Page 96 of No Funny Business

Forty

Nick manages to move the other merch boxes around his Jeep enough to reset the back seats so there’s room for the four of us.

“Where to?” he asks, after we load in.

“The Elvis Chapel,” Chuck says, his arm cradling a blissful Amy. Nick and I do our best to hold back the laughs growing inside us but we can’t.

“What’s so funny?” Amy asks.

“Nothing,” I say. “We just love Elvis.”

After a short ride on the highway, Nick parks in front of an Elvis wedding chapel. I don’t know exactly what we’re in for with this wedding but I have a feeling it’ll make great material. Inside, we’re greeted by a Chest Hair Elvis (trust me, you don’t want me to elaborate).

“You see the rug on that guy?” Nick says out of the side of his mouth as we make our way toward the wedding hall.

“Jealous?” I ask.

Inside the hall, rows of linen-covered chairs lead up to a faux marble platform rimmed with twinkle lights that fade from purple to red to blue and white. Tall pillar-style columns flank the stage, complete with a set of silk flower arrangements. It’s not exactly the fairy-tale dream but it’s better than a drive-thru. The staff promptly serves us glasses of champagne.

“Shouldn’t we wait until after the ceremony to drink?” I ask.

“No way, this is Vegas!” Chuck says.

“To Chuck and Amy!” Nick says, toasting us, and we all raise our glasses in celebration before shooting the bubbly back.

“You two are so cute,” Amy says. “Are you together?”

I nearly choke on my champagne and Nick lays his arm around my shoulders. “We are. I asked her to marry me but she said no.” If only that were true.

Amy doesn’t seem to know how to respond so I take over. “He’s kidding. We’re just buddies. Like Jerry Seinfeld and Elaine.”

“That was a great show,” she says. “But I’ll never understand why Jerry and Elaine didn’t end up together. Instead they end up in jail!”

Nick looks at me. “We haven’t been to jail on this tour.”

“Something to look forward to,” I say with a wink, when really I’m thinking Nick and Olivia should have the happy ending Jerry and Elaine never got.

“Now who’s ready to get hitched?” JP Elvis enters the building, commanding our attention with his red-and-gold bell-bottom jumpsuit. Whoa. Now that’s commitment. He instructs the guys to take their places while they get the music ready, and Amy and I step outside so she can collect her bouquet and make her grand entrance.

“I’m so nervous.” Amy’s flowers quiver in her hands. “Do you get nervous before you go onstage?”

“Every night. But once I pick up the mic, I’m good.”

“Wow.” She fans herself. “I can’t believe I’m getting married.”

“I can’t believe I get to be a bridesmaid. Now I have to rewrite my joke.”

She lets out a high-pitched laugh, clutching her bouquet. “How do I look?”

I take her in, her white minidress and pink peep-toe pumps. “You’re glowing.” Almost a little too much. “Wait, is this a shotgun wedding?”

“Honey, I hope not because I’ve been drinking cocktails all night.”

Then, JP Elvis strums an acoustic guitar and begins to sing “All Shook Up.” One of the staff members instructs us to proceed down the aisle. “I’m getting married!” Amy says.

“Yes, you are.” I adjust my glasses, grab the mini bouquet, and begin the wedding march—well, more like a wedding walk. Nick catches my eye and the sensations of little butterflies flutter in my belly. With those eyes, that smile, it’s impossible to look away. I feel myself blushing like... like a bride!

I send Chuck a congratulatory smile—and notice he’s no longer wearing Nick’s Buh-Bye shirt but his pressed blue button-down. I take my place across from Nick in front of the matrimony platform, thinking of that day-one lesson again—Be prepared for anything. I know I asked the guy to move in but I’m not remotely prepared for just how good Nick looks at the head of an altar. No wonder his ex-wife snagged him up.