Page 11

Parker

A voiding Marcus’s gaze, I take a deep breath and twist my hands in my lap. I’m so damn embarrassed at myself. For throwing myself at him and for stupidly suggesting that we casually hook up. There has never been a time since I met Marcus that it was about hooking up. We’ve always been more than that.

But my ego is bruised, and it hurts like hell that he rejected me. I don’t know what I was thinking, throwing myself at him. Sure, the first time I did it, it pushed us together, and it’s how we finally ended up together. But that was before my anxiety took over and I ruined our relationship.

“Can we talk?”

“Sure,” I tell him, even though I really don’t know if I’m ready to be rejected twice in the span of twenty minutes.

“I wasn’t rejecting you,” he says. My head whips up. How can he read my mind? His finger caresses my cheek before he speaks again. “It wasn’t a mistake, and I don’t regret kissing you, but I do think we need to talk before anything further happens.”

“I want to try again,” I blurt out.

“Try again?” he asks, scooting closer to me.

“A relationship. I want to try to have a relationship again.”

“Ah. I don’t know if we’re ready for a relationship yet.” His words burn me like fire and I jerk away, trying to put distance between us. “But that doesn’t mean I’m pushing you away, Parker. If anything, I want to get closer. The past couple of days have been beyond amazing with us finding our way back to each other. But I’ve also had my heart broken by you and I need to take it slow, to protect my heart.”

“Okay,” I tell him, even though I don’t want things moving slowly. I want to jump in with two feet, but I understand his hesitation. “Well, I have a long day tomorrow, so I should probably go to sleep.”

Even though I doubt I’ll be able to fall asleep soon, I’m exhausted from my emotions being on a rollercoaster.

“Sure,” he tells me. He places a soft kiss on my cheek and rolls over to his spot.

I lie back against my pillow and turn over so I’m facing away from him. I knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. Did I hope it would be? Of course. But now I need to prove to him things can and will be different this time. It’s time for me to fight for the man I love.

I’m at breakfast with Kendra and her mom, Fiona, when the topic of Marcus pops up. I’m shocked it’s taken them three mimosas and half our meals before they finally said something.

“So, Park, what have you and Marcus been up to the last few days?” Kendra asks, giggling into her champagne glass.

“Oh, my sweet Parker, I can’t tell you how ecstatic I was to hear that you and Marcus have been spending time together again,” Fiona says, patting my hand.

“Well, that’s what will happen when someone reserves us in the same room,” I deadpan, bringing the cool glass to my lips and taking a sip.

“I told you, it was a mixup. But from where I’m sitting, it was a good mixup.” Kendra and Fiona giggle, and I roll my eyes playfully.

You and my son are perfect for each other. I’m confident you’ll find your way back together.”

“I hope so,” I tell her. Fiona has been a second mom to me since the moment I walked through the front door with Kendra. She welcomed me with open arms and even checked in on me when Marcus and I broke up. While my parents have always been loving and supportive, it’s nice to have a second set of family in Chicago that I know I can count on.

“I’ve seen the lingering looks lately, Park. Marcus has it bad. I mean, fuck, he’s always had it bad for you, but the past two days it’s been like an inferno. Anyone that spends two seconds with you both can see you’re made for one another.”

Tears prick my eyes, and I laugh, wiping them away. God, I’ve been such an emotional mess. “How have you seen the lingering looks when you’ve been holed up in your room the whole time?” I joke, trying to draw attention away from the fact that I’m about to cry. I want Marcus back so badly, and the thought of it not happening is soul-crushing.

“I don’t have to be around for more than five seconds to see it. I wish you weren’t so hard on yourself, Park.”

Fiona chimes in to agree. “She’s right Parker. What happened is in the past. You hurt him and you broke yourself in the process. But sometimes people work through the hurt and they find their way back to one another. I truly believe that’s what’s going to happen to you and Marcus. It won’t be easy, but if any two people could do it, it would be you two.” She stands up from the other side of the table and slides in next to me in the booth. As she wraps me tightly in her arms, I cry softly. She comforts me by softly cooing and brushing my curls, whispering reassurances like “I’ve got you,” and “You’re okay.”

I give myself a few seconds in her embrace before I pull away. “Okay, no more crying.”

“Ya know what we should do?” Kendra asks, a mischievous tilt to her voice.

“Oh, no,” I say, scared of what she’s thinking.

She glances at her mom before looking back at me. “We should make a plan for you to seduce him!” she squeals, her mimosa spilling over the side of the glass.

“Kendra Ann!” Fiona scolds, then turns to look at me. “Maybe not in those words, but yes, we should plan something special for you and Marcus.”

“Special. Seduce. Same thing,” Kendra smirks and I smile at the both of them. Fuck, they really are the best.

“Okay, hit me.”

Kendra, Fiona, and I spend the next hour drinking our weight in mimosas, as well as brainstorming ideas on how I can get Marcus back. Fiona places her hands over her ears anytime Kendra brings up something sexual, but she has some great ideas, too. The laughs come easily and I’m trying to remember all the ideas they are tossing out, one after another. I have no idea if any of these will work, but all I can do is hope.

The conversation moves from Marcus and me and onto Kendra’s bachelorette party that’s happening tomorrow. I’ve planned out everything from the limo to the strippers. I might have taken Marcus’ idea and changed ours from a regular club to a strip club. The rest of the wedding party arrives today, with some trickling in tomorrow morning, so I know the next few days are going to fly by quickly. This means if I want to start with my plan of getting Marcus back, then I need to do it tonight.

We spend the rest of the day at the spa, then spend some time relaxing by the pool before I call it a day and decide to head back to my room. Marcus has spent the whole day with Tim and David, and Fiona secretly texted David to make sure he keeps the boys out longer so that I can put my plan into motion.

I rush through a shower, styling my hair and get dressed up nicely. After tidying up the room, I gather our laundry scattered on the floor. I grab one of Marcus’ shirts and clench it to my chest tightly. It’s one of the shirts I bought him when we were still together. It shocked me to see him wearing it the first day here. I used to always help pick out his daily clothes and seeing him wearing that had tons of emotions rising to the surface.

I toss the shirt into the corner with the rest of our laundry, then walk over and make the bed. My hands shake, and I lean down, taking a couple of deep breaths. I’m so damn nervous about putting myself out there. I would deserve it if he rejected me again, but I don’t know if I can handle it. Flexing my fingers, I stretch them while taking relaxing breaths. Closing my eyes, I count back from ten before opening my eyes and stretching out my shoulders. I fix the comforter and the pillows, then freeze when there’s a knock on the door.

On shaky legs, I stride over to the door and look through the peephole to see it’s the bellhop from the restaurant. I ordered dinner for Marcus and me earlier, before I came up to the room. I open the door to let the man in. He’s pushing a cart filled with different food. There are two candles, a bucket with champagne, and a vase full of roses. I shouldn’t have been surprised to find out the resort had all of this prepared, but organizing a special evening for Marcus and me was much simpler than I had imagined.

I guide the man to the balcony, where he sets everything up before taking the cart and leaving the room. Once the door clicks shut behind him, I place the candles next to the plates and plucking the rose petals off the stems. I throw them around the table before grabbing a handful and throwing some onto the mattress. Once all the roses are strewn around, I pause, glancing around the space. My hands start shaking again, and I wiggle my shoulders, trying to calm myself down. I mess around with the rose petals, making them into the shape of a heart when there’s a tightening in my chest.

“Fuck,” I whisper to the empty room.

My mind races at the thought of Marcus walking in and leaving. What if he hates it? What if he thinks I’m being desperate, and it turns him off? Fuck, what if he’s only being nice to me because he feels sorry for me?

The thoughts won’t stop. One bad thing pops into my head after another. They’re all different, but they all end the same way. With Marcus walking out.

I don’t think I can handle him walking out on me. With shaky legs, I drop onto the bed, putting my head in my hands. Fucking hell, please not now. I can’t handle this right now. I close my eyes and start counting backward, but nothing is helping. My chest is tightening and I rub at it with a fist. I stand up before quickly sitting back down, realizing I can’t walk around and move. I take a deep, cleansing breath before quickly taking another one. Even when I try counting back again, nothing seems to work.

I’ve been doing so well and haven’t had an anxiety attack in a while. I’m not surprised one has popped up, though. My emotions have been all over the place lately. Leaning forward, I try to slow my thinking, reminding myself that I’m okay and I’m safe. I wish my phone wasn’t across the room because then I’d try to play some music that helps when I get like this.

With a trembling breath, I restart my countdown, hoping that this time it helps.