Page 33 of No Holds Barred

Their lips connected. Hope grasped onto the side of Angelica’s face, holding her in place. Angelica grunted in surprise, her eyes clenched shut as Hope pushed against her, wet lips sliding over Angelica’s. Instinctually, Angelica opened her mouth. She reached up, sliding her fingers against the back of Hope’s scalp, through the short hairs that she had longed to touch and tease.

Hope slid her tongue into Angelica’s mouth, teasing her even more. Angelica breathed deeply, pain surging up in her chest from the move, from Hope’s weight. She clenched her hand tightly against the back of Hope’s head and held her. Hope didn’t let up. She leaned down even more although she didn’t press the full weight of her body into Angelica’s.

Angelica moaned, every physical sensation in her body warring with itself—from the pain to the pleasure, not knowing what to do or what decisions she needed to make. Hope pulled back and nipped her lip lightly and sighed.

“We need to stop, Hope.” Angelica hated saying those words because this felt good and right and perfect, but there was so much weight to the kiss that it’d never be that way. They’d neverbe without that hurt, and Angelica could never be what Hope wanted. She refused to be second choice.

“I know,” Hope murmured, her mouth still only millimeters away from Angelica’s. “I know. I just…” She breathed slowly, the air moving from between her lips and brushing against Angelica’s cheeks and face, warming her. “You never told me before.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Angelica repeated the words. It was getting harder to say each time, but she was determined to make Hope understand the devastation that she felt. “It’ll never matter.”

“It does.”

“No.” Angelica brushed her fingers against Hope’s cheek and shook her head. “No, it doesn’t, because we made our choices. You made your decision. And we can’t take those back. I won’t let you.” Because there was more hurt, more damage that Hope had done, and Angelica would never allow herself to feel that way again. She’d never put herself in a situation where Hope could have that power over her. “You should leave.”

“Ange…” Hope backed away, tears in her eyes again. “I don’t want to.”

“I’m not giving you a choice.” Angelica rested heavily into the pillows and hardened her stare in Hope’s direction. “This is how it has to be. Sometimes love isn’t enough, sometimes I…” Angelica trailed off. She was getting far too close to the pain that still sat in the center of her chest, the one that seemed to flare up any time Hope was in the room with her, the hurt that was certainly plaguing her now. “I need you to leave.”

Hope drew in a shuddering breath. “My feelings haven’t changed.”

“I know they haven’t,” Angelica fired back, her shoulders tensing. Why couldn’t this just be easy? She wanted it to be smooth for one damn season, as if they knew how to worktogether, as if there wasn’t drama coming between them. “I know they haven’t,” Angelica said softer this time. “And that’s why nothing like this will ever happen again. Maybe it’s because you got your proper breakup with Rex and you didn’t with me, but I’m not going back to last year and reliving it. I’ve moved on, and it’s time that you do too.”

“Moved on?” Hope furrowed her brow. “With who?”

“With no one.” Angelica sighed heavily. “I’m not here to replace you or anyone else in my life. I’ve come to terms with our relationship and what it was, that’s all I’m saying. And I’m not looking to bring up the past to hash it out again and again.”

Hope seemed to understand then. At least she nodded like she did. Angelica crossed her arms, instantly regretted the move, and put her hands back down at her sides.

“Thank you for staying with me in the hospital. I deeply appreciate it.” Why did that sound so transactional when it was anything but? Angelica clenched her jaw tightly. “I really should rest now. And you should get back to your family.”

Angelica waited in silence as her words registered in Hope’s brain.

“I’ll see you in Boston.”

Hope’s lips parted, and she looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn’t. Finally, she stood up and nodded, walking out of the hotel room.

Finally ensconced in the quiet, Angelica just breathed.

Why couldn’t they just leave the past in the past?

Angelica lifted her fingers to her cheeks, surprised to find them damp from tears of her own. She was better than this. She’d worked through this. Hadn’t she? But facing Hope every single day again was more than she’d anticipated. It hurt. In so many ways.

Feelings be damned.

Angelica loved her, she’d never denied that to herself, even if she had kept it from Hope. But love wasn’t enough. Love didn’t mean that the relationship they had was healthy for either one of them. Love didn’t mean that they could find a way to make it work.

And they hadn’t.

Hope had chosen.

And Angelica had been left in the dark to clean up the mess she’d fully anticipated would be the outcome of their little tryst. But she was done cleaning up after Hope. And she wasn’t going to put her heart on the line just to let everything fall apart again.

Second chances were for fairy tales.

And she’d been right all along not to believe in them.

Episode 2