Page 1

I was sitting in my office trying to wrap my head around the therapy session I just had. It had been years since I been going to Dr. Phoenix Barrel, who happened to be one of the best that ever practiced in New Jersey. I guess I could say she helped in a way, but it was just some things that could never be changed. The sound of my office door just opening caused me to look up.

“I’m sorry Mr. Pain, I tried to keep her from coming back here.” My receptionist Taylor spoke in a scared tone.

“What the fuck you mean you tried to keep me from coming back here! This is my fiancé’s place of business or did you forget Taylor. What are you fucking him too?”

“Kayla don’t start and Taylor you good. Go ahead back to your desk and clear my schedule for the rest of the day.”

“OK, Mr. Pain.” The minute she closed the door I looked at Kayla with a mean scowl.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“You didn’t come home last night Poetic.”

“And what’s it to you Kayla? You act like we are happily married or some shit. I hate that you keep forgetting this shit is only for TV and my image. So, miss me with the bullshit Kayla.” I snapped.

The way folks wanted to be in Hollywood was crazy to me. They never knew what went on behind the curtains. They never knew the shit some of us been through all they cared about were our reputation, if we were married, if we had kids, and our sexuality. A couple years ago Kayla and I were seen out to dinner and the blogs lit it up. I wasn’t the marrying type but my publicist and manager thought it would be a good look to get engaged. I never had any plans on it, but it damn sure did bring my followers up and brought a lot of business to my newly opened studio in New Jersey called P&P Studios.

“I swear you always act like this is about you. What about me Poetic? This is about my reputation as well.”

Kayla kept fucking up in the blogs, driving drunk, starting fights and calling people out. One big ass troublemaker in the modeling industry. Although she was fine as fuck her attitude was ugly as hell and she was a fucking devil in a red dress. Her horns were always out which was why her career was in jeopardy. She thought I needed her, but truth be told she needed me more. Yeah she was good for my image, but if it was up to me I would be single for the rest of my life. A woman was the reason for my life being so dark. I hated them, they were beautiful, they were good enough to get this dick but nothing more nothing less. My mama basically pimped me out to Hollywood for money and a reputation. I was the biggest kid star growing up.

I started with pamper commercials, then baby food, modeling baby clothing. Then I was on the hit TV show, “Camera Kids”. Then I was on the sitcom, “What about the kids?” My life has always been in the camera life. It was all fun and I loved it. I was born in this shit until one day at ten years old everything went black. The day I met Carol Peterson, the biggest celebrity in the world, she was known for working with all kid actors. The fact that so many kids worked with her, I knew for sure I wasn’t the first kid she had did this too. My mind drifted back to the first time it happened to me.

I was sitting back on the big blue comfy couch in the back of the studio. My mama had just dropped me off. I was told I was here to film another episode of Camera Kids. What puzzled me the most was the other kids from the show weren’t here yet. All that was in the whole studio were me and Carol. She walked in and stood in the doorway with a glass with some brown stuff in it. Then she walked over to me and sat on the couch next to me.

“Hello Poetic, how are you?”

“Hey Ms. Carol! Where are my friends at?” I asked.

“They will be here soon. I asked your mama can I have a private meeting with you to talk about some new acting for you. Do, you want to be the best Poetic?” I looked at her with bright eyes knowing that I had to be the best or mama wouldn’t be happy with me, so that was all I knew.

“Yes ma’am.”

“OK, well in my eyes you already are. I just need for you to do a couple of things for me. I need you to keep this meeting private and don’t tell a soul what happens in here. Not even your mama, remember you want to show her you’re the best at all times.”

I nodded my head, not even knowing what was next, I just knew I didn’t want no one to be mad at me. Carol placed her glass on the table then got real close to me. She then placed her hand on my private and I looked at her like she was crazy. She began to move her hand up and down and it was a feeling I had felt before but with me touching myself. I had never experienced a woman touching me like this. The fact that Ms. Carol was a very pretty lady made things even worse.

“Do you like that Poetic?” She whispered in my ear. I didn’t say shit I didn’t even move. I was so confused, and my mind was going all over the place.” She continued to rub until I wet my pants. At this point, I wanted to cry because I had just wet myself in front of a beautiful older lady.

“Poetic, what the fuck is wrong with you? You don’t hear me talking to you?” Kayla snapped breaking me from my thoughts.

“Kayla get the fuck out, go home and leave me alone.” I yelled scaring the fuck out of her causing her to mean mug me.

“Poetic don’t fucking talk to me like that. I hope to see you home tonight.” She sassed while heading out of the door. I hated the daydreaming and the nightmares. Dr. Phoenix always believed that if I told my story and outed Ms. Carol, I would most likely feel better and the nightmares would stop, but I just couldn’t do it. The last thing I wanted was folks to think I was some kind of freak and fucked my way up in the business. I was a firm believer that every dog had its day, and Carol Peterson would for sure have hers. I’ve even thought about killing her ass, but I couldn’t seem to face her no matter how ruthless I was out in these streets. Plus killing her would be easy I needed her to go to jail and get tortured and rot, but it seemed like the parents never told. Most of them cared more about the money than their kids’ lives and there were so many of them that were like that. Money was definitely the root to all evil, especially when it came to you selling your own kids out for a buck.