Page 9

CHAPTER NINE

I’d been obsessively checking my phone since I texted her. Still nothing. But who knows if she even got it. I was grateful for the distraction of work, but by the time I was headed home for the day, all my obsessive worrying was back in full force. What if I never heard from her again? What would I do? Forget what I knew? Everything that had happened? Stan had checked in earlier today, and I’d given him a brief update—except I left out the part about Hunter. I wasn’t hiding or protecting him from anything, I reasoned: he’d done nothing wrong as far as I knew, and I didn’t want to distract the focus from finding the girl’s identity. At least that’s what I kept telling myself whenever my conscience reared its ugly head.

The house was empty when I got home. Hunter had a cross-country meet over an hour away, so he’d be lucky if he was home by ten. The older he got, the more it was just me in the house alone, and I didn’t like the feeling. It was a reminder of how close we were to him going off to college and not being here anymore. I texted him good luck and headed to the kitchen to make tea, grateful I didn’t have to make dinner for anyone but myself tonight. Just then my phone buzzed with a call, but it wasn’t Hunter—it was her. It still startled me every time.

FELICIA: Hey! I was just thinking about you. I’ve been thinking about you all day.

CHLOE: I went to school today.

FELICIA: You did? How was it?

CHLOE: Awful.

FELICIA: Oh, no. Do you want to talk about it?

CHLOE: Everyone was staring at me and laughing at me. Everyone’s seen the video. I spent all of free period hiding in the bathroom. I don’t think I can go back.

FELICIA: I’m so sorry. That must’ve been terrible. Have you… have you actually seen the video yourself? Do you know what’s on it?

CHLOE: Yeah, I’ve seen it. Someone snapped it to me a couple days ago. I’ve seen it so many times now, I couldn’t even tell you how many. I keep watching. It’s like I can’t stop.

FELICIA: What’s on it?

CHLOE: I’m running around naked, trying to find my clothes. I fall off the bed at the beginning. And I sort of remember that. Because it felt like my arms and my legs wouldn’t work right, like I told you before? I was all floppy. My brain kept telling me to do different things, but I couldn’t move. Then I charge at the person filming. That’s when everyone laughs.

FELICIA: Do you recognize any of the boys?

CHLOE: No, of course not. They’re not dumb. They don’t show their faces, and they barely talk. They just laugh. That’s what I remember the most. How they laughed. [deep sigh, resigned] I can’t do this. I’m not going back. Everyone hates me and wishes I were dead. I might as well do them a favor.

FELICIA: That’s not true! I understand how it must feel that way right now, but everybody doesn’t hate you. There are people in your life that love you so much. Can we come up with a list of people that love you? And maybe we could pick one of those people to talk to? You might feel better if you let someone in your life know how you were feeling, so they could help you.

CHLOE: There’s no help. Nothing’s going to make this better.

FELICIA: But you won’t know if you don’t try.

CHLOE: Did you really feel like this? Like your life was over?

FELICIA: Yes, I did. I promise you. I know what it’s like to be so afraid you can’t sleep at night, and you can’t stop thinking about what happened even when you want to. How little sounds scare you. Remember how I told you that I slept in my closet for two months after it happened?

CHLOE: That’s right… I’m sorry.

FELICIA: Thank you. But I was so lucky to have people who held me up. My mom, my sisters, my friends. I couldn’t do it alone. You’re not going to be able to do it alone either. [pause] Is there anyone you can talk to that can help you? I know you’re scared to tell your parents, but I bet they love you more than anything in the world.

CHLOE: They’re going to be so disappointed in me. I just wanna die. I don’t want to be here anymore.

FELICIA: [unsteady] Okay… How about this? The option to end things is always going to be there, right?

CHLOE: [hesitantly] Yes?

FELICIA: So, here’s what I’m thinking. Why don’t you give your parents a chance to help you first? Let them know what happened to you, and give them an opportunity to be there for you. Just try. See if it makes you feel any better. What do you have to lose at this point? If it doesn’t work, and you still feel the same way, then we can talk about other options. Figure out what you want to do next. But at least you tried.

CHLOE: You really think I should tell my parents?

FELICIA: Absolutely. I think you should at least give it a try. I know I keep saying this, but what do you have to lose?

[Long pause]

CHLOE: I’ll think about it… maybe I will…

She hung up before I could say anything else. The powerlessness of the situation washed over me. How awful for her to go to school alongside the boys that had assaulted her. To have to be in the same building as her rapists. No wonder she was feeling so terrible. I wanted to get her out of there, but I couldn’t do it on my own. She was going to have to tell somebody besides me. Someone who was actually a part of her life and could help her. I crossed my fingers like a superstitious kid blowing out birthday candles that she was telling her parents right now.

There was something profoundly unsettling about knowing there was a group of boys right here in town who were that cruel. How could Hunter have anything to do with that?

He wouldn’t. He couldn’t.

Was what she said about everyone seeing the video true? If that many people had seen it, wouldn’t at least one person have told an adult or reported it to someone? And why hadn’t Hunter seen it? He seemed to know about all of the social drama, but I hadn’t been through his phone since that first night. What if he had one of those burner apps Stan told me about? What if all his friends did? Was Hunter hiding a secret life from me the same way this poor girl was hiding this from her parents?

There was only one way to find out.