Page 6

Marcus

P arker stands up, wiping the sand off his shorts. I slowly get up and follow behind him as he walks back toward the hotel. The entire time I’m following him, my mind is reeling.

Since the day Parker left me, I have thought of nothing but why he left. What I did wrong to push him away. I never once thought it was something with him. Thoughts in his head that were having him see things differently. I’ve heard of anxiety, but I have no personal experience with it. But I can only imagine it’s different for each person who has to deal with it. My heart hurts for him. Knowing that he was dealing with that and I wasn’t there. The fact his mind convinced him I’d stopped loving him and was trying to push him away.

My eyes well up, and I close them to escape this awful feeling. I feel as though I failed Parker. I should have known something was wrong. We were deeply in love and for him to leave me like that had made no sense. I should have fought harder. Grabbing onto his wrist, I pull him to a stop and turn him to face me.

“I’m sorry. I should have fought harder for you. Letting you leave so easily was a mistake.

“What? No, Marcus. Honestly, the way I was feeling then, you could have said everything right and I wouldn’t have believed it. My negative thoughts were the only things I believed were true. It was all me, okay? And I’m the one who’s sorry.”

I nod my head, not knowing what to say or do right now. “Come on, let’s head to the room and get ready for dinner.”

Parker and I trek back to the hotel, my mind still distracted from everything he told me. As much as he says I wouldn’t have been able to change his mind, I don’t know if that’s true. If I would have known what he was feeling, I could have changed my actions and even my reactions to things he would say and do.

But it’s all in the past now. All we can do is move forward. And now that I know, I can help him get rid of those negative thoughts. We make it back to the room when Parker goes and sits down on the bed. I walk over to the dresser, trying to find some workout clothes to change into.

“I think I’m going to head down to the gym before dinner,” I tell him, lifting my shirt off my head and throwing it down onto the floor.

“Oh, um, yeah, sounds good,” he mumbles out.

His voice sounds shaky, so I turn around, smiling when he quickly diverts his eyes. Ah, so he was checking me out again.

“Do you want to come down with me?”

Parker tosses his head back and laughs loudly. “Me, work out? No, thanks. I’m going to hang out and read for a little bit before dinner.”

“Is it the monster porn you used to read every night before bed? The one where the cover is all pretty and nice, but the inside is filled with dirty, filthy words?”

“Oh my god,” he mutters, his hands covering his face. “It’s not porn , it’s smut . And it’s not always monsters. Many times, it’s just regular humans. But yes, it’s one of those.”

Laughing, I strip out of my shorts and pull on some basketball shorts. Parker loves to read, cracking open a book every night or reading on his Kindle . One random night, my curiosity got the better of me, and when I opened his book, I was shocked. The words in his book were filthy, but I finally understood why there would be random nights when he would attack me in bed while reading. Fuck, I miss that.

“Well, I’m going to head down to the gym. I’ll see you later?”

“Sounds good, Marcus.”

“Okay.” I stand in place, not wanting to leave, but knowing there’s nothing keeping me here. Parker grabs his book and lies back on his pillow, so I take that as my cue to head out.

Leaving the room, I make my way to the gym, hoping it’s not full. I worked out this morning, but whenever I get stressed out or have a lot on my mind, I find exercise helps me think. And fuck, do I have a lot to think about.

I pull open the door to the gym, happy when I see the place completely empty. I walk over to the treadmill and hop on, starting off with a warmup. As soon as I walk, my mind goes back to an hour ago when Parker and I were sitting side by side on the rock wall.

Anxiety.

Of course, I’ve heard of people having anxiety, but I’ve never dealt with it myself. Can it really affect someone so much that they believe things that aren’t happening? Needing to know more about it, I push the stop on the machine and make my way over to the chair in the corner.

I grab my phone from my pocket and start searching up signs and symptoms of anxiety. As the different web pages load, my eyes widen when I see how many symptoms there are for it. Feeling nervous or irritable, excessive fear and worry, having a sense of impending doom. There are different types of anxiety and not each person has the same signs. There are also people who suffer from severe anxiety, which I can only assume is what Parker has.

My eyes read about panic attacks and my heart stops. Oh, my god. Is this what Parker has been having to deal with? From what I’m reading, it’s similar to feeling as though one is having a heart attack. Shit, how would he know the difference?

I read about ways to help with anxiety and I smile at the different ways someone can cope with it. I know Parker said that he’s already on medication and that he’s learned different ways to deal with it, but now I know of ways I can help him, too. Now that I know what’s going on with him, I want to do everything I can to support him.

I exit out of the search page and pull up my contacts, pushing Alexander’s number. He’s my best friend from back home and he knows everything about me, including everything that’s going on with Parker. Alexander is the one person I know I can talk to and will let me get all my jumbled thoughts out.

The phone rings a few times before a deep, “Hey” hits my ear.

“Hey, man. You busy?”

“Nope, I’m still at the office, but I’m done for the day. How’s Aruba? Gorgeous, I bet. Elias has been talking nonstop about it. Looks like I’m going to be planning my own trip down there soon.”

“Oh, it’s beautiful. You have to bring him down.”

“I have no choice. He’s already made a Pinterest board with things he wants to do.” He laughs and I chuckle alongside him. Elias is such a firecracker and I love him for my best friend.

“You’ll love it.” I pause, the silence deafening on the phone.

“Is everything okay?” Alexander asks, and I sigh loudly.

“I don’t know. You got a minute?”

“I’ve always got time for you, Marcus. Lay it on me.”

“All right, so it started when something happened with our reservations and somehow Parker and I ended up in the same room.”

“Oh shit,” Alexander blurts out. “You guys are sharing a room?”

“Yeah. I was pissed at first. Sharing a space with the person who broke my heart? I didn’t want to do that. But then I started realizing that Parker’s probably going to be in my life for the rest of my life. I never see him and Kendra being separated. Their friendship is one that will last forever. So, I thought I should probably be nice to him. Or at the very least, be cordial.”

“That sounds smart. You don’t have to be in a relationship with him to be nice to him.”

“That’s what I was originally thinking. But then we got to talking… and fucking hell, Alexander. We finally talked about why he left.”

“And what was his excuse?”

“It wasn’t an excuse. It’s a long-ass story, but basically he recently found out he has anxiety. And that was the cause for him leaving. His mind was working against him. Against us.”

“Fuck. That’s hard. What are you going to do?”

“Be his friend. He deserves to have friends in his life.” I sigh, rubbing my hand down my face. “How do I be just friends with him, though?”

“The same way you were before. Be what he needs, Marcus. That’s all you have to do. You know who would be a good person to talk to about this? Considering I bet she was there for it all.”

“Kendra.”

“Yep. I bet your sister knows everything that happened and can point you in the right direction.”

“Thanks man, I’ll let you go.”

“See ya.”

If there’s anyone who knows exactly what happened to Parker, it would be her. Rushing out of the gym, I take the elevator to the top floor, hoping Kendra isn’t too busy right now. Banging on the door, probably louder than necessary, I don’t stop until it swings open, Tim glaring at me.

“Geez, is there a fire or something?” he asks, pulling the door open wide and letting me walk through.

“Not really.” Rubbing the back of my neck, I regret coming up here. It could have waited. But since I’m already up here... “Is Kendra here? I need to talk to her.”

“I’m right here,” her soft voice says from the balcony.

I stride over to her, crossing through their suite without looking at it. I’m sure it is beautiful, but my attention is elsewhere.

“When were you going to tell me about Parker?” I rush out as soon as I reach her.

“Hmm? About you both sharing a room? I already told Parker it was an accident.”

“Well, first, I know it was no accident. You’re a sneaky one, sis. But I’m talking about Parker having anxiety.”

“He told you?” She sits down on the bench, patting the seat next to her.

“He did. But I’m asking why didn’t you?”

“Marcus, it wasn’t my place to tell you. What Parker was going through was all about him. And I know you were hurting, but honestly, back then, you wouldn’t have listened to me, anyway.”

“Yes, I would have,” I scoff, avoiding eye contact because she’s probably right. I was so heartbroken back then, I wouldn’t have listened to a word she said to me.

“It was his story to tell. But fuck, I’m so glad he finally told you. I know he’s been wanting to tell you for a while, but was worried about what you would think. More so worried you wouldn’t believe him.”

“Of course I believe him. I’m pissed that I didn’t know. I wish I could have been there for him.”

“You can still be there for him.” Kendra places her hand on my knee and squeezes.

“What do you mean?”

“His anxiety isn’t going to go away. He’s going to be dealing with it, probably forever. So be there for him now. Support him now.”

Leaning back against the cushion, I take in the words she’s saying. It’s like how I was feeling earlier, wanting to be there for him. Wanting to protect him. Alexander’s words flash in my mind and I nod my head.

“Yeah, I can be his friend.”

“Sure. Friends,” she murmurs. “Hey, don’t be mad, but I have a headache, so we’re probably going to stay in for dinner tonight.”

I stand up and place a kiss on her forehead. “That’s fine. You should rest if you don’t feel good. Need to make sure you feel perfect on your wedding day. I’ll let Parker know.”

“Thanks Marcus. We have brunch tomorrow morning though, so don’t be late for that.”

“You got it.”

I leave my sister on the balcony as I walk back through their suite, waving goodbye to Tim on my way out. I ride the elevator down to the lobby floor. Since Kendra and Tim aren’t going out with us to dinner tonight, I head down to one of the hotel’s restaurants and make a reservation for Parker and me. After making the booking, I head back up to our room.

I quickly swipe my key, walking into the room. Parker lies passed out on the mattress, and I smile. I rush through a shower, wanting to get whatever little sweat I worked up off my body. When I step back into the room, Parker is awake, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Do you remember what time Kendra said dinner was? I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“Nah, it’s okay. She told me she has a headache, so she and Tim are going to pass tonight. It’ll be just me and you, if that’s okay.”

“Oh, uh yeah. Of course that’s fine,” he stammers, a slight blush appearing on his cheeks. “I’m sorry you got stuck sharing a room with me. Did the lobby ever say when you’re going to get our own room?”

“I actually went down and told them to not worry about it. I mean, we can handle being in the same room, right? Sharing a bed won’t be hard.”

He eyes the bed, then looks back at me. “Nope, won’t be hard to share at all.”

I look at the same bed, imagining Parker naked and laid out on the sheets before me. Well fuck, if it wasn’t going to be hard before, it’s sure as hell going to be hard now.

“I made us dinner reservations.”

“Uh, actually, would you mind if we ate in the room? I figure we’re going to be eating out the entire week at the restaurants. So maybe we should take advantage of staying in the room.”

“Sure, let me know what you want, and I’ll order it.”

Parker and I both glance at the menu before I call down and place our order. Parker continues reading his book while I flip through the TV channels, trying to find something to watch. Things are awkward, but of course they will be. Up until this morning, I was avoiding him like the plague. Things like that don’t change at the drop of a hat.

We’re both sitting in silence, the only sound coming from the show on the TV. Out of the side of my eye, I’m watching Parker, not being able to keep my eyes off him. He’s shirtless in just a pair of pajama bottoms and he looks sexy laying there. His glasses are perched on his face and every so often he’ll chuckle softly. He starts squirming in his seat, moving one leg on top of the other, and I turn my head, smiling toward the wall. I guarantee he just read a spicy scene in his book and he’s getting turned on.

Fuck, I used to be the one who would take care of that for him.

I bet I still could.

I’m about to turn to him when there’s a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it,” he says, jumping up off the bed and tossing his book down.

Chuckling, I move back to my spot. Maybe that’s a sign I shouldn’t say anything.