Page 13

CHAPTER 13

Farren

T he sun pours through the windows as I scrub at a stubborn spot on the kitchen counter. Cleaning isn’t exactly my favorite way to spend the morning, but since I’m not paying rent yet, I’ve got to pull my weight around here.

I woke up with a raging headache from last night’s activities and to an empty house. Raff left a note he was at the gym and Tempe’s at her mom’s house, packing up her belongings as she heads back to college in Virginia tomorrow.

I’m really going to miss her. We’ve gotten close the last few weeks and I’m sad she’s leaving.

Not as sad as Rafferty though. I know they’ll be just fine and they’ve got a good game plan in place for visits, but the distance is going to suck for them both.

My thoughts drift away from Tempe and my brother to North. Last night was so much fun. Between hanging out with some of the Titans after the game to dancing with North, and then later in his bed… it was a perfect ni ght. Even his display of jealousy didn’t bother me the way it might normally. That usually indicates possessiveness or a need to pin me down, which would otherwise send me running.

But for some reason, jealousy on North was super sexy. I can’t figure that one out, so I let it go and think about tonight. We made loose plans for me to go to his house and I know the perfect set of lingerie I’m going to wear to make him swallow his tongue.

Our chemistry is insane. I have never felt such lust for a person in my life and if the way he looked at me in the nightclub last night is any indication, he feels the same. Just his hands on my waist as we danced felt like I was a live wire and then he kissed me outside his truck before we headed to his house and I felt like I was drowning.

I shake my head, annoyed at myself for how much space he’s taking up in my thoughts. “Get it together, Farren,” I gripe, scrubbing harder at the counter.

The sound of the front door opening pulls me from my musings. Rafferty walks in, tossing his bag on the floor. He lifts his chin in greeting when he sees me. “Smells all lemony fresh.”

“So clean you could eat off the counter,” I quip.

He plops down on the island stool, watching me work. “You know… I’d really just prefer it if you got a job and paid rent. ”

I grin at him slyly. “I promise I’m looking. I just haven’t found the right one yet.”

“Look harder,” he says gruffly. “Or you can head back to Calgary and move in with Mom and Dad.”

I glance up from my efforts and see he’s dead serious. His hair’s damp with sweat, and he’s got that post-workout energy radiating off him. “Okay, okay. By the end of the week, I promise.”

Which won’t be hard to keep. It’s easy to land a bartending job and I’ve been sort of procrastinating, which is normally not my nature. I wonder why that is.

“How was your workout?” I ask as I rinse the sponge off and set it in the container by the faucet handle.

“Good,” he says casually, unscrewing the cap on his bottle. “How about you? How was your night?”

The question seems pointed and it sets me immediately on edge. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye, but his expression is neutral. Too neutral.

“It was fine,” I say, turning to the fridge to grab a Diet Coke. I casually pop the top, take a long sip and hold his gaze.

“Fine?” he echoes, the corner of his mouth lifting slightly. “What’d you do?”

“Nothing much,” I say, deciding to keep it vague. “Went to Mario’s after the game, had a few beers.”

“Interesting,” Rafferty says, and there’s a lilt to his voice that makes me pause. Now there’s a definite glint of mischief in his eyes.

“What’s interesting?” I ask slowly.

“Just I heard you come in around four a.m.,” he says, crossing his arms and leaning against the counter. “Mario’s closes long before that.”

I stiffen, my heart rate kicking up a notch. “Some of us went out after.”

“Oh yeah?” he asks, his voice dripping with mock interest. “Where’d you go?”

I grip the edge of the sink, willing myself to stay calm. “A nightclub.”

“With whom?” he prods.

“With none of your business,” I snap, irritated and slightly freaked out by the interrogation. “I’m going to clean the bathrooms.”

I start to walk out of the kitchen but his words stop me cold. “North told me everything.”

My stomach drops, and I whirl to face him. “What?”

He grins now, full and triumphant. “Come on, Farren. Did you really think I wouldn’t find out at some point?”

“I—what—how—” I sputter, trying to find my footing. “I mean… why would he do that?”

“So, you don’t deny it?” he asks.

I roll my eyes at him. “Of course I don’t deny it. Not if North filled you in.” I rake my fingers through my hair in agitation, looking out the window before turning back to my brother. “He talked to you? About me?”

“Yes,” Rafferty says, his voice steady. “He told me everything. That you’ve been seeing each other. That it’s been casual. That he wants more and you don’t.”

My mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water. “That—he—what the hell, Raff?”

“He was honest with me, Farren,” Rafferty says, his response firm but not unkind. “He didn’t want to keep it a secret. And honestly, I respect him for that.”

“Oh, you respect him,” I snap, my blood boiling. “Great. Did it ever occur to either of you to maybe consult me before having this little heart-to-heart?”

Rafferty raises an eyebrow. “What’s there to consult? He likes you. He felt bad about seeing you behind my back. He’s an honest guy. And because he’s my teammate, I think I deserve to know.”

I throw up my hands, pacing the kitchen. “This is exactly why I wanted to keep it casual! And private! Because now it’s a whole thing, and I didn’t want it to be a thing.”

Rafferty watches me, assessing the situation. “Why are you so afraid of it being a thing?”

“Because I just am!” I snap, spinning to face him. “Why can’t you just let it be what it is?”

“Because it’s obviously more than what you’re trying to make it,” Rafferty says, his voice calm but insistent. “And you’re running from it. ”

I flinch at his words, a spark of anger and fear igniting within me. “I’m not running from anything. I just like things the way they are. Casual. Simple.”

Rafferty shakes his head, stepping closer. “Farren, you can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep shutting people out the second they get too close.”

“I don’t do that,” I protest.

Rafferty lifts one eyebrow, his silent message clear that he believes otherwise.

“I’m just—look, this isn’t your business, okay? You don’t get to tell me how to live my life.”

“No,” he agrees, his voice softening. “But I am your brother, and I love you. And I want you to be happy. I see what’s going on here with this dramatic display.”

I glare at him, my arms crossed protectively. “And what’s that, oh wise one?”

“You like him,” Rafferty says simply. “Probably more than you want to admit. And it scares the hell out of you.”

I freeze, his words hitting me like a punch to the gut. He’s right, of course. But admitting that feels like stepping onto a ledge with no safety net.

“I’m not having this conversation,” I grit out.

“Fine,” Rafferty says, rising from his stool. “But let me give you some advice. You don’t have to commit to anything you’re not ready for. Keep your walls up, keep your boundaries in place, whatever makes you secure. But Farren… don’t run. Not if you’re having fun. Enjoy the time with him. North is a good guy, and he’s willing to give you what you want. Don’t throw that away because you’re scared.”

I stare at the floor, my throat tightening. I swallow hard, put my resolve in place. “You think North will be okay with something casual?”

“I think he’ll take whatever you offer, although I suspect he’ll work on you to change your mind. And think of it this way, all of this is out in the open now. You know what he wants, and most importantly, he knows what you can’t give. Have you ever been that honest with someone before?”

“No,” I reply, and I have to admit, it’s a little freeing knowing that I’ve put down my line in the sand and North is accepting of it.

My eyes narrow at my brother. “And you’re really okay with your teammate banging your little sister?”

“Jesus, Farren. Do you have to put it so crudely?” He grimaces, his lip curled in disgust, and I have to bite my tongue not to laugh. “Just keep the details away from me, okay?”

“But you’re okay with this?” I prod, my tone serious because this is important. No matter what, if Rafferty isn’t cool with me and North, there is no me and North.

“You’re an adult, and North’s as good as they come. So yeah, I’m okay with it. But stop being so damn secretive about it. No one cares.”

I lift my chin, the stubborn one I reserve for just such moments. “I’ll think about it.”

“God, you’re a brat,” he says before wrapping me in a quick, tight hug. “I love you, kiddo.”

“Love you too,” I mumble into his shoulder.

He pulls back, ruffling my hair before heading toward the hallway. “I’m going to shower. Don’t burn the house down.”

I watch him go, my emotions a tangled mess. As soon as he’s out of earshot, I grab my phone and dial North’s number.

“Hey,” he answers, and I can tell by his tentative greeting that he’s been waiting for this call.

“I can’t believe you went to Rafferty about us,” I say, my response sharp.

He sighs heavily but there’s no apology in his answer. “I did. I didn’t want to keep it a secret from him anymore. It wasn’t right. Besides, you practically dared me to do it.”

“You should have talked to me first. You had no right—”

“Maybe,” he says, interrupting me. “But it’s done. Are you going to break things off?”

I hesitate, my anger faltering. “No,” I admit grudgingly. “But only if you agree to keep this casual. If you can handle that, then I’m willing to keep having sex with you.”

North snorts and then laughs heartily. “Fair enough. But Farren, you know I’m not giving up, right?”

A reluctant smile tugs at my lips and I’m glad he can’t see it. “Yeah, yeah. We’ll see about that.”

“Just so I’m clear, what does casual mean to you?” he asks.

I rest against the counter and realize I honestly don’t know exactly what it means, so I say the first thing that comes to my mind. “It means I’m my own person.”

“Why wouldn’t you be your own person?” he asks.

Good question. “I don’t identify as being part of a couple. I’m me, and you’re you. And we fuck. It’s that simple.”

“It’s becoming clear now,” he says, and I can hear the amusement in his words. “So you’re you, and I’m me, and we fuck. Can we fuck other people?”

“Of course not,” I nearly yell into the phone but catch myself. “We’re monogamous.”

“Agreed,” he says, and I know he didn’t really have any intention of not being monogamous. He’s yanking my chain a bit because I think he finds me a little preposterous. “Do we have to keep this a secret from the team?” he asks.

That’s a more difficult question, especially since I do hang out with them. “I don’t want any public displays of affection,” I say primly. “But I suppose it doesn’t hurt if they know we’re seeing each other.”

“Got it. No PDA but we can make it known we’re dating.”

“Casually dating. No commitment,” I remind him.

“Other than we’re monogamous,” he says.

“That goes without saying.” I pause and let the teasing nature of this conversation go on a little longer. “But seriously, North… don’t look for a future with me. This is day-to-day, and you know I’ll run if it gets too serious. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I don’t want you to hurt me either, Farren. But I know what I’m signing up for.”

“You know,” I drawl softly, tapping a finger on the counter. “I have to say, this is nice… being up-front about my boundaries. Freeing in a way.”

“I’m really glad,” he says so genuinely, it makes my heart squeeze with affection for him. “I only want you to be happy.”

I’ve never depended on a man for that, and yet undeniably, those words he just said cause a flush of joy to sweep through me. I revel in the sensation, taking note of just how much I like it.

I won’t run. Not yet.

“What are you doing the rest of the day? Any plans?” he asks.

I should be looking for a job because at some point, Rafferty’s going to threaten to kick me out, but I find myself being absolutely irresponsible. “No plans,” I reply. “What do you suggest? Spend all day in bed?”

North laughs. “While that sounds lovely, I’ve got something else in mind. Be ready to go in half an hour.”

He hangs up on me and I can’t contain the smile both on my face and warming my insides.