sorry.” If he would have gotten more severely hurt, I could never have forgiven myself.

“Wynn,” he whispered as his good hand grabbed mine. “I’m not upset.”

“Why?” I shook my head. “Why aren’t you mad at me? I wouldn’t blame you. We’re trained better than that. I let my guard down, and you got hurt.”

He squeezed my hand. “Because I still have you, and Leona, and all the guys. I’m going to be okay even if my hand is fucked up.”

Emotion choked my throat. I blinked away the moisture gathering at the corners of my eyes.

He was so different from the Ciel before . Before Leona. Before all this.

He used to be so self-conscious, so unsure. Everything he did was to prove that he belonged with us. His work was his most important thing. He used to be terrified that we’d all turn on him on day. But now? He was light. Confidence. Changed.

But I was the same. Unmoored. Praying that I’d find redemption for the sins of our pasts. I needed all of them to ground me. I needed Leona and my brothers to make me feel like all this was worth it. I had no idea what I would do if I lost them.

That’s why I couldn’t let anything like this happen again.

They were my purpose, and I came dangerously close to losing one of them tonight.

“I don’t know what to say,” I murmured.

“What, are you guys going to kick me out if I can’t type with this hand anymore?” he asked with a tilt of his head.

“No, of course not!”

“Exactly.” His eyes crinkled. “This is home.”

A bit of the choking guilt eased. “Nobody is going anywhere.”

“There’s plenty of options. I can type with one hand. There’s dictation. Accessibility is a thing.” He pulled me closer. I scooted forward in my chair and our knees touched. My heart thumped inside my chest. “Worst comes to worst, I’ll just invent some solution.”

“You’re brilliant,” I murmured. I held his good hand up and rested my forehead on the back of it. “I’ll take care of you until you’re back to normal. Just let me do that.”

If his hand could get back to normal, I’d make sure that it did. It was the least I could do.

He said nothing in response, so I looked up. His cheeks were dusted with pink, and his breathing had increased. I searched his face, unsure what I was looking to find. His tongue darted out to wet his lips and I found myself leaning in.

I wanted to kiss him.

The realization stole the breath from my chest. I swore he could feel my pulse through where our fingers were still joined.

I’d never wanted to kiss a boy before. But I wanted to kiss him .

I’d been barreling toward this since that night in the library—maybe even long before that. All the times I’d yearned to touch him. All the moments I caught myself staring at the curls on the back of his neck.

It was all suddenly clear inside my head.

I liked him. I was attracted to him. I wanted to kiss him. Ciel.

Did he want to kiss me, too?

It looked like it. His eyes went low and heavy. His thumb brushed against the back of my hand, like he was trying to tell me something. My knee knocked against his and he left it there, touching, skin only separated by the material of our matching black combat pants.

Every single what-if thought I could possibly conceive of raced through my brain before they all collapsed into one.

What if I made another mistake?

I was so close to leaning forward and pressing my lips to his. But this was so new to me. I could be misreading things.

Instead, I pulled his good hand to my lips and pressed a kiss against his knuckles.

He sucked in a breath. “Wynn…”

I stood, releasing his hand as my cheeks burned. “I’ll go get you some water. Then you need your rest.”

I rushed out of the room before I could mess anything else up.