Page 14

CHAPTER 14

PETE

"I just really prefer to keep my legs together," Pete said.

Izzy laughed. "Liar."

Pete shot Izzy a glare, sliding her skis back and forth in the lift line. Izzy was sticking with her trusty snowboard, but Pete wanted to check out a few of the expert runs on skis. After an hour or two on blues, of course. It had nothing to do with the fact that Danica was on skis, and mostly stuck to blues. It had nothing to do with the fact that Danica and Kiera had joined them for the day. Maggie had stayed at home, curled up on the couch with some book that was, in her words, "Deliciously smutty."

The only bad part of having Danica and Kiera with her today, was that every time she checked out Danica, Kiera would notice and give her a pointed look, like she was some sort of morality enforcer.

That morning over breakfast, Pete saw a hickey on Danica's neck, dark red and glaringly obvious. When Danica caught her eye, she gave a little smirk — clearly not that bothered by the previous night.

Which was interesting given how Danica looked panicked and upset the night before after they'd kissed. Pete had tossed and turned for hours in that stupid tiny bunk bed, worried that she’d done something wrong. But then she'd remember the way Danica's hips were grinding into hers, the little moans that escaped Danica's swollen lips as Pete had given her that damn hickey, the way Danica's body pressed so tightly against hers — and it definitely didn't seem like Danica was doing anything she didn't want to be doing. Maybe she just changed her mind, which she was perfectly allowed to do. Pete just worried that she'd done something to make Danica change her mind.

It had always felt so right with Danica before, like a part of her knew, or at least hoped, that they'd come back to one another. Even after a brief period when Danica had gotten a girlfriend for a few weeks, or the few one-night stands Pete had taken home from the bar — Pete had never questioned where she stood with Danica. They were friends with major benefits and without any complications. Or so she'd believed while they were together.

In the months after college, after that fight, after Danica had made it clear they were over until Pete got her shit together, Pete crashed on Izzy's couch in San Francisco a few times before finishing and selling Til Morning. She'd get drunk on bitter, cheap whiskey and ask Izzy if it was stupid that she was still so heartbroken over a person she'd never even technically dated. She'd never forget the way Izzy once said to her, "What if she was the right person, at the wrong time? Maybe the right time just hasn't happened yet."

It had taken years to not love Danica, and she wasn’t sure if she had even achieved that. It had taken nearly a decade before she stopped thinking, “I wish Danica was here” while watching the sunset over a beach in Bali, or overlooking miles of lush jungle in Costa Rica, or at an incredible art gallery in Budapest.

Losing Danica once was awful. If Danica gave her the chance, if she could show Danica that she’d changed from the immature, directionless person she’d been… She wouldn't make that same mistake twice. If Danica was willing to explore a future together, Pete was not going to waste it this time.

When Maggie had reached out to invite her on the trip, it had taken only Danica's name on the guest list to convince her. Of course, it was a plus that Izzy and Maggie would be there, and even Kiera, who had her fun moments. The thought of seeing Danica again… well, she had a feeling she’d either get closure or confirm what a mistake it had been to let Danica go. Then, when she'd heard Danica and Eddie arguing, when Danica had confirmed they were over… It wasn’t closure she was after, suddenly.

And that was how Pete ended up on skis.

Danica had laid out the plan after Pete had insisted that she didn’t need to start with greens, the easiest runs. They'd do these blues until Pete felt more confident to take the slightly longer and harder trails. They'd grab crepes and lunch at the Bon Vivant restaurant, and then could split up for the afternoon. Pete, Izzy, and Kiera would hit the harder black trails and Danica could go back to the condo to hang out with Maggie. Danica said that she was still sore from snowboarding, but Pete knew that she just didn't want Maggie to be alone all day. Classic Danica, always worried about everyone else.

They stood at the top of Peek-a-Boo, and Pete had nearly forgotten what it felt like to be on such a wide-open run. Still, Telluride was the kind of magical ski resort where the views were incredible on every slope. Surrounded by stunning snow-capped peaks that pierced the clear blue sky, she could enjoy the easy run and take in the breathtaking views.

They started slow and easy, with Izzy carving wide, long paths, Kiera right behind her. Danica stayed near Pete, but muscle memory was beginning to kick in. She’d always taken easily to anything athletic, and she’d had roller blades and skateboarded as a teenager before learning how to snowboard after coming to Colorado for college. She’d tried skiing first — Kiera and Izzy had taught her freshman year — but snowboarding had been so much more exciting.

Her knees were going to hate her tomorrow, she could already tell, but Danica was right about her boots needing to be tighter. She was used to her boarding boots, where she needed a little more give as she leaned forward and back, but she needed much less of that on skis, letting the pressure to turn on her edges come from the angle of her knees and ankles instead. Not that she was on her edges yet. She was very much pizza-ing this entire run, her ski tips nearly touching as she made her way slowly down the eight-lane highway of a run.

"You're doing good," Danica encouraged.

"Skiing isn't hard," Pete said off-handedly.

Danica nonchalantly raised her shoulders. "It's plenty hard for the average person."

“Wendell, did you just call me not-average?" Pete joked, like she was gushing over a compliment.

"No, you're insufferably good at everything," Danica said with a groan. Pete would take the compliment, regardless of how it was delivered.

"Did you see your folks for Christmas?" Pete asked a little further down the run as the slope leveled out and they could slowly keep pace with one another. "Or did Eddie drag you to see his parents somewhere like Cape Cod? Martha's Vineyard?"

"I saw my parents," Danica said casually, like it was the most normal thing in the world to have a family to spend the holidays with. And to her, it was.

"Are they still in Denver?"

"Yeah."

"Still in that tiny little house near the zoo?"

Danica huffed a small laugh and slowed, cocking her head toward Pete. "They are."

"I loved that house," Pete said, her voice tender and nostalgic. Danica had let Pete join her for Christmas every year in college, and they'd always treated her like one of the family. Her mom had even embroidered her the cutest, coziest felt stocking with beads and sequins by the third year, and remembered Pete's favorite chocolates to put inside. Pete remembered a specific chilly Christmas morning where she had coffee on the patio with Danica's dad, listening to lions roar from the zoo.

"Did you do anything fun for Christmas?" Danica asked when they caught up again.

Pete had spent Christmas in Seattle, video chatting with her sister Lillian, and eating Vietnamese takeout. "The usual."

"Lying on some tropical beach with an umbrella in your drink?" Danica quipped.

"Is that what you really think I do? Relax all the time?" Pete asked.

"Well, you refuse to answer any questions about your job, so I'm just guessing that relaxation has a lot to do with it," Danica countered.

"I work at a non-profit." A half-truth, but she wasn't about to say she founded a non-profit.

"What kind of work does your non-profit do?" Danica pressed.

"Work that's not for profit," Pete said with a grin behind her scarf.

Danica sighed, skiing ahead again past a group of people who were milling about toward the end of the run.

Pete didn't know why opening up to Danica was so difficult. Why some part of her wanted to keep all of the boring achievements under wraps. She was proud of her work, proud of her foundation, but she wasn't in it for the praise. She was in it for the kids. She was in it for the young girl still inside her, being shuttled from foster home to foster home, knowing she'd never have a real family and petrified to let anyone in. Well, until she met Lillian at one of her last foster homes, a placement she’d had in her late teens. They’d both been there until they were eighteen, officially aging out of foster care.

She’d gone to a small liberal arts college in Colorado on scholarships and financial aid, wanting something more for her life — and also not knowing what else to do. Finding this group of friends in college had been one of the first times where she'd really felt like she had a family. Finding Danica back in college was the first time she'd ever met a person who felt like home.

She didn’t want to lose that again.

The four of them slid into a lift seat together, and Pete tucked her poles under her leg like she'd seen Maggie, Kiera, and Danica do dozens of times. Danica pulled down the bar before they were even out of the lift station. Kiera had situated herself directly between Pete and Danica, and Danica bent forward to look toward Pete and Izzy.

"Is it like, extra cold today or what?" Danica said, sniffling and tucking her nose back into her neck gaiter.

Izzy paused as she fixed her hair, pulling two longer strands of her bangs out on either side of her face. "I have some whiskey shooters in my bag if you need a warmup."

Danica grinned. "Ooh, sure."

Pete’s jacket made a plasticky swish as she turned in the lift chair so quickly it made the seat rock. "Oh? What was it you told me a few days ago? You don't need whiskey to ski?"

Danica rolled her eyes, but was clutching the safety bar as the seat rocked. "That was a flask. This is very different.”

Even Kiera took one of the shooters from Izzy, and they all toasted on the lift before swallowing the burning liquid. It was cheap liquor — nothing expensive came in a plastic one-ounce bottle, of course – but it did the trick. Pete could feel warmth flooding through her chest and into her stomach.

"How many shooters do you have in there, Izzy?" Kiera asked.

"Enough," Izzy said enigmatically, zipping her bag and turning her head as if she wouldn’t take any more questions.

"Is this hair thing like, a cool thing the youths are doing or what?" Danica said, gesturing to Izzy.

"They're my slut strands," Izzy said.

"Your what?" Kiera asked, amused.

"So, everyone can know I'm a girl, and so ski patrol won't call me sir, and other boarders won't call me bro." Izzy's expression looked like she was explaining that the sky was blue.

"Oh, do I need them?" Danica asked, touching her face with her heavy mittens.

"You're wearing a bright purple jacket. I think you're okay," Pete pointed out, but couldn't help her smile as she studied Danica's worried expression.

"Kiera, you need slut strands," Danica said playfully, nudging Kiera in the side. Unlike Danica's bright purple jacket, Kiera's coat was navy. It was fitted, though, showing off her curves.

Kiera shook her head, though Pete could tell a hint of a smile was pulling at her mouth. "I've portaled whole ass humans out of my body into this world. I don't care if ski patrol misgenders me."

"That’s a perspective," Pete laughed.

Izzy shrugged. "There's just something about being called sir that really bothers me."

"I get it," Danica said, nodding. "I don't like it either. Like, why is sir the default?"

"I'd honestly rather be called sir than ma'am any day," Pete said, and her friends groaned in agreement.

The lift dipped down, and Pete felt a rush of nerves about successfully getting off the lift without falling in front of Danica. She hadn't been nervous about a lift in years, so it was a disorienting feeling, the way her stomach flipped as the lift lowered down. Danica always waited until the last possible second to lift the bar, and Pete held her poles tightly, praying to the ski gods not to let her make a fool of herself. Kiera tapped Pete's ski with her own, and Pete realized she hadn't been holding them parallel. She mumbled a thanks to Kiera as their skis touched the ground, and she planted her poles, pushing with all of her might to get out of the way of the moving lift seat.

Except, all of her might was a little too much, and she nearly slammed into a group of teenagers who had gotten off the lift before them. Her cheeks flushed in embarrassment, but she narrowly avoided bowling down the kids.

She looked at her friends to see if she had any witnesses, but only Danica was turned toward her. Pete could have sworn she saw a sparkle of amusement in her eyes as she pulled her goggles over her eyes.

"Do you still feel good?" Danica asked, eyeing her critically. "I don't think your boots are tight enough."

Pete looked down at her boots, her skis sliding as her balance shifted. "What's wrong with my boots?"

"Izzy, you can bend a little easier than the rest of us. Can you notch her boots just one click tighter on the top?" Danica pointed with her mittened hand.

Izzy glanced from Danica to Pete, undoubtedly waiting for Pete to argue with Danica. Pete nodded for her to go ahead, and Izzy kneeled in front of Pete to tighten the straps. Pete pretended to knight her, tapping her on each shoulder with a ski pole. "Arise, Sir Izzy, Protector of Shins, Knight of the Bent Knee."

"It's Dame Izzy," Izzy said, pointing to the strands of hair poking out from her helmet.

"Right, so sorry, ma'am," Pete teased. “I mean, Dame Izzy of the Slut Strands.”

Izzy and Kiera glided down the run ahead of them, and Pete stuck close behind Danica, shamelessly admiring the easy way her body balanced and shifted.

When they got further down the run, they found that Izzy and Kiera had paused at the top of a black run called Allais Alley, which veered down so steeply that standing where they were, Pete could only see the bottom.

“Hey, so, I know we said we’d stick to blues… but… what if we just tried this one?” Kiera asked as they paused atop one of the black runs that veered off from the long blue run after the lift.

Pete felt a slight bundle of nerves in her stomach, but as she glanced toward Danica and saw the panic on her face, she realized that she’d have to be the strong one. She forced a nonchalant tone in her voice. “Yeah, looks fun.”

"You’re suggesting we ski down there ?" Danica squeaked, pointing her ski pole toward the steep trail pitching down at an intense angle. "I don't... I don't think that's right. Or legal. But definitely not right. Didn’t we say blues for Pete at first?"

"It's okay, Dani. You can take See Forever to get back to the condo, or Woozley's Way and meet at the lift station," Kiera said reassuringly, pointing toward the two other runs that ran parallel.

Perhaps Kiera was attempting to kill her for all of the times she’d caught Pete staring at Danica’s ass today. Perhaps Kiera was trying to pressure Danica into leaving the group, and therefore Pete. Pete knew Danica could do this run. Danica was far better than she gave herself credit for. She turned, using her poles to push herself closer to Danica. She lowered her voice as she leaned closer. "You've got this."

"I most certainly do not," Danica said, shaking her head.

"I’ll — we'll — be right there with you," Pete said. "You're a good skier, Wendell. You just need to trust yourself."

Danica looked from the trees back to Pete. "I don't know."

"You can just go a different way," Kiera said impatiently.

"You two go ahead. We'll be right behind you." Pete forced a smile toward Kiera and Izzy.

"You sure?" Kiera asked, turning to Danica.

Danica nodded, tucking her chin back into her neck gaiter.

Izzy and Kiera straightened their gear and then dipped over the horizon line, Izzy's whoops of excitement echoing and making Pete feel giddy with anticipation.

"Want me to go down Woozley's Way with you?" Pete offered in a quiet voice.

"I'm really more of a groomed, gentle slope kind of girl," Danica said, still staring down the run. "Moguls seem... really scary."

"You're good enough to do this," Pete pointed out. "Moguls aren't that bad on skis. I don't know how Izzy is doing it on a snowboard."

"This is how people die at ski resorts. This is how you go too fast and hit a tree," Danica said, and Pete reached to take Danica's mittened hand in hers.

"The steep groomed runs are how people end up going too fast. I promise this run is more like a puzzle, where you get to choose several different paths. And the snow from this morning is probably still gorgeous and fluffy here. And all of that said, I'll go with you down any other run you want," Pete said.

The cold wind whipped around Danica as she shook her head, her breath misting in the air.

"Are you really that afraid of hitting a tree when skiing?" Pete asked gently.

"No. I mean, yeah, always, but not for this. It's just..." Danica took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as it formed a foggy cloud in front of her face.

"Why do you only do blues when you're such a good skier? Why stick to what’s safe?" Pete asked.

"I hate being bad at things." Danica's confession came out in a mumble.

"What do you mean?" Pete lifted her goggles to put them on her helmet, looking at Danica with confusion.

"I just don't." Danica said.

Pete frowned, the faintest hint of a suspicion pulling her brows together. "You were bad at snowboarding at first."

"Yeah, but Maggie was there with me and no one was expecting me to be good at it. I can practically feel Izzy watching me, and Kiera doesn't really think I can do this, either. You heard her. ' Oh, go on See Forever and go home .'" Her Kiera impression was a little too condescending but otherwise spot on.

"You're that afraid of failure?"

Danica shifted, shrugging her shoulders. “I mean, yeah, where people can see me fail.”

"In front of me ?" Pete asked, completely thrown off.

" Especially in front of you," Danica said, stabbing at the ground with her pole.

Pete laughed. "That's one of the stupidest things you've ever said to me."

Danica threw her arms up in frustration. "I never said it was rational. I just hate this panicky feeling inside of me right now."

Pete took Danica's hand again, looking her in the eyes. Danica's eyes were bluebird sky bright, rimmed with tears. "Hey, it's just me. Izzy and Kiera are long gone. I don't think there's anything braver than being willing to learn new things, or being willing to be bad at something enough times to figure out how to be good at it. That's... life , Wendell. Sometimes you have to fall on your ass skiing."

"Well, what happens when I inch through this and you're also long gone and then I'm just alone?" Danica asked. "What if I fall in a tree well, and I suffocate because no one can find me?" She frowned down toward the trees.

"Not going to happen. And I'll be right behind you. This is my first time trying a mogul run on skis, too," Pete assured.

"And if I'm really bad at this, you won't tell a soul?" Danica asked.

Pete nodded. "I am very good at secrets."

Danica snorted. "Yeah, tell that to the hickey you left on my neck."

Pete grinned. "I didn’t say I’d keep that a secret."

She could have sworn Danica was smiling behind her neck gaiter, maybe even blushing, but that could have been from the chill they had after standing around for so long.

"I really will go down one of the other runs with you if you don't want to do this," Pete said.

Danica took a deep breath, staring down at the tracks ahead of her in the trees. "Will you go first so that I can follow your path?"

The tone of her voice melted something within Pete and she smiled gently. "Of course." Danica was so rarely this vulnerable in front of her. "But it's not going to be pretty. We're in this together, slow and steady and ready to ruin the day for the poor bastards stuck behind us." She settled her goggles back in place and then twisted to adjust her skis. "You ready?"

“Yeah, just make sure you don’t run off.” Danica looked at her, then nodded. That small show of strength made Pete feel warm with pride and excitement.

“I’ll be right there.”

Then, they were off. Pete dipped into the flatter beginning part of the run, then pitched forward and revealed a path of moguls and the ski marks that ran through them, like every turn was a choose your own adventure. It was a little dicey and she purposefully took it slow, glancing behind her every few moments to make sure Danica was okay. Giddiness fluttered in her chest, and she set off again, a little more confident knowing that Danica was right behind her. She could hear the swoosh and crunch of Danica's skis in the snow, and it took a lot of concentration to keep her eyes ahead, focusing on the moguls instead. Izzy and Kiera were so far ahead that it truly felt like they were in their own little world, far away from the rest of the mountain, just two people exploring and adventuring.

That was what she wanted most of all — an adventure partner. Sure, Danica pretended to be averse to new things, but she was so smart and so competent that she learned quickly. Pete had always had to muscle her way through academics, but it had all come easily to Danica. She'd always been a little jealous of that. Now, Pete saw that her own ambition was a positive trait, not just another downfall of not being the smartest person in the room.

She glanced back behind her, seeing Danica concentrating but still managing to work her way through the puzzle. She was fully in control, stable and strong. When she saw Danica glance up to follow her, she nodded her head for Danica to follow, then veered off into the trees that lined the run, a tiny trail already paved by a skier before them.

The trees were dense with no obvious path, but Pete picked her way around, much easier on skis than a board.

"Now this is definitely illegal. We're going to get kicked out," Danica’s voice shook a bit from close behind her.

"We can’t go past the ropes," Pete said, pausing to rest under the bough of an evergreen. "Did you see any ropes?"

"No." Danica glanced back over her shoulder, then pushed with her poles to stop beside Pete.

"I have an avalanche beacon if that's what you're afraid of," Pete stated.

"No, I'm much less afraid of an avalanche and much more afraid of getting caught," Danica said, her head twisting back and forth as if trying to see if ski patrol was about to kick them out.

"This isn’t out of bounds. You’re such a stickler for the rules, Wendell.” Pete grinned. She loved to push Danica out of her comfort zone, especially when it resulted in a quiet moment alone, watching Danica look around the dense trees in wonder.

"Did you need a break from the moguls?" Danica asked.

"No, I just needed a different kind of adventure for a moment," Pete said like it was obvious. She lifted her goggles onto her helmet, leaning against one of the trees, watching Danica.

Danica lifted her own goggles, raising an eyebrow in question. "You're going to go to ski jail just for a little adventure?"

"Only if you'd visit me in ski jail and hold your hand up against the glass while we're on the phone," Pete said with a grin.

"I'll bake you a cake with a file. That's the most I can promise for now." Danica said, reaching up to bat snow off a tree branch. It felt like they were deep in the forest, far away from Izzy and Kiera and their past…

“I’m sorry if last night was too much,” Pete said quietly.

Danica shook her head. “I panicked.”

Pete’s stomach dropped. “I’m sor?—”

“No, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I panicked. It’s just… It was fun, and I don’t know why I… do anything that I do, I guess,” Danica said. She looked so sad.

Pete leaned forward to tap the front of her helmet to Danica’s. “Hey, it’s just me. You know me.”

“That’s the problem. I know you, and I want you,” Danica admitted breathlessly. Her eyes darted down to Pete’s mouth, the air felt charged between them again, and Pete's mind felt clear – no worries, no thoughts at all, really — as she reached for Danica.

Their bodies knocked back into a tree, and the only warning of what was to come was a slight whispering hush as a clump of snow fell off a branch high above them, landing directly on their heads. Danica gasped with surprise, brushing snow from her face and helmet, and Pete laughed, wiping at her eyes.

Danica straightened, shaking her head. "Was that the universe's idea of a cold shower?" Pete laughed, leaning down to grab her poles they awkwardly untangled their skis. Danica pushed backwards, angling away toward the ski tracks pointing out of the trees. "Loser buys crepes?" She asked in a playful tone.

Before Pete could say a word, Danica pulled down her goggles and pushed forward to take off down the trail and out of the trees. Pete wasn't exactly sure what had unleashed this unexpected excitement in Danica, but she liked it. She pushed off, willing to follow Danica anywhere.