Page 48 of On the Land, We Shoot Straight

Grady took the measure of Willy in front of him. A fat old man of at least fifty, his gut busting the seam of his pants where he’d tucked the shirt back in, and he thought of Tom on his land, taunting Cole, and some of it started to make a sick kind of sense.

“So, I reckon you’re gonna be sendin’ him back in here. You run him off, you don’t get no say—”

Grady was punching him square across the other side of his face before he could finish that sentence. Willy dropped like the sack of shit he was, and Grady kicked him in the gut and then the nuts. Willy gasped and held himself. He was spluttering something.

Grady squatted and got right close to his ear. “I want you to listen up real good now, Willy, ya hear me?”

“Fuck you,” Willy gasped.

Grady grabbed a fistful of his hair and cracked his head against the floorboards and Willy wailed.

“You listenin’ yet, Will?”

Willy didn’t say anything, just glared and tried to breathe through his bloody nose as he looked up at Grady.

“You get near that boy again, and I swear I’ll fuckin’ kill you. You hear me?”

Willy looked like he was about to say something else but then decided against it.

“I wanna hear an answer.”

Willy nodded, like it pained him.

“Say it.”

Willy inhaled and looked again like he was about to say something else. Grady brought his hand up. Willy cowered and spat out, “I ain’t gonna go near him!”

Grady stood. He looked down at Willy cowering below him and had to hold himself back from kicking the living shit out of him. Instead, he thought of Cole scared and alone in Grady’s truck on this fucking asshole’s land and turned and walked out.

Grady got in the driver’s seat, and an unexpected rush of relief at seeing Cole sitting there, waiting for him, went through him. He turned the key, let it idle and looked at Cole.

Cole was hunched in on himself like he was scared. Grady reached out and gripped his shoulder.

“Are you all right?”

Cole stiffened, but then nodded, and Grady couldn’t see his face, but he could feel him shaking under his hand.

Grady wanted to push it, but he wanted to get out of this godforsaken place more. So he gave Cole a reassuring squeeze, took his hand back, put it in gear and drove.

The drive back towards town was punctured with Cole’s labored breathing, the quiet sounds of bitten-off sobs he seemed determined to hold in. Grady wanted to say something, anything, but he wasn’t sure what, and he reckoned he just wanted to get him home first anyway.

Grady slowed as they made their way through town, the bar still alight, Cole silent and still as the grave beside him. As Grady accelerated out of town, Cole sat up and said, “You can drop me anywhere, I can find my way.”

Grady hit the brakes and pulled off the road. He let the truck idle, flicked the cabin light on and turned to face Cole. Cole flinched back, and Grady’s heart clenched painfully in his chest.

“I ain’t—” Grady blew out a breath and tried to get the words out. “I ain’t gonna leave you out in the night.”

Cole nodded, but his head was down and his face was covered by his hair. “I don’t wanna make trouble for you.”

“Jesus, Cole. You ain’t no trouble,” Grady said.

Cole flinched again, and Grady tried to rein it in and say the right thing.

“Look, I ain’t leavin’ you out here where any one of them pricks might try somethin’, all right?

I want you to come home, but I ain’t gonna make you if you don’t want.

Hell, I’ll drive you to the city right now if you preferin’ it. ”

Cole shook his head and glanced at Grady. “Your missus don’t want me there. I don’t wanna be more trouble.”

“She’s gone,” Grady said like he’d forgotten all about it, which he had.

Cole looked surprised and then guilt flashed over his face so fast, Grady had to reach out and grip his shoulder and shake him. “Not on account of you, not in the way you thinkin’.”

Cole nodded, but not like he believed him.

“She ain’t comin’ back.”

Cole rubbed his eyes and relaxed a fraction into Grady’s touch.

Grady tried again. “Let me take you home. I know Chloe’s wonderin’ where you at.”

Cole snorted and met his eyes, a hint of a smile in his own. “That’s dirty pool.”

“I know it,” Grady said, grave. But, “I ain’t above playin’ dirty here.”

Cole blew out a breath. “You sure?”

“I’m goddamned surer than I’ll ever be about anything.”

Cole nodded, looked at Grady and then out the windshield at the twin glare of the headlights. “Yeah, all right.”

Grady exhaled roughly. “All right.”

He took his hand back and headed for home. As they went past the front pasture, the lights lit up the horses standing near the fence, and Grady came to a stop when he saw Cole sitting up.

“Go on then,” he said, and Cole was out of the truck and heading for her before the engine cut out.

Grady grabbed Cole’s duffel and hesitated on the doorstep.

He knew Cole would come into the house after he’d seen the horse, and yet he didn’t want to take his eyes off him in case he disappeared again.

He shouldered the duffel, walked to the pasture and saw Cole, already on the other side of the fence, his arms around Chloe’s big neck and her nipping at him in her mean-affectionate way.

“She missed you,” Grady said.

Cole tensed at his voice and held Chloe tighter as if Grady was about to take her away.

“Well, you come on in when you’re ready,” Grady said and left him to it.

Grady put Cole’s duffel in his room, then went downstairs to the kitchen and put the kettle on. He fixed them some food and waited for Cole to come back in. He’d eaten and drunk his coffee and was starting on another one when Cole slipped in the back door like he was trying to be quiet.

“Ain’t no need to sneak around, I know you’re here.”

Cole hid his face and shrugged.

“Come on and eat somethin’.”

Cole looked up at him then, his face torn between remorse and defiance.

“I know you knowin’ it now. About me. Ain’t no need to act all…” Cole said and waved his hand.

“I ain’t actin’ anything.”

Cole ground his teeth together and leveled Grady with a look that was hurt and sharp on the edges.

“I’m all used up,” Cole said, rote. “A fuckin’ whore, cumdump, whatever. Just go on and fuckin’ say it.”

Grady stood, walked over to Cole and gripped him by the shoulders. “I ain’t sure who all been sayin’ that, but you ain’t. You hear me?”

“But I am,” Cole whispered.

Grady shook him. “You ain’t. I know you.”

Cole let out a guttural sound and struggled out of Grady’s hold. “You don’t know me. ’Cause if you did, you wouldn’t damn well want me! I bet you’re not wantin’ to fuck me now, huh? Knowin’ I been a fucktoy to the whole fuckin’ town!”

Cole was breathing hard and shaking as the words busted out of him. Grady was hurting on account of him. But he reckoned none of those words were true, and anyway, if those men been using him like that for years? That weren’t no whoring.

“I reckon I still wantin’ you,” Grady said quietly in the space between them.

Cole sobbed, and Grady watched him wipe it away, the tears falling angry and bitter on his face.

“And I reckon there’s more to it than what some piece of shit who don’t know his dick from his head be sayin’ on it.”

Cole shook his head, wrapped his arms around himself and held on tight. “I ain’t no good.”

“Well.” Grady shrugged. “I reckon you are, so.”

Cole gave a bitter laugh and looked at Grady sideways. “You’re makin’ a mistake on me.”

“I ain’t. But”—Grady held up his hand when Cole tried to cut him off—“I reckon it’s mine to make. So, come on now, eat somethin’. No need to be talkin’ it all out now. Gotta have somethin’ to talk about come harvest.”

Cole laughed wetly, but it was lighter, like Grady hoped it would be. He sat, sipped his coffee and picked at the food. Grady sat as well and left him to it. He tried not to smile when he saw Cole realize how hungry he was and start to eat for real.

Once Cole was finished and sitting back, Grady sat for a moment longer and thought on how to say what he needed in order to get some sleep.

“I reckon I need to turn in.”

Cole gave him a onceover. “I reckon, you look like hell.”

Grady snorted. “Yeah, it’s what happens when you ridin’ and drivin’ all over lookin’ for your hand for two days.”

Cole’s lips parted, and Grady stood. “I ain’t havin’ a go. But I need to ask somethin’, and I know I asked it before and you broke it.”

Cole was looking up at him, looking suitably cowed, and Grady didn’t want that, but well, he didn’t want to be waking up to an empty house again either.

“All right,” Cole said.

“Sleep in the barn, your room. Hell, sleep with me, just don’t go leavin’ again without tellin’ me, you hear? I mean it. I’ll take you to the city if you wantin’ out, but I just want to know where you’re at.”

“All right.” Cole nodded and then met Grady’s eyes with that serious look. “I promise.”

Grady reached out and brushed his hand down the side of Cole’s face, watched his lips part and his eyes widen.

“All right,” Grady said and dragged himself up to bed.

He lay there listening to Cole doing the dishes.

Then he heard him coming up the stairs, the bathroom door opening and the shower turning on, and he couldn’t keep awake any longer.

But he woke when he felt Cole slipping in beside him, his cold arms going around his waist tentatively.

Grady’s arm came down and pulled him close, tugged him right on up so he was sprawled on top of his chest. Grady kissed his throat, held him against him and felt Cole answering him with a tight grip.