Page 57 of No Knight (My Kind of Hero #3)

Ryan

Light spills in through the window as my eyelids reluctantly flicker, not quite ready to join the day. I straighten my legs, the stretch of muscle and bone so delicious, it feels almost as though I spent the night having the best kind of—

“Sex.” My head slices right to find Matt on his side staring down at me. His arm is bent and his head is propped against one hand, his dark hair an adorable mess.

“Already?” He quirks one highly provocative brow. “You’re keen.”

My heart thunders—the shock of finding myself still here, the echoing pulse of it thrumming between my legs. Or maybe it’s the way he’s looking at me that makes my heart pound. Like I’m his world.

“Wow.” I clear my throat when it becomes clear it’s my turn to speak. “So much for stealing away like a thief.”

“I’m so glad you didn’t.” His finger sweeps tenderly down the slope of my nose. “And full disclosure? I intend on keeping you here.”

“What, forever?” My attempt at a joke, or more like panicked mutterings.

“I like the sound of that.” He lifts his hand to my round belly. I resist the urge, the instinct, to push it away. It’s not that I want to but more like I feel that I should, despite what passed between us.

“ I’m in love with you. I think I have been from the start. ” Those words. His words. So tempting and enough to make me giddy and foolish. “ Tell me something. It doesn’t have to be that. ”

But I said it—told him I loved him back. The words escaping. My heart breaking.

My mind is a mess, filled with fragmented moments, and snapshots of last night. The passion, the rightness of it all. The way he looked at me and the things he said made me feel utterly adored.

And earlier in the evening, with his friends. The love he has for them was so clear, as was their love for him. I shouldn’t have let my emotions rule my head, allowed my jealousy of some faceless future woman to blind me to reason. Because one day I will wake to the reality that I’ve lost him.

Because this can’t be. I can’t live with a lie, and I can’t tell him the truth.

That I don’t deserve him.

The one good man in Manhattan, in London. I found home in his arms and in his passion and his promises. But he’s worth more than me.

Oblivious to my truths, he lowers to press his lips to my swollen belly. I quickly wipe away a tear. I’ll save him for you, little one. This man will always be your daddy.

“ Buenos días, mi dulce nino. ” His honeyed whisper coasts over my skin. “Morning, my sweet child. I hope Mommy and Daddy didn’t keep you awake last night.” His eyes are shining as he pulls away again. “Forever,” he whispers. “You know, I think that might not be long enough.”

“Matt.” I watch his smile stall, and my heart begins to thrash against my ribs. Not yet, something whispers inside.

“What is it?” He reaches for my hand as though he can already feel me pulling away.

Just a little longer. Ignore the sunshine because the night isn’t done.

“I feel kind of cheated,” I say, plucking the words out of thin air. I intertwine my fingers with his.

His features relax as he presses his mouth to my knuckles, his tone playful as he asks, “Cheated how?”

“If only I’d known you look like a pirate in the morning ...” I take advantage of his closeness to press my hand to the dark shadow accentuating the hollows of his cheeks and lips.

“A pirate?” he purrs in question. “Just say the word, and I’ll plunder your booty.”

A chuckle stutters from my chest. God, I’ll miss his terrible jokes.

“Fine,” he says, snuggling closer. “I’ll settle for a cuddle.”

A cuddle sounds like a heavenly kind of torture. But I say nothing else as his arm loops around me, hauling me closer. I become the small spoon to his big one. Or ladle would be a more accurate description.

“This is nice.” I sigh deeply, sinking into the feeling of his body and the comfort of his hand pressed to my bump. Touch is a human need. That’s what Ava, my old neighbor, said. And I’ve been starving myself. But not for no purpose whispers in my head.

The night isn’t over. Go away, sunshine. I close my eyes tight, allowing myself to hang on to this moment for a little longer. But the tears still well and fall, making tiny puddles on the pillow.

You can hurt for the ones you love—that’s what this experience has taught me. My heart isn’t breaking for nothing. It’s breaking for him. I’m just sorry I’ll have to hurt you, I whisper silently, tightening my arm over his. So, so sorry.

“Nice doesn’t cover it,” he murmurs, unaware of my sudden torrent of turmoil as he gathers my hair to one side, brushing his lips lightly across my nape. “It’s perfect. This is a perfect moment in time. Because you’re here. And you’re perfect for me.”

My heart suddenly feels as though it’s bleeding, blood and hurt spilling from it unseen and soaking into the sheets.

I’m the opposite of perfect—the antithesis to it.

My lies aren’t spoken but ones of omission.

If he knew what I’ve done in the name of hate, he wouldn’t want me anywhere near him—anywhere near our child.

My imperfections are many, and—my heart plummets. Oh, my God! My selfish heart! I crossed a line last night, the one I swore I wouldn’t. This little one isn’t even here, and I’m already breaking my promises to her.

What kind of mother will I make? A mother like mine, one who’ll cause a lifetime of pain.

“ You’re the biggest mistake I ever made. ”

“ No fucking good. ”

“ You couldn’t even make your daddy stay. ”

I begin to push Matt’s arm away. I swore I’d never be like her, like my mother. But maybe the apple didn’t really fall far from the tree.

“Stop.” Matt presses the reprimand to my cheek, his hold on me tightening. “Whatever’s going on in that head of yours needs to stop, because I’m not letting you go.”

I say his name. It sounds like a plea as my fingers tighten on his arm, as though I could transfer my thoughts and fears, make him understand by touch. “You don’t know me.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You only see what you want to see, because you’re too good.”

“Good. Nice.” There’s an edge to his words as his teeth graze my earlobe.

“I thought I would’ve convinced you otherwise last night.

Convinced you thoroughly . I wasn’t being nice, and I wasn’t being gentlemanly, when I pushed you to your knees.

Or when I painted my adoration over these.

” He palms my breasts, rolling the hardened buds of my nipples between his fingertips.

This time, his name is all sigh and no protest, the pleasured pain of his touch drowning everything else out.

“It’s possession, Ryan. I want you. Want to keep you. And I will, because the truth of it is, I already own a part of you. Just as you own a part of me.” His hand slips between my legs, pleasure coiling instantly at the connection, my mind going hazy around the edges.

“If you think we’re going back to how things were, you’re wrong. I know you’re worried, that you’re scared, but just be with me. Time will work out the rest.”

My traitorous clit gives a needy pulse as his fingers find it, my body convulsing with his slippery pinch.

“You’re in my life and in my head, darlin’. Don’t try to tell me I’m alone in that.”

I reach up behind me, pulling his mouth to my neck, the brush of his stubble setting me aflame. I want this. I want him. Now and always. But I’ll settle for what I can steal right now.

Go away, sunshine. Bring back the night.

“I do love you,” I whisper, rocking into his touch. Please don’t hate me later.

“Fuck the rest, teacup. Just be here with me. Tell me what you need.”

You, my heart bleeds.

You, my pulse pounds.

But not a sound do I allow from my mouth.

“This is what I think about when you’re not around.” His words are a lick of heat. “Nights alone with my cock in my hand, I think of this pussy, warm and wet, waiting for me.”

Everything pulls tight at the confession, the husky quality of his admission.

“This body.”

I inhale sharply as he hooks my leg.

“This face.”

I’m so slick and ready for this, the satin glide of him making us both moan.

“This . . .”

I cry out as he anchors us together with his first thrust.

“. . . heart.”

My hand still hooked around his neck, I pull him close so he can’t see my tears.

“ Te sientes jodidamente bien . You feel so fucking good,” he groans in my ear. “So tight. Te amo con locura. Ryan, I fucking love you.” His lips lay claim to my neck as his words break my heart.

He cups my breast, his other hand sinking lower to swipe tight circles around my clit. The undulation of his hips, our bodies locked and rocking together. My fingers twisting in the sheets.

“I won’t let you go.”

Go away, sunshine. Let him lie to me a little more.

“Tell me that you hear me.”

“Yes.” A whisper as a sweet agony ripples through my insides.

“Yes,” he echoes, feeling it too. “I’ve got you, darlin’. You’re not alone anymore. You can let go.”