Page 18 of Nowhere to Hide

Nothing seemed exactly real.

I traced the angry red abrasions down my wrist and arms then slowly touched my throat. I winced and reached for my water with a shaking hand. My throat had been on fire the whole night, every time I woke it was as if I’d chewed down a shard of glass. Had I screamed?

It felt like I screamed and screamed forever.

I finished the cup, then reached for the little pitcher and sloshed more cool water into the cup.

Annoyed at how shaky I was, I concentrated until the stream of water trickled steadily into the opening. Of course, drinking just made me have to pee. Like right now.

I tapped the button for a nurse.

I managed to swing my legs off the side, letting my feet dangle while I waited. My left thigh felt tight and not all the way there at the same time. I could only imagine what it looked like and every bit of it made me want to tug my gown down to my ankles and hide.

A sweet natured black man hustled into the room. He’d been tending to me since a protein milkshake had appeared on the table sometime that morning. I had a feeling the ICU didn’t get food trays on the regular. “Priscilla, you’re not to try this alone yet.”

“I know, but when you gotta go, you gotta go, Theo.”

He laughed.

“I’m not going in a bedpan, thanks.”

“They’re not so bad.”

“Your equipment is a little easier to deal with than mine.”

He chuckled. “Fair. Okay, let’s see how you stand.”

I held onto his shoulders as I put weight on my feet. At least I was pretty sure there was a foot down there.

“This is going to be a lot harder once the nerve block wears off this afternoon.”

“Harder than this? Great.” I laughed as I swayed a little. “I’m afraid to look to be honest.”

“You have inner stitches as well as outer staples to help keep it together.”

“That sounds…unpleasant.”

He huffed out a laugh, but his grip firmed until the floor felt more secure under me. He smiled kindly down at me. “Great job.”

“Thanks. My mother gave me very cute feet. Glad I can use them.”

“I prefer you to my other patient down the hall.” Theo pitched his voice low. “Way funnier.”

I grinned. “Okay, let’s do this before my eyeballs float.”

We slowly shuffled toward the room across from my bed. When I got to the handrails beside the toilet, I waved him off. “I’m good from here.”

He rolled his eyes. “Let me get you inside at least. That tile is unforgiving.”

“Fine.” I held onto his forearms as we shuffled along. And he was right, the world tipped a few times in those few steps.

Once we got to the commode, he put my hand on the railing. “I’ll be outside. Call out if you need me.”

“I’m fine.” Fine was relative and it seemed way harder to do my business at this point, but I did it. I used the wall rails to get to the small sink and stared in horror at the image in the mirror.

I swayed once, but caught myself on the edge of the sink. The dark circles under my eyes were bad enough but the wide red marks on my neck made my eyes fill. It wasn’t one mark, more like it had been done time and time again. Just a little different each time.

I shut my eyes and swayed.