Page 36 of Omega Forged (Hartlock Omegas #2)

Tully

“Try again.” Walden flicked a discerning look over me.

It wasn’t harsh, but the judgment wilted me all the same. I put the heels to the side with a grimace and rubbed my ankles. I’d asked Baylark Pack to critique my outfit and my walk to prepare for this dinner. More than anything, I wanted to stand next to them and be equal.

“You don’t have to wear these, Tully.” Ajax held the heels up by their strap.

Walden’s sisters had picked out the shoes, and I loved the diamante details, but not the height.

I’d been too nervous to admit that in front of them, though.

They stalked along in heels, even taller than this pair with no issues.

Maybe that was why men were so confident, they weren’t tottering on tiny little stilts.

“I want to look the part,” I explained, taking the shoes back. “Like I belong next to you.”

“You do, Tully. Who cares what people think about you?” Lloyd protested from the lounge.

I sighed, unable to put into words how wrong he was. Clothes were a shield, and I’d used that a thousand different ways over my short life. It told people a story before you even opened your mouth.

Pan clicked his tongue and pried the heels from my hand. He slipped them onto his feet and tied them up with a flourish. He wore black cargo pants with an oversized graphic tee, and his toes hung over the edge. They still looked better on him than on me.

“Posture is everything, angel. Shoulders back, chin up.” He demonstrated with a wink. “You’re going to put your heel down first and gently roll onto your toe. Just take small steps, and if you’re on a slippery surface, it’s a perfect excuse to wrap yourself around your alpha.”

Pan fluttered his lashes at Walden, who offered his elbow with a smirk. They took a turn of the room and the sight of them together made heat build between my thighs.

“Your turn.” Pan dropped to his knees and dragged his fingers down my arches.

My stomach clenched, and I chewed my bottom lip.

“You know, no matter what you wear or say, you’ll be the only person we care about at this dinner, don’t you?” Ajax dropped a kiss on the top of my head.

The sick feeling in my stomach intensified. I wanted to clutch that declaration to my chest like an anchor but it dragged me down instead. I didn’t know how to put this fear into words. The bone-deep inadequacy.

Seph has that old glamor elegance you wish you had, doesn’t she, pretty?

Chase’s voice rang like a bell through my skull.

Lloyd leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Do me a favor. Go upstairs and put on the lingerie that makes you feel the sexiest.”

I gave him a quizzical look.

“Trust me,” he said and his scent rolled over me like a gentle tide.

I did as he asked, wearing a tight pink number with ribbons underneath my tracksuit pants and sweatshirt. As I padded down the stairs, their gazes drifted to me and I felt it. The wash of confidence that came when I was Tahlia, not Tully.

“What did you say, Lloyd?” Pan asked as he put my shoes on for me. His fingers quested up my calf and his eyes delved deep. I still wobbled when I stood, but this time I managed a sultry smile.

“Engage your core.” Pan used his instruction to touch me again and his breath puffed hot against my neck.

I nodded and glided across to Ajax, who held out his arm with a wide, welcoming smile. I leaned against him, and let his scent drown out the anxiety of mine.

“You got it, Tully,” Walden praised. “Beautiful.”

Can you cancel the order I made?

I hovered my finger over the text message to Thorn. All I had to do was press it and decide.

But it was so final.

The night after my heels lesson, I retreated to the roof and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. It wasn’t long before the door creaked open. Sunscreen and salt, incongruous with the shadowy hour of midnight, wafted on the cool breeze.

“I found you.” Lloyd stopped a few steps away, unsure if his presence was welcome. “You weren’t in your room.”

“I’m just reminding myself how insignificant I am,” I joked as I tucked my phone away.

I could message Thorn tomorrow.

Lloyd didn’t laugh. His lips flattened as he took me in, curled tight and small. Like I could disappear. But that wasn’t how I felt. Inside, I was a tapestry of stars and staring at the sky helped me find myself again.

“Don’t you know how bright you are, Tully?” Lloyd lingered as I tracked the purple-blue blanket of midnight.

There it was, the refute on the tip of my tongue. I swallowed it and let out a sigh, like a whistle.

“Want to talk about it?” he added.

“Only if you hold me for a moment.” I whipped open the blanket.

Lloyd’s tentative expression turned into a smile, and he snuck under with me. Warmth seeped into my skin and we both melted into it. He wrapped his arms around me, hissing as he realized I was like ice.

“How long have you been up here?” He clasped my hands in his.

“Too long, I couldn’t sleep.”

“Something on your mind?” he whispered into my soft hair. “Was today too much?”

My want for him was a weight on my chest. My fingers crawled around his waist and our legs tangled. It was perfect. But he wanted to know what drove me here. It was hard to explain.

“I’m just confused.”

“I care for you too much to let you get in your head about this pack.” Lloyd’s words left a deep ache in my bones.

“I thought I wanted to leave Starhaven, forget the Hartlock name and everything that came with it.” I swallowed hard and muffled my voice against Lloyd’s chest. “Every time you say you want me, I’m terrified that you want someone who doesn’t exist. I think the alpha who lied to me wormed his way into my brain.

His voice is always there, berating me. I thought it was love, what we had, but it was control.

He liked me to dress and act a certain way.

It was part of the reason I enjoyed Only Omegas, if I’m honest. I put on pretty lingerie and became Tahlia.

She’s confident, beautiful, and knows exactly what she wants. She wouldn’t fall apart so easily.”

Lloyd tugged me closer and sifted his fingers through my hair.

“Did you want to keep doing your Only Omegas work?”

Did I want that? Tahlia was an untouchable version of Tully. She was a safe place I went to when I didn’t have anywhere left. That wasn’t true anymore. I let out a deep sigh and Lloyd twirled the ends of my hair around his finger.

“It’s not the work I miss so much as the power… I miss the way I didn’t second-guess myself when I was Tahlia.”

Lloyd hummed, but left space for me to gather my thoughts. I didn’t know how to articulate something woven through the fabric of my being, since I realized I wasn’t what my parents wanted.

Walden’s sisters reminded me of when I presented as an omega. How hopeful I’d been until I saw my parents' reaction.

“I was so excited to be an omega, but my mom actually cried. Not tears of joy, but full-body wracking sobs. I comforted her, all the while wondering what was wrong with me. From then on, nothing I did was right. When they died, I felt the weight of my name in full and I realized they were right. I wasn’t ready. It made me easy prey.”

“Tully. They should have prepared you.”

“I used to sit and stare at the sky. I used to wish and wish and wish on the brightest stars, but none of them came true. My parents were never proud of me and now, even though they’re dead, I still hear their voices in my head, too. Telling me I sullied the Hartlock name.”

Lloyd made a derisive noise. “The Hartlock name belongs to you, honey girl. You can do whatever you want with it. Burn it, blow it, tarnish it. None of it matters, not really.”

“That’s what I mean.” I waved a hand at the sky. “You can’t look at all that and think you are anything special. We’re just specks in the scheme of things.”

“Well, you’re my favorite speck in the universe. Come and stare at the sky if that’s what you need, Tully. But you can bring me with you next time. Don’t take yourself off to deal with it all alone. Your parents didn’t give you the care you deserved, but I will.”

I straddled and stared at Lloyd. At the mole on the lobe of his right ear. The shadow of stubble on his chin. The freckles over his nose. They were as divine as the stars. Heat poured off us both, especially as his lip quirked up.

“Do you ever tire of radical positivity, Lloyd?” I sighed, dropping a kiss on his lips.

Lloyd shook his head. “I've always been aggressively optimistic. Plus, I found you. Can’t help being obnoxiously happy. I wish on stars too, remember? I’ll be here every day if you need. Just talk to me. I’m going to spend the rest of my life proving how incredible you are, Tully, how resilient.”

Our lips were magnets, and they met again. I lingered until my lungs burned.

“This is new to me.” My chest ached. “I’m used to taking care of myself and not doing a very good job of it.”

Lloyd drew me closer, his arms banded around my back. “Eventually, I’m going to carve off the grooves of hurt other people left in you, and you’re going to see yourself like I do.”

“Hmm, what’s that?”

“A vision, a goddess.”

I snorted and arched an eyebrow. That was pushing it, even for Lloyd.

He stifled a smile. “The Baylark name doesn’t sit well on my shoulders. A bit like the Hartlock one doesn’t fit you. If I can manage it, you can too.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed. The stars glinted like they knew my secrets.

“We’re a pair, aren’t we?”

“A perfect mess,” he declared, pulling me down for a kiss.

“Can you tell me about this gala coming up? The one for Esta Hartlock.”

“We’re celebrating one hundred years of omegas being able to vote. Esta Hartlock fought hard for the right, along with her sister Birdie. It’s going to be an incredible night, and I think Walden is going to reveal he’s running for mayor next year.”

Walden wanted to go into politics? My stomach twisted. “Y-you don’t expect me to attend, do you?”

“Not unless you want to,” Lloyd said.

“My ancestor left her entire life, not once, but twice. She caught a train alone and married an alpha she didn’t even know.

I can’t even imagine how difficult it would have been to live as a pack when they were illegal.

She did all those things, and I can barely leave the house, Lloyd.

I’m trying, but bravery isn’t my forte.”

Lloyd cupped my cheek, nodding silently in support. He understood more than I realized. There was still the sharp voice in my head that told me I didn’t deserve my name. I wasn’t impressive, intelligent, or worthy enough.

But what’s in a name?

The people who hung up on legacy are the ones who don’t have to shoulder the burden. Except for Walden.

“When you were Tahlia, was there a part of you that was proud? Were you amazed by how resourceful you were, taking charge of your future? Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it didn’t work out, because we would have lost you to those prim and proper Astalians.”

“In some ways, yes. Every other moment of my life hinged on someone or something else, like my surname. When I was Tahlia, I was in control.”

Lloyd made a noise low in his throat.

“You control your future now, Tully. Tahlia is a part of you. She’s the person you allowed yourself to be without the fear of your parents or the asshole alpha who broke your heart.”

In the sky, a bright shooting star carved an arc over our heads. I followed its path with a trembling finger.

“Gods. I’ve never seen one so bright.”

I sank my nails into Lloyd’s shoulders and tilted my head to follow the blazing remnants. A rare moment, a jewel dropped into our memories. Would we look back on this and remember it as the time everything changed?

“Make a wish, honey girl,” Lloyd whispered.

Fireworks reflected in his gaze, and I knew he was thinking about his own shooting star. The one that gave him the courage to pave an unknown path with only his grit.

“I’m taking back my name, Lloyd. Starting today.”

His fingers clenched as he pulled me down for a tender kiss.

“You know, you can still be Tahlia whenever you want.” His eyes sparkled. “The pack wouldn’t know what to do with themselves.”

I hummed under my breath as I pulled out my phone and hit send on the message to Thorn.

Leaving for Astaly was no longer the path I wanted to go down. Not when I had Baylark Pack healing all my hurts.