Page 7

CHAPTER 7

DANICA

At this moment, Danica was really regretting being such a good friend. Why in the world had she agreed to take snowboarding lessons with Maggie? Last night over pizza, Maggie confessed she was nervous to take the lessons she’d signed up for, and now here was Danica, on a bunny hill, feeling like she might die at any moment.

In all her years of skiing, she’d never been afraid of crashing into a tree, but strapped to this murder board, she just might meet her end.

“Toe edge,” the ski instructor, an entertaining and sarcastic Aussie man named Glen, called out. The group was fanned out across the bunny hill, practicing their heel and toe edge balance. Danica thought it could have been an effective torture technique. Her quads burned, her knees hurt, and they hadn’t even gone down the entire damn hill yet.

“Naur,” Danica whined, flailing her arms and falling to her knees.

“Ah, right, make fun of the person trying to help you,” Glen called back.

“Does Australia even have snow?” Maggie complained. “Have you ever even snowboarded? Did you lie on your resume, Glen?”

“We ski, for the record. But the snow is better here. Why do you think I’m not in Straya, hey?” Glen said, giving her a pointed look before walking off to help a younger girl.

Danica hated not being good at things immediately. She pushed herself back up, the board sliding precariously beneath her. Thank goodness it was only Maggie here with her, who hadn’t even laughed despite Danica falling every ten seconds since she’d gotten strapped onto this board.

“I’ll buy you a drink at the bar tonight,” Maggie offered, looking at her with pleading puppy eyes she couldn’t resist.

“Ten drinks,” Danica bartered, falling backwards again. She concentrated on not putting her arms out to catch herself for fear of breaking a wrist, letting her ass take most of the force like Glen had instructed at the beginning of the lesson. Imagine breaking a bone on a bunny hill without even going down the run yet. Kiera would never let her live it down.

“A million drinks,” Maggie said, nodding. Though her arms flailed and legs trembled, she stayed upright — unlike Danica.

Glen appeared above Danica, his ruddy, sunburned cheeks wrinkling at the edges as he smiled down at her. “Come on, you’ve got this,” he said, reaching out a hand to help her up.

“Leave me here to die,” Danica whined.

“You’ve been in this lesson for twenty minutes,” Glen chided, laughing. Danica accepted his help, allowing him to steady her as she rose.

“I’m a skier. I know how to ski. I know the skiing moves. I pizza. I french fry. I do not heel edge and toe edge. The human body shouldn’t be able to balance like this.”

“She would know, she’s a doctor,” Maggie said with faux solemnity.

Danica added a sheepish shrug for emphasis.

“You may be a doctor, but you’ll be a boarder before the end of this lesson. Now come on.” Glen let go of her and she slid a few inches, wobbling, but remained upright. “That’s it. Steady.”

The lesson continued in much the same way, with Glen teaching Danica, Maggie, and five others who were alarmingly younger than them how to step out of their bindings and push their board with their free foot to get on a lift.

Maggie seemed to be catching on much faster than Danica, and they spent the next hour of the lesson practicing a falling leaf pattern down the bunny hill. Danica chanted in her head, “Leaves fall, not me. Leaves fall, not me” the whole way down.

They got on the small, slow lift and Danica never felt more at a loss without her ski poles. It was easier to balance with them and she didn’t have to hop and maneuver her entire body quite as much to get into position. She awkwardly shuffled onto the magic carpet, a little moving walkway for lift-averse beginners, which was quite possibly the most terrifying thing she’d ever seen.

“They say the learning curve for snowboarding is way steeper than skiing,” Maggie said from behind her. Her perfectly coiffed blonde bob remained intact as she removed her helmet and readjusted her ear warmer.

“I believe that,” Danica said, her legs like jello as she wobbled a bit on the conveyor belt. “It’s way harder to balance.”

“Pete said she’ll take us up some greens after lunch if we want,” Maggie suggested. Greens were beginner trails, so Danica had a chance of staying upright for at least a portion of them. However, inviting Pete along was quite possibly the worst idea Maggie had ever had, second only to these lessons. Danica slid as she tried to climb off the magic carpet, falling onto her knees for the millionth time. Maggie shuffled beside her, lowering to the ground beside Danica.

Danica groaned, pressing her lips into a thin line as she maneuvered to sit down on her ass instead of her knees. “Snowboarding is a young man’s sport, Mags. What possessed you to think this was a fun idea?”

Maggie sniffled in the cold air, putting her helmet back on her head. “Life is short.”

Danica nodded, knowing that full-well. She’d seen plenty of miracles in her career, but she’d also witnessed a lot of heartbreak and grief. But then again, she had a therapist, so she at least had a place to express the emotions connected to the tumultuousness of having the pediatric patients.

Maggie rested her forearms on her knees as she stared down at the bunny hill before them. “You have kids, and then suddenly your life is only about them. They’re parasites who take over every thought in your brain. I wanted to do something just for me. Something I never got to do as a kid, but not something I’m only doing for my kids.”

Danica turned, picking up on a wistful tone in Maggie’s voice. “I think that makes perfect sense, but I have to ask. Is everything okay with the kids?” Maggie had two boys and a girl, all under six. That situation would exhaust anyone.

Maggie waved her hand dismissively. “Oh, yeah. I wouldn’t trade them for the world.”

“And with Gwen?” Danica added.

Maggie nodded again, but she adjusted her goggles over her eyes so that Danica couldn’t make out her full expression.

“Everything’s great, honestly,” Maggie said, clearing her throat. “I’m just tired. I don’t know how Kiera still works while being a parent. Some days it’s a struggle just to get everyone changed out of pajamas. I appreciate my parents looking after the kids while I’m away so Gwen could also have a break.”

Danica put her gloved hand over Maggie’s. “You’re doing a really good job.”

Maggie gave her a small smile. “I sure hope so. And I hope Grandma and Grandpa haven’t let them have too much screen time while I’m gone.”

Danica shook her head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize all of this was weighing on you.”

“It’s just a constant weight, no more than usual. I’m used to it.” Maggie bumped her shoulder. “I’m glad you’re doing this with me.”

“Me too,” Danica said, smiling. “God, you’re worried about screen time for your kids while I’m just over here considering if being run down by the chairlift can kill you.”

Maggie glanced at the lift above them. “I mean, it’s not not a death trap.”

Glen walked past holding the hand of a tween boy who was far steadier on his feet than she was.

“Glen, what if we just skip the lift part of the lesson and stay magic carpet riders?” Danica asked hopefully.

“Come on, I’ve had seven-year-olds braver than you,” he responded.

“They have more bone density than me, too,” Danica countered, readjusting her bindings. They weren’t ready for the lift yet, but it was looming in the back of Danica’s mind. There was simply no way she’d be able to do it while standing — how Pete had made it look so effortless, she’d never know.

But then again, Pete made everything look effortless. Back in college, she’d never once seen Pete studying or actually writing a paper or finishing an assignment. She’d seen Pete spend hours with video games, play ultimate frisbee most afternoons on the quad, or read books that weren’t assigned for class. Even now every detail she could glean about Pete’s life just seemed as though she was still a woman with her head up in the clouds, never touching down in the real world. It was impressive in a way, and annoying in another — Pete was smart, but she lacked the kind of ambition that drove Danica. Pete had made some kind of app for her thesis portfolio, but Danica had never seen it, and thought that maybe she’d never even finished it. In fact, it was a bit surprising when Pete showed up in her graduation gown. Had they really let her graduate without finishing her senior thesis?

“Earth to Danica,” Maggie said from beside her. “Come in, Dani.”

“Sorry, what?” Danica asked, shifting onto her knees to push herself back up to stand. While a bit easier than standing up in skis, she felt far less stable. At the top of the bunny hill, she watched Glen teach the younger group members a balance exercise using their toe edges.

“What were you just thinking about?” Maggie asked, hopping awkwardly with her board.

“Just how much I miss ski poles,” Danica said, but in reality, that was what she’d been thinking about for a majority of the morning, so it wasn’t entirely untrue.

“You looked really wistful for ski poles, then,” Maggie teased.

“I long for the pole,” Danica announced just as they rejoined the group lesson.

Glen snorted. “Easy, tiger. The kid’s camp can hear you.”

They spent the next hour working on maneuvering down the bunny hill without stopping to shift their edge, and Danica cheated, staying on her heel edge for the majority of the run. It was easier to balance leaning her weight backwards than forwards. Before she knew it, the lesson was done and Glen was giving them all high fives and telling them they were now one step closer to being professional snowboarders. Lift crisis averted.

Reaching the cafe at the bottom of the bunny hill, Danica and Maggie walked in and began loading their plates with every carb in sight.

“So, how’s wedding planning going?” Maggie asked as they sat down with plates heaped with over-sauced pasta and limp french fries.

Danica pretended to be in the middle of a bite in order to gather her thoughts. “Fine,” she said, unsure how to explain the situation. Even during their two-year engagement, they hadn’t done much planning. Danica had asked Eddie to hold off on making decisions until things slowed down at work. She wanted to attend some bridal shows and get ideas and really organize her thoughts, she’d claimed. Given that things never seemed to slow down at work, they hadn’t made much progress before the breakup.

In truth, she’d tried on one wedding dress, and nearly burst into tears in the dressing room from a sudden panic attack. Thankfully, she was there alone, so she didn’t have to explain to any of her family or friends why she’d left after only one dress.

They’d been engaged for long enough to raise some questions from family members about their timeline, but Eddie had never rushed her, and she appreciated that, at least.

She thought of him tearing up on the phone the other day when he’d called to ask her if she wanted to come over to get the last of her things.

Eddie was sweet and kind and emotionally-available. He had a good job, and he was close with his family. Dogs and kids liked him, which was always a good sign. He’d proposed to her after two years of dating, which had initially come as a surprise, but it didn’t feel wrong, necessarily. Eddie was everything she wanted in a partner on paper, and she did still feel sad and confused, but not in a way that made her ever reconsider getting back together with him. He was a good person, but he wasn’t her person. She wasn’t sure how to explain that to her friends.

“I remember how much of a headache the entire process was,” Maggie said, interrupting her thoughts again. “I begged Gwen to elope like nine times.”

“But your wedding was gorgeous,” Danica said. “I loved it.”

“I love it in hindsight.”

“What would you do differently now?” Danica asked, shoving penne into her mouth.

Maggie considered, frowning. “I would have eloped.”

Danica laughed. “That bad?”

“No, I’m mostly kidding. It was just expensive and stressful and I didn’t even get to spend much of the day with the people I love, you know? I was just running around the room like a chicken with my head cut off making sure it was perfect and that everyone was happy instead of slowing down to enjoy it all,” Maggie said, pausing to dip a fry in ketchup.

Danica nodded, empathizing. “Worth it, though, to marry the love of your life?”

Maggie’s smile was genuine as she nodded, her eyes brightening at the mention of her wife. “Worth it.”

The look of genuine love on Maggie’s face made Danica feel a pang of envy, wondering if she’d ever find someone who made her feel that way.

Maggie raised an eyebrow. “Is everything okay with you and Eddie? You don’t really bring him up. Or like, ever talk about him at all.”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Danica said, studying a limp fry.

“Sure, as in, ‘yeah, I like vanilla ice cream,’ or sure as in... you’re sure everything’s okay?” Maggie asked.

Danica forced a smile onto her face. “Everything’s good. And there’s nothing wrong with vanilla ice cream.”

“Some people love vanilla things.” Maggie feigned seriousness with a slow nod of her head.

Danica rolled her eyes, throwing a fry across the table at Maggie, who laughed and dodged out of the way.

“I mean, he is a dentist. I bet he makes a really high contribution to his 401k and he’s never let his car go one mile past the number for a recommended oil change,” Maggie said, making Danica laugh. She wasn’t wrong.

“Can you not?” Danica said, though she wasn’t upset. She just didn’t want to have to defend Eddie against the very truthful allegations and jokes.

Maggie grinned, sipping the last of her soda. “It’s not a bad thing. I think that kind of personality suits you.”

To quiet the unsettling feeling that statement caused and keep from saying Maggie was wrong immediately, Danica stuffed one last fry in her mouth. Is that what her friends really thought of her? That she wanted boring ?