Page 26

The families are gathered in the great room, this time of the Bellamy estate. The adults stand, their faces taut with trepidation. The children sit together on the couch. Luann and Kevin are holding hands so tightly that their knuckles are white. Nathan sits near them, gripping his own hands with equal ferocity.

Robert moves to put his arm around Victoria, then catches himself and quickly pulls it away. Victoria reaches for his hand and grips it just as tightly as Luann holds Kevin’s hand.

Julian’s hands are steady as he opens the envelope, but his own fear is written on his face. This is the moment of truth. The results of the DNA test are in, and despite Julian’s insistence that it won’t change anything, we all know that it will.

Julian pulls the letter from the envelope and gives everyone a nervous smile that isn’t returned. His hands are finally shaking as he opens the letter. We all hold our breath. The only sound in the room is the ticking of the clock hanging above the fireplace.

After a small eternity, Julian looks up at Robert and grins. “Robert Cartwright, the results are in, and you are not the father!”

The rest of us breathe a collective sigh of relief. Victoria bursts into tears, and Nathan collapses back onto the couch. Luann and Kevin throw their arms around each other and kiss just barely on this side of appropriately. They separate quickly, red with embarrassment but grinning with joy at learning that they’re not related by blood.

“Thank God for that,” Robert says, wiping sweat from his brow. “What a mess that would’ve been.”

“I still insist that it wouldn’t have changed anything,” Julian said, “but I’m very glad that I don’t have to prove that.”

“We all are,” Victoria says, wiping tears from her eyes. She gives Robert a slightly flirtatious look and says, “See? Nothing to worry about.”

Robert laughs. “Oh yes. Nothing at all.”

“Well, I don’t know about you guys,” Julian says, “But I feel like pizza for dinner.”

“You’ll have to contend with Beatrice,” Victoria replies. “I’m not going to be the one to tell her that the roast she planned isn’t happening anymore.”

“She can make dessert. She’s been waiting for an opportunity to show off something called Baked Alaska. Hell if I know what that is, but I’m sure it will taste delicious.”

“Watch your language,” Luann scolds.

I can’t resist lifting an eyebrow at that. “You’re one to talk.”

Kevin finds that hilarious and earns himself a slap on the shoulder.

***

The pizza is enjoyed in the living room, mostly because that's where the tv is. Sean and I enjoyed our fill of pizza, but the most satisfying part of the meal was watching both families laugh and joke and enjoy each other's company like they were one family. They might not be a family in the strictest sense, but it'll be good for all of them to at least be friends and good neighbors.

“You remember how our parents always got angry at us for watching television instead of spending time with our families?” Sean asks me.

“No. We never had a television growing up.”

He lifts an eyebrow. “Really? My God, your mom was terrible.”

I roll my eyes. “You’re incorrigible, you know that?”

“That’s not a proper use of that word,” he retorts.

“It’s still true.”

“Fair enough.” His smile fades. “I’m sorry. I said a lot of terrible things to you that you didn’t deserve to hear.”

I shake my head. "No, you didn't. You said a lot of terrible things that I needed to hear. It's one of the reasons I love you. You won't let me lie to myself. And you were right about some things. I had a meltdown when I saw those letters I wrote Annie. It took a while for that meltdown to manifest fully, but I've been completely off balance since I saw them. And I think you're right. I should read them. When we get home, you and I can look through them together."

His smile returns. “I think that’s a wonderful idea.”

I start to smile, but irrational fear seizes me. I grab his arm and say, “You have to promise to still love me after, though. No matter what you read, no matter what horrible thing I’ve done, you have to promise that you won’t look down on me after.”

He puts his hands on my shoulder and says seriously, “Mary, there is nothing on Earth that I could find in those letters that will make you any less the most perfect, most beautiful woman who’s ever lived. And if that’s the reason you’ve been afraid to read them, then shame on you.”

That’s not the reason I’ve been afraid to read them, but that doesn’t change that Sean’s given me just about the perfect response. I laugh softly and pull him into my arms, kissing him deeply.

I don’t think about the others in the room—children included—until Kevin teases, “Hey, if Luann and I can keep our hands to ourselves in front of people, then so can you two.”

Sean and I separate and turn to see Robert, Julian and Victoria staring at the two lovebirds. Luann has her face buried in her hands, and Nathan is laughing so hard tears are rolling down his cheeks. Kevin turns beet red and points at the tv. “Look, the Patriots just scored a touchdown!”

We all laugh at that.

Baked Alaska turns out to be a sort of pie lined with cake, filled with ice cream and topped with browned meringue. It’s incredibly delicious, and though Beatrice makes a point to tell everyone that she’s disappointed about the wasted roast, she is clearly pleased when everyone asks for seconds of the dish.

After dinner, the children are allowed upstairs on the condition that Nathan remain in the room with the other two. The adults retire to the great room for drinks.

Victoria, Julian and Robert end up involved in conversation about their shared past—both as individuals and as a family. I am amused to hear many of the stories contained in the diaries traded amongst the three of them. Sean and I are left out somewhat, but that’s all right. I came here hoping to help this family, and it seems that against all odds, I’ve succeeded.

We continue talking late into the night, and when we finally give up the fight, Victoria offers to allow Robert to spend the night. "In the guest room, of course."

Robert smiles a little. “That means Kevin spends the night too. You realize that, right?”

Victoria sighs. "We tried to keep the two of them separate for months, and they still found a way. At least this time, they don't have to sneak around."

Robert shrugs. “I guess you’re right about that. God, they grow up fast, don’t they?”

Victoria smiles at Julian. “Yes. They certainly do.”

Julian shuffles uncomfortably. “Well, I’m glad you two can be so sanguine about it, but I think I’ll just go check on the two of them before I go to bed.”

“Good luck,” Robert calls after him.

He and Victoria laugh. Sean joins them, but I can only manage a smile. When Victoria looks at Julian with the love only a mother can show, something bleeds inside of me. Sean notices my expression and frowns, but I shake my head before he can ask what’s wrong.

We say our goodnights and then head to our room. The children are still in Nathan’s room, laughing and talking quietly. I’m sure Julian is very comforted to know that Nathan is still with them.

When the door to our room closes, Sean says, “All right, Miss Mary. Out with it. What’s the matter?”

I fold my arms across my chest and sigh. “Did you see the way Victoria looked at Julian?”

“Like he was her son, and she loves him. Yes.”

I meet his eyes. “My mother never looked at me like that. Not once.”

He nods. “Ah. I should have figured that’s what it was.”

“It doesn’t usually bother me,” I tell him, “I always felt that I did very well for a child whose parents couldn’t care less for her. Although my father loved us, at least in the beginning. Just not enough to make up for the hatred my mother showed.”

I wipe tears from my eyes. “But I just feel… cheated sometimes. I was given all of the material things I’ll ever need. My father left me a good sum of money, and the house went to me after Mother died. I had a good education, and I was able to work for twenty-five years in a profession I enjoyed. But I never felt my mother’s love. By the time I was a teenager, my father’s love had changed to indifference. He was depressed, and I understand that he was suffering, but I was a child.

“All I had was Annie. At least that’s what I believed. Father was gone, but I had Annie. Mother was a bitch, but I had Annie. We had each other. It was us against the world.” I laugh. “I had this fantasy of us buying neighboring houses and having dinner every night and calling each other to gossip while our husbands were at work. I imagined our children playing together and both of us being better mothers than our own mother ever was. I thought… if I could have that forever, just one person who loved me, then it was all right. It would all be worth it.”

“You do have one,” he says. “You have me.”

“I know, and that’s wonderful. And I am so grateful for you. But… It still hurts. It hurts that my mother was so evil. It hurts that Annie didn’t feel the same love for me that I felt for her. It hurts that I have had to fight so hard just to keep from literally losing my mind, and I still live on the edge of insanity most of the time.”

I wipe more tears from my eyes and admit the deepest truth. “I’m afraid to open those letters because I sometimes hate Annie. I sometimes hope that she was hurt. Even when I thought she was murdered through no fault of her own, I hated her for leaving me. I’m afraid that I’ll open those letters and read all of the horrible things I said to her. And I’m afraid that a part of me will still hope that it’s true.”

I fall silent. For a minute, Sean doesn’t say anything. Then he says, “Well, you know how I feel about your sister, so I won’t tell you how much of me hopes that it’s true.” I give him an exasperated look, and he raises his hands defensively. “I said I won’t say it. What I will say is that I will still love you, no matter what. And I will also point out that as a former psychology student, you know that it’s perfectly natural for grieving people to feel angry at their loved ones for leaving them, even when it’s not the loved ones’ fault.

“ And , I will make you a ribeye steak with mashed potatoes for dinner that is almost as good as Beatrice’s and a storebought tub of ice cream that is not nearly as good as her Baked Alaska. And, in honor of your most recent successful stint as a tutor, I will also buy a bottle of Continental Wines Bellamy Estate Reserve Riesling to drink with the meal.”

I laugh. “That sounds wonderful.”

He smiles, and for a beautiful moment, I am purely, completely happy. I pull him close, and when we kiss, Annie is nowhere in my thoughts.