Page 29 of Nothing to Fear (Wicked Games #1)

Silas

“ T ell me your fears.”

Asher’s words are whispered against my shoulder, his breath warm on my skin. His fingers trail up and down my side, over my hip and thigh and back again, a slow caress that I feel down to the marrow of my bones.

“Everything. But mostly not ever being myself out in the open.”

“Fear is what’s stopping you?”

“I hide behind it. In some ways, it was easier to just stay the course. In others, it’s been the loneliest time of my life. I never had a reason until now to want to change anything.”

Asher’s hands grip my chin, forcing me to arch and look back at him as he looms over me. His eyes are dark and serious, and when he speaks, his voice is a deep baritone—ruthless and severe.

“You’re enough of a reason, Silas.” He punctuates every word like he’s stabbing a knife into me. “Living the life you want is enough of a reason. Being authentically yourself . . . do you have any idea how amazing you are? ”

“You mean when I’m not pretending to be an asshole?”

“Obviously.”

“I know that I feel amazing when I’m wholly myself. When we’re together, I feel more me than I have in a very long time.”

“I’m not rushing you, but I want that for you. I want you to spend the rest of your time at Corvus being yourself, out in the open, with no fucks to give.”

“With you?”

“Yes, with me, baby. Like I said, if you try to run again, I will chase you down.”

Warmth fills my entire body, from the tip of my toes to the top of my head, a comfort I’ve never felt before, except with Asher.

I don’t want to lose it. Of all the things I’ve experienced here at Corvus, I’d walk away from all of them if it meant I could keep Asher.

His warmth, his acceptance, his brilliance that shines wherever he goes, his huge, open heart, and how kind he is to others.

How his pursuit of knowledge hasn’t hardened him.

Asher is everything that is inherently good. And I want to keep him.

“How did we get here, Asher?”

Gentle fingers trace along my hairline, rubbing softly against my temple.

“Fate.”

The dining hall is packed when I walk in for dinner.

Asher is eating a plateful of food and sitting at a table in the middle of the room when I spot him.

His midnight-black hair is perfectly styled around his face, those dark onyx orbs so focused on the book in front of him while he eats.

I grab my food and see a table full of my teammates next to Asher.

My footsteps hesitate, momentarily being torn in two places.

As if my paths were laid out in front of me, and this is where I decide what kind of life I’m going to live from this moment on.

The overhead lights flicker as a rumble of thunder shakes the very foundation of the dining hall we stand in. Asher’s face lifts up, his eyes immediately meeting my own. The smile that fills his face is so genuine that my heart melts. He’s so beautiful.

Without thinking further, I walk over to him, everything around us fading into an abyss of nothingness. Asher’s eyes flick with surprise and then settle into something that resembles pride. I’ve seen it once before, just for a moment when we were studying.

“What do you make of the imagery here?”

Asher leans in, our shoulders brushing as we sit next to each other, sharing the text. Just like every time before it, his touch ignites something inside me, burning, lighting me up.

“I think he’s lonely. He misses her, and his mind is playing tricks on him. His life was once vibrant and beautiful, but from the moment he lost her, darkness shrouded every inch of his life. It’s a metaphor for his internal feelings, his anguish, his guilt.”

Asher looks up from the text, smiling brightly at me.

“You’re getting better at this, the analysis, the interpretation.”

“Maybe I just have a good tutor.”

Asher’s eyes bounce between mine, the side of his finger lightly brushing back and forth against my own.

“Nah, this is all you.”

The archive hums with silence and secrets as we lean back over the haunted, gothic novel, my heart beating out of my chest in an effort to get closer to his. The look on his face is full of pride, and I’ve never felt so whole before .

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“What are you reading?” I ask him.

“Edgar Allen Poe.”

I smile at him, loving that he always has a book in his hand. It’s usually Gothic literature or historical nonfiction.

“Archives tonight?” I ask him, full well knowing it’s not our typical night to study.

A smack to the back of my head has me seeing red, and I jerk to standing quickly, my chair falling to the floor behind me.

I find the culprit just as he’s moving to take a seat with our teammates.

“Yo, Blackwood! You too cool for us now? You’re spending too much time with the ass-kisser!”

“Cut the shit, Rome. It’s time to grow up.”

“Whoa, Cap, touchy! Asher rubbing off on you? Or against you?”

Asher winces, and my heart plummets. It’s now or never, and I’m done living this way.

“You know what, Rome? He’s rubbing off inside me.

How’s that? That what you wanted to hear?

” Rome’s face goes white as a ghost as Eli chokes on his food.

“That’s right, you heard me correctly. I’m gay.

Always have been, always will be. You got a problem with it?

Take it up with Coach or President Blackwood. ”

“Silas, we didn’t know . . .” Eli admits.

“No shit you didn’t know. You all make assumptions without taking a minute to get to know people for who they are.

And by doing that, you’re putting them into boxes and inadvertently making them feel like being themselves won’t be accepted.

It instills fear. So learn from this, huh?

Oh! And if one more of you calls Asher an ass-kisser one more fucking time, you’re gonna regret it. ”

Eli stands quickly, walking over to me and meeting me toe-to-toe. Anger and shock course through me, and I brace myself for whatever bullshit could be spewed.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I owe you a huge apology. I had no idea, and I’d never want to make someone feel uncomfortable. I’m sorry I haven’t been a good enough friend that you couldn’t come to me. I’ll do better.”

My heart sinks. It’s more than I could have expected. I won’t get the same response from Rome, but Eli means well; hell, he very well could be doing the same thing I was, whatever he can to fit in with the team and survive here.

“I appreciate that, we’re good.”

I pick up my chair and sit down next to Asher, scooting my chair as close as physically possible and throwing my arm around the back of his. My hands and legs are shaking like a fucking leaf, but the weight that was just lifted is indescribable.

“That was wicked fuckin’ hot, I gotta tell you,” Asher whispers under his breath. I grab his chin between my fingers, forcing him to look at me.

“What was that?”

“That was hot, and I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you for believing in me. For showing me there’s nothing to fear but fear itself.”

“Probably a mix of me and the Gothic literature you’ve finally caught up on the last month.”

I chuckle at his words and then meet his eyes for a split second before I press a soft kiss against his lips. The world fades away, the lights flickering around us, and I know I’m exactly where I should be.

That night, Asher and I sneak into the archives like we always do.

Even though we have my apartment to do whatever we want in, this place will always be just for us.

It’s where we started. For the first time, we walk hand in hand through the library, Asher’s warmth seeping into my skin and reminding me that I’m no longer alone.

I watch as he drags his fingers across the spines of books, easily finding Susurros and pulling it back.

Susurros. Whispers .

“Have you ever looked inside that book?” I ask as the hidden doorway starts to groan open.

“ Susurros? No. Why?”

As Asher steps into the single space, I snatch the book from its place, bringing it down into the archives with me.

I follow him down the narrow spiral staircase, my head swirling, little pieces of information clicking together in my mind.

Once we’ve made it to the end, we make our way through the chilly room to the back, where our table waits.

“Why’d you bring that with you? Can we get back out without it up there?”

Shit.

“Okay, so I didn’t think of that when I grabbed it. I actually don’t know. But don’t panic yet, I just . . . let me think for a minute.”

Asher hums softly but takes his seat across from me.

Flipping open the book, I trace my fingers over the first page.

“ Susuras amoris, veritatis umbra,” I read, doing a poor job at Latin.

“The whispers of love, the shadows of truth,” Asher says back to me, quickly doing the translation in that brain of his. “ The truth lies hidden was etched into the wall behind the book of family lineage. ”

“Okay, so if the book is clue one, the shadows of truth have to be what’s concealed down here, right?” I guess out loud.

“Whispers of love?”

“Clandestine affairs? A love that stays hidden?”

“What do we even do with that information? Does any of this even lead the way into the cemetery”

Asher moves to pull the heavy book of the Corvus founding families from the shelf, dropping it down between us. My heart sinks as I wait with bated breath, wondering if we’re ever going to find a clue that actually leads us to the entrance, or to someone who knows how to get in.

“Si?” he says, and I can hear it in the tone of his voice that he just stumbled upon something. “Tomorrow’s Halloween.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Tomorrow’s also my birthday.”

“Okay?” I say, confused about what the two have to do with each other and the information we’re looking for.

“I’ve always felt a deep connection here, Si. Please don’t think I’m crazy, but I swear it’s almost as though the school speaks to me. I feel it to my core, down to the marrow of my bones. I know we’re going to get inside the cemetery.”

I let his words wash over me, the conviction in them, the truth he believes as if it were as clear as the sun rising each day.

“Do you think the school brought you to me?” I ask on a whisper and a prayer. Asher answers without hesitation.

“Yes.”