8
XAREX
Something was wrong with Nora . Her scent was muted and she’d been almost silent all the way back to the guest suite where Anna and her mother were staying. Xarex had watched anxiously as she hugged the little girl tightly before turning her over to her grandmother. Then she’d looked up at him and said in a flat voice,
“All right, I’m ready. Let’s go back to your place.”
Xarex had done everything he could to get his suite ready for his new bride. There were fresh flowers in a crystal vase waiting for Nora as well as a large box of expensive confections called “chocolate truffles.” He had bought them at one of the shops aboard the Mother Ship which catered to the desires of human brides who moved there to be with their Kindred husbands. On the advice of the clerk, he had also purchased an expensive bottle of the bubbly alcohol called “champagne” and some fresh strawberries to go with it.
In the bedroom, he had all kinds of materials ready, from the silk ropes he’d bought earlier to a blindfold and some sensory play items like feathers and a riding crop topped with ultra-soft fur instead of leather. He didn’t want to hurt his new bride—he just wanted to tie her down and give her pleasure.
But now none of the things he had purchased in anticipation of their first night together seemed appropriate now. He didn’t know much about emotions, but he could tell that Nora was having them—and it seemed to him that all her emotions must be negative. She was quiet and her eyes looked shiny, as though she might be on the verge of tears.
Xarex could only think of two reasons she might be upset—either she had gotten bad news at the medical consultation or she was dreading their first sexual experience together. Either way, he wanted to know what was wrong with her and how he could help.
In fact, seeing her upset seemed to be bringing out a new emotion in him as well. He felt a tightness in his chest as he looked down at his new bride’s pale face. But what could he do? How could he get her to talk to him?
He let her into the suite where the fresh flowers and chocolates were sitting on the table beside the large couch. Nora barely seemed to see them. Instead , she looked around with dull eyes and asked,
“Where’s the bedroom?”
“It’s through there.” Xarex gestured to the hallway that led to the sleeping chamber. “ But would you like some chocolate first? Or maybe some champagne? The clerk at the Earth goods store assured me that most human women enjoy those things so I got you both.”
A wan, tired smile touched the corners of her mouth.
“Thank you, Commander Xarex —that was very kind of you but I’m just not very hungry or thirsty right now.”
“You don’t have to call me by my formal title anymore,” Xarex pointed out. “ I’m no longer your superior— I’m your mate. Your ‘husband’ as the humans say.”
Nora nodded.
“All right. Thank you, Xarex . It was nice of you to think of me but I’m just not hungry or thirsty at the moment.”
“You may not be feeling hunger or thirst but I can tell you are feeling emotions,” he pointed out. “ Negative emotions.”
“I’m really sorry.” She straightened up and tried harder to smile, though the expression clearly didn’t reach her eyes. “ You’ve done so much for me and been so kind. I … I’ll try to do better.”
“I don’t want you to ‘do better’— I want to know what emotions you’re having. Even if they’re negative ones,” Xarex told her. He took off the tux jacket, which he was still wearing, and sat on the couch in the living area. Then he beckoned to her. “ Please come sit with me and let’s talk.”
Reluctantly, he thought, Nora came over to him. She perched gingerly on the edge of the cushion, as though she wasn’t sure how he might react to what she had to say. But then she just stared at him mutely, twisting her fingers together in obvious agitation.
Xarex decided it was probably best to be direct.
“Are you having negative emotions because you’re afraid of me and what might happen tonight?” he asked. “ Or was it something that happened during the medical consultation for Anna ?”
At once, her eyes began to brim over with tears and her lovely mouth twisted.
“They…they said they can’t help her,” she whispered as the tears slid down her flushed cheeks. “ They said that since Pulmonary Crystalosis is such a new disease, they don’t know much more about it than the doctors down on Earth .”
The sight of her tears did something to Xarex —it seemed to break something inside him to see his new mate in such terrible emotional distress. He had no words to comfort her—nothing he could think of to say seemed adequate. But he had been studying human emotions for some time now and he had seen several human entertainment vids in which a crying female was comforted by physical touch. Would that work here? He didn’t know but he desperately wanted to ease the agony he saw on Nora’s lovely face.
Reaching over, he gathered her into his arms and pulled her into his lap.
Nora stiffened at first, as though she wasn’t sure what was happening. But when he just held her close and didn’t do anything else, she finally seemed to relax. She melted against him and buried her face in his chest, still sobbing.
Xarex felt like his heart might burst! He wanted so badly to comfort her but didn’t know what to say. He cuddled her close, stroking her long hair and her trembling shoulders, wishing he could do something—anything—to ease her grief.
“She’s going to…going to die ,” Nora cried, her shoulders shaking as the sobs wracked her. “ I tried so hard but there’s nothing…nothing I can do. This was my last hope and now…it’s gone!”
Xarex felt again like something inside him was breaking. He wanted so badly to protect the curvy little female in his lap—he wanted to comfort her and make the pain go away.
This needing to help while being helpless to do so was possibly the most painful emotion he had felt yet. He didn’t have a name for it but he didn’t want it to stop, even though it hurt. He just wanted to keep Nora close to him.
“Did they give you no hope at all?” he asked at last when her tears had tapered off. “ Maybe there’s a cure on another planet, in another solar system somewhere. I would journey to the ends of the universe if I could, to find something to cure Anna .”
Nora looked up at him with red eyes.
“There was something …but I don’t think it would work.”
“What?” Xarex asked anxiously. “ Any hope is better than none at all.”
“It’s this thing that grows on another planet—the Flower of Healing ,” she explained. “ But there are certain criteria that have to be met for it to work.”
“Tell me,” Xarex urged. “ Whatever it is, I swear I’ll do it.”
She sniffed at looked at him uncertainly.
“Well the first thing is, whoever picks the flower has to have the same DNA as the person it’s meant to heal. That’s not a problem because Anna is my niece so we do have the same DNA . It’s the other thing that’s a problem.”
“What other thing? Tell me—maybe I can help,” Xarex urged her.
“Uh, you would have to help for it to work, but I don’t think… I’m not sure if you can.” She shifted on his lap, looking uncomfortable. “ See , in order to pick the flower, you have to offer a kind of, uh, sexual sacrifice—and it has to be done with emotion. The way Commander Sylvan described it was as a ‘moment of pure love and devotion.’”
“I see.” Xarex nodded thoughtfully. “ And you believe I couldn’t help you with that because?—”
“Because as a Dark Kindred , you don’t have emotions,” she finished listlessly. “ Though I have to admit, even without emotions, you’ve treated me nicer than my ex-fiancé ever did,” she added.
Xarex took a deep breath. Should he tell her that he was feeling? It was a shameful thing for a Dark Kindred to admit. Back on his home world, it would have gotten him terminated at once. But this might be a way of alleviating her emotional pain. If he could do that, the shame would be worth it.
“Nora,” he said, uncertain how to phrase it. “ I have…something to confess to you.”
“You do?” She looked up at him with wide eyes. “ What is it?”
Again, Xarex decided it was best to be direct.
“I have been feeling for some time,” he admitted heavily. “ In fact, I believe that my emotion damper may be broken.” He reached back with one hand to feel the small damper at the base of his skull. “ I know that I need to get it fixed but…having emotions intrigues me. Especially after I met you. I found I didn’t want to stop feeling so I have allowed it to stay in a state of disrepair.”
Nora’s eyes went even wider.
“I thought you seemed like you had feelings sometimes,” she said at last. “ But I didn’t know— I thought all Dark Kindred were born without them.”
“Not true.” He shook his head. “ We are simply implanted with emotion dampers that mute or cancel any feelings we might be having. But sometimes a damper will become faulty or non-functioning. I believe that is what happened to mine.” He touched the back of his neck again reflexively. “ I was ashamed to admit it to you before—such an admission could have gotten me killed on my home world.”
“Really?” Her eyes got even wider.
“Really.” He nodded. “ On the Dark Kindred home world there are special canine units called ‘sniffers’ who are deployed to smell out anyone having emotions. If a warrior is caught committing ‘feel-crime’ he is terminated immediately.”
“That’s awful!” she exclaimed. “ I’m so sorry, Xarex — I had no idea.” She shook her head. “ I should have tried to learn more about you and your people before we got married. I mean Joined .”
“You had too much on your mind already, worrying about Anna’s health,” he pointed out. “ And speaking of her health, I’d like to try and help you get the Flower of Healing to save her.”
“So do you think you could really, uh, feel for me?” Nora asked uncertainly.
Xarex cupped her flushed cheek in one hand and looked intently into her eyes.
“Nora, I am already feeling for you,” he admitted in a low voice. “ I have been for some time. At first it was just lust—your sweet scent nearly drove me wild even before I met you. But when I saw you and realized you were an Elite? —”
“An Elite ?” She frowned uncertainly. “ What’s that?
“A woman the Goddess had blessed with extra-generous curves.” Xarex let his eyes travel up and down her curvy body. “ All Kindred love Elites .”
“But…you’re built like a professional athlete—you could have any woman you wanted. Are you really telling me you’d rather have a short, plus-sized girl like me than a supermodel?”
“Why would I want one of those skinny creatures?” Xarex asked, frowning. “ They have no curves—nothing to hold on to or admire.” He let his eyes drift over her curvy body again. “ Has no other man in your life ever appreciated your beautiful shape before?”
She shook her head.
“No. In fact, my ex-fiancé was always trying to get me to lose weight. And I tried—really I did. But then my sister died and I adopted Anna and…” She shook her head. “ Let’s just say it’s been a lot and when I’m stressed, I tend to eat more than I should.”
Xarex frowned.
“You sound like you’re ashamed of your body. You shouldn’t be. Your beautiful curves combined with your enticing scent made me want you from the first.”
She bit her bottom him, clearly unsure how to answer this.
“Forgive me if I’m making you uncomfortable,” Xarex told her. “ I’m just trying to tell you how I feel. Emotions are still difficult for me, as you know.”
“Yes, I know. Go on,” she murmured. “ Uh , what else do you ‘feel’ for me?”
“Besides lust, I began to feel admiration when you told me about Anna and I saw your willingness to sacrifice yourself for her,” he admitted. “ Such bravery in a female as small and petite as you are is extraordinary. Especially considering our size difference— I’m sure it must be frightening to think of submitting yourself sexually to one so much larger than yourself.”
Nora’s cheeks went pink and she shifted in his lap again.
“It made me a little nervous,” she admitted. “ But I’m not really that brave. I just want to save Anna .”
“And I want to help you save her,” Xarex said firmly. “ We should go to the planet where the Healing Flower grows and get it for her.”
She nibbled her lush lower lip again.
“And…you really think you could help me? Feel enough so that we could make a proper, uh, sacrifice?”
“I do.” He nodded. “ Just now when you were crying I felt emotional distress myself. I wanted to help you but I didn’t know how—that was quite painful. I do not know if that counts as an emotion, but I felt it just the same.”
Her big brown eyes softened.
“Yes, that counts. You were feeling compassion—and empathy.”
“I just wanted to make you feel better.” Xarex stroked her cheek as he looked into her lovely face. Why did being close to her make his heartbeat so erratic?
“You did make me feel better,” she whispered, giving him a smile. It was small, but genuine, he thought—it reached all the way up to her eyes this time. “ You gave me hope.”
“Let’s call Commander Sylvan and ask him for the details,” Xarex suggested. “ We can go tomorrow if you want. The Mother Ship can fold space for us so we can get there quickly.”
“Thank you. Thank you so much, Xarex !” Her eyes were shining now but this time from happiness instead of tears.
Xarex felt his heart swell once more but this time the emotion that came with the sensation was pleasant. He had done it—he had managed to comfort his new bride and make her emotional pain go away! He felt a sense of satisfaction and relief as he held her in his arms. He was so glad that he’d admitted to her that he was feeling.
“Thank you!” She kissed him on the cheek. Then she looked at him seriously. “ And I promise I won’t try to trap you or make you stay with me longer than you want to. As soon as we get the Flower of Healing for Anna , you’ll be free to go. I know how men feel about raising other people’s children.”
Xarex felt a sense of confusion then—did she mean that she wanted him to go once this mission was over? But the next minute Nora kissed him again—this time on the lips—and his thoughts became hazy.
“Whatever you want, Ellana ,” he murmured.
“Ellana? Who’s that?” she asked, frowning up at him.
“Forgive me.” Xarex felt a sharp stab of shame. “ It is a word which means ‘hidden joy.’ It was used sometimes on my home world by warriors who were secretly feeling,” he admitted.
“Hidden joy,” she said musingly. “ I guess that makes sense if you were living someplace where they would kill you for feeling any kind of happiness.” She shook her head. “ How did you keep from getting caught?”
“I wasn’t feeling nearly as much then as I am now,” Xarex told her. He stroked her cheek again, loving the sensation of her soft skin against his fingertips. “ I’m feeling so much for you right now, Nora . Things I never felt before I met you. I hope that’s all right.”
Her cheeks went pink and he felt her skin get warm in his hand as she blushed.
“It’s all right. I’m just surprised you can feel so much for me after I basically tried to blackmail you into marrying me in the first place.”
“I don’t care about where we began—we’re here now,” he pointed out. “ But before we do anything else, let’s call Commander Sylvan and ask for permission to visit the planet where the Healing Flower grows.”
“All right.” She nodded and nuzzled her cheek against his hand. “ Let’s do that.”
Xarex nodded but for a moment, he could only look into her eyes and marvel at how gorgeous she was.
She’s so beautiful and she’s all mine, he couldn’t help thinking.
Only until you find the cure for her daughter, whispered a little voice in his head. Then all the joy you feel will turn to pain because your time with her will be over.
But at the moment, Xarex felt like the pain would be worth the joy he was feeling. Besides , it was in the future—for now, he wished to live in the present.
Leaning down, he kissed Nora again and murmured,
“ Ellana …”