Page 36 of Of Stars and Lightning (Sun and Shadows #1)
“I think this lack of understanding between us comes from us being raised very differently,” Sol said back to him. “Perhaps if we got to know each other a bit more, we would be willing to find a compromise.”
And I would feel less inclined to still keep you in my peripherals when you walk behind me.
“Is there a compromise to you wanting to save people I want to kill?” Instead of dwindling behind her, he sidestepped to walk beside her, but still maintained the distance she had placed between them.
He toyed with a ball of lightning on his fingertips.
“Seems like the kind of thing that requires one of the two parties to give in.”
Sol tapped a hand at her side. “Well, let's shelve that and start with other things, then.”
They came to a fork in the tunnels, all three paths illuminated by torches and carrying the soft scent of wet mud. Cas looked at each path, then finally chose the one to their right. “Alright,” he said as he motioned her that way.
Okay. This was her chance to pry. But where should she start?
“You’re from Eswin,” she started, trying to come up with exactly what she needed answered to decipher him.
He was like a puzzle she didn't have all the pieces to, and having unfinished art unsettled her.
Art was meant to be admired, after all—but how could it be if it was lacking the whole story?
He nodded. “That is correct.”
“Tell me more.”
It was clear Cas was not used to this. Sol was.
She would often pry personal anecdotes from sailors at the Hound since building trust helped with the tips.
It had only been a handful of times she’d purposefully wanted to know of someone’s past for the mere purpose of knowing them.
She was almost giddy to know—because there was something. Something about him.
Cas ran a hand through his hair. “My maternal line, the Morozovas, have ruled there forever.”
“That’s the Shadow Guider line, right?”
He peered over at her. “That’s right.”
The tunnel they traveled was getting narrower, forcing them to travel closer together. Sol couldn’t see an end to it, but the torches became more scarce as they continued. “And do you miss it?” Sol asked. “Eswin?”
Cas stopped walking.
He looked past her in a way that made her wonder if he had seen something, but she didn’t see anything when she followed his line of vision. “Cas?”
“Do you miss Yavenharrow?” he asked softly.
The question took her off guard. “Well, yes. But I lived there my whole life.”
He shrugged, the cloud that dimmed his expression passing. “I don’t think the amount of time you spend in a place is indicative of how much you’re allowed to miss it.” He pointed up to the cave’s roof. “The next exit is up there.”
“Cas–” Sol grabbed his arm. “I know about the history between our families.” He tensed. That was what bothered her. Why in the world should she trust him if he had all the motivation to hate her? “I’m not talking about this.” His voice was harsh, rough in a way she hadn’t heard from him before.
He outstretched an arm above their heads, a snake of Shadows swimming to the roof.
The only thing that told the exit was a nearly invisible rectangular outline painted with a red so bright it looked like fresh blood.
The Shadows pressed into it, and the stone popped open, revealing a rush of sunlight, and falling leaves.
Sol covered her eyes at the jarring difference.
“Wait, Cas. I just need you to know I’m sorry.” The rush of the breeze killed the torches surrounding them. “I know being exposed to cruelty like that can make it seem like that's all there is—”
“I’m going to help you up first,” he said, ignoring her.
Sol looked up at the opening. It wasn’t too far, she would likely only need a small boost. Whether she would be able to pull herself out, though, she didn’t know. “Are you literally trying to toss me out of your way instead of responding?”
“I said I am not discussing this with you. Up.” Not giving her time to protest, he pulled her closer, kneeling before her, and tapping her foot with his clasped hands. “Up, Sol. Unless you want to be left here when the enchantments come back up.”
Sol released an exasperated breath. Her technique wasn’t working.
All she needed was a small crack in his exterior, a small display of a soul.
She braced her hands on his shoulders and accepted his boost. The effortless lift made her lose her balance for a second before throwing her arms over the opening, clawing at the grass and vines to keep from falling back into the tunnel.
Cas didn’t help her with the second part, so she squirmed and pushed herself away from the grassy land until her upper half was well enough over the edge of the opening that she could crawl the rest of the way out.
Once her entire body was back above ground, she collapsed, her arms burning from the effort.
The first thing she was doing, if she managed to survive this, was training.
Sol tried to steady her harsh breathing as she flopped onto her back, relishing the sweet warmth of the sun. She could lie there all day. She never wanted to be underground ever again.
She waited for Cas to call her. Surely, he would need to be pulled up.
The ground beneath her rattled and shook, and for a horrible moment Sol thought maybe the ancient tunnels beneath her couldn’t stand the sudden change in their architecture, and it was preparing to collapse.
She sat up in a panic. She wouldn’t die because of the Vows—it was the tunnels that would take her out. “Cas?” She crawled to the fracture in the ground and peered into it. He wasn’t there.
“There are things you will never understand about me, Princess.”
Sol jumped, nearly falling back into the tunnel had it not been for Cas’s hand gripping her bicep.
He drew her back and away from the hole.
On his other arm, he carried a slab of stone with fuzzy green foliage on one side and black-gray rock on the other.
He tossed it into the hole. It secured perfectly into it, erasing any trace of the mysteries below.
Sol peered up at him, then behind him. There was a similar opening by a pine tree a few paces away from them, except the outline of something peeking from it and into the forest ground.
“There were stairs?” she groaned. “There was a way out with stairs, and you made me pull myself up?”
Cas crouched across from her, meeting her at eye level. His gaze moved from her face to her chest, still heaving with effort and adrenaline, then finally landed on her hand, still bloody and now covered in mulch.
Again, he reached into his satchel. “You want to know what being shown cruelty since you’ve been born is like, Princess?
” He retrieved a bandage this time along with a small jar of what looked like water.
“It’s like everyone around you taking the god-damned stairs when you have to pull yourself up to meet them.
” He grabbed her hand, not asking for permission this time.
“Except there isn't someone below to help you up.” He pulled the cork from the jar with his free hand and gently poured the liquid over her wound.
The water was cool against her skin, the slight sting of where it washed the splinters and dirt away making her flinch. Sol remained silent, watching him as he focused on her.
“Then, when you're tired and sore after finally catching up to the others, there isn’t someone there to tend to your wounds either.” He placed the empty jar on the side and worked the bandage over her palm, wrapping it over itself and over her wrist to secure it.
When he was finished, he stood. “I’m not going to apologize for believing extreme measures are safest when it comes to dealing with people who don’t deserve mercy.”
Sol couldn’t move or bring herself to stand. She simply stared at him, clumsily trying to process the last few minutes. His black, wavy hair curled over his forehead with the wind, exposing his eyes. Eyes Sol wanted to look into and get lost in every time she was graced with a glimpse.
Breathless for reasons she couldn’t quite place, Sol said, “Everyone deserves mercy.” Even as she said it, the once truthful words rang dull in her ears, laughing at her for still trying to keep grasp of the silly notions of her youth.
She stifled the feeling away, tucking it deep behind walls she had many memories locked behind. Mercy was good. Balance, justice, understanding—those were good.
Cas gave her a sad smile. “No, Princess. Not everyone does.”
"What happened, Cas? To make you feel that way?”
He was silent for a while, looking over at the Gods’ Villa to their right. Sol hadn’t noticed they’d traveled so far from it underground.
Finally he looked back at her. “Your mother killed my reason to feel any other way.”