Page 10

CHAPTER TEN

I walked into Hunter’s room and was immediately flooded with guilt over what I was about to do. I never snooped through his stuff. I respected his boundaries and his space. My mother was terrible about going through my things when I was growing up—there was absolutely no privacy or boundaries in my house. She read my journal in seventh grade, and I felt so violated that I never kept another journal. I vowed never to be that way when I had my own kids, and I’d stuck to it, so being in here felt inherently wrong. But given the circumstances, I knew it was something I had to do. My mind wouldn’t let me rest until I’d looked.

It’d been over an hour since I got off the phone with the girl, and I just kept wondering what was going on with her. Her situation consumed my thoughts. Had she listened to me? Did she decide to tell her parents? Was she talking to them right now? I kept trying to send her positive and supportive energy through some kind of mental telepathy. I really hoped she told them. Would I hear from her afterward? Probably not. If she had her parents and people around her that cared about her, there wouldn’t be a need for me anymore. I already felt some of the weight leaving me with the possibility of not carrying the load. But I wasn’t out of the woods yet.

I took a quick scan of Hunter’s room, smiling at the tidy space. Unlike most teenagers, whose rooms looked like war zones, Hunter was neat and organized. He was meticulous about keeping his room clean, and it was a trait he’d inherited from me. I’d always used cleaning as a way of managing my anxiety. Something about straightening my environment helped me organize my thoughts. We were alike in so many ways.

His bed was done up and nicely made. His stuffed animals in a pullout drawer underneath it. His bookshelf was full of anime and other comic books. One of my proudest accomplishments as a mom was that I’d raised a reader. Our Barnes & Noble day trips were some of my fondest memories. The walls were decorated with posters of his favorite bands. Ones I’d never heard of before, with names like Blackpink and Glass Animals.

I stood in the middle of the room with my hands on my hips, anxiously going around in circles. I didn’t even know what I was looking for, but after my conversation with the girl, I’d felt compelled to come in here and search. I’d gotten her to agree to tell her parents, and I didn’t feel like I could rest until I’d done everything I could to settle matters with Hunter. Even if the two things were disconnected, he’d still lied to me about staying over at Shai’s that night. He’d never lied to me before, and nobody lied without a reason.

I lifted up the mattress to see if he’d tucked anything underneath it, since that was one of my favorite hiding spots when I was a teenager. There was nothing. I moved to his nightstand and rifled through the drawer. It was practically empty except for a box of condoms and gum wrappers. I walked over to his dresser and pulled out each drawer, rifling through them one by one, being careful not to mess up his folded and color-coded clothes. I came up empty-handed there, too.

There was nothing out of the ordinary in his room. No clues. But that didn’t make me feel any better. What I really needed was to get into his phone again. I’d only skimmed things the other morning when I was looking for the video. I hadn’t delved into anything deeply, hadn’t looked for any hidden apps. How was it possible that had only been two nights ago?

I walked over to his closet and opened the door. This was his only messy place: out of sight and out of mind. It reminded me of Monica’s hallway closet on Friends . His backpacks and shoes cluttered the floor, you couldn’t even see the carpet. The kid had so many shoes it was ridiculous. Clothes were stuffed everywhere, especially in the back. He was really good about doing all of his chores except laundry: he’d wait until he was on his last pair of clean socks before he did it. I’d stopped doing his clothes for him a few years back—in addition to needing his help around the house, I wasn’t raising a man who expected people to take care of him. He was going to be a man that carried his load of household responsibilities if I had anything to do with it.

I rifled through all the stuff, cleaning and organizing as I went. I hung his backpacks on their hooks. Put his shoes in their places. He wouldn’t be mad about me being in his room if I was helping out by cleaning the closet, right? Dirty clothes were mixed in with the clean ones, and I separated them, cringing when I grabbed a pair of his ex-girlfriend’s tiny white underwear. I hurriedly tossed them in the hamper with the other dirty clothes. I’d always wondered if they were having sex, but I didn’t need to wonder anymore. I hoped he used the condoms in the drawer. There was a shoebox I didn’t recognize next to his red Jordans and I was surprised to discover it held all the sentimental things from their relationship—all the monthly anniversary cards she sent him, her favorite T-shirt, the teddy bear she gave him after he got his wisdom teeth pulled, and their formal Christmas pictures she’d forced him to get done. I shook my head. He told me he’d given her back all her stuff and thrown everything else out. He swore their breakup didn’t bother him, but maybe he was just embarrassed to admit that he was missing her and hurting over it. Could Marissa have something to do with this?

They’d only been together for five months, but it seemed like an intense five months. The two of them had been practically inseparable, to the point where he started neglecting hanging out with his other friends, and even studying less. I was afraid she was one of those girls who’d attach themselves to a Division 1 athlete, since that’s where he was headed, except he wouldn’t be going anywhere if he let a relationship derail his focus. But just when I started getting worried and toying with the idea of approaching him about it, they abruptly broke up. I overheard a few screaming matches over FaceTime, and then nothing. He’d said she was done and gone, that he was over it. He’d even said having a girlfriend in high school was stupid, and I’d agreed.

Was she the girl he and Shai fought about? I hung up the last few jackets, then grabbed the basket to take downstairs to the laundry room and shut the door. I took one last glance at his room behind me.

Everything was in its place. You couldn’t tell I’d even been in there except for the organized closet, which now matched the rest of the room. I rested my hand on the doorknob. Maybe it was finally over. The girl was going to tell her parents, and it was just a weird coincidence that Hunter was at the same party. It seemed like he could be lying to me about his ex-girlfriend, so he might’ve been equally embarrassed about whatever happened that night. Maybe I’d done all I could for both of them, and it was time to finally let it go, like Stan suggested. Get back to my own life again. I shut the door behind me, feeling peaceful for the first time in three days. I thought about taking a break from the call center until I regained my bearings. This had all been so much to process, and I might need some time to find normal again. But my peace of mind didn’t last for long.