Page 60 of Of Stars and Lightning (Sun and Shadows #1)
Forty Four
DANCE TO THE GALLOWS
THEY DIDN’T SPEAK on the way back to the Gods’ Villa.
The pattering of hooves and creaks of the carriage were the only sounds as Sol watched the darkening forest speed by, twilight casting curious shadows and rays of sunshine around the lands.
She traced the clouds with her eyes and braced a hand on her chin, the smell of ash clinging to her skin.
Her eyelids were heavy, her body was sore, but she had done it.
She had done it.
Perhaps she wasn’t able to save everyone as she had so stupidly thought during the beginning of the trials, but she saved some.
It was the end.
She and Cas had made it. Though they hadn’t found a better way out, Cas had already made peace with yielding. And that had to be enough.
By the time the carriage rolled to a stop by the Villa’s gates, the moon was high in the sky and the soft orange tones were replaced with an inky blue night.
Cas pushed the door open, and Sol followed wordlessly.
She expected the guards to rush away as they usually did, but one of the kingsmen hopped down from the seat.
“Tomorrow is the final duel. You are both to be ready by dawn.” The kingsman said as he handed Cas an envelope. “Directives as per His Majesty.”
Sol peered over Cas's shoulder as he tore it open.
Then stopped breathing.
“He—he isn’t allowing yields,” Sol whispered, her voice shaky and hollow. “Why isn’t he letting either of us yield?”
The note crackled with violet flames as Cas grabbed the guard by his sleeve. “What the fuck is this?”
“The trial tomorrow is to the death,” the kingsman said. “Only one survivor. If the rules are breached, execution for you both will be called.”
“My Court will never allow that to happen.” Sol gritted her teeth. “My uncle preaches tradition, then crushes it when it’s inconvenient.”
“Having one winner is tradition, Princess.” The guard smirked.
“You wagering yourself doesn’t change that.”
Cas stared past the man, his demeanor strangely calm as Sol pulled his grip off the kingsman. “Cas?”
“Leave,” he said to the kingsman, slow and fierce. “I’m trying to be more restrained with who I kill, but if you idiots aren’t off of the Villa grounds in five minutes, I will send my Shadows after you.”
The man stepped back. “We are merely messengers, Prince.” “So, I will use you to send one back.” Cas's eyes shone. “Leave.” They did.
The kingsman shuffled back onto the saddle and threw the carriage into motion, turning back a few times as they went to ensure the darkness of nightmares didn’t chase them.
Sol and Cas stood there for a while in silence, the air between them so full of unspoken things.
The thought of them going back to their rooms to await the morning's chaos seemed inappropriate, but she wasn’t sure what else there was to do.
She looked up at him, “I don’t want to go inside.”
Slowly, he held his hand out. “Let’s walk the beach, then.”
Careful to avoid the tumbling branches and stones, they climbed over the wall that separated the sands and ocean.
Finally, they sat by the edge of the water, the lazy waves a gentle soundtrack after the day's turbulent waters.
Sol focused on it, on the trickle of the tide and the salt in the air, trying to distance herself from the noise in her mind.
The moonlight shimmered against the rolling current, casting the beach in silver flames.
"The moon looks beautiful from here," Sol said, tracing the sand with her fingers.
Beside her, Cas was silent, prompting her to look at him. He watched her with a foreign intensity, a kind Sol hadn't seen him wear so unguarded.
Heat bloomed over her face. "What?"
He angled his head and smiled softly. "Not as beautiful as the sun."
A rouge wave splashed her feet, making her recoil with a small grin. “It takes one of us needing to kill the other for you to be sweet, huh?”
Cas sighed, leaning back on his palms as the wind swayed through his hair. “You’ll be fine, Sol. Don’t worry about it.”
“Your nonchalance is exactly what I’m worried about.”
“Me being in these trials was a death sentence from the beginning.” He shrugged. “Semmena just waited to make it official to give us hope.”
“I’m not going to let you just throw tomorrow’s trial, Cas. I…” Sol dragged her hands through her unbound hair. “I don’t want to win if it means you don’t survive.”
“Don’t start getting attached to me, Princess. I promise nothing good comes from it.”
“Cas—”
“You need to survive, Sol.” His voice lowered, “That’s it. No argument.”
Sol stood. “Just because you don’t care about yourself doesn’t mean others can’t, Casimir.”
“You don’t know the reason I do things.”
“You’re right,” Sol seethed. “I don’t. But I do know we both deserve to live.”
He leaned back on his elbows, then angled his head toward her, starlight in his eyes. “You should learn sooner rather than later that not all human life is worth saving.”
“And why don’t you qualify?” Her face burned as he stood, never breaking her gaze.
“Sol, why are we arguing about this?”
Sol sighed and tilted her head to the sky, wondering if the moon somehow took pleasure in seeing them bicker beneath its shine. “I just hate the discourse that I’m somehow more important than you. I’m not.”
“The whole point of your existence is your increased value. You risked yourself during the Fire Trial for people who, in the end, don’t matter. That sort of thinking is going to get the kingdom burned to the ground and get you killed.”
Sol scoffed. “My thinking is going to save lives.”
“Likely the wrong ones.”
“Then perhaps it’s a good thing you’re no longer a Prince, huh? You don’t have to burden yourself with choosing who the right ones are.”
His expression change was subtle, quick—but heavy enough to make Sol instantly regret her words.
Slowly, Cas stood. “So, tell me, then.” He faced her, hands swirling with static. “If you were given the choice to save your mother or save the world, which would you choose? Which one is the right choice?”
They looked at each other in silence, Sol refusing to admit the sentence made her falter in her resolve.
“Exactly,” he smirked. “Obviously, the answer is the world. But when you’re in that situation, Sol, when the people you love are in front of you and you have to choose to walk away for the greater good, that’s when discipline over this matters.”
Sol swallowed the ache at the reminder her mother had, in fact, chosen her and not the world and that was the reason they all suffered.
Sol couldn’t deny she would have done the same.
She couldn’t deny she would’ve given a thousand lives if it meant seeing her mother again, hearing her laugh, feeling her soft smile against her forehead after a day at Leo’s farm.
Sol made to turn away, to hide the tears that spilled. “You will not shame me for choosing those I love in moments of urgency, Casimir.”
“Of course not. But when those you love stand in the way of something greater, you need to pick your side. Quickly. You say all lives matter, so make unbiased decisions.” He strode past her.
“I can guarantee if it had been Cattya and Ezra instead of Jonah and Phil, you wouldn’t have gone through the trouble to save them. ”
She looked at the ground, knowing her silence was answer enough.
“And that’s fine, Sol. That’s what I’m trying to say. Save the people who matter when you can. But it will never be always, especially with your position.” His words echoed in her mind as she watched him go. She continued to stare at the place he disappeared from.
A humid breeze rolled through her hair, and Sol had the sinking feeling the Prince of Shadows might have a terrible point.
However, she didn’t care.
“Cas!”
Sol sprinted into the Villa, the frayed remains of her blouse swaying around her as she stepped into the darkness. It was so achingly lonely, and although she had managed to save Jonah and Phil, the victory was bitter in light of the other lives lost.
Sure, Sol wanted to be right and keep her pride in front of Cas, but what she wanted more was comfort. To not be left to her own devices, to be told it would be okay even if it was a lie.
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed into the dead room, her voice echoing, small and brittle. Everything she should be the opposite of.
She pressed her palms into her face and sank to the floor.
I don’t know what to do, Mom.
Sol felt, more than heard, him beside her. The soft crackle of his Wards hummed, the soft violet light shining in the night even through her covered eyes.
“Sol.” He wrapped his hands around her forearms, gently guiding them down to her lap. With an edge of worry in his tone, he lifted her chin with his fingers, and said, “It’s going to be okay.”
She sobbed harder, finally releasing the dam of emotions she had repressed since the trials started. “How are we going to get out of this, Cas?” Sol gazed into him, searching for whatever truth his eyes held.
But, as always, he seemed relaxed, not at all worried about the morning’s dance to the gallows. His silver eyes explored every edge of her face, finally landing on her lips. “You will live.”
“And you?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
Sol clenched her jaw. “It does.”
His features darkened, Shadows suddenly pooling around them. The cool mist was a relief against her warming skin, especially as Cas ran his hand across her cheek to fix a lock of hair behind her ear.
Sol leaned into the touch.
“I distinctly remember saying those you love matter, Princess.” The word reverberated through her bones, as he continued, “Are you trying to tell me something?”
Breath hitching and heat pooling in her chest, Sol eased back, away from his touch. “I will not raise my blades against you tomorrow.”
Cas dropped his hands, but his gaze lingered on her lips. “I’m afraid you already have.”