Page 32 of One Chance to Stay (Bears of Firefly Valley #4)

I found myself without a pithy reply. The softness in his eyes took him from handsome to… I wanted to hold him. He’d be the little spoon, and every time doubt entered his voice, I’d squeeze him tighter. This wasn’t the moment for my snarky antics.

I rested a hand on his chest, my thumb running back and forth. Seamus didn’t understand that his quietness tore through my life like a hurricane. I came to Firefly to figure out my future. I thought that meant a new occupation. Instead, Firefly offered me a man who shook me to the core.

“It’s never been casual for me,” I whispered.

His hands reached for my cheeks, but they didn’t have the same lingering tenderness as before. He leaned forward, pressing his lips against mine. There was no taste of bourbon, no hint of beer. This moment didn’t come from liquid courage.

I wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling him closer. He stepped forward, pushing me back into the room. I didn’t want to stop, to pull away from this man who put his heart on his sleeve for me. I ignored the towel as it dropped from around my waist.

His beard tickled until I had to pull away for fear of sneezing. I gasped as the sneeze teetered on the brink, threatening if I moved the wrong way. When the sensation subsided, I turned back to Seamus.

“You’re naked a lot.”

“Are you complaining?”

He scoffed and smirked.

“Is this a quick visit, or…”

True to form, Seamus didn’t speak. He reached back, shutting the door. I had my answer.

“Grace and Megan commandeered my living room.” His hands slid down my cheeks, along my neck, coming to a rest on my shoulders. “Musical sing-a-longs.”

“Dad needed some peace and quiet?”

“Something like that.”

I had been in plenty of relationships. I did the chasing, and if I was lucky, she’d let herself be caught.

The same happened with Seamus. I went to him, determined.

He had been the reluctant one. Or had he?

Once the interactions began, I moved in response to him, letting him set the pace of our encounters.

Or so I thought.

My cheeks burned, and I’m sure everything above my neck turned red. Seamus chased me ? I had never been on the receiving end of a courtship. I didn’t know how to react, but I knew I liked it. The way Seamus watched me, it tied me in knots like never before.

“Were you busy?”

Thank God. When he broke eye contact, the butterflies went from a hurricane to a zesty breeze. He gestured toward the bed with his chin. I glanced over my shoulder, not pulling away from his hold on my shoulders.

“Oh, that? I was doing some research. You know, trying to figure out my life. It’s kind of the whole reason I came to Firefly. Unfortunately, I’ve been a bit…” —I gulped— “distracted.”

To my surprise, he let go, walking over to the bed and poking at the keyboard. The screensaver vanished, revealing the University of Maine’s requirements for their counseling program.

“Find any answers?”

“You don’t want to hear about my almost mid-life crisis. It’s a lot of chaos up here.” I tapped the side of my head. “I’ll get there, eventually.”

Seamus sat on the edge of the bed. When I didn’t move, he patted the spot next to him. Despite the lack of clothes, the situation lacked sexual tension. It bordered on comical, and someday, I’d look back and laugh at the ridiculousness.

“I’m not one for words.”

“You? I’d never know. You’re a regular chatty Cathy. Sometimes I think to myself, ‘Man, would Seamus ever stop talking?’”

The softness vanished as his face went slack. He didn’t need to scoff. It was implied.

“I’m good at listening.”

I wanted to say, “That’s my line,” but refrained. Sitting next to him, I debated on how much to share. At what point would he realize I didn’t have my shit together? Even if I started the process, I’d be juggling work and going back to school. When Seamus rested a hand on my leg, the fear faded.

“I’m realizing what I love about the bar is less about the bar and more about the people.

I like helping them.” He squeezed my leg in response.

Yes, that included him. “It’s been a town-wide affair helping me figure out my life.

Evelyn suggested something to do with social work or counseling.

I like the idea. I don’t know what I’d do, not exactly.

But I want to make a difference in people’s lives. ”

“I know.”

I wish I knew the unspoken rules between us. Were we going to be a touchy pair? What’s the worst that could happen? I leaned against Seamus, resting my head on his shoulder. He didn’t pull away. That was a good sign.

“It’s kind of funny. You’re the reason I came to this conclusion.”

“Oh?”

“If I hadn’t met you, I wouldn’t have seen the photos of Grace. I wouldn’t have stopped her on the street and chatted with her. When she told me about her job, she was just so…”

“Happy.”

“Yeah.” He didn’t need to explain his pride in Grace. One word did the heavy lifting. It made him even sweeter.

“Then Evelyn suggested this. And here we are. Half-naked. Having a heart-to-heart about my future. It seems we’ve come full circle.”

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Are you going to apply?”

I hesitated. The answer should have been a simple yes. I fill out a few questions, write an essay, and then bust ass at the bar to afford it. Easy enough, until I thought of the upheaval it’d invite. Things would change, and I’d have to give up the stability I created over the last few years.

“I know you’d do a lot of good.” He gave my leg another squeeze. “Don’t ask me for a personal reference.”

“Why not?” I asked, head shooting up.

“I think you’re a pain in the ass.” When I shot him a dirty look, he shook his head. “I said what I said.”

“Does that mean you’re not staying?”

He stood up, and I feared I had offended him. Did I misread the shutting of the door? How had I put my foot in my mouth this time? Just as I was about to jump to my feet, he pulled off his jacket. He hung it on the knob of a dresser drawer. He kicked off his boots before turning around.

I barely blinked as he disrobed. The male physique couldn’t look more different from a woman’s.

His calves turned into tree-trunk thighs, and instead of his hips curving inward to his waist, they continued to widen with his belly.

Different, but still amazing. As I followed his pelt up his chest to his beard, it was his eyes that held my attention. Brown. Gentle. Intense. Beautiful.

I moved the laptop to the nightstand and pulled back the blankets before climbing into bed. I couldn’t help but grin as he kicked off his jeans and folded them.

“At the risk of ruining an otherwise perfect evening.” He finished taking off his socks and even folded them. Unfortunately, he opted to leave on his briefs. “Why did you not want to come to the wedding?”

He gave a shrug.

I pulled back the blankets, the universal sign of get your handsome ass over here. He took a steadying breath, standing next to the bed. I could see the Seamus from our first night together reemerge. Hesitation. Worry. Fear. It hadn’t vanished, but neither had the look of longing.

I patted the mattress like he had earlier.

He climbed into bed, leaving a gap between us. I pulled back the blanket, almost tucking him in. I turned off the light, staying on my side of the bed. In the dark, he lay on his back, unmoving.

“It’s different.” I held my tongue, once again letting Seamus set the pace. “Grace’s mom understood what was going on. We didn’t have a word for it back then. I knew something was different, but I didn’t…” He let out a long sigh.

We had something in common, but it didn’t make us the same. I couldn’t fathom having this conversation thirty years ago, especially not in a community where gossip moved at the speed of light.

I reached over, taking his hand. He squeezed.

“I didn’t want anybody to know.” He took his time.

I gave it to him. “Walter came over to help with the garden. Other than asking about Grace, we never talked about the divorce. He made a fresh pot of coffee and sat me down. I wasn’t prepared for the conversation. He didn’t say he knew. But he did.”

For thirty years, he isolated himself out of fear.

“They love you,” I said. “ All of you.”

“I’m seeing that.” He shifted onto his side. With each exhale, the warmth of his breath rolled along my cheek. I could hear the shake as he inhaled. He whispered, “I don’t know how to do this.”

“This?”

“This.”

“If you haven’t figured it out, I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s kind of my thing lately. I don’t want to put it under a microscope. If I have to start slapping labels on things, I think I’d have a meltdown.”

I imagined he nodded in the darkness.

“But, if we’re being honest. Whatever this is, I like it.”

“You’re growing on me.” He scooted closer. “Roll over.”

“I was going to be the big spoon this?—”

“I said what I said.”

No arguments from me. It might be a new experience, but having a burly man wrapped around me?

I didn’t mind the security while he held me in place.

I rolled over, trying to hide the eagerness.

Before I could push back, his arm grabbed me by the waist, pulling me into place.

By the stiffness pressed against my back, it seemed as if Seamus liked it, too.

Sex could wait. I wanted to revel in our version of this.

He kissed the back of my head before settling into place. The room grew quiet, and I listened to every lung-filling inhale he took. I covered his arm with mine and settled in for the night. We’d deal with the wayward glances from Evelyn in the morning.

He mumbled. “I’m still not writing a reference letter.”

I had almost called him a softy. No, Seamus remained a grump, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The bed moved.

I woke from a dream involving vampires and hunting frogs. I’d need to dissect the meaning later, but right now, I wanted to see what happened to my human furnace. As I opened my eyes, the light had barely started its job of chasing away the night.

When I rolled over, Seamus was in the middle of tying the laces of his boots. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I realized they were much like him, aged, worn, and still filled with purpose. I propped myself up on my elbows.

“I was going to let you sleep in.”

Sleep in? I cleared my throat. I might be functional, but if I closed my eyes, I’d be asleep in seconds.

“It’s still dark. That’s not sleeping in. That’s called sleep.”

He pulled his jacket off the knob and stopped moving.

Even through heavy lids, I could see the intensity of the look.

The previous times we spent the night together, did he watch as I slept?

I couldn’t imagine the sight of me snoring while I drooled on my pillow did anything but make him question his life choices.

“You can stay.”

He shook his head. “I have chores.”

“Chores can wait.” Yes, I pleaded with him.

“The deer say otherwise.”

How could I compete with Bambi? As much as I wanted to drag him back into bed and fall asleep, I found this particular chore endearing.

“We’ll see if they appreciate your gift.”

Knowing that I’d be part of his morning ritual made me smile. It’d be worth getting up early, and putting on sweats and a hoodie, and standing in the cold. Did he have names for them? Did he convince them to eat from his hands by using that stern voice? It changed my opinion of him.

I wouldn’t let him go that easily. “Want to hang out later?”

“Like a date?”

I couldn’t shrug in this position, but tried anyway. The question felt foolish, as if I were in middle school asking out one of the girls on the soccer team. Would he even understand if I asked for a Netflix and Chill night?

“Yeah. A date.”

He nodded. That’s it? Two versions of Seamus existed. Before coffee, I’d be dealing with the silent one.

“What?” he asked.

I hadn’t thought that far ahead. “I’ll figure something out.”

“Come by the house tomorrow?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Like a date?”

He shrugged. “It’ll give you time to not disappoint.”

I fell back on the pillow. Seamus had upped the stakes.

I thought the benefit of seeing an older man would be keeping things simple.

Though now I wondered what he had planned at his place?

Knowing him, it probably involved shoveling snow or fixing the barn.

He’d make me do chores, and yet, I was expected to not disappoint. Not fair.

“Have a good day,” I said.

He stopped with his hand on the door. He turned so I could see the smile on his face. “You, too.”

He left, and I turned onto my side, burying my face in his pillow.

The scent of him lingered. It lacked any perfume or lotions.

What remained… earth, musk, and a hint of vanilla.

I’d say it was weird, but my growing erection said otherwise.

Now, I just needed to brainstorm the perfect date for a recluse. Easier said than done.

I’d figure it out after a few more hours of sleep.