Page 5

I woke up in a not so good mood, so I felt like I needed an emergency session, so I called Mrs. Barrel. I paid a good penny for her, but I felt like it was worth every dime, especially since she was available for me at any time.

“Hello Mr. Pain welcome.” Mrs. Barrel spoke as I walked into her office.

“Hello,” I spoke back.

“So, how has things been going?” she asked.

“For the most part ok, but I woke up not feeling myself. I feel like I’m having less nightmares, but today for some reason I feel off.”

“The less nightmares is good to hear, but what’s with this not so good feeling? Have you tried to talk to your mama?”

“No, haven’t gotten that far yet.”

“Why not, you know you and your mama need to sit down for some closure, Mr. Pain.” I knew she was right but I wasn’t ready for all of that. I just didn’t know how to face the woman that was supposed to be my protector but sold me out for some money. I honestly wouldn’t even cry if she died today or tomorrow, that was how much hatred I had in my heart for her.

“I don’t think we will ever have any closure. I don’t care if I hear her out nothing can ever change her actions.”

“I know you will never forget, but forgiving may help you along the way. Now when I say forgive, I don’t mean you have to let her in your life. I mean forgive so you can go on with your life. I know right now you don’t see anything good going good in your life but your work, and businesses, but one day you’ll meet someone that’s good to you and start a family.” When she said that I paused. I didn’t think I was capable of being anyone’s parent ever. Hell, I didn’t think marriage was in the cards for me either.

“Did I say something wrong Mr. Pain?” She asked.

“I don’t see a family in my future doc. I’m too fucked up for that.” I said being honest.

“Poetic, I don’t want you to ever believe you don’t have any good in you because you do. What happened to you was not your fault. You were a vulnerable little boy with no one around to save your life. So, this is not on you and your heart is only cold right now because of what happened to you.”

“What if I bring kids into this world and something happens to them like that. I know for sure I would do my best to protect them with all my might, but what if I don’t live long and they end up with my mama the one who let me get hurt. The one who was supposed to be my protector.” I said with a drenched face, as the tears were falling uncontrollable.

I hadn’t cried like this in a minute at a session, but these were pinned up feelings I had been having. The fear of not wanting kids made me not have sex often. I’m seriously scared to bring life into this world. I knew Kayla thought I wasn’t attracted to her but that wasn’t it. I just didn’t trust myself enough not to get her pregnant so I just didn’t sleep with her. She wasn’t someone I saw a future with but it was still ok to have her around sometimes to keep my mind off of things.

“Can we talk about something else for now?’ I asked getting tired of crying.

“Yes anything you want, let’s talk about your business. Are you still not hiring child actors?”

“No, I haven’t brought myself to do it, too scared of putting someone’s child’s life in danger.”

“Mr. Pain you have to understand that what happen to you is not your fault. You’re not the monsters that hurt you, if anything those kids would be in the best hands because you will want to keep them safe.”

This was why I loved this lady, she pulled everything out of me and made me wanna change, it was just hard for me. I’m still trying to get a hold of all these feelings, it seemed like the older I got the more this shit bothered me.

“I understand what you saying doc and I have to do one thing at a time at my own pace.”

“OK, well how about we start off by assigning something to you after each session and then we talk about it the next time you come in.”

“I think I can do that doc.” I managed to get a smile out, which was a shock to me after all the damn crying, I was doing. Crying for a man is labeled as a sign of weakness, but I need this it always makes me feel better once I leave. It has me in deep thoughts, but it makes me feel better.

“Alright, that’s exactly what I want to hear Mr. Pain.” Me and Mrs. Barrel talked for about another half hour and I walked out of the office in a better mood.

* * *

After my session it was time for me to head into the studio. I thought back to how I had been treating Kayla for the past couple of days. So, I decided to send her some flowers and have Ms. Trish cook us dinner. Once I did the flower order on my phone and shot Ms. Trish a text on the work phone, I started my 2025 Mercedes Benz AMG SL, this was one of my new babies I purchased as soon as I opened the studio. I swear life was great for me, if you were on the outside looking in, but in real life, I was hurting and if I could trade all of this to get this demon off my back and this hatred out of my heart I swear I would.

After dodging in and out of traffic for about twenty minutes I was now pulling into the gates of my massive studio. I had it built to my liking my staff didn’t need to go anywhere. They could even stay here while filming. They had room, food and board for however long they needed to work. I punched the code into the keypad that opened the gate. Then started my journey down the long trail that lead to the door to get in the main lobby. I was so amazed how the studio turned out, especially since I had started it in the dark times of my career. Once I made it to the door one of my men walked up to the car to go park it for me.

“Hello Mr. Pain,” he spoke.

“Hey Jasp, don’t park it under the tree.”

“OK sir no problem.” I hopped out grabbed all my belongings then made my way inside the studio. I looked up and Taylor was sitting there with such worry in her eyes.

“Good morning Mr. Pain, you have someone here that wants to talk to you.” I gave Taylor a mean mug because she already knew how I felt about pop ups.

“Good morning Mr. Pain.” A sweet soft voice could be heard on the other side of me. I turned to look her way and caught an instant attitude.

“Tatum Reece, what do you want?” I snapped. I never had no run ins with her, but she was everyone in Hollywood’s nightmare. The bitch would tear your life apart for a good story and I had no clue what she wanted from me. I just knew I wanted no parts of dealing with her. I knew I was going to have to have this conversation because she would do some dumb shit to piss me off and the last thing I needed was drama.

“I was wondering if I can speak to you in private.”

“You do know the professional way would have been to call and set an appointment like everyone else.”

“I know, but I’ve been trying to get an appointment with you for months.” She lied. I knew that wasn’t true because Taylor never mentioned her name.

“So, you just gone lie in my face?” I chuckled.

“I don’t have no reason to lie Mr. Pain,” she said. I didn’t comment on that because I already knew how reporters were.

“Taylor I’m going to my office I’ll call when I’m ready for you to send her back.” I said while heading to my office. I made it in my office, closed the door, took a deep breath then sat everything I had in my hands down. I didn’t want to talk to her, because I didn’t know what she wanted. There was things in my life that I didn’t want anyone to know about and I had a feeling one of these days I wasn’t going to be able to hide it forever. I sat at my desk and bowed my head and said a quick prayer. Once I was finished I called Taylor and told her to send Tatum back. I heard a light tap on the door and told her to come in. I sat behind my desk and waited for her to have a seat.

“Thanks so much for meeting with me Mr. Pain.”

“You got, ten minutes, now what can I do for you?” She looked at me and rolled her eyes, but I didn’t give a damn. While she was getting her words in order, I couldn’t help but to take in her beauty. Tatum was fine as fuck, milk chocolate skin color, thick all over like I preferred my women, face so natural, hair was curly and complemented her full chunky face. She was beautiful, but her job was a fucked up one. I just didn’t understand how you could tear people’s shit apart for the hottest story to make a buck.

“I’ve been following a story for a couple of years and I know for sure that you worked with the person for years. So, I wanted to know if there was anything you can tell me about Carol Peterson.” The sound of that name caused my blood to boil and me to see red, but I knew I would have to hold my anger in. I didn’t need Tatum to suspect something and then start digging.

“I can’t tell you nothing about that woman and your ten minutes is up.” I said in a calm tone.

“Mr. Pain, please, anything you can say will be confidential and will only stay between the two of us.”

“Listen and listen loud and clear. If I knew anything I wouldn’t tell you shit. You get a thrill out of fucking up people’s life don’t you? You love to feed off of folks’ business. What you got going on in your life? Are you married? Do you have kids? How is your relationship with you and your parents?” She sat there and looked at me with the meanest mug ever.

“Excuse me Mr. Pain, but this isn’t about me.” She spoke in a soft but irritated tone.

“Exactly, you don’t want me in your business so you should stay out of other folks’ business. This meeting is over Ms. Reece, you can go ahead and leave.” I said while getting up to open the door for her.

I had a feeling this was going to be about some bullshit I didn’t even want to talk about. No words were spoken as she got up and sashayed right out of my office. I stepped out the door and watched her walk away until I didn’t see her anymore. I must say the way her ass jiggled all the way out the door had my dick brick as fuck which was crazy to me. I disliked this chick but was pretty much attracted to her. I shook my head while walking back in my office and closing the door. I’ve seen Tatum plenty of times on the news or in the newspaper and magazines, but never in person. I must say she looked great in person, but if she kept fucking with people, she was gone end her pretty little life sooner than it should be ended. The sound of my phone vibrating on my desk brought me from my thoughts. I looked at the screen and saw it was Kayla calling.

“What’s good Kayla?” I asked soon as I answered.

“Hey Poetic, thanks so much for the flowers, they’re beautiful and I can’t wait til dinner tonight.”

“You’re welcome, Kayla, and I’ll see you later.” I said right before hanging up the phone. The minute I sat down, my mind started to wander. Not only did Tatum say she had been following Carol for years she came here to ask me questions. Now I’m wondering if she knows anything, what made her come to me. Now at this very moment so many things were running through my head and now I was starting to revert back to that young teen that always asked why me. I sat at my desk in deep thought, throat dry as the Sahara Desert, palms sweating and thoughts all over the place. I bowed my head and said a prayer like always. It seemed like meditation, and talking to Mrs. Barrel had been everything I needed these past couple of years.