Page 57 of Notes About Vodka (Happily Ever After Hangover #1)
Sitting on her hospital bed, my mom’s green eyes are rimmed red and bloodshot. Her hair is yellow and matted with sweat. She’s twisting her gown in her hands as she mumbles, “But he said it would be okay, he promised. Laura, he promised, he promised, he promised.”
“Who promised, Mama, who is he? Is it Nick?” I ask her.
When I say Nick’s name, she looks at me with horror before she replies, “No. Not Nick. My midnight lover. Alice.”
“Huh,” I look at my mom confused. “Mama, who is Alice?”
“You know, honey. Alice Cooper. From that rock band,” she explains.
I’m nodding my head as she continues, “He whispers to me at night, Laura. We talk about life and he tells me he loves me.”
Oh good Lord. What the hell, Mama….
“Mama, how does Alice Cooper talk to you at night? Please tell me he doesn’t come to your room.”
“Stop being silly, Laura. Of course not. He can’t come all the way here from there.”
“Okay, Mama, but where is there?”
“He hasn’t told me yet. But he promises…” her eye glaze over slightly as she slips into a daydream.
“Mama… focus with me please, mama. What is Alice telling you, promising you?” I beg my mom, grabbing her cold, bony hands with mine. I rub my warmer thumbs over the back over hers, pulling her back to consciousness.
Her eyes brighten as she tugs her hands away, clapping them together and giggling before she says, “Laura. We are going to have the best life together. He even said I can bring you?”
“Mama! You are scaring me, what are you talking about? Where are we going?” I plead, hoping she will just give me a straight, simple answer. I’m not ready for what she says.
“Why to Hell, baby girl. Alice is going to come take us away from this world one night. He promised.” My mom begins to laugh hysterically, then erupts into tears, sobbing. “He promised, he promised, he promised.”
In fear, I back away as my mother keeps repeating “he promised” over and over again, going from soft to loud to soft and back to loud.
Moving toward the door, I shake my head. I can’t keep doing this.
Fuck… I really don ’ t want to do this, but if I don ’ t… Come on, Laura, you have to think about your sanity and happiness. You are going to medical school. You can ’ t keep running to her.
“Laura,” my mom calls out before I leave.
“Yes, Mama,” I turn back to her.
“Go be a good girl and get me a pack of cigarettes, okay?”
“Okay, Mama.” I walk back over to my mom and wrap her in a big hug. She’s so skinny now. I pat her hair and place a kiss on her forehead.
“I’ll make sure you get some cigarettes mama.
But, I don’t think I’ll ever see you again, okay?
I love you, Mama, I love you so fucking much.
” I pull her closer, hiding my sob in her filthy hair.
Fuck she smells so bad. I hate this will be my forever memory.
“Goodbye, Mommy,” I tell her as I release her.
I don’t stop as I open the door and exit.
“Bye, baby, Mommy loves you,” she calls out as the door closes behind me.
Immediately, I find the doctor and I explain to him that I have to give up my rights to her.
He understands and agrees that at my age, being a college student, it’s too much.
Reaching out to James, he immediately accepts all responsibility and explains that he will come up the next day to deal with the situation.
He also mentioned that he would contact my mom’s sister to see if she can come from Wyoming to help out for a few weeks.
Skipper hugs me tight, explaining that I made the right decision.
“You will get through all things Laura, you are strong, amazing, and a fighter.”
I hug my best friend tighter, wishing Rhea was here, too. I promise myself that I will call her in the morning once I get some sleep and a long hot shower.
After ensuring my mom is in good hands, Skipper drives me back home in silence. I'm numb, overwhelmed by the weight of what's happened. My decision to cut ties with my mom feels final now, a necessary but painful choice for my own well-being.
The weight of the last night settles heavily on my shoulders as we pull into the building where I live with Val. The sun is already coming up and I have to leave in a few hours. But I’m exhausted. I need sleep.
Loud snores come from our bedroom.
I retreat into the quiet of the guest room with Skipper, avoiding Val, retreating into silence and solitude. I’m unable to face him with the chaos of emotions swirling inside.
I can't bring myself to explain what happened, the guilt and anger still raw inside me.
It's only later, as I lie awake in the bed next to Skipper and so close to a man who claims to love me, that I realize how much I've shut Val out.
Guilt floods me anew, knowing I left him confused and hurt without an explanation.
But I'm not ready to confront him, not yet.
For now, I need time to process everything that's happened, to come to terms with the choices I've made for my own sanity and peace of mind.I wake up a few hours later, Val’s not home. Giving Skipper another hug, he walks me to the subway and then I head back to Baltimore on a train. By dinner I’m already getting lost in my work and research.
Trying to forget about disappointing Val and how I may not have lost my mom, but at the same time, I just lost my mom forever…and I may have just lost my second chance at a happily ever after, too.