Page 79 of Not Quite Dead Yet

‘And her arm?’ Billy asked, staring at it, like he could bring it back to life with his eyes.

Dr Lee hesitated.

‘What is it?’ Jet ran her fingers down her bare arm, felt nothing, like it belonged to someone else, not even someone close – a stranger.

‘The scan shows us that the aneurysm is leaking.’ Dr Lee tapped the scan, the plastic crinkling. ‘We call this a sentinel bleed. A possible side effect is that this internal bleed is putting pressure on one of your nerves, interrupting the signals, which would explain the loss of function in your arm.’

‘Will it come back?’ Billy asked.

Dr Lee’s face was answer enough: no, it would not.

‘I’m sorry, Jet.’

Not sorry about the wait at all. Sorry about the rest of it, and that she had to be the one to say it, again.

‘Why is it leaking?’ Jet asked. ‘What does that mean?’

Dr Lee nodded, like she’d expected the question. Or maybe like she wanted to delay answering.

‘A sentinel bleed is also known as a warning bleed. It will normally occur just a few days before a significant rupture.’

Jet sighed, letting out that tiny last sliver of hope she should never have had in the first place, watched it disappear in the bleach-heavy air.

‘So you were right, about all of it,’ she said to the doctor. ‘I had a week, and I’ve used half of it already.’

Half. Halftime. Halfway dead. No return. No taking it back. No undoing her choice.

‘I’m so sorry, Jet.’

Billy dropped into the chair, grabbed Jet’s hand, the one she could feel. He held on tight and Jet held back.

Her gut churned, laying claim to her heart again, sinking, her chest empty without it.

‘Wh-what will it feel like?’ She looked up at the doctor. ‘When it ruptures? When I die?’

Dr Lee hugged the file, holding it over her heart.

‘Patients who have survived a ruptured brain aneurysm describe it as the worst headache of your life. Like a thunderclap, all of a sudden.’ She looked into Jet’s eyes,like she felt she owed her that, eye contact, while describing her death. ‘Other symptoms will come on suddenly, because of the rapid bleeding inside the brain. Your neck might feel stiff, nausea, sudden weakness in the limbs. You might have a seizure as the electrical activity surges in your brain. You’ll start slipping in and out of consciousness as the blood starts to starve the brain cells of oxygen. And then …’

‘And then,’ Jet repeated. They all knew what came after.

Billy stroked his thumb across the back of Jet’s hand, his skin hard where hers was soft.

‘I’ll give you two a minute alone.’

The door swung shut behind Dr Lee, shushing as it did. It didn’t need to; the room was silent anyway.

Jet took her hand back, used it to push up from the bed, bare feet on the cold tiles.

‘Come on,’ she said, heading to the chair in the corner, and her pile of folded clothes.

‘Jet.’ Billy’s voice was small, far too small for him. ‘We can talk about it, if you –’

‘– We don’t need to talk about it,’ she cut him off. ‘We already knew all that. Nothing’s changed.’

She picked up her jeans with her left hand, gripped the waistband, and shook them to open up the leg holes. Stepped her right leg inside and almost tripped.

‘Do you want my help?’ Billy asked, tentative. Like he knew she was going to snap: