Page 17 of One Chance to Stay (Bears of Firefly Valley #4)

“Walter. I hate you.”

I eased my eyes open, flinching at the bright light pouring in through the window.

Last night, Seamus vanished without another word.

I thought our man-of-the-night would spill his secrets, giving me an in with Seamus.

No matter how much alcohol I poured into his glass, he maintained his common sense. I, on the other hand, did not.

“Did he put me to bed?”

Peaking under the blankets, I still wore my clothes from the night before. Good to see that not every man in Firefly had seen me naked. At this rate, Jon would be asking me to partake in his annual sexy men of Firefly calendar. When I turned my head, the tightness in my muscles made me groan.

This is why I never drank while on the job. I’d be paying the price for the rest of the day. Rolling over, I let my legs slide off the side of the bed. I stayed still for several minutes, ensuring the room didn’t spin. This morning required electrolytes and food. Bacon. Pushing onto my elbows…

“Heh.” Last time I had been in this position, I looked down my torso to see Seamus.

The memory made my body ache in a different way.

Never had somebody treated me, a big guy to most, as if I might be fragile.

Even as I thought about the tips of his fingers on my thighs, the front of my jeans tented.

I needed to admit my sexuality had grown somewhat cloudy since arriving in Firefly.

“My ex’s will have a field day with this.”

Walter had been enough of a gentleman to take off my boots.

As I slid my feet inside, I forced myself upright.

I went about my morning routine, brushing my teeth, combing my hair, and applying a little wax to give my beard some shape.

By the time I finished, I looked like a respectable member of society.

Thinking about the pool game, I wanted to see if Seamus had a shift today. We needed to discuss the terms of our bet. With the end of my stay approaching, I wanted…

“What do I want?”

I plopped down on the bed, rubbing my temples to ease the dull ache behind my eyes.

Asking it out loud made it real. Would it be foolish to skip dissecting my sexuality and focus on Seamus?

Okay, I had sex with a man and I liked it.

Did I want to do it again? With him? Yes.

With anybody else? Maybe. Did that make me bi?

Pan? I’d given advice to a thousand people at Spectrum, but somehow, I couldn’t answer the simplest question: What the hell does this mean? I needed an expert.

Patrick: Have a question. Not allowed to make a big deal.

Patrick: Hooked up with somebody.

Patrick: A man.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Of course, she’d call.

“Girl, I’ll turn on my notifications for this. Dish. Make sure you include all the juicy bits.”

Mabel Syrup. She might not be on the payroll, but she made Spectrum her unofficial job.

I liked to think we were opposite sides of the same coin.

While I listened to my patrons and helped them sort through their miseries, she wielded her wisdom like a blunt weapon.

If there was anybody who’d give me unfiltered advice, it’d be her.

“Stays between us.” I needed the confirmation. Drag queens were like Firefly. Secrets were treated like currency.

“For you, honey. It’ll be the second-best thing I’ve tucked away today.”

Crass. “Long story short, I met a guy. We had a moment. Then we had a moment .”

“I said juicy, right?”

“He’s older.”

“My baby bear is into daddies. How’d I know?”

“I’ll give you the blow-by-blow at my next shift. But I needed to ask you a question.”

“Are you gay?”

Mabel Syrup defied every expectation I had about drag performers.

My first night at the bar, she introduced herself.

Without the wig and makeup, I’d have thought her another patron.

She never declared her sexuality or gender, for that matter.

After years of working there, I learned she had a fluidity, moving between labels.

She’d proudly state there wasn’t a box big enough for the fabulous Mabel Syrup.

Her very presence gave people a beacon as they came out of their closets.

“Uhm. Yeah. That question.”

“Do you think you’re gay?”

I shrugged as if she could see it.

“This is the same thing I tell all the baby queers.” I already knew her statement. It had become an anthem, and every person at Spectrum recited it by heart. “Love sets us free from cramp boxes.”

“I like him.” The smile stretched across my face. I didn’t want to repay him for his kindness. I didn’t want to break down his defenses out of curiosity. Glimpsing inside Seamus’s fortified walls I wanted another dance.

“You are a gorgeous human. Another gorgeous human, and boy, he best be nothing short of spectacular, is giving you the butterflies. Is a label holding you back?”

“No.”

“Then love.” For a moment, I thought the silence meant she hung up. Mabel had a knack for exiting after a poignant piece of advice. “In case you didn’t hear it, that was the sound of me dropping the mic.”

The ache in my chest had nothing to do with uncertainty.

It was a relief. Someone had named the thing I was too afraid to say: I wanted this.

For Seamus, I didn’t need a label. She knew how to reach into a person’s chest and massage their heart to life.

I had my priorities realigned. I’d risk a face full of glitter to give Mabel a kiss right now.

“When I get back, let’s grab dinner.”

“Aww. Baby bear thinks he can court Mabel.”

“I meant?—”

“Trying to date above your class.”

“Food. I meant?—”

“The locals will think I’m handing out pity dates.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“And lovable.”

I grinned. “And lovable.”

“Go make some memories. I’ll expect far more detail at dinner.”

“Thanks, Mabel.”

“Anytime, baby bear.”

When she hung up, the smile refused to settle. I needed an excuse to see Seamus. Well, I didn’t need an excuse, but I wanted him to have an out if things got too real. If I barged into the hardware store with a problem, then…

“Evelyn, I’m so sorry.”

I walked over to the door and pulled at the knob. Already loose, it separated. With another tug, I pulled the old knob from the door.

“I hope somebody at the hardware store can help me fix this.”

I stepped into the hallway and pulled the door shut. The rest of the handle fell off, hitting the floor. “Wait? No.” Kneeling down, I realized I had pulled the entire handle apart. Locked out of my room, my staged disaster had turned into a real one.

“So, we’re going to pretend that was intentional.”

At least I had my excuse to head to the hardware store.

With every breath, a plume of white appeared between me and the door to Logan’s hardware store. I had dodged Evelyn as I ran out of Valhalla, letting Mabel’s pep talk drive me forward. Before, there had been no stakes, just an insistence on pestering him until he caved. Now, my nerves tingled.

“Do it.”

I pulled at the door, stepping inside. With every step down the middle aisle, the chill of winter vanished. When I reached the counter, I expected him to be standing there, waiting for my grand entrance. I should have checked to see if his truck was parked outside.

“What do you need?”

I turned around to see Seamus holding a chainsaw.

If the overalls and flannel didn’t ooze manliness, holding a neon orange chainsaw did the trick.

In any other town, I might be concerned my advances would turn into a horror story.

In Firefly, the closest thing they had to horror was the bakery running out of chocolate frosting.

I wanted a whoopie pie.

“Door. Broke. Knob.” Suave? Me? Reaching into my pockets, I pulled out the parts of the door, holding them up. “Evelyn’s going to kill me.” She’d kill me twice if she knew I did it on purpose.

Seamus walked past me and set the chainsaw on the counter.

He waved me over, and he stepped on the far side of the table, holding out his hand for the door handle.

I wanted to curse the counter for creating a divide between us.

It’d be a bit too thirsty to climb over it, though, the thought crossed my mind.

“I must have tugged a bit too hard.” Tugging. The smirk couldn’t be avoided.

When I set the handle in his hand, he continued staring at me. I let my fingers drag along his, savoring the sensation of rough skin. His eyes closed, followed by a long sigh. I wanted to ask if his body reacted like mine did every time we made contact.

“Your plate screws came loose.”

Just like that, he solved my dilemma. Impressed as I was, he slashed down my reason for visiting. I hoped for witty banter and some light teasing, but he cut to the chase. Now, anything I said wouldn’t be hidden behind the guise of a hardware emergency.

“Did you have a good time last night?” Of course, he didn’t respond as he returned the handle to my hand. “I have to admit, I expected strippers, maybe a few rounds of keg stands. It might have been the tamest bachelor party I’ve worked at.”

He leaned back, arms crossing his chest.

“Though I’m sure before the dancer started, we’d be dealing with failing pacemakers.

Can’t have Walter dropping dead before the big day.

” When Seamus didn’t budge, I decided I’d fill the space until he caved.

“Do you hang out with them often? They seem like a great group of guys. Do you go to the American Legion after work?”

He sighed, dropping his arms. I’d wear him down.

“I can’t believe you would. A man with a refined palette isn’t going to drink cheap beer with his chums.”

“I was there for Walter.”

He walked around the counter, past me, and down the aisle. I wouldn’t let him go that easily. I had a hazy memory of Walter encouraging me to connect with Seamus. When I tried to focus on the tone, my head throbbed.

“Have you known him long?”

“Long enough.”

Oh. So, the big guy could talk. “Would you say you’re friends? When I’m not around, are you like him and Harvey?”